Mr. New Guy

Yes, Mr. New Guy and I have this crazy relationship or I should say had this crazy relationship. It was something we both didn't know how to deal with. With all the guys I met (with the exception of a few), it was fun, it was hot, it was not emotional. Then there were the married ones---that I fell for but always knew that they were married and never leaving their wives so that put a halt to my heart getting totally carried away.



So now here comes Mr. New Guy. Separated and just getting out of his marriage. I never understood why people stayed away from newly separated people....well now I know. He needs to experience, he needs to find himself and as he put it......he never expected to find me. He is a male version of me. We laugh like no one ever laughs, we talk about things that are so offbeat and we just enjoy each other to no end.



Last week, we laid in bed for two days. Had sex eight time I think, I came a trillion times. He knows exactly where my gspot is. He knows how to suck on my pussy so my entire body tingles and arches. He does what I do with a blow job. Listen for the moans, look for the movement and then orchestrate the perfect oral sex session to make the person go wild. He knows just how to suck on my clit, and bite it gently and lick it to make my whole body chiver and orgasm. My clit is engorged to the point of explosion. He's got it down to a science. He even knows i am stubborn and could cum sooner....so he knows how to make me not be able to take it anymore and totally give in to that wave of ecstay where my pussy is dripping and pulsating.


I cum when he fucks me, I cum when he fingers me, I cum when he eats me....the man just knows how to make me cum...and when he makes love to me......our souls melt into one.


Our kisses are nothing I have experienced before. Our souls entwine. Oh, there was once I did experience it but then Mystery Man ran for the hills the next day. This was the first time I could let myself experience it. Because this man was available. the kisses are slow, they are deep, you can feel your heart and soul surrender and almost come out of your body. It is the most hottest fucking thing I have ever experienced in my life. I gotta say, if you never experienced that---you better keep looking now because no one should go through life without that intenseness.

We lit candles and drank in my tub. The music playing, holding and playing with each other....he was the first man I let in my sacred tub. I told him my dreams, I told him how many hours I cried and built myself up in that tub, I told him how that tub was my sacred place. No one ever met the tub requirement. We laid there in each others arms and kissed as he wet my hair and we watched the moon and he told me how gorgeous I was and how he never thought in his entire life he has ever felt for someone like he had felt for me. And honestly, I never did either. A mutual love. A mutual caring. I have always felt my relationships to not be balanced. that I am such a giver and they would give but not as much as I did. this time, I felt there was more balance in how we felt for each other.

So what went wrong? a singles party his friend was throwing that he was attending. the reality that when he finally gets his place in the next few months, he is going to want to fuck around. so how do you go backwards? How do you have this and say....okay, we gotta take a break so I can sow my oats and then we can pick up again where we left off. I was pushing to see other people to try and keep it light but it wasn't working. I didn't want to see other people but wasn't ready to give up Mr. Non commital weekend. Who by the way, ironically, this weekend, just never called when he was suppose to pick me up so I threw him to the curb. How funny is that?!?

So the pressure between us and the jealousy of dating others and us realizing that timing is everything and instead of us beating each other up or getting deeper and deeper.....we decided to end it. I decided to end it. I couldn't take it. So I am the girl who is dealing with his depression, with his horrific divorce, with picking up the pieces and then he moves and finds someone who gets him all spanking together? He wants his space but we admit, we don't know how to do it. He feels the same way, he can't stand thinking about me out with others but he needs to build himself up.

So now what?! We need to put it on hold and hope we find each other again. he needs to get himself together and then maybe we have a better shot of surviving. Is he right for me? In some ways yes. In other ways no. There is a dark side to him that he has to deal with. I side that is scary....a side that if you believe in demons and the sixth sense. Well its a little out there. So there is that side of me that scares me but its not like I see it. but one night as we rocked and we talked....he told me things he's never told anyone.

So we said goodby because I told him it would hurt me too much to talk to him. And i have this deep, deep emptiness that I can't explain. I have never felt sooooo much emptiness. i have had emptiness but this actually hurts. It's a pain I can't explain.....its soooooooooo intense. I admit, I have been medicating with pills to help me deal. Not smart but I can't do it without them. ironically he told me he felt the same pain and described it exactly the same.

It's his birthday.....while I know I should just let it pass...I need to say Happy Birthday. What is this intenseness? Should I have just let it go and see where it went? Did I jump the gun? He said he needs to find himself yet he was here every night. I am in pain and lost.

And today I had to laugh, because obviously I have to go on with my work. I had five appointments. Amazing how you can put on a face and the world will think that everything is 100% okay. That you can function totally fine. And then I come home and the past two days I have to confess--for the first time in my life, I didn't care if I died in my sleep.

Oh its not him. There are other things going on. When I saved the house years ago, they told me the rate would change in 2011. They didn't mention it would change every six months.....issues with my aging parents, issues with the kids, issues with my ex, losing my weekend babysitter, issues with work and then the broken heart (losing two guys in one day). Oh I am also being blackmailed with my blog. It was as if my week just fell apart. It all unraveled at once. It all spiraled and I can't stop it from spiraling. Ive come so far and I feel like I am starting over. I don't know if I have the strength.

Due to this new blackmail/stalker situation, you will find that all comments need to be approved before I allow them to go on. Sorry for the change but I had to do it for now, I promise I am not censoring, i will post them all, i just need to work this out. Most of you have been lifesavers for me throughout the years. In fact, your support has helped me build a new life, given me the strength and I cannot thank you all enough. But as in the past, there is always someone who just feels they can't let me be.

xoxo Pray for me during these tough times. I will post my letter to Mr. New Guy...