Surrounding Myself with Manipulative, Controlling Men

Yes, here is a rant. I just do not get men. I don't and I am beginning to think I never will. I have a boss who calls me concerned how upset I am. Yes, first time in my life I showed weakness and I was touched by his concern. Oh wait, at our next meeting he pulled the old personal problems card on why I am slipping. Hmmmm...let's see, I didn't do one thing but I did 500 other things and you are going to take me to the cleaners? You feel I should be happy with my salary...keep it like that this year.....hmm....is that your way of saying you aren't giving me more money? How you have made me who I am? Men are so damn manipulative and controlling and I seem to surround myself with them. Oh yes, while he is traveling the world, I am home working weekends growing his business.

Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.

Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.

Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!

Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....

Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!

So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)

I LOVE YOU.....Oooopss!!

I saw Mr. Porsche yesterday. He was surprising not stressed, he was calm, he was not deviant and he was gentle. Wow, what a change in pace. We cuddled, he made me cum four times...yes I was a damn river, you know how wet I get...it's crazy. It was an amazing afternoon. He wasn't in a rush. He cuddled me, spooned me, made love to me, tickled me, wrestled me....it was the calmest day I have had with him. I love being with him. the first ten minutes I just vented....went on a rage of all the things wrong with me and he held me and smiled. He finds my releases amusing...like a child throwing a temper tantrum. But he knows I feel better after and quite frankly none of my complaints was about him. He just smirks and then he looks me in the eyes and says, feel better? I say yes and then he kisses me.

We kissed today more than ever. He just wanted to kiss me and kiss me. who was this man? Oh he is always good to me but this was a different man. As we lie in bed, my damn phone is going crazy. wow you are just getting call after call...silence. he thinks it is all men..well two were. He's so not losing me, he's my foundation. He's my support, he's my baby. But reality is, he knows that one day I might find a steady thing. I guess it more realistic to him now.

So my friends called, we were making plans for dinner. I scream to him how I should go meet them. His eyes bug, they know I am with you? YES...relax, they know of you but not who you are..he did and kissed me. My friend heard the kiss, wow, lucky girl. And then as I was on the phone he kisses my neck and then slipped $50 in my bra. Go have a great time on me baby. He has a heart of gold.

And then out of no where...he was up against the door and I leaned over to say good by and kiss him and i said....I Love You....took me by surprise as I am sure it took him by surprise. I quickly changed the topic so he wouldn't have to respond or acknowledge it. Where the fuck did that come from? I mean I do love him. I love him sooooo much. But I am realistic that we are never going to be together and I am totally okay with that because we would kill each other. So I think I shocked us both with the I LOVE YOU!!

He left me there to get ready and then I met my GFs. Oh boy, we were laughing. My GF is having her single friend call me. I am like a single person counselor these days which cracks me up. As we sat at the phone, I got four calls from men. Doesn't phase you bitch! and we all started to laugh. Actually it doesn't. I am not fulfilled, the right one has not come yet. Can't even find one to fulfill that void. Mr. Porsche does in most ways but there is that area that others have filled at times but now it is still a big void.

Now my GF, she's in the big leagues. She meets multi-millionaires and blows them off. That's because she hangs out in the top places. So last night over a sangria, I promised her that I would go in and go with her to these places. Her newest toy is this super famous basketball player. I even knew his name...good looking guy man and big bucks. She blew him off...he was so pissed. But not pissed too much that he didn't call her two days later for lunch. way too funny.

I told her how the new guy wants to take me to Costa Rica. Tells me I haven't traveled enough that he wants to show me all the great places in the world. WOW, too bad he has some issue going on.

another great night with the girls and Mr. Porsche....I went to bed content!!!!! Aaaah!!!

I LOVE TO TEASE....

I admit it, I can definitely be a cock tease sometimes and well today I really was in the mood. I don't know what it was. I just decided that I needed to get do a little teasing. I had taken a pix of me lying down one night when I was putting my daughter to bed. Leaning on one hand, my hair over one eye and I was wearing my lounging pjs. basically, amazing cleavage in this thing. So i snapped a pix and it came out ok...my face doesn't look amazing but the pix is oozing with sexuality. So I cropped it just to see a little cleavage and I decided to put it on my yahoo messenger as my picture. now I am always offline but this time I went through the list of old frogs. those that I would want to tease, those that I would want to miss me.....and I just put them online.

I was working on my computer all day today so it was my amusement for the day.

