Pre-Sexual Flashback Torture

The last week has been like a whirlwind. I met New Guy. It's funny because he called me to his friends New Girl and I called him to mine, New Guy. We started talking on Monday last week and well he sucked me in. Constant calls, sexual talk, talking about our lives, our dreams, our desires and we were up till 4AM every night. He's dangerous. The worse type of guy is one that comes in like a whirlwind where you feel you are so caught up in it and that its been going on forever. Your soul feels good, your head feels good and you feel so fulfilled. Honestly, it felt more like an affair meeting from Ashley Madison than a date!

So, we met on Thursday for coffee. I wanted to meet him to see if there was any potential. No need to get all worked up and then be let down that there was nothing there. He says he is so taken by me. My looks, my brains, my smile, my flirty way and the fact that I am not a pushover. I tell him like it is. You are different, you aren't like the other girls (geez, as I type that I realize how I was so suckered in).

He's brilliant but he has that darkness about him. I find brilliant men sometimes have this really dark tortured side. As if they are too smart for this world. Amazing how such brains can torture a man. I think its on the lines of Einstein and Picasso. There is a fight within themselves. I am attracted and drawn to men like that. Actually the Mafia guy from two weeks ago was like that too and I also think thats where Mystery Man's darkness came from too. Oh there were others but a lot of them were smart taught. These men are acceptions, their knowledge, their brains are above the norm.

He wanted me to see him on Friday night. I had a date but I ended up cancelling it. I needed to see if I was into this guy or not. He admits to being a flirt and a little bit of a player. Making me feel like I am different, I am the first girl he really liked (oh my, how suckered...lol). He actually did tell his friends about me because one of them text and said so is it as good as you thought with the new girl? That made me feel good.

There is a part of the area that he loves. This area along the water that it seems when people move there, they never want to leave. This is where he wants to get an apartment, right now he is in the basement of his house until he can legally leave. He took me out to this amazing restaurant and we kissed and held hands. We talked, we laughed and we had a great time. It was cold out but I said--well you took me here, lets go to the water. Freezing cold, we were both shivering and we kissed by the water under the stars. A block away, his friend had a million dollar home that has a separate little cabana that he had the key (how convenient). We went there to hang out. I looked at him and said...leave the condoms in the car. Oh he's one of those that doesn't like condoms but with me--no condoms no sex. And honestly, if the condoms were in the car, I knew we were not going to have sex. He laughed, hoping to sway me but I was like---empty your pockets dude...put the condoms in the car.

We went into the apartment and I so didn't want oral sex either. I made it clear to him but I ended up sucking his cock. I know, I just couldn't resist. It was very tempting and I was hot and horny. We were totally naked and he was devouring my nipples. OMG, you have the most amazing nipples. I guess they are pretty hot looking. He's not the first to tell me that. Size D tits with nipples that get all pointy...real pointy...an inch or more...he was dying and you know how there is a direct link to my pussy. I was drenched. When he went to put his fingers inside of he was like, wow! you are so wet, that is so hot! As he was fingering me, I needed to cum, I needed to go over the edge. I had to get there so I started to play with my clit. You are so fucking hot he said. It is such a turn on to watch you masturbate and see how your face is at such peace.

I came so hard..the wave overcame me. My entire body pulsated and I could feel that euphoria I love so much. A wave of heaven and then I sucked on him for just a few minutes and he came all over me. He asked, can I cum on you and I said where ever you want baby. He moaned and he came all over my tits.

We cleaned up and laid there for a few minutes and then we got dressed. He drove me home and we talked and laughed the whole way. I was calling him on things. He's used to girls falling in love with him right away. Are you in love with me yet? I said OMG, yes, let's run off to Vegas and get married tonight! and we both laughed. Wise ass, he said. Yeah, that's me baby. Don't hold your breath, I ain't fallen like the other chickies!

He walked me to the door and came in for a minute and then he left. When he got home, he called me and we spoke till 5AM. It was crazy, I am into this guy. the last two hours we talked about work. He was cracking up, he said, OMG, you are so damm smart and I am getting a woody from it. Now that is sick. I am so turned on by your brain that I am hard as a rock. We both laughed. Most people do phone sex, we did work sex.

Go out with me tonight, he said. Oh man, I had a tentative date with non-committal weekend. I will have to let you know in a bit. I called Mr non committal weekend and it still was non committed for the night because he had to work late so I told him lets make it another night. I don't want to get mad. He said, go ahead, call the next guy. I laughed but it wasn't that far from the truth. He's not stupid, I know he feels I am dating other people. Pulling away just a little.

I called back New Guy...Okay lets go out. I want to take you to a motel. I want to be alone with you and hold you. He's a major cuddler. I want to eat your pussy. He loves pussy. Geez, I am not sure I am ready for this. We will see I said. Lets start with dinner. I heard there is a great motel that is clean and he names it. My coffee went flying out of my mouth. It was the motel that was mine and Mystery Mans. Now I am sure Mystery Man is there every week with a new chickie but I have only been there once with Mr. Porsche. It was a little weird but I know him so well so it wasn't so awkward. This was different, this was a new guy. A new guy having my first encounter. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. It's just a damn place, I told myself. You were there once before, you will be fine. Mystery Man long forgot about you and has probably made that his own place with someone new. You're over it. Deal with it.

And so the evening began. He picked me up, he kissed me so sweetly, he opened the doors and closed them for me...he's a gentleman. And he sweeped me off to a restaurant with a fireplace. Actually I had been there with Mr. Security before and another date but that didn't matter. I love this place in the winter, sitting right by the fireplace...let the fun begin!

Surrounding Myself with Manipulative, Controlling Men

Yes, here is a rant. I just do not get men. I don't and I am beginning to think I never will. I have a boss who calls me concerned how upset I am. Yes, first time in my life I showed weakness and I was touched by his concern. Oh wait, at our next meeting he pulled the old personal problems card on why I am slipping. Hmmmm...let's see, I didn't do one thing but I did 500 other things and you are going to take me to the cleaners? You feel I should be happy with my salary...keep it like that this year.....hmm....is that your way of saying you aren't giving me more money? How you have made me who I am? Men are so damn manipulative and controlling and I seem to surround myself with them. Oh yes, while he is traveling the world, I am home working weekends growing his business.

Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.

Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.

Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!

Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....

Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!

So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)

Mr Sports Arrives After One Year of Cock Teasing

So it is two weeks shy of one year that my best girlfriend introduced me to this guy. a big shot in sports management. she knew him from her days of dating some pro ball players. He has been a good friend of mine for almost a year. He says he's coming out to see me and he never ends up coming so should I have thought he was going to show up tonight? Of course tonight he does. giving me 4 minutes to prepare.


Nothing is stranger than talking to a man for a full year and never knowing what he looks like yet he knows so much about you. He knows my tones, my fears, my desires and my wants. I am coming over to be with you! OMG! I never even thought about it. I can't sleep with a stranger who is not a stranger but a good friend. I told him I couldn't. I don't know you...he laughed and said, I know you very well and I'll be there in two minutes.


I started to get a panic attack and the gigglesd. He knocked on the door and when I opened it, there stood an unfamiliar face yet the voice was one I know so well. What a bizarre and strange feeling. I smiled and kissed and hugged him. I explained that I felt so strange. He said he felt totally comfortable...why? because he had a picture. He understood how I couldn't jump into bed with him so we sat and talked for awhile. I gave him a tour of the house and he wanted to see the famous virgin bed which we all know is no longer but I left out that fact. We hung out on top of the bed, listened to the radio and we began to talk.


Talking in the almost dark, I heard the voice of my dear friend as I lied on his chest. And then I reached up and kissed him. I giggled but was feeling more comfortable. His hands wandered and he slide his hand in my pants. Fingering me, I began to really loosen up. And of course seeing his hard on in his pants did not help the situation....well.....the man loves to eat a woman out and I haven't had a good eating in awhile...hmmmm...and you can certainly guess where there is going.


For a good 15 minutes, he feasted on my pussy until I came. Oh I was feeling so selfish at this point. And then I opened his pants to a hard cock. It was more of two friends experimenting than the intense passion. There was a comfort there for me. And he was excellent at eating pussy. While he fingered me. Man, he was good. I slide my hands on his cock and could feel it bulge as my hand touched it. You could hear a little moan from him. That to me is always enticing. I get off knowing that I am pleasing someone. So I worked my way down to devour his cock. Oh, he moaned and moaned good. After an amazing blowjob, I looked at his cock and felt that it would be a waste for him to cum and us not to have sex. I love what it feels like when a man sticks his cock so deep inside of me. I love the thrusting...I love when a cock first enters me and it spreads my lips and then my muscles wrap around his cock.

