Takers versus Givers

We all play both side of the fence at times but I do believe that most people fall predominantly in one of those categories. And there are other traits like selfless and selfish, dominant and submissive, open and closed...etc. etc. Self serving is a good word I guess. A lot of them men I have on my list are self serving. Even Mr. Organized seems to fall in that category, even though he is a giver. Mr. Porsche is a mix leaning more towards him and well the rest--are totally self serving individuals.

I found this quote on someones site from Nicholas Spark and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter."

So I decided to really try to look at someones actions. Not only their actions but was my needs/desires a consideration as well in their decision making.

Today I had a very nice surprise, I got to see Mr. Porsche. He was in the area and he decided to surprise me. unfortunately, my time was limited. Things have changed with us. Not horrific, I think it is more that I have changed. I don't want to be stuck in a motel room every time, I would like to meet for lunch once in awhile but our time has been so limited lately. Our sex is unusual, in that it is more on the deviant level. His purpose is to make me cum (I can't complain). He also loves to get me to the point of pain versus ecstasy. Right at that threshold is definitely mind boggling, like I have said before it is like a game of pinball and the machine goes to tilt!!

So the sex? Its always deviant. He gets this devil look in his eye and I truly see the devil...lol He loves to chew on my nipples and we have sex with my legs in the air and as he thrusts he will have anal beads in my ass and a vibrator on my clit. He made me cum three times today and I can't even begin to tell you the amount of toys he has on the bed that we use. A toy for all purposes. Oh and he even has a vibrating ring on his cock....we are buzzing!! lol

I enjoy our time. we had a good day but there were a few incidences that made me think. He complained about my perfume (I know, it was cream that had a perfume). He feels the need lately to mention how he has no plans to get divorced, he told me to stop talking like a woman and start blowing him. And as we were joking around...well he was putting anal beads in me and he put them in my mouth as a lube. Excuse me sir, but with you and your prostate massager I have to use a whole bottle of lube. When it was his turn for the massager, I said...oh let me do the same...then he said, I will punch you in the face. Oh I was taken back. He quickly added with my knee but it came with a sense of anger that tears came to my eyes.Oh he would never hit me but for the first time he said it like he would.

And then I was quiet and concentrating on blowing him and using the prostate massager and I was just thinking. Thinking about our future, thinking about if I wanted to be here as much as I used to want to be here. And it wasn't anger on what he said, I was really soul searching. Oh this is still what I want, I do enjoy our time together but for the first time it hit me that we are not going to go on like this forever. And Mr. Porsche shocked me out of my thoughts when he said "You have such an intense look on your face right now." I smiled, he knows me so well. He can sense when I am distant or pre-occupied. He can tell from a hello whether my day was good or bad. I just smiled and did my magic. Yes, for a man who didn't think he was going to cum, I always manage to get him there. Finding his prostate has been amazing. Such a feeling sends him reeling out of control. He says his cock isn't even fully erect but I am able to make him cum and get that amazing aura. Its wild for him. Men, you should try it if you haven't.

But the funniest part of the day was that I set my alarm because the clock wasn't working. I had to be back at home and I couldn't be late so when that alarm went off I knew I had to fly. I was lying in his arms and then I started to massage his back and the alarm went off...."Oh, your time is up...gotta go!" And I jumped up and began to quickly dress. He laughed but it bothered him. He called me later and said the same thing...oh times up! well, well, well....that feeling he feels..that's it! That's the feeling I feel 99% of the time when he's running around. It felt good to turn the tables.

The sex itself...its deviant. My nipples are aching, my butt has a bite mark (his newest thing,like he wants to brand me) and my pussy is sore. So needless to say, my day with Mr. Organized, I am not as excited as I was last week. Truth is, I was suppose to see Mr. Astronaut tonight and he didn't even call so seeing Mr. Porsche was even better so it worked out. But I know I need to walk away from Mr. Astronaut.

I have a new date tomorrow night..I will let ya know how it goes.

Someone commented on my blog about the quantity of men. Oh, I get it, that is my point, the quantity is there but the quality is not. I am in search of a quality man but I have to kiss a lot of frogs to find that perfect prince charming and I am not settling.