First victim....my new guy. OMG, he fell right into a unexpected trap. I didn't even see this one coming. we just signed up for IM so I guess he didn't make the connection that it was me. He sent a note HEY and I responded hey sexy what's up. He started asking me questions he knew the answer to....and I still wasn't catching on that he didn't know who I was. I said to him why are you asking me this you know the answers to these questions, you should keep your ladies straight. He responded, if I had a woman like you, I wouldn't need other ladies. Is that really a recent pix? I was thinking he had a friend sitting there. So I responded...what is up with you? did you think I stole a gallery of someone elses pix? Anyway, he said wow, your quite the ballbuster....and he blocked me!! lol So I called him and said what is your problem....all if a sudden it clicked in his head and mine...that was me!!!! OMG, I am so embarrassed, I never saw that pix of you. I can't talk, I gotta take this call, and he hung up. A minute later, he asked to be my friend again....hahahahahahahaha. I think he is sooo embarrassed, I didn't hear a word from him today. How ridiculous if it is over before it begins because of that. I didn't realize he didn't know it was me. No wonder why he thought my responses were shocking....I am laying low on this one.

Next victim....the uncircumsized penis guy. do you remember him!?1? The one who said he only dates models and showed me his penis at the bar and I tied him up in his car. He wrote, wow, how are you? More babble and then wanted to know if I wanted to cam with him that he misses me on the cam. Uhmmmmm, let me think...NO THANKS...Great talking to you but I don't think we have much to say......no wait, he says, lets go out again. OH PLEASE!!!! My response, i dom't think so....

Next Victim....the Surgeon. Oh yes, this has been going on for years and we still haven't met. You are tempting me so, I can't do office hours. Holy crap, I need to meet you. But of course he has not plans on it. The men must be dying over that pix. Oh well, when you finally want to meet, let me know baby....hehehehehhehehe He came back on tonight....I reminded him that if we would have screwed once a week the past five years that would have been over 260 screws!! UGHHHHH!! I've used your pix so many times throughout the years to get off..its probably more than that now. And with this one, damn, I think its going to be twice a day. Too cute!!

next victim...the divorce attorney but I am mad at him so I didn't respond yet.

Oh well, such is life. a little amusement while I was working.

And tonight, I actually just turned my online on for all to see. And wow, the frogs that hopped in were amazing....four responses from guys I didn't even remember talking to and those that I vaguely remember. All saying how amazing I look, asking how I've been. Asking if I still am looking at married men....this is hysterical.

So, if you stay offline like I do and you have a long list of messenger people...try turning it on one day. You will be shocked at who comes out of the woodwork. I was on the phone tonight with Mr. Pulitzer...he asked me if I ever figured out how many men I went out with or blowed or slept with. Nope...way too many have come and gone. First dates that never amounted to anything. Online chats that never went anywhere. Truth is, I will sit down one day and try to figure it out. However, in my mind, there are only a few in my life that made a lasting impression. A few that pop into my head at times for one reason or another. A few that gave me strength, helped me build my sexuality, those that filled that endless empty void and honestly, I will always think positively about them. In my heart, I will be grateful to them for life for helping me through the darkest days. I don't know what I would have done without them.

A Toast to the Frogs!!!!!!!

The Power Of Guilt and Guiltless Infidelity

Ironically I was sitting here thinking about Guilt. How some things can bring on tremendous guilt within and others, while you think you would feel guilty, you don't. I feel guilt for almost everything in my life. Guilt on not finishing work, guilt on raising kids, guilt on not making a meeting, guilt on being late to an event, guilty about not calling a family member, guilty about not going to the gym GUILT, GUILT, GUILT. I feel more guilt than anything else.

However, the one area that I know, according to the world around me, I should feel tremendous guilt is with my infidelity. However, I do not. I should feel guilt about the married men I sleep with and the men's wives-I am with their husbands...but I do not. the hours of being on Ashley Madison and in search of a married man--but I do not. So I had to do some soul searching. Why do I not feel guilty? For a woman who once thought that cheating was disgusting-why the total turn around?

Being Stuck and desperate and so lonely. I did it out of a desperate need to escape and the desire to feel a connection again. I was dead inside, I wanted to be dead at one point. It was the high of talking and flirting online that kept me alive. And then the connection, the desire, the want, the need.....THE HIGH! It's as if I separated my lives into two neat worlds...never the two shall meet. How could I feel guilt for something that actually was keeping me alive?

And then my life started to slowly fall into some kind of shape and then I met men that brought me joy that no one else has ever brought me. So I reached a new level. Would I have stopped if I didn't find that wild sexual satisfaction? I don't know. I guess I will never know. But I still had never felt guilt. I felt more guilt when there were two frogs in my life at the same time then my infidelity. In fact, if the frogs had asked if there were others, I would never had lied. They did not ask, I did not tell.