So i told him, get the condom. The guy hasn't worn a condom in a million years but no raincoat, no sex. So he put it on and thrusted inside of me...it was french vanilla sex. i say that because it was missionary but I added a little flavor to it with my legs wrapped around him and my additional hip thrusts. Soon after, he came. If he didnt announce it, the little moan was all he gave. Afterwards, I loved his reaction. His mind was blown. He laid there and felt amazing. He held me close and we chatted. Actually even called my GF because she couldn't believe we finally met.

Well the sex was good but you know me, i need to push the limits. can he get it up again. I just started playing a little after 10 minutes and it began to rise again. Yes, there was life! So now there was a challenge. He said there was no way it was going to get hard enough to screw again...aaahh!! That is a challenge I will take on. And so I did with a great handjob and a little lip action and well, his cock was up again. There's not way I will cum, I can't believe you even managed to get me hard again. Hmmmm....lets try! So he went isndie of me again and this time I wrapped my legs around him and thrusted my hips too even faster and then I played with his balls and to his surprise, he came again. As he looked me in the face, he had a dazed look. "I haven't been able to cum twice like that in 20 minutes since I was 17!" He collapsed on the bed. He works out daily and responded that this was a better workout then he could do at the gym.

he made me laugh so hard. He truthfully was shocked that he was able to perform like that. Holy shit, you are amazing. And that made me feel great. My girlfriend called me this morning and we laughed. Amazing how times have changed. When I said goodby to him it was totally fine. You see, it was more like a sport then it was an actual sexually intense attraction. The sex was like an activity. He's my friend but I had no attachment. It was nice. We both laughed, yes, I was feeling like a man feels after sex. Now i get it. There's no emotional attachment, it was fun. That was it. I like him but it was like he was my tennis partner or something. Too funny.
In fact, 15 minutes later, I was on the phone with Mr. Porsche who is out of town and chatting. With him there is emotion, it was so different.

So that was my day yesterday....tons of talking to various men, four dates and one sexual rendezvous. No wonder i was so tired this morning. Yesterday was a day I certainly will remember.

Mr. Porsche Plans A Sexual Escape...YUM

I have to say I was surprised. Mr. Porsche called this morning and wanted to escape for two hours. He was planning it last week but was afraid it would fall through and well we have been having some communication issues lately. Last week, we had gone to a show together. My phone was ringing off the hook...I think he was thinking it was frogs. And it actually was.


Well today I was entrenched in a project so when I didn't sound super excited I think he was a little disappointed. what did you want to meet for? work or play? whtever you want, its your time. Hmmm...lets see...I will take play.


When I got there, he was in a towel. He worked this weekend on something ridiculous. Well its not ridiculous but realistically its house stuff that unless you are a contractor, you pay someone to do. Heavy manual labor but he was determined. It is a personal thing not that he couldn't afford to hire someone. So his entire body was aching.

Come over here and cuddle with me, he said. WHAT, I don't feel like cuddling today!! I said. He started to crack up and pulled me on the bed. Here's the thing about Mr. Porsche that I love. He knows I am a PITA and accepts my ball busting ways. Others, get mad at me or get really annoyed. He finds my rebellion funny and he lets me have my dig and just laughs. Why?! Because he knows me. He knows that I am truly a mush. He knows that I am just protecting my heart with some little PITA TALK. I laid down and kissed and cuddled him. then massaged him from head to toe. His head, his neck, down his back, his ass, his legs, his feet and his hands. Poor thing, he was so tense. Yes, I did go back and massage his balls as well.

Get undressed, I need to feel your tits on me. And the good little slut that I am, I got undressed. I laid on him when suddenly, he came back to life. I want to make you cum...so I was on my knees, kind of lying across him when he starts to finger me using this little rubber finger. Our toy bag has exploded. In fact, the prostate massager is our second one and it is dead. I am writing to the company and I will post it here. Mr. Porsche said, you wouldn't write. I said watch me. I mean it, the damn thing is expensive and it should break after one use. He doesn't have a prostate of steel (which i will point out to the company when I write).

Anyway, I have to say. Mr. Porsche has gotten amazing at finding my gspot. I mean we are talking amazing. He played with my clit and used my juices to make it so smooth...then he goes in and he finds my gspot and I can't explain but I moan and have an out of body experience and I cum like crazy. I remember panting, I remember thinking there was other men in the room watching and POOF...my body went into orgasmic mode. WOOOWW!! Amazing how I went through 39 years of life and never had an orgasm. I have made up for it now!!

We cuddled, we talked. He was under so much stress that he really didn't think he could get it up. Well, well....we are talking to me. I was determined to put this mouth to good use and so I did. working his cock, I was certainly able to get him hard. He has the girth baby...the true girth..he loves to hear me gag. I did a few times. I got out the non vibrating prostate massager (still his favorite toy) and I worked it good. You see, I have my own power now. I know exactly where is prostate is...I know exactly what to do to get him off. And so he came like crazy. He says its a different kind of cum, wild....like he peaks and its almost like he is afraid it is going to hurt and then there is total ecstasy. Not sure exactly since its different for me but I love getting him to that point where its out of body experience.

We lied there after, I took my nails and tickled his body. We talked about everything and nothing. It was fabulous. I love days like that. So what he wants to do is get me in a threesome. Hmmm....maybe I should find a girl and we can go from Mr. Porsche directly to Mr. Astronaut the same day. Kill two birds with one stone. But more interestingly, he wants to pierce my nipples. I mean get it done professionally. Ever been with a girl or know a girl with pierced nipples. This is really turning him on and he is serious. I am not so sure about it. I mean these are my nipples and they happen to be a part of my body I like. Gotta think about this.

we left and things felt right. Things felt like they used to.....back on track!

Mr. Cableman is a PITA

While I was with Mr. Porsche, Mr. Cableman knew it. So he called two times just to be annoying. It was pretty funny because I knew what he was doing. We are just good friends now. He had met a girl online that he has been seeing pretty regularly, the one he took to the hotel where Mystery Man and I used to frequent. He was telling me how hot the sex was...my reaction was...honestly, in that room you could probably have sex with a piece of dead wood and the ambience would make it good sex. He joked and said that my pix was in the lobby as a guiness book holder of visits to the hotel. I had to laugh. It certainly brought back some flashbacks. He was dying when I asked him about the neon lights and told him about the porno movies. He didm't have a mirror the first time on the ceiling, I told him to make sure he asks for a room that had one. the second time he was smart enough to ask for the mirror ceiling and he didn't use his real name this time. LOL I haven't been there in a very long time.

Last night, Mr. Cableman went to the movies with his GF. Of course, I had to return the favor and text him three times during the movie. He called me after and told me that I am way too funny and he couldn't stop laughing. I am sure the GF is not crazy about me. Oh, there was an incident when TWICE, he called her Cheri. She finally asked who I was....yikes. I told him as long as he doesn't scream my name during sex, he should be okay! We are just buddies and it is going to stay that way I think. I enjoy him as a friend and flirting by phone and text. Certainly is a highlight of my day because he is funny.

I told him to cut the hole in the popcorn bucket like I did when MM and I went to the movies. But watch out for that salt, I heard it burns. LOL He was laughing, you didn't do that? I started laughing remembering the flashbacks.....oh yeah I did. With the same hotel guy? he asked me. Yeah...with that same guy. So he asked...why aren't you two together anymore, it sounds like you guys had the ultimate banging thing going on? Long story was all that I said. Nope, not going there with him or anyone. You are never going to tell me are you? All I said was..... what does it matter, we aren't together and you are right, I don't want to talk about him at all!

When I think about my past, I admit to three guys. Mr. Government, Mystery Man and Mr. Porsche. Honestly, that is it. The rest were fleeting events all jumbled into one grouping. DigEm also had an emotional friend connection but it wasn't a true affair. But honestly, that is it. Reality is, those were the ones that made a true impression on me and my life. Mr. Government, an obsession because he was my first but reality is...that's all he was, my first. I was so naive, I had no idea the sex wasn't that great. And well, you know the other two. Those two I can honestly say are rocking chair material. Yup, when I am old and grey and sitting on that rocker on my porch, if I have any mind, I will watch the grass grow and think about how they fucked me soooooo gooooooooooood.