Well off to bed...I have to rest my pussy for tomorrow. I hope I am horny, Mr. Organized has this romantic morning planned at a hotel and I am not into it.

Oh, the new look. I just decided to make a little change....did you think you weren't here?!!? lol I would love to take the time to really make the changes to my blog as I always wanted but there is never enough time. Its my baby!!

Mr. Astronaut stops by for an almost booty call

I was home working and couldn't concentrate. I sent Mr. Astronaut a text "Where are u?" At work, he said. When is your break? What are you thinking? he sends with a little smiley face.
Oh he knows what I am thinking. "I am thinking that I want to screw the crap out of you and suck you until you cum." I'll be over in an hour.

Showered, shave, sexy underwear, lots of lip gloss, makeup, and my silk robe with my leopard fuck me shoes. Now we are ready to go. Just as I finish, he texts me, open the door. There he was looking hot as ever and I pull him in, close the door and push him against my door with a lustful kiss as if I haven't seen him in years. I take his hand and lead him upstairs. We are chatting but we both are thinking about what we are going to do.

I rip his pants off and throw him on my bed. Aren't you going to close the drapes? Nope, lets let the world see. My room is high up so no one can see in but I have these huge windows that while its hot because it feels like the world is watching us, it sucks because it is so damn light and sunny in there. I have to think of a way to fix that....grrr... Anyway, I pulled off all his clothes and immediately began sucking his cock. And then he threw me off of him and began opening my robe and began to insert his finger inside of me. Oh man, he was searching for that g spot and was so close. Its raw there is no romance here. Wait, my toys. And I take his hand to my toy drawer. Oh shit, he laughed. Yes, its starting to fill up with vibrators, dildos, nipple clamps, oils, rubbers, ropes, blindfolds....its starting to become a great collection. He grabs my favorite vibrator and we are back on my bed. He is kneeling and playing with my nipples and thrusting the vibrator deep inside of me. I am sucking on his cock. The wetness is almost out of control, the vibrator is slipping deep inside of me and out...its so hot and a wave of orgasm overcomes me.

He's telling me how fucking hot it is to watch me cum. And then I throw him over and settle inbetween his legs. Your going to cum for me. Oh yeah, can I cum in your mouth? YES!! And so I work my magic on his cock. Licking his head, sucking his whole cock, he shoves my head down but I do not gag...I can hear his moan. And then has he is buried deep inside my throat--he shoots and it hits the back of my throat...I gag for a second but hold on and he shoots again and I gagged again but held on......and then he grabs my hair so my face is looking into his eyes and he just said...you are so fucking hot and such skill. we both laugh.

Now remember, he is the one with the serious cuddling issues. So I just got on top of him and we talked a little. No cuddling although it was so tempting to crawl into his arms. I told him he could shower....and then he began to look around at my room. Holy shit, your room is unbelievable. It does look great with my steam shower, huge tube and now my four poster bed. What a setup you have here. When he finished his shower and we kissed a little more, he went and took a tour of the rest of the house. He had helped me build my steps and he joked that he couldn't believe I had done them (and he didn't even fall). And then I realized he was in deep thought. Oh no. The thing I learned about him is that he loves to save women. And honestly, while I am suffering with the bills and you all know how tough my life is....I am fixing the house up amazing. And I do not look at all right now like I am suffering. After awhile he says...you have an amazing home. (I felt like I lost points on that one. I guess I was losing that slut image in his head. It would be harder for him to own me and control me. I remind him how I work so hard for it. Seeing my house may have been a mistake. I guess it takes the mystery out of the person).

He left and he grabbed me and started to pull me close. Today was so fucking hot. And then he was off. Who knows where this is going to take us.....

Mr. Astronaut is caught up in this threesome thing and us not having sex until we do it. After that, I will do whatever you want. Those words just seem so damn hot and since I have been fantasizing about a threesome, hey, I think its worth at least looking into it.


I was home working and couldn't concentrate. I send

the Addiction of the Secret Affair

Yes, I am addicted. The high that I get with those two men are unbelievable. Sex is good for me. My migraine is totally gone now and my spirits are high. Yes, there is a fulfillment that I can't put in words. That deep hole is filled...its as if my heart is singing again. My mood is so much better at home. I am happy. My work production even increases. Yes, the up to a secret lover.