So how did the lines get so muddy? The realization that I have slept with another woman's husband does not feel that great but its something I have blocked out. Oh I know they are married but I justify it because they feel the same way that I do. That misery, that void that needs to be filled. That emptiness and loneliness that I know so well. that room mate existence that comes to be.

Yet, then there are those that are happy with their lives, happy with their wives but just unsatisfied sexually. I do not judge. Personally, I do not think I would jeopardize my life I loved if I knew getting caught would cost me all the happiness.

I guess it is a scale. the Judging scale....the heavier side wins. reality, my scale was all one sided so there wasn't a real scale there. I knew what I had to do..maybe that is why it is guiltless. I also never did anything that got someone caught so I felt I never tore apart anyones marriage.

You come to this way of life and you take chances. It's a gamble. I have few regrets. Oh now that I know the outcomes, I would have skipped some frogs without a doubt. But a lot of the last few years has been a stepping stone to where i am today. And each one had been a lesson learned. Some harder than others, most worth the encounters.

I heard from Mr. Prize the other day. He is returning to his hometown to be with his family and wanted some closure. we have not seen each other in a long time nor have we spoken but the thought of closure was so hard for me. to severe the ties? We cannot severe ties and wrap them up into a box of memories and throw them in the river. Each frog will be with me for a lifetime. Each encounter may flashback at any time, any day, for any reason. It is a part of who we are. and hearing from Mr. Prize made me smile and remember how he helped me grow and the strength and confidence he gave to me sexually and as a person. Wow, the memories came back...he helped me grow and gave phenomenal advice and direction in many aspects of my life both mentally and sexually.

The one thing that I do know. There is not a frog that i hold any venom towards. Oh there are some that I would hardly remember, there are some that I would say what the hell did I even see in them...but for the most part, they are positive memories. And like Mr. Prize, if they called tomorrow I would smile--they are friends, a part of my life, a connection of my past, a building block.

So..I do not believe in regrets. I still am amazed at my lack of guilt but I guess does it really matter? Until you are here...until you feel that void that can almost drive you to suicide--you shouldn't judge.

A very good friend of mine is in the process of getting a divorce. girl gone wild!! I am amazed at her sexual freedom that she has found. I am enjoying hearing about her escapades since they reminded me so much of when i first began this journey and even more...when I went my wildest. have a matured over the years? In some ways, I have. I no longer have that dreamy, rose colored approach. Although with Mr. Astronaut, I got caught up in it again. The reality of that scared me but I have it more in check.

so there was my rant and my rave on guiltless infidelity. If I could just move it to the rest of my life--I would probably be better off.

I introduced him to my special toys!

Today was a day totally opposite from yesterday....but there is one common thread that is truly upsetting to me. I need to know, do condoms cause a man's penis to go limp if he is not used to wearing them? Realistically here I haven't had a hard cock in quite a long time and I am beginning to think it is me. The cock gets hard, the rubber goes on and with a thrust or two.....shrinkage. Please tell me this is normal and does happen or I will never take my clothes off again!!

The day however was amazing. The men I have been busy with are basically all aggressive. Oh there have been gentleness and slow, intense sex but today....it was truly vanilla. Vanilla like I have rarely experienced before. Mr. Organized and I met at a hotel. He picked a beautiful one too. He kissed me so gentle when I walked in and told me that I looked gorgeous. That I am so sexy. The man is just filled with compliments and for a change that is soooo nice.

We gently kissed for awhile and he undressed me as I undressed him. He laid me gently on the bed and he kissed me working his way down gently to each of my nipples and then kissing his way down to my clit. This man knows how to give oral. For a good 1/2 hour he was giving me the most amazing oral with his tongue gently licking my clit and one finger gently inserted. And as he made my body respond with an aura I almost didn't want to cum. It felt so good, it felt like heaven. However, when his finger hit my gspot and his tongue licked my clit so gently.....I could see the fireworks and I grabbed his hair and said..OH MY GOD!!!! The rush came over me. WOW, now there was an amazing orgasm.

And now it was my turn to reciprocate....I gave him the same treatment. Had him lie on the bed and I slowly worked my way down from his lips to his throbbing cock....I licked and sucked and massaged his balls....he got all excited and within 10 minutes he came. We both lied in each others arms and then we cuddled and kissed. It was so nice spooned together. It felt just right.