At this point, there is no one on my plate. There were three guys I was talking with and I threw them all back. I am not going to start off with someone who is needy or totally lost in their life. In today's economy, many of the men that I knew and know are struggling with their work...and for them, I would be there 120%...but I have no patience for these guys who have been totally lost their whole lives. One guy last night was telling me how he worked on Wall Street, was into demolition, is now an electrician and is going to work at a ticket booth this summer...and he graduated college with a Finance degree. you do what you gotta do but this guy never stuck to any job in his life for more than 1 year. He also is 44 and still lives with his parents. He is cute but not for me.

I have to find me. People don't live as insane as I do. I am constantly spiraling, so much on my plate, so much to take care of, up all night with the kids, clients wanting more and more....I just feel like the life is being sucked out of me. What I would do for two caring hands to wrap themselves around me and just hold me tight to give me back that energy. Someone to take this heavy load off my shoulders and off my heart even if it were for ten minutes. So a few tears just fell, I need to get back on track.

Alienation of Affection Law- Mistress owes big bucks

Alienation of Affection LAW? A North Carolina mistress was sued by a man's wife under this law and she was awarded $9 million dollars today. YIKES...now that is scary! And personally, I think it is ridiculous. The husband even admitted to tons of other affairs but the wife sued this mistress. The wife was on an interview that said that everything was perfect in their marriage until she came along. Hard to believe chickie!! Nothing for nothing but it wasn't like she was a porn star or a gorgeous model that lured him in.

I cannot believe the courts got involved in this and allow this to go so far. I can't believe the wife allowed this to be dragged through the courts and she appears on tv. HELLO? Aren't you doing another horrible thing to your children? And please, she dragged him away. Last time I checked it takes two to tango. It is ridiculous that the husband gets away without any recourse yet the mistress is the one in trouble. Reality is, your husband was there and was a willing participant. Reality is, he had been unhappy in your marriage and you didnt see the signs. I certainly do not believe that this woman held him against his will or seduced him like a succubus!

The wife's name is Cindy Shackelford and the mistress Anne Lundquist. Funny, they never mentioned the husbands name...

Alienation of Affection Law is only still in existence in seven states: North Carolina, Hawaii, Mississippi, Utah, South Dakota, New Mexico and Illinois. So if you are in those states and cheating BEWARE. Here is what determines if you have a suit.

To succeed on an alienation claim, the plaintiff has to show that (1) the marriage entailed love between the spouses in some degree; (2) the spousal love was alienated and destroyed; and (3) defendant’s malicious conduct contributed to or caused the loss of affection. It is not necessary to show that the defendant set out to destroy the marital relationship, but only that he or she intentionally engaged in acts which would foreseeably impact on the marriage.

Originally this law was put into place because women were considered property. Interesting how an old law can be pulled up and used today.

A Shot Of Reality

Mr. Astronaut has been keeping a little distance. His normal banter throughout the day had stopped. He claimed he has a lot going on in his mind. I had a couple of hours today and told him to come over...he couldn't get over. Okay, I am feeling a little distance.

I just want to fuck him. I just want to play. He's not someone I want to get serious with just sexually serious with. Meeting in fun places, last minute, popping in mornings to fuck me before work. However, Once again, a man who thinks he knows it all. Finally I say to him. Okay, what's up? Don't pretend there is nothing. I know you for eight months now and this is a little bullshit lines you are feeding me. Are you not into us anymore?

What do you mean by us? he writes back

"Us? You and me and us fooling around"....and then lighting bolts go off in my head and I am feeling a deja vu again. Another man who is afraid of closeness. Another man who is reading my mind and emotions. Grrrr....and now a rush comes over me. Is this going to be another man who pushes me away everytime HE feels that I am getting too close.

"I have no intention of falling for you. We are just having fun."
"but you will" he answers
Cocky bastard so damn sure I will fall in love with him? "How do you know that you won't fall for me?"
"I won't. I have real control"
Aaaaah...."So if I get close to you...you will run?"
"Definitely" was his reply.

And so I began to laugh to myself. I sure know how to pick them. I sure know how to find every man who is afraid of emotion, closeness, desire. And as you can imagine my head starts to spin.

"You know you are missing out on so much. When I fool around, I jump in with two feet. No expectations of a future just enjoy the high with no walls. that's what makes it so hot. The boundaries and walls are down. Reality is, when its over, it hurts really bad but it hurts whether you give your all or you don't. You just move on. I want the high....I want that high of lust and passion. I am sorry you feel you have to have all those walls."

"I am used to disappointing people. I gotta go. ttyl" he wrote. Wow....here we go. I personally think he is the one who is feeling more and it is scaring him. I am not even in that place. He's a nice guy, I lust him but please..I am not loving him, I am enjoying the sexual contact and the foreplay. If he only knew the connections that I have had. This one hasn't even hit level 2. And I realized now, he stopped talking about threesomes the last few days since we were first together. Maybe he is afraid of the attachment or something?!

My final words, an hour later. "I think we should go back to our original plan. fuck each others brains out, spend two to three hours fulfilling each other and then we can move on". There was no response from him although I know he read it.

So what the hell is going on here?

Does Tiger Woods Owe US an apology?

So do you feel that Tiger Woods owes you an apology? He owes his wife and family an apology but he certainly doesn't owe anyone else! As I am writing this post, my local radio station is holding a Tiger Woods Apology Weekend-giving away all the things he should have given his mistresses to shut them up. It's pretty disgusting.

Did Tiger owe his sponsors apologizes? I gotta tell you, I am not crying for Accenture or Nike. They paid and reaped many benefits from his exposure. With any spokesperson, you take the chance of a scandal. Sorry, but that's the way it goes--he is human. And as a person who isn't a Tiger Woods follower, until this scandal broke, I didn't even know who his major sponsors were. Accenture?! I had no idea BUT now I do. Publicity, even bad publicity can be good. And let's be realistic, are men REALLY going to not buy a product because Tiger Woods had an affair? Truly all it does is remind a man of exactly how guilty he has been some time in his life of an actual affair or a flirt or a kiss. PLEASE...so I do not feel bad for these poor sponsors crying the blues.

And the mistresses. Let's be realistic here. Watching the press conference of his mistress with high powered attorney, Gloria--just screams I am suing you big time. I gave up my porn career....boo hoo. We all know that if you went back into the porn business your videos would fly off the shelf a lot faster now then before darling. Your crying press conference certainly didn't do it for me, it actually made me angry. Your new look of the business professional bob haircut and white prim and proper shirt was also ridiculous. We didn't even know who you were before. No one forces you to give up your career. You choose that road yourself. Did he promise you love? Did he promise you he was going to leave his wife? Hmmmm....let's use your brain here. Tiger Woods would never have a porn star wife! The waitress at Perkins had a better shot for his image. It disgusts me that she is going to sue him and probably get a lot of money. Baby doll, there are millions of women out there who have had affairs and we are not getting the millions. You knew the situation when you got into it. You knew who he was and you had the affair.

I honestly feel bad for Tiger Woods and according to polls, I am one of the few women who do. Affairs scare people. I have heard some of my lovers say--crap he's making this bad for all of us. Their wives are bringing the topic to the bedroom. An opportunity to see what your husband thinks about it. An opportunity to fish around to see if your husband shows any reaction or sympathy for him.

As he said, the power and his lifestyle made him feel like he was above the rules. He stands in a long line of politicians, movie stars, professional sports figures. They cheat because it gives them another high. Obviously going through therapy for a sex addition, they explained why he did what he did. But realistically, being on top of the world like he is and so young, unfortunately he was inexperienced and he thought with his penis. His choice of 11 less desirable women is what is really getting him in trouble and causing the distaste. If he had a few less affairs and with women who were more acceptable in society-it all would have gone down so differently. He should have gone to Ashley Madison and found some hot married women in all these cities. A lot less problems.

The man plays golf. He's not a preacher. I say leave him alone and let him work out his issues with his wife and kids.

Passion, Desire, I NEED YOU NOW!

There is something about Mr. Astronaut. He is such oozing with sexuality. I have not felt such desire and lust for someone in a long, long time (Mystery Man). Just a three words..."where are u?" makes my panties wet.

If you have been following my blog, you will know that we met eight months ago. Haven't seen each other but have been in constant contact almost everyday or every other day. He has this fantasy of a threesome. His theory, if we don't do it first, we will get too emotionally attached and it will not happen. so we have been at a crossroad. Our main activity has been phone sex and pictures of me masturbating and his hard cock. You gotta admit, camera phones are such a dangerous thing. you can snap a pix and instanteously send it to someone. Most of my pix lately have been for him. He loves that high shiny lip gloss. He also thinks that I look sexy with no makeup, half asleep. My type of guy. If stilll think I am sexy just waking up, well then your a keeper.