Today though.....the down side. Mr. Porsche was in a real pissy mood. Didn't even call me back today. Waters are getting rough there. I don't know what it is. I have decided to back off as of right now. Pull back a little bit. I don't think its me, I think its life for him right now.


And Mystery Man...well I always have an uneasiness with him....but that is within me. Why am I so insecure? I have two men who give me total fulfillment.....


Hubby is putting a guilt trip on me. that I didn't give us a chance. Oh please....he's also getting bad advice from his sisters. Oh yes, they want him to try to hang me. I know....they are looking into me giving him support. I can see from the questions he asked. (how much do you make?). I had to put a stop to those thoughts.....I looked him in the face and said...you want to listen to them, it will end us in court. I will serve you with papers and get a lawyer. If you want it to be ugly....it can be. I don't want that. I want to go to a mediator and do what is best for our children. DON'T Make Stupid Decisions and take bad advice. I guarantee you will lose."

Now, I have a heart of gold. I will give and give and give until I can't anymore. you all know me. However, do not mess with my kids. Him expecting me to support him? Him not supporting his children? Now there comes another side of me. A lion protecting her cubs.

And to think, I sit here and think how I will help find him an apartment and make this peaceful. I must be dreaming. I guess a friendly divorce doesn't exist in this world.

A Newbie at Submissive Sex

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Sex Like I Have Never Had Before....

I can barely walk last night and this morning. Last week, I thought sex was amazing with Mystery Man. Today, it was a blissful sex marathon. We usually spend 3 hours, today my present was 6 hours. No we didn't just lay around...we fucked, sucked and did so much the entire time. I don't think we missed any position and we actually discovered a few more that were amazing. I have never left where my pussy was aching....today, still wet and dripping....my pussy reached its maximum capacity!! I couldn't fuck another minute...our last screw ended up us giggling and laughing because we realized our cup had just runneth over....we were sexed out! Now it takes a lot to get to that point. So you can imagine how many times we fucked. Six condoms (and we were using them for awhile)...no he didn't cum six times (geez) but he was hard as a rock....and he knows how to use it.

There was a twist to our usually meetings today. Besides from the sex....we laughed. Now we have laughed before.....but I am talking about like belly laughing and snorting and laughing so hard that tears were coming to my eyes. We both were laughing and it was so nice. Gotta tell ya, he is hilarious. Examples...in a conversation he called me Little Blow Peep.....then Betty Cocker...something about playing a Skin flute as my talent, his the Skin Tuba!...Honestly, I laugh because I love to be happy but this was a different laugh. This was that hysterical...good for the soul laughing.

The sexual day was well no words can describe it. Every position, at least 15-20 times we screwed and 69nd for the longest time with me on top and him on top. With my arms pinned under his legs and my head off the bed.

He blindfolded me...what a bizarre feeling....liked it but was very hard at first to allow it...a little panic....but i worked through it and it was hot....super hot. He led me to the end of the bed, he undressed me....piece by piece seducing me as he went. WOW! And then he placed me back down and began to eat me. Not having my sight and just the feel each lick and suck was magnified. I was gasping....of course he made me cum and then he pulled me to the end of the bed...finding a position that was unique--not sure why....but just moving over an inch makes a world of difference.....I was kind of on my side, with my leg up and he was from behind or in front of me going deep,deep, deep inside of me. Finding spots that no man has gone before!! It was amazing....

Then he led me to the floor and he fucked me from behind....both of us cumming as he pounded me with his cock...my juices were flowing and so were his....the feeling of his cock entering me was so hot....I needed him,I wanted him....deeper, deeper, faster,faster.

We then proceeded to fucking in the jacuzzi and this tile area they have, then with my legs totally above my head (i knocked the painting off the wall)...he loves that I am so flexible (left over from my dancing days) and he takes advantage of that...with my legs split open--with my legs totally over my head,one leg up in the air...pumping me, me moaning and screaming more baby, more baby....my favorite position was my legs up in the air and him pumping me like a frog....how ironic is that...the frog position!!

Yes, I have had sex with other people (duh) but with him...it is seriously an unbelievable sexual connection. He makes me cum over and over and over. I should take notes as we are fucking....how many different ways I can cum! For a girl who never orgasmed, I made up for it just in this one session!