I have been telling him, I want to see him again. His face is fuzzy. I need to see him in person. He said no, that we can't fool around. Its going to ruin everything. I convinced him that we could meet and kiss. Keep the spark going. Constant BBMs back and forth building up the anticipation. So here is the thing, I was on a mission. And when I want something bad enough, I go full force for it. Here's the thing. He's a law enforcement and our government does a great job of teaching these government agents how to keep their control and be disciplined. Frustrating to me yet even more of a challenge.

That evening, where are you? He was on the job, undercover somewhere in the area. He never tells me about his work and I don't ask anymore because he can't talk about it. I will say how is your day but that is about all I can get out of him or he's out in the field. Tonight I was determined to get him to meet me. He had a break coming up where he could get away for 15 minutes. Hmmmm....MEET ME. He hesitated. I just want to kiss you and give you a kiss you will never forget. I know you have limited time and you have to get back to the area but meet me so we can just kiss and then you can go on your way. I sent him a pix of me under the covers and smiling. Aaah....he couldn't resist. "A kiss and then I gotta get back. And don't get mad if I am on my way and I get a call that I gotta go back. I can get away for 15 minutes..that's it". Okay...so we rushed. I got dressed quickly and he started driving and I started driving and we were on the phone. we drove until we met. Luckily, I knew of a parking lot that wasn't very busy and I told him we should meet there.

I couldn't take the anticipation. I couldn't take the spontaneous excitement. This was like one of my slutty romance novels but it was happening to me. So damn hot. Like two animals in heat, we needed to meet. "Which is your car?" And he flashes his light so that I can see as I waited at the light. When I saw the lights flash, I could feel my pussy tighten. Somehow, someway I needed to get this guy. I cannot wait for a threesome because I don't know if I am ready for that. "I got a call, I gotta go back so hurry". CRAP...I rushed to his car.

I opened the door and I could feel the desire hit me like a swoosh. Oh, I was not going to be able to stop at a kiss. "Is this seat taken?" And I just jumped in his car and leaned over and began kissing him with so much passion, desire and lust that it was overwhelming. I kissed him like it was the last kiss I would ever experience in my life. With my hands on his face and moving to the back of his head. Our tongues entwined, our breath shallow, this was unbelievably hot. And he was so into it. Grabbing my hair, pulling me closer and there is no doubt in my mind that we are sooooo compatible. Sex would be insane.

I want to make you cum..he said to me and his hands went down my pants as I began to open his pants. NO...he said. I am going to make you cum. And I threw the seat back and he went in my pants....playing with my clit and then his fingers inside of me...I could hear the moan yet my mind was in some far off space of ecstasy. As he fingered me deeper and deeper and I got wetter and wetter...I could feel the rush of orgasm come over me and my body start to pulsate. the foreplay was the drive over and the anticipation, it was easy to make me cum with such foreplay.

However, I was determined to get into his pants. I opened his pants now and pulled his hard cock out. I kissed him again savagely, licked his ear and after a brief handjob I whispered....baby, I soooo neeed a taste. How could you resist? well he couldn't and I went down on him. I am not going to cum, he protests. If I cum then we will never do my threesome. And then I went to work giving him a superb blowjob. Licking and sucking and deep throating where you could hear his moans. Him pushing my head down but I was able to take his cock deeper and that just turned him on even more. He tried to pull me off, I had him so close, I could taste the pre-cum and he got me off for a second and then I went back down again. I could hear him moaning, it took every inch of discipline and control that he had not to cum.

I want us to fuck...I want to feel you inside of me, spreading my lips apart...feeling you so deep inside of me. "We don't have a condom". "I DO" hehehe....I had just bought condoms just in case for my house. I grabbed one as I was running out. Uggghhhh!! I could hear him say. You are making this impossible. Oh I wanted to just jump on that cock. "NO, I will be pissed if I do because you are perfect. you are the perfect girl except the threesome. If we fuck, we will get emotionally attached and not be able to do my fantasy. Its my bucket list. I need to do it". So you don't want to fuck me? I said it in a sexy whisper. "OMG! I am about to explode and I can't think of anything else I want to do right now. you make this impossible. OMG, you are so fucking hot". And then I went down on him again. I love to make him moan. BUT....he managed to keep the control.

I would have had him if he really didn't have to go. He was being noticed missing at this point and he had to get back. I gave him one more intense kiss and he grabbed me by the back of the hair. "You and I are going to be dangerous". And I kissed him gently and smiled and jumped out of the car. Within an hour, I was pulling back into my driveway. What an unbelievably hot 35 minutes. Holy crap...the passion, the sexual tension, the desire...it was amazing.

And while I didn't get him to cum. I have no doubt that he will fuck me soon. Before the threesome. there is no way he will not be able to. He text me after (and we have been trying to get our schedules to match up all week to meet again). "baby you have skills". Aaah, I think that is one of the best compliments. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. he can't stop fantasizing, he can't stop thinking of how amazing I am at sucking cock. Oh yes, this man will be in my bed by the end of the weekend.

Since we met, I am pleased to say that I really do think this guy is going to be something memorable in my life. I posted the threesome thing on a website, no responses yet. But I can see before we met, he wasn't going to see me until we had the threesome. I convinced him to meet me for a kiss and now, well I see he is swaying. I sent him a note...thanks for the sampler. He just started to laugh. Man, you are so damn perfect and so hot. YUM!!

But no matter what happens. I will never forget the anticipation of just jumping in a car and both of us driving towards each other until we both met on the road. You make your own destiny in life. My theory, you should shoot for moments like this. Let yourself go and make your slutty romance novels become reality. this is just another that goes down in history.

And now....he is going to stop off at my house tomorrow before he goes to work. Or at least we are trying to make that happen. My virgin bed.....are you going to allow some other man to de-virginize it?! I think he will give in tomorrow...the virgin bed is pulling him in!

A Day Of True Single Fun

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Now It was His Valentine's Day Treat

FIRST--YES THIS IS US...I LOVE PHOTO FIXING!

Mr. Porsche loves to watch me cum. It gives him so much pleasure to watch each orgasm. But I also love to give him pleasure. Nothing is more desirable than to know that I am pleasing him. after lying down, I tokd him to roll over and I would give him a massage. A combination of deep massage and light tickles. He was in heaven. I massage ever inch of him from his head to his toes (literally). And then I worked my way back up to his ass.....slowly he feels me working up that way and he opens his legs.....I oil up the prostate massager and slowly and gently teasing him until he is ready to feel me insert the massager into his ass. I work it around until i get there and he rolls over.

Here's the thing about the prostate massager, it is hot when you find the right spot. It makes him lose control, giving him a strange sensation that makes him feel like he is going to cum hard and he doesn't. It's little internal orgasms that causes that euphoria. He giggles, losing control is not something he is used to. This feeling, like a little boy with a sheepish grin, he is enjoying it and I am getting wet knowing I am pleasing him, knowing I am controlling the situation.

His cock is huge and I can see his pre-cum at his tip. I try to give him a handjob but its his own technique that can get him off. this is probably the most frustrating thing. Oh, there is no doubt that I can get him hard as a rock, get the pre-cum there but I don't seem to be able to get him over the top. With rubbing his balls and his magic touch...he came and he came hard....the prostate massager rubbing and pressing against his prostate. Moving it around and watching him moan....yes, I managed to give him that Wow...the pinball TILT! He then finally came...I open my mouth as he squirts his cum all over my face, some in my mouth, dripping down my cheek and quite frankly some shooting over my head.

And then we laid there. It was late, we were doing it for over two hours already so there wasn't much time to cuddle. He doesn't love cuddling, he does it for me. He told me he is happy to do it for me because he can see in my face how much I enjoy it. I love the gentleness, I love the holding and closeness, entwined bodies. I am finding out more and more its not many guys thing but if they are willing to do it for me, they are special.

And then I wanted to take a pix of him which turned into an ordeal with us outside, giggling and wrestling...the camera flashing all over getting flashes of light only. A woman had gotten out of her car and she was laughing at us, enjoying our little scene..running around the car, him grabbing me and the camera just flashing away. She actually stopped to watch us and she had that sheepish grin on her face. That look a person has when they are remembering some flashback in their past that brought her that fun, free romance.

We left and I was sad. Yes, sad because now I wouldn't see him for almost three weeks. Sad because my Valentine's day was over. This was all I was getting this year. Don't get me wrong, I guess its better than being with someone you have fallen out of love with, there won't be an awkwardness on the day, a twisting in my stomach but it would be nice to have someone especially since I won't have the children for the weekend.