For my birthday cake, he brought chocolate frosting and we covered his cock up in frosting and he sang happy birthday to me....and then I ate my whole cake. Oh yummy! I love sucking on his cock and coincidently, he can't get enough of me doing it too! I am expanding my sucking talents...I am getting pretty good....he loves when I just suck the head tight and over and over again..nice and wet making slurping noises. He loves when I go down and do tongue twirls while he is in my mouth. Then I go up and own his shaft with my lips....(the inside for softness)....and our my newest practice....deep throating. It drives him wild!!!!! But I have to work on the gag reflex. I was the type when I saw the doctor coming with that stick, I would begin gagging.....negotiating at a young age not to use it.

It amazes me how he can tell how far into my throat he is. By the end of the day...baby, I got his whole cock in my mouth,my gag reflex wasn't really there and he was down my throat, I could feel him moving my uvula out of the way...yes, seeing him love it so much was a high for me.

There was so much we did...oh...I love it fast and deep but what really turns me on also is when he goes slow and pulls all the way out and then goes back in and then pulls out and then thrusts back in....its the separation of my walls that are so hot and sexual.

And with all that, there is a part of me that is still angry with him. He is so damn stubborn...but I will think about that another day. Honestly, I know there is only so long I can put up with his Mystery but for now...well, I had my day in sexual paradise!

And its my BIRTHDAY!!! WOO HOO!!! Sadly, not a word from my son or husband (major war broke out last night here..I almost called the cops). There is a lot of shit but not today, today is my birthday!! I believe in a stress free (as much as possible day). That is my present to myself!

IPOD Vibrator--now here is a hot toy!

Okay, now here is something I have to have!!! This is a must for every woman....A vibrator that moves to the beat of the music on your Ipod. talk about taking music to a totally new level. Music makes me hot...a great song really turns me on...there is a way to have an orgasm to my favorite song.....wow! The thought of some hot music, my favorite music beating inside of me.

The thought is making me wet. I have to have this....to me this would be the ultimate in toys....I wonder what it feels like? Anyone try it....What would be the best song to listen to?

I'm getting horny just thinking about it. Listening to my favorite dance song as t gets me off...now here is technology at its best. Click on the banners above to see more juicy details...it's take you to their site.....and their is even a holster garter belt to keep your ipod strapped to your leg....HOT!!! SUPER HOT!!

AND Their new product......when your cell phone rings...it keeps the vibrator going the entire conversation....now here is phone sex to a new level. Talk about really getting your partner off in a conversation....you can control the calls..the rings...woo hoo!!

Now this made my day...funny how the little things can go a long way!!

My New Sexy Toy and The Psychic

So.....I told you I bought a new bullet. Aahh!! I love my sex toys. The hubby still has not returned mine (after numerous requests--its definitely a control thing). so I went out and bought a new bullet.

This one is hidden like a compact. Okay, it looks more like a large perfume bottle..all marbelized and way too big for a normal compact. But I keep with my perfume bottles and so far it has not been discovered. However, the hubby did notice that batteries were missing (interesting the man watches my batter intake).

So, I have to tell you. I am happy that he stole the bullet. Yup! the good and plenty bullet that I had is child's play compared to the power of this one and the size is even larger. I am not crazy about the marble look (kind of made me think I was having sex with a zebra at one point--a fleeting thought and pretty gross).

So I turned the baby on and YUM!!! The buzz was perfect. My clit reacted immediately...I think I had an orgasm within seconds. Now that was out of the way, it was time to really start playing. This baby does magic on my clit...giving it a little earthquake action. Playing down, slowly inserting it my pussy.....my walls just wrapped around the vibrator...nice...snug as a glove. Faster and faster in and out.....I could feel my body begin to twitch....I relax my whole body to enhance the inevitable orgasm...as it starts to come, I can feel my whole body twitching. My walls were pulsating in and out....oh man...this was nice.

They say three is a charm!! Do I dare? Do I see its feel in my ass? Well we all know I have been having this anal sex fetish lately. Gotta tell ya, my butt is tight. After a little playing around and a few attempts....my buddy was in. And, it was worth the wait. Is is because it something new to me? Is it because it is so tight? Or can it be because the vibrations are able to hit areas that the vibrator can't when its inside my pussy? Not sure what the science or reasoning is behind it really--- I had the most amazing orgasm. Guess it was like an earthquake because I could feel this most amazing euphoria come over me as my body was pulsating. WOW!!