Tiger Woods Report On Someone Rushed To Hospital

Wow...I hope it is a mistake. As I woke up this morning, the radio station said there was a report that a blonde was rushed to the hospital at 2:30AM after a 911 call today and the person is in bad shape in the ICU. They aren't sure if it is his wife or his mother or mother-in-law. The djs were speechless actually and took a whole new look at it. This is a private thing, it really is none of our business and if someone may die from it--personally I think the media is to blame. I hope it was a false report or this thing is certainly going to end Tiger's career.

So the report of over 10+ women that he has had affairs with, Tiger baby, you were just damn stupid. Stupid in his selection and the numbers. A waitress from Perkins?!?! A porn star? And he allowed someone to take pix of him on their cell phone. Rumor has it the girl is talking to PlayGirl now. There are fires popping up all over the place. I cannot believe he had such a God complex here. How did he not think that these waitresses wouldn't want to cash in?

Gotta say....he should have gone to Ashley Madison, he should have found one girl to bang that was married or in a position where she needed an affair to be quiet too. As for his wife, at this point, whether she loves him or not, I can't see how she could stay with him. 1-3 woman of respectable backgrounds....she would have survived. But from the list now and the woman he chose....the embarrassment alone is too much to endure.

I always said, I didn't care so much if my husband found out as much as I did if my kids found out. His kids are young but this is something he won't be able to erase out of history. Wow, transgressions....I think he needs a few more sssssssssss on that. For his sake and his families...I hope it dies down and no one was hospitalized...sadly, I think this is just the beginning for him.

The Deadly Muffin

I was upstairs straightening up for the cleaning people. My house was in disarray because I have been working so hard. I wasn't showered and looking gross for me when I heard banging on my front door. The door was open so I ran down. Probably UPS or my neighbor and when I got to the bottom of the steps...there was Mr. Security holding a white bag with his dazzling eyes and sexy smile. "Morning sexy, I bought you a muffin". I stood there with my mouth open. OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! My house is a mess and I am a mess....CRAP!!! Usually I am better put together but not today. Almost the end of my cycle...not showered...oh this isn't good.

Like a little kid, I ran to the door and dragged him in by the hand. I gave him a big kiss and hug..Don't move, don't move....I ran upstairs and threw a bra on and brushed my teeth. I ran down and gave him another big hug...and grabbed his hand. He handed me the muffin and I looked into his eyes and said Thank you...but those eyes, those eyes captivate me and he knows it. Suddenly our lips met...and we stood in my livingroom kissing....what seemed like a half hour that you could feel the attraction and chemistry between us.

I quickly grabbed his hand...let me give you a tour of my disaster. And I showed him around the house. As we stopped in each room (except for the kids rooms) we began to kiss. I could feel his hands on me....oh he was so damn hot.

we went to my new theatre room that I just put in..which is waiting for the furniture. Our big joke is that is where I am putting the pole for my pole dancing. And then we returned to my bedroom...Yes, he was the first man in my bed. Actually I just pushed him on it and like a little kid I said....Wooo Hoooo a man is in my new bed. As I was jumping around, he pulled me down and so we began to kiss some more. Its a strange thing. we are friends but the attraction is there. slowly I worked my way to his pants..oh that wasnt his phone in his pocket. It was his nice hard cock. Come look at my new toy drawer. And I opened up a drawer that I now have made into a toy drawer. Yes, there is vibrators, ropes, lubricants, gels, massagers...so many toys. He was laughing so hard. And I grabbed my bunny to play with and threw him back on the bed.

I worked my way down to his cock and I got on my knees. Sucked him and licked him as he moaned. You give the best blow jobs...mmmmm, words I love to hear. I didn't want to do him...but it was getting warmer and hotter and damn... So you know when you know you shouldn't be doing something and then you manage to justify it in your head? Well after an hour, I needed to have him inside of me....but this is where it started to get weird....I had to go to pee, he had to look for a rubber and he was really nervous and I was really nervous and quite frankly the whole mood was lost and as he put on the condom so was his hard on.

so now I took it as if it was me....maybe it was. He said he was nervous and here we were with his limp dick. Fuck!! I should have never agreed..I didn't feel it was right. the lights shining in my bedroom, my new bed didn't come so bending over was uncomfortable...crap. So I looked at him and took the condom off and said Don't be nervous it is me...and I began to suck on him again which made him come back. We did fuck but it wasn't like we have in the past. It was uncomfortable now...I was very self conscious...it was not great. He came or so he said he did..I should have checked the condom but I didn't.

He kissed me good by, he left. I called him and said don't weird out on me. and he said he wouldn't. but he was suppose to come over on Friday and he didn't. and our conversations have been far and few between. So my bed wasn't exactly christened the way I wanted it to be. And now, I ended up crying. Out of all the new guys, I cared about him the most. I like him as a person, as a friend and lover. Actually if I had to choose, I would choose his friendship over sex. He makes me laugh like no one else.

Kind of said about this...what a damn deadly muffin! Oh Ironically the ex called during and wanted to come over to work on the computer. Good thing I screamed at him the night before about popping over like he had been doing. Phew....I had left the door open while we were screwing...lol

Tiger Woods- Is it really our business?!?!

Wow....cheating is in the air. Yes, America's Golf Idol has been caught cheating. Why is everyone so surprised? Let's be realistic here, he fits the typical Type A perfectionist of power profile--high powered attorneys, men in top positions, politicians, sports figures, hollywood figures...men of power are usually cheaters. Whether they think they can get away with it, they are above all, whatever the reason--Tiger Woods is really a perfect example. Maybe because we all thought of him as a little boy who rose to stardom. Well he is a man. His wife actually looks like a little teenager, a Barbie doll. The woman he has an affair with, did you all notice they had amazingly succulent lips? Hmmmm....

Now he should have been smarter, don't ya think? Ashley Madison dear man. You should have chosen a married woman who would not want to rock his world. Not single woman who are looking for the public eye (and money). Ironically, this whole thing came to a head (hehe) because he cheated on the girl he was cheating on and she found out.

Well Tiger Woods, extramarital affairs always come out. However, I gotta say, I am shocked and kind of repulsed on how it is on every news channel with commentators debating it. Like it is a war, a missing child, a serial murderer. Please, the man had a few extramarital affairs. Quite honestly, it is between him and his wife. My opinion, most people like Tiger Woods, so leave the guy alone. It's sad and I am sure overwhelming. Think about it, if a regular person gets busted, their life turns becomes a whirlwind. I can't imagine having the world talking about it.

and then there is Mr. Porsche's take on it. He is saying how Tiger getting caught is bad for the entire male race of adulterers. Wives all across America are checking their husband's phones to see the numbers that they have callen. I mean, if clean cut Tiger Woods is having an affair, what about my husband. Yes, woman are bringing it up at the dinner table and in the bedroom. A perfect way to see your husband's reaction. A perfect way to see if he has a guilt attack or begins to shake.

So my take on it. Leave Tiger Woods alone. Give him and his wife a little room. And to everyone else who is cheating, remember, I always say....erase those text messages, emails and phone logs!!!!

Mr. Security and the Stalking

Mr. Security is getting divorced as well. We have been in contact but he is afraid to see me. Within two weeks of his wife leaving, he hooked up with a neighbor down the block. He is trying this monogamy thing for awhile. Interesting concept but I admit, I don't plan on making it easy for him. I always felt one reason I lost MM was because of Mr. Security so to not have him even for a little==nah, I am going to make it a little rough for him to be a one woman man right now. And, it's for his own good. His track record of wives are woman who have never worked a day in their lives and need saving. And the new one is exactly that again--so I am doing a good service (hehehe) and quite frankly, I enjoy working him up a little.

However, I did have some things for his kids that we were suppose to meet and I was going to give him. I am tired of that bag sitting in my livingroom SOOOO I decided to look his address up on the computer. It was way too easy, he is listed...address and all. He isn't home (out with the kids), I am going to drop the bag off and leave. If he wants to see me after that, the bag is no excuse.

He lives relatively close to me (5 minutes actually) so I drove into his development. One thing, there is only one way in and one way out. I am pulling up to his house..getting ready to stop and drop when as I pull up--he is OUTSIDE emptying food shopping bags fron the car. CRAP! You see, I have a very obvious car. BRIGHT RED. Oh yes, you know I am coming for a good mile and since I had just gotten it washed....it shines like crazy. As I noticed him, he noticed me as well. My plan to drop and leave and text that I left it at his door, was not a plan anymore. My heart was palpitating and giggling at the same time because his expression was priceless.

I pulled up...."hey you! here's the puzzles. Nice to see you. Gotta go to lowes bye!" and I started to walk back to my car. He was speechless which for him is a miracle. WAIT WAIT WAIT!! as he is smiling and holding his head. How did you find me? DUH...white pages baby. Okay, gotta go... Wooooooooo....come over here.

So I walked over..."Hi, he said smiling." and he introduced me to his daughter. "Do you always stalk people and bring them puzzles??""

Nah, I leave other things as well....and started giggling.

We started chatting small talk and then he said to me. " You look great! I am glad you broke the ice. Can you come in for a second? " And then I said to him "I truly wanted to drop this off, I didn't mean to pop in on you...are you sure?" "Yes, he said...come on in"

So he gave me a tour of his house. And he showed me some things we spoke about on the phone over the year and then I said I have to go. He walked me to the door and said "so I have the popcorn already, just let me know when movie night is".

He walked me to the car and he kissed me goodby. As we were standing there, you could feel the sparks. Looking into his eyes..they sparkle and melt me and he knows that. Those eyes have sparkle like I have never seen before. I had to get out of there because my mind was wandering. "Thinking about some flashbacks?' he said....and I think I blushed. Giving him a seductive look I looked him in the eye and said "yeah, is that a problem? you bending me over the desk in the hotel just flashed across my mind". And he answered back "yeah, one of my favorite...along with me doing you on the bed as I whispered in your ear". UGH!!!!!! He knew I died from that flashback.....I kept a straight face...Yeah, that one too was hot. I'll use that one later" And very cool, I jumped in my car and threw him a kiss and drove away.

that was a week ago, and we have been in contact a couple of times a week since. He has been calling me almost everyday to say hi or messenger me to say something hysterical.

Tonight I was chatting with him and I told him I got new carpeting. "Awwww..your carpeting got laid before you". Fighting words there....total teasing is in line. So for the next half hour, I tortured him. Thanks for this raging woody before bed he said. And then I decided to top it off with a lip picture... WOW, I know those lips well. They are so damn hot!

I've been good, but busy. Busy with life, busy with the house, busy with the kids, busy with taking care of things. It has not been easy. Good things but I don't know what to do first. I cancelled with Mr. Sugar Daddy for tomorrow because I am seeing Mr. Porsche. We won't have time to sleep together but we are grabbing some lunch. I have been craving sex and with so many men, I have not gotten it at all.....Today I said to Mr. Porsche "do you still want me?" He answered "I've been busy but craving you everyday. You know I want you badly." Aaahhh....tomorrow I am going to figure out how to sneak a bj except there is one little sticky thing--tomorrow, he is meeting my kid. A little weird, I am nervous....my worlds are colliding but its ok.

OH! Heard through the grapevine,...the hubby went on a date. Gotta tell ya, the last five times he has been here, he is scratching his balls constantly. I hope he didn't catch anything....lol He didn't do that when he lived here.

Meeting The Rockstar

A new potential frog--the Rockstar. My theory on life--I don't go out of my way on a first meeting. And you may say...why? Well, I guess it is a combination of being nervous, a little self conscious and shy....and in the same breath...a little self assured. A weird combination. But hey, if I dress in a hot outfit and put tons of makeup on....well, then that is the girl he is going to expect each time. I meet men in my suit. A business pant suit with high heels, a camisole underneath, makeup but not over kill and some nice, fun jewelry. Why? Because that is what they are going to see me in most of the time if we have afternoon or after work dates. What you see is what you get. Why pretend? why stress yourself out?

Of course, I usually don't show up with a frozen lip and my lips looking all messed up. My girlfriend could not believe that I went on the meeting. I just shoved him in between my chaos. When I told her about my day and that I went on a meeting, the tears rolled down her face. When I told her about the meeting...she literally was crying. We actually both were because I realized how crazy it was to someone else.

Mr. Rockstar is divorced. I met him on Ashley Madison. He has no kids so really he is like single. He used to be in a rockband....hence the rockstar label. He is into no drama (hahahaha) and no pressure. The man is looking for a long term relationship. Okay, so far, everything I am not!!

I called and warned him that I had a frozen lip. He said we could cancel but I said no lets meet. I tried to put lipstick on....weird..I could see my lip moving when I put the lipstick on but felt nothing. I walked in and he smiled. We went up and got a drink. We were at StarFucks of course. I wasn't really thinking. I love the Pumpkin Latte at Starbucks and they are back for the winter months!! Woooo Hooo...so I had one. Not exactly a good choice for a frozen lip girl. You see I was worried about froth being stuck on my lip. not being able to say M, B, P...and Breath sounded ridiculous.....lol my lip looked strange.....I shouldn't have met him..

we discussed the dentist. We discussed healthcare. We discussed our jobs. We then somehow got on the topic of other people we both met, past relationships and life. Now mind you, I was concerned about the froth on the lips thing. So which each drink I would wipe my lips. after I would drink, he would say....you are fine. so that I wouldn't have to wipe my lip. It became part of the conversation.....yes, an I Love Lucy episode. He would be telling me something and in mid sentence he would say you are fine and then go on with his conversation. i giggled there but after with my girlfriend, we were dying. Yes, a man who doesn't like chaos or drama and look what he is dealing with. the woman who calls him, shows up ten minutes late because I lost a kid and forgot to get my dog. Oh yeah, this none drama thing should have been clear to him....LOL

We had a nice conversation but I couldn't figure out if he was into me as a friend or more than a friend. Here's the thing about single men. Married men, there is no real courtship phase. Its apparent what you are looking for. Okay, I do the coffee, lunch and then sex. But with single men, I gotta get used to a more drawn out romancing stage. I also did everything I shouldn't have done besides the lip thing--I told him all the drama. Like its a test in a way. Like me for me or forget it. My girlfriend said he should have run.

at the end of the date, he said too bad you wouldn't feel it if I kissed you. Maybe I would I said. So he reached down and he kissed me gently on the lips. Or so I thought it was my lips because I only could feel the outside of the kiss. Very strange to feel toothless. I hope I never lose my teeth and become a gummer. Anyway, I smiled and said it felt nice and we left.

I got home and that night he was online. I guess it was a bust. Oh well, it didn't matter. I wasn't sure if I liked him or not. There was something a little off....something a little flower childy about him or it was his rockstar thing. Either way....not the Type A personality I am craving. He's probably better for me but I need that type A personality...lol I sent him a not through Ashley. "Thank you for the coffee. I'm glad we met. And I wanted you to know my lip unfroze". He wrote back that it tasted good even if it was a frozen lip. I wrote back that he would have to kiss me again sometime to tell me whether it tastes better frozen or room temperature. And that was it.

I figured I would never hear from him again. suprisingly he wrote me a note today. How are u? But I missed it with the crazy number of emails coming through. I noticed it as I was deleting it. I wrote him a note, did you text me today. He called me. I guess he thought I was blowing him off. We spoke for an hour. We can talk and talk. He's very nice. And then he asked me out for dinner. Cool. I was trying to not do dinner since my situation is not finalized (I will have to tell you about that too). Anyway, he noticed I was skirting the dinner and it was a little uncomfortable. I just said that lets have a backup night and he felt better I guess. I just don't want to keep a low profile till my marriage is dissolved or he moves out next month.

So...the moral of the story.....some men can handle a frazzled blonde with a frozen lip!

Mr. P called me today to wish me a good weekend. We are still not on track but we are much better. I wonder if nothing has changed but I just see our relationship differently or is it different? He absolutely has pulled away although he totally denies it. I was once his sounding board we don't even talk about work. He used to tell me all that he does on weekends, he doesn't tell me anymore. Personally, I think he is preparing himself for me to be dating. He keeps mentioning the dating each conversation. Is he preparing for our end? Funny, I don't see why we would have to end.

Governor Mark Sanford...not an affair expert?

My oh my oh my. Governor Mark Sanford should be the poster child for Ashley Madison. I mean he is the perfect example of what NOT to do if you are having an affair. I feel sorry for the man, he got caught up in the affair. He got sucked into that excitement, that overwhelming desire and passion of having an affair. Now let's look at it here....the man left his state with no one knowing where he was for six days. Geez, come on, I don't care if you are Governor or a janitor of a building, people are going to notice that you are MIA. Crap, lie a little here. Call in...get a cell phone that you can use out of the country. Say you are going with some buddies to Argentina but you HAD to know someone was going to notice you were missing.

The line that made me feel bad for him was:
"Despite the best efforts of my head, my heart cries out for you."