Mr. Springer was telling me that most women can squirt but they have never been brought to such levels. Is this true? I can't imagine the sensations and overwhelming enjoyment that would bring. Sigh...I have never been there. Of course it could be like my theory on certain foods... never had it, you can't crave it. So maybe its best that I have never had that happen because that sounds like its something I would want over and over and over again!!!

Tonight....tonight is the night I go to the Psychic. Aah!! I am petrified. I know, I know not everyone believes in it. Part of me says if the psychic was that good why are they always living in small rundown places. If you could see the future or predict it or talk to the dead--come on wouldn't you take a peak at the Stock Market or see what inventions are going to be big and go for it?

I have this vision of me stepping into the room tonight and her being overwhelmed by my aura (and not in a good way!) "So, you are a cheater!!! And I certainly don't want to be lectured by my dead family member....

Okay, have a great weekend and I will let you know how it goes. Had to cancel on Mr. Prize...that did not make me happy. I had no choice (sigh).

Potpourri of Orgasmic Thoughts and What I need?

Is it Him Or The Orgasm?

Did you ever wonder how much you actual miss an ex lover or if you just miss the orgasms they gave you? Do you miss the actual person because of who they are OR do you miss the way your body would respond, the hotness of ripping each others clothes off, the way your body would be so wet just lusting for them to be inside of you? One of the wonders of life!


Are You Out There??

Okay, there are usually close to 500 or more people who stop by to read my blog. Why don't you say hi? I don't bite (unless you want me too), so drop me a hi...I love people, and sometimes I feel so lonely!! IT's like you dropped by and I missed ya!!! So say hi!! I'd love to hear from ya!

Mr. Prize Drops A Message.....

So Mr. Prize just called to say we aren't exclusive. That he wants me to look and find someone closer because it won't be enough for me. He isn't going to look right now. He doesn't want anything more..

So here I am again. Another man who feels I need more than he can give!?!?!?!?! I don't know if its true but do I come across as that horny or just so damn needy?? Probably both. As he is telling me this, my husband walks into the room. I can't say a word. I can't say anything at such an important announcement SOOO I start asking him stupid questions, hoping he will catch on. He thinks I am just flipped by what he just said. I get totally silent. He thinks I am really upset. I was tempted to say..Honey, my husband is standing here...BUT I didn't. Finally I asked him a totally out of here remark and he caught on. Whew!!!! But now I have to find sometime for us to talk tonight. I don't know what to say. I am not sure.

It's that time of the month for me so I figured we wouldn't see each other. He says he doesn't care. Hmm....I haven't screwed in so long with my period. We are talking over 18 years. The idea is somewhat gross yet exciting. I might just take him up on it...Crime Scene Sex.

UPDATE:
We spoke further. Once again the same words of how I need more than he can give me now because of his limited time. Now I had to know. "What is it? Do I send off a vibe? Did I smother you? Why are you saying this? I confessed to him that it was the same words Mr. Government said. So what is it?? Granted, he still wants to see me. Actually nothing has changed. Honestly with Mr. Government, I flipped when he said it so our continuing went downhill fast.

A little annoyed and curious I said "What is it about you guys that you are so damn sure what I want and need? I don't even know what I need, how do you?"

His first response-- "Wow, that is damn presumptious of me isn't it? You right but thinking about it our schedules are so limited. I don't want to feel like I am holding you back from being happy and fulfilling some of your needs that I cannot fill. For me, it relieves some of the guilt I put on myself. It's not that I don't want to be with you all the time, I want you more than ever. Honey, you deserve to have someone right near you can see more than once a month. You deserve to be happy".

He is so damn sweet and he is right. And put so eloquently like that--I understand what he is saying. It's nothing I've done here. I have tried hard not to pressure him in anyway but I'm just tired of hearing the same words again and again. This time the words are right though. Another state is so far. But we are still planning to see each other again. But the door is open for me to see others.