How in the world this lightning strike snuck up on us I am still not quite sure," he wrote, after praising the curve of her hip and her tan lines.

He got so caught up in the affair. The man lost his mind. He cared nothing about anyone or who found out. He had to know that he was going to get caught but he didn't care. For some reason I don't think he was rushing down there to break up with her as he had said. Realistically, that doesn't add up. Logically, she was either ending it and he couldn't handle it OR he just had to have her, couldn't wait any longer till their next meeting. The flashbacks were taking over, his penis was doing the thinking.

Yup, another politician who gave up his life for an affair. But you gotta admit, she is a beautiful woman at least. I mean Spitzer gave up his life for an escort. the ones who get hurt, are the kids. Sanford's four sons will have this follow them for the rest of their lives.

Enjoying It From Behind and In The Behind...

Mr. P and I only had 1 1/2 hours. So, we could spend the time fighting or fucking. Hmmmm...I chose the fucking. I meam our problems were going to be there either way. We could have discussed chore and whore for hours but I decided (amd of course he agreed) that it was more fun to have sex.

He walked in and looked at me and grabbed my cheeks. "You my dear are not a chore or a whore. I look forward to our time together and I respect you. Really, if I wanted just a whore....you would not be my choice." I looked at him surprised..was I not a good lover?!? He laughed at me and kissed me...baby, a whore is no maintenance and serves their purpose. You are my friend, business confidante, great lover and very, very high maintenance!!" We both laughed. Yea, I had my moments.

Actually the sex was amazing. His kisses were more sincere, he was very attentive and instead of our usual S&M, hypnotizing and other fun stuff....today was more vanilla sex. Oh my..except for the anal...

Today we did a wide range of sexual positions....with him thrusting inside of me with my legs in the air, with my legs straight up and of course from behind...mmmm....funny thing...my underwear was on the bed as he leaned me over and thrusted deep, so deep...when Mr. P is hard..baby he is super hard with lots of girth. So leaning over..I was just about to orgasm as he had one finger playing with the rim of my ass when I breathed in deep....the string from the crotchless underwear sucked down my throat...it was hysterical.....the string was all the way down my throat...I had to pull it out...so I began to orgasm and my body now stopped and I was laughing hysterical...

Next he was determined to make me really cum and he knows anal sex...takes time with me but when i get there I am flying high. He slowly, very slowly began playing...putting his head right at the opening...I took a breath...oh I need to relax, really relax...one minute...give me a second....and he did....and slowly began again...it took awhile, it actually too him saying I am in baby, relax...and then I did and he really went in but I was ok....he was pumping and pumping and I began to sweat and moan...I love when my body reacts without my head having control. This was my body reacting to him...I was somewhere else.....and he was thrusting deeper and deeper..it felt really good....and then his hand began to play with my clit...oh that was it..my body began to spasm...screams of joy and pleasure...you love it when I fuck you in the ass, he laughed. Yes, I did...definitely did.

there was no cuddle time....we had to clean up and I had a meeting. Rushing around, we showered together....and we kissed. I want you to work for me on that project. Hmmm...he didn't want me to work on it when I begged him, now I decided I didn't want to do it and now he wanted me to!?!?!! I finally backed off and left him alone and I was content not doing it for him....and now he changed his mind?! "No..I don't want to". He started pushing and I was like no. Now we are laughing because the roles were reversed. I told him we will talk tomorrow if you want me to do it, we will see. I didn't want to talk business, I wanted to kiss passionately. I love when he holds my face and kisses me...its hot. And after our shower, I quickly dressed and actually gave him a present. I hate that he walks around with his money in his pocket unorganized...I bought him a Coach money clip. So few things that I can buy a lover and quite frankly I had bought things for Mystery Man in the past but never gave them to him. I didn't think he would want it when we got there because he was so secretive. I once saw this cool bracelet....it was a stainless steel and rubber...really cool. I bought it for him but didn't give it to him, timing wasn't right. So he loved the gift and I was off with a quick kiss....

Hmmm....thinking about this business thing..I realize now why the tables have turned. Bottom line...it's control. I think I didn't want to help him anymore because it was a real tie if we began the project and I feel we are drifting. And now that I think about it, I wonder if he wants to do the project now because he feels the same thing...except reverse. If I work for him, there is a control thing there and he knows I would never walk away from a work agreement without finishing it. A way for him to be in more control. Actually when I did work for him he was in a lot more control. I couldn't walk away as easily as I could now. Is that why he out of the blue changed his mind? I have a feeling it is (whether he realizes it or not).

Now you would have thought he would have been a little more accommodating the next day. He can be a pain in the butt...he didn't call till late to say have a nice weekend. we have always done that for 1 1/2 years....oh well..it is what it is and who the hell knows what that is...but I did have fun.

Was It Pleasure or Pain? How Many Orgasms Is Too Much?

As I had told you..I had been so damn horny I was jumping out of my skin. All I could think about was having sex....images of being thrusted from behind just filled my head...and Mr. Porsche couldn't resist a damsel in sexual distress.

He cleared his afternoon (which isn't easy so I did appreciate that) but he hit lots of traffic. I got the hotel room and waited naked in the bed for him. A prelude to this, I had masturbated earlier because I didn't want to cum immediately....but I still was damn horny. The anticipation was driving me crazy. The room has this little sitting area that if anyone wanted to watch us from outside....they certainly could see through the thin drapes. And this room also did not have the best sound proofing. Last time, we could hear a couple moaning in the next room.

I was certainly in a playful mood and I truly wanted to dominant and take control today. AND of course, that doesn't happen with Mr. Porsche. you would think he could let me take control even a little....nope. It's not an option for him which does annoys me. My vision was for him to come to the door and I would throw him up against the wall and I would attack him. I had to remember...that was Mystery Man..over, done....move on.

To entertain me, I had taken a body crayon I had found in the bottom of my bag. Hmm...I decided to mark off the areas of concentration for him with big arrows, I circled and pointed to my nipples, my lips and my pussy. I didn't want to waste time for him to find the important spots.

I am now getting frustrated. I mean what is taking so long...the phone rings, "where are you? I can't wait anymore, I may die of horniness!" He laughs...I'm still a little away..just relax and think of how wonderful I am going to make you feel. I have plans for you today". And with that sinister laugh, I felt my heart jump and my nipples harden. Little did I know what he had planned.

I hung up the phone and there was a knock on the door. I was startled. Who the hell is this? I should have known....you see Mr. Porsche loves to keep me off guard. It was him, I was shocked. I opened the door and stood beside it totally naked. He smiled. He walked in and I leaned into him...wanting to push him up against the door but that wasn't his plan. Giggling he said..wait, let me get settled...go lay down...pouting, I did. And then he saw the arrows and gave me that look. The look that I get from lovers when they think I am insane but truly loving it. I began reaching for him from the bed and he quickly put a blindfold on me.

"Hey...I want to see you, I want to attack you"....but I gave in. A blindfold always gives me that extra edge to experiment and it even increases my desire to experiment. I think its the fact that I can't see my body flaws...silly as it sounds but if I see one of my body flaws during sex, my orgasm declines and my mind wanders..with a blindfold, its as if he can't see them either.

So now I am on the end of the bed, reaching for him. Listening to his sounds as he undresses and trying to reach for his cock. Almost got it...but he managed to come around and smack me in the face with it a few times. I was hysterical laughing. There is nothing like a cock coming out of no where and smacking ya in the face and then when you grab for it...it is gone. I felt like it was a Mexican pinata...and if I gave it one good grab....all the prizes would come my way.

I was an easy prey since I had the blindfold on....he gently reached for my hand and kissed me...a luscious kiss...filled with passion and with the kiss, there was a japanese rope slipped on my wrist. I bucked like a wild animal fighting the other hand to be bound. This isn't what I wanted, I wanted control. But Mr. Porsche won..he is not the biggest man but he is so damn strong. The second arm was tied behind my back, any hope of control was gone.

He unpacked his toys and threw them on the bed...and proceeded to kiss, lick and nibble on each of my pointed areas....first my lips and then he moved to each nipple and moved his way to my pussy. I could hear myself moaning...I wanted sex today. I wanted to orgasm and he was going to take me there.

But first, he wanted to hypnotize me. I truly love it. It makes me relax. It makes my body total release all the stresses. I literally go deeper and deeper as I listen to his voice. Oh how I love it when he gets my body to agree that each sensation is heightened....that each gentle touch makes my body tingle and my clit fill to almost explosion. He has feasted on my nipples which he absolutely loves. I know that is his favorite part of my body....he sucks on them and nibbles on them like they were a succulent delicacy....its hot. And then his fingers begin to spread my lips. He first puts his fingers in my mouth and has me suck them and then he goes to my clit doing circles....inserting one finger and then two...I can feel my back arching a little. I am determined to hold off...I try not to cum. He knows I am fighting it and well....he is determined to make me cum. It's a control thing. Now that I look back, I realize that is probably the only thing I can control in this state....and like a spoiled child I am going to be stubborn. Hold back that orgasm.

However, he is prepared for my resistance....and he bites my nipples as if he knew what I was thinking....there is such a fine line between pleasure and pain and with my body in such a relaxed state, the bite sends explosive sparks throughout my whole body. He now inserts my favorite toy...oh I know it well...and my body responds...deep inside of me, you can feel and hear the wetness now. Suck on my fingers as if it were my cock....the deeper you go, the more intense your orgasm will be....in this relaxed state, I am able to take his two fingers deep into my throat without even a gag.

He is determined to make me cum. And now he is back at working my pussy....the toy going in and out and now he means business. He knows that my ass is so damn sensitive and can make me cum....he begins to insert anal beads...I am trying to resist but the wave is coming stronger and stronger....the beads are in place and now he thrusts the toy deep inside of me and it goes deeper and deeper and the feeling to cum is just overwhelming, I can't resist anymore...and with a moan and my back arching....my body begins to pulsate and the juices flowing...it was intense, it was amazing.

But Mr. Porsche is not satisfied with that one hot orgasmic orgasm. This is where it becomes a true question of what feels good and what feels too good...I need a minute or two...my clit is always so sensitive, I need ride the orgasmic wave but he won't allow that. He is determined to make me orgasm over and over again. He now goes in with his fingers. You see, he recently found my G Spot. Oh he as found it before but the last few weeks, it is as if there is a button there and he knows exactly where to go. The orgasmic wave comes again and I am literally thrashing on the bed...squirming and almost begging him to stop. At this point, my mind is in a state of confusion. you have to remember, he stripped me down, all my walls had been down, my body in relaxation and then all these orgasms...it was too much for me.

One second it felt amazing and the next it was painful. My head was relaxed, orgasming...I don't know...is it possible that it was too much excitement at once? He was biting my nipples and hitting my Gspot and I was screaming now and moaning (and the people in the next room heard us!) I heard the man say somethign about sex (yes the walls are thin). Geez, I was so damn loud...but it was almost like an out of body experience....and suddenly...Tears started to roll down my face. I can't explain it, I wasn't crying because of something...my body was responding...I have never cried during sex but the tears were flowing and I was shocked..."please give me a minute, please I need a minute". But he wasn't backing down...he continued to make me orgasm again and again..."pull out the beads...come on, you have more...pull out the beads".....And with my last bit of energy, I pulled out the beads and a moan of pleasure escaped me.....he flipped me over and I was beyond exhaustion....all I remember saying is my hands, my hands..you have to take off the ropes...please...I combination of severe pain and a desire to be free overwhelmed me.

It wasn't his fault, the ropes get tighter and tighter the more you resist. As you can imagine, I was pulling and pulling and they were cutting into my skin. He quickly removed them and the blind fold as I lied on my stomach attempting to collect myself. I couldn't sort out what I was feeling. It was a combination of every emotion possible. It was amazing yet disturbing. It felt great yet there was pain. It was overwhelming to the point of crying. WOW...it was intense and I enjoyed myself but I couldn't put my finger on if I liked it. I've never really gotten to the point where I couldn't sort out my feelings. Think about it..in life we know what we are feeling and can categorize it. I couldn't categorize this at all.

My wrists were left with marks....geez..good thing I wear bracelets and a watch..I had rope marks on my hands. Now that would be great if I got into an accident...can you imagine the forensic reports...unexplained rope marks on her hands...it was starting to turn a little black and blue. I lied there for a second....caught my breath..he took the mask off and kissed me gently. After a few deep breaths...I got my shit together....I am a fighter...I am not going to give up....laying exhausted on the bed I lifted my head up and turned to him with a sheepish smile and look and sternly said...."So are you going to fuck me today or what?" He laughed and placed the condom on and entered me from behind...our fingers entwined as he thrusted from behind. Mmmmmmm.......when his cock is hard..it feels so good. As he fills me up...it sends a balance throughout my body...I turn my head back and we begin to passionately kiss and I suck on his tongue as he goes deeper and deeper inside of me.

Mr, Porsche never comes in me. After I orgasmed again (and yes, he was right, he could blow on me and I would probably keep orgasming)....I went to work sucking his cock. Oh it is work to get him to cum but I am determined. Massaging his balls, and rubbing his cock..my lips working it up and down.....I was going to make him cum....as I went near his ass, it wasn't feeling so great for him....I laughed..after all you did to me and my ass you expect me to stop?!? I did but talk about a hypocrite....Finally after my fingers and mouth sucking his cock with determination....he began to cum and I opened my mouth wide...the cum squirted inside and literally made a pool in my mouth....my mouth was filled with cum and it was all over....I think he came a gallon...lol

I crawled my way up to his arms, and we laid there entwined. I love being in a man's arms. I miss and crave that affection...but today, something wasn't right. He was distant. I love to passionately kiss but his kisses weren't passionate. There was something there...a wall...something wasn't right. That pussycat wasn't there today....I felt as if...he was doing this because he had to not wanted to. Like...okay, here is your scheduled 10 minutes you require. I just got up after a few minutes and went into the shower. He followed and knew something was up...I don't pass up cuddle time.

His demeanor changed...he was chatty now and realized something was up with me and I asked..are you okay? Which when I say it a certain way...has a what the fuck was that tone... I'm stressed....I have a lot on my mind, its not you. What is it? And we showered talking about stuff that was bothering him. Things I understood about the pressure, about missing out on family things because of problems at work, major problems at work he was having....I am so glad we can talk. It feels so good to me to know we communicate like that and that I can be there for him.

So....it is days later....and I am still not sure what to make of the day. Giving up all your control is not an easy thing, well its not easy for me. I can't even tell you how many times I orgasmed or how many times I screamed of pleasure. But its the lack of control that makes me uneasy. Let's just say....he succeeded...I have not been horny again until today. Once in awhile, a day like that is different, fun to experiment but I need passionate, controlled by me sex too! Hmmmmm....an emotional rollercoaster....but I wanted to experiment...so no complaints....

The last few days, my mindset has been changing. It's good...it's scary....I have been really examining my life. More tomorrow...this is a long ass post....

Got the Mediator, Side Note..the sexual tension is unbearable

I spoke to a friend, lawyer I had met on facebook awhile back, who is excellent at what he does. No, we haven't had sex...he is my ice cream buddy. We go for ice cream sometimes and just talk about life (we've kissed...licked the ice cream off of each others faces is the most sexual contact we have ever had). He is also going through a rough time...they even went to a divorce attorney, his wife lost her job and then they proceedings stopped.

Reality, the hubby can't afford a lawyer. So if I want a divorce, it is going ot have to be through mediation. I got a name and I am calling today. I can't meet her alone I don't think....we have to meet at the same time I think. I am going to call today.

I wish I had a crystal ball...dom't we all?

As a side note, I have been searching Ashley Madison and found two men. Here's a hint gentleman....when you are trying to impress a woman and she asks..have you had an affair? She really doesn't want to know detail to detail....I mean explicit details of the sex and how amazingly hot and what a perfect body she had. And how she could give a blow job like no one else. Hmmm...just a hint. Especially even when you finished the conversation and he sent a note that she gave the best blow job he ever had. Hmmmm....I needed to know that...why? and even as an after thought. I started laughing. He's either really stupid or really dumb...lmao
So I put him to the curb. Two others, spoke to but my heart isn't into it. How ironic, since MM is gone, i haven't wanted to find another. I'm not waiting for him...he is gone (ok, a glimmer wishes he would decide he is horny, call me and we can fuck for hours)...but I haven't felt the desire for the search.

Today, I am soooooo damn horny. Poor Mr. Porsche...he's in a meeting and I call him. He picks up and says everything ok? With people in front of him....I asked...am I on speaker? No..he said. I said GOOD....I think you should stop the world right now and come over here and satisfy my because I am soooooo damn horny and need your cock right now. All you could hear was laughter from him. And a thanks, that is going to help me finish this meeting...lol He's so cute...I love shocking him like that....keeping him on his toes...keeping him young. Spontaneous....erotic...passion...hot sex....oh man...I need the world to stop right now and for me to let go of all this build of tension.....