Well I guess its back to Ashley to flirt a little. No, Mr. Prize is not gone. nothing has changed at all. Except I appreciate him even more. I can talk to him. I don't fear he is going to walk away if we don't agree. We have this thing called friendship which is such a nice base. I really like him, he's a first place prize!!

Stress + A Lazy Day = Masturbation

Well I think I was trying to break a record today. Sadly, the hubby still has not returned my toys (I'm asking for them back tonight!) so it was manual labor for me. Lots of work for my hands. Can you develop Carpal Tunnel from masturbating too much?

I was home alone for most of the day today. Instead of cleaning (like I really had to do) I took a nap. Wild dreams were flying through my head. Dreams of me with two men, with a woman....I don't know what the hell I drank before I went to bed to encourage such erotic dreams. I was tied up through it though. People I didn't know were just entering the room and playing with me. Hmm....wonder what it all means. Anyway, I woke up so damn horny. Beyond belief.

So I began to play. Removing my undies, and rubbing my clit. IT felt so damn good. I love those circles with lost of pressure on the clit. Some of my own juices as lube and it felt amazing. First one finger inserted inside of me, then two....mmmm....stretching my walls, in search of that magic spot....the anticipation, the pressure building...it felt so damn amazing. My body sometimes craves an orgasm. Today was one of those days. I could feel the wave about to cum, starting to overcome my whole body and then....the pulsations and that wave of euphoria.

I wanted to see if I could create another one....even more intense than that one. so I worked at it again. Nothing like a lazy day with no one home. This time I pinched my nipples. Damn I needed another hand!! But its so amazing how there is a direct line from my nipples to my clit. How squeezing and twisting my nipples gives me sensations in my walls. The human body is truly amazing. Well this time took a little more work and a little more fantasizing. Fantasizing of the dark side a little. Fantasizing about a man standing there with a huge cock waiting to thrust me...mmmm....he had no definite face today. An escape from reality.....a mystery man.

I could feel my whole body tightening....and the orgasm totally shook my world. Mmmmm...sometimes you just don't need a man!!

Off to a bath....yummy. Relax and escape. I haven't escaped to my bath in sooo long. aahh!! Some bubbles, a glass of wine, some great music and a good book....my escape. If only I had a man to play with me in there...life would be perfect!! Sweet Wet Dreams!!

A Secret Lover Rendezvous Part 2

As I climaxed, I noticed Mr. Prize was watching me....enjoying the look on my face of total fulfillment. Enjoying watching my body contract...he was getting a thrill out of giving me such a thrill.

Now as a pleaser, it was strange to just lie there and allow someone to do all the work. Gotta tell you, it was a great feeling. Two orgasms back to back. One from him eating me out and the other from his fingers inside of me and in my ass. I decided, I was going to let him be in charge. Now he was the Pro here, I was just going to allow him to take my body to places its never been.

However, I needed to give a little. So I got up and knelt in front of him. Both of us on our knees, kissing intensely and then I worked my way down his body. It was my turn to please him now.
Slowly I licked the tip of his cock...yum. I wanted more so I took the whole thing in my mouth. Starting to swell, I decided to push him on the bed. Sucking his cock with idetermination to make that baby hard and stiff....using my hand to fondle his balls and the other to give the small part of his cock that didn't fit into my mouth a hand job. He loved it.

I love when a man moans (when it is truly a real moan). I love when a man lets you know what he likes. nothing is more pleasurable to a pleaser. I looked up to watch him watching me. A sweet smile and caring in those deep eyes. I felt like a little girl, and he was my teacher. Making him nice and hard, I worked my way back up his body "I want you inside of me" I whispered in his ear. He was more than happy to fulfill my request.

The condom is on and he is ready for entry. Yum!! this man knows how to pump and reach that special G spot inside. I could feel my body start to reach an orgasmic state. This man knew how to get me to the point of no return. Wanting to cum at the same time, I held out until he was ready....thrusting faster and faster...I could see in his face that he was ready...and we both came at the same time. Both of us letting out a cry...Yum. Exhausted we collapsed.

Now what is nice about having someone you can relate to is that now we just laid there and talked. Talked about what just happened (feeling comfortable enough to have an open and candid conversation). Talked about the day..he just held me in his arms as I played gently with his cock....kind of just a loving touch.

A little break...a little talk and now it was time for the next session....