I was surprised when he started up again and said he was ready for sex. his cock was hard but not super hard. He put the condom on and then he thrusted and went limp. Now he was so upset. You could see the stress on his face. I am so sorry he said. OMG, I was so content, I was totally good with the day. Let's eat apples...he just laughed and said you are so cute. But he was stressed. Feeding him organic apples, I told him why was he upset? Was it me? He swore it was just the realization that he was getting older. I felt horrible.

And we lied there a little longer. I swore to him I was fine and I totally was. Let me take you to lunch he said. Oh no...we were not ending like this after a fantastic experience. I looked at him and said NO. So then I got up and said...my, my let me see what I have in my magic bag here. And I pulled out my bullet. I have to admit I had a vibrator and scarves to tie him up but I think he would have died. I turned the vibrator on and began playing with it and like a little kid his eyes lit up. Have you ever played with toys? No, he said. Have you ever masturbated? Again he said no. He was a good catholic boy. aaah, I see. Would you like to watch me masturbate? Oh yes....and he had a huge smile. I admit it , I felt like the devil at that point. Sucking him in to the world of bad boy...but I was intrigued that he never played with toys. So I began to masturbate with it and he was intently watching.....I was close to another orgasm and I said to him now you help me.....and he pushed the bullet in and out and he was enjoying watching it. I ended up cumming and then I pulled him on top of me for a little 69....

we both dropped to the bed and we relaxed. But I wasn't done...I turned the bullet on his cock...and made him just lie there and feel the vibrations. Do you like it? Oh yes.....on your cock or your balls..both but more on my balls. And so I used the bullet back and forth and back and forth..This baby got some power...Its my good and Plenty that I had lost for awhile. His cock got fully erect but what was even more amazing was his face. His face lost all its stress lost all its presence and he looked so peaceful, he looked like a little boy....I kissed his nose and traced my fingers on his face. Oh he was relaxed and it looked great. His face looked totally different.

Ironically to my surprise he said the same about me. That watching my face as I was about to cum was the most amazing experience for him. that I looked like I was so relaxed and so balanced and happy.

Time for a shower but honestly, he was not the type to jump into the shower with. Well not yet at least. So baby, did you have fun today i asked him? OMG, you are unbelievable. You do not know how I have never experienced a day like this and he gave me the biggest kiss.

And then I sat there wondering....wow, I have come a long way. The past five years I have experienced so much sexually. I have two people to really thank for that. Introducing me and making me feel good about vibrators and positions and exploring. I truly began enjoying and learned how to give a good bj with Mystery Man. I mean reality is, he was the first man's cock that I really wanted to suck. That I found to be irresistible. Lucky me.

And as for the cock going limp, be honest is it me? I am beginning to get a complex here since it is both with Mr. Porsche and now Mr. Organized. It's like a mixed signal I am getting. Do you think it is nervousness, age, condoms....what do you think?

i had a good day. My second date cancelled and then there was an incident with Mr. Astronaut. He removed me from his BBM friend list and I got a note. I was devastated. OMG, is this his way of cutting me off. I was sick..I called him and I sent a note to his friend to see if he deleted me. In the end, his phone crashed again and he lost all his friends. The feeling I felt truly upset me. That i felt so much for a man who could treat me so poorly. I realized that I need to separate myself from him. He is funny though. I told him I thought he dropped me as a friend and he said... ASS....lol... you need a part time job or a hobby...basically saying..you get so uptight and think too much. His humor is dry and always makes me smile. But I give and get little in return. In fact, I didn't even post the thing about my girlfriend and Mr. Astronaut. i will have to get to that.

sigh...I need to prioritize, he is right. My priorities have been slipping. I need to focus on the house and children and work. Sadly, my sleeping has been so bad and I am having a hard time concentrating. I am overwhelmed in all those areas so I strive for an escape....nothing feels like that aura when you are about to cum.

Sweeet dreams dear friends!!! xoxoxo

Takers versus Givers

We all play both side of the fence at times but I do believe that most people fall predominantly in one of those categories. And there are other traits like selfless and selfish, dominant and submissive, open and closed...etc. etc. Self serving is a good word I guess. A lot of them men I have on my list are self serving. Even Mr. Organized seems to fall in that category, even though he is a giver. Mr. Porsche is a mix leaning more towards him and well the rest--are totally self serving individuals.

I found this quote on someones site from Nicholas Spark and it hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You're going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it's always their actions you should judge them by. It's actions, not words, that matter."

So I decided to really try to look at someones actions. Not only their actions but was my needs/desires a consideration as well in their decision making.

Today I had a very nice surprise, I got to see Mr. Porsche. He was in the area and he decided to surprise me. unfortunately, my time was limited. Things have changed with us. Not horrific, I think it is more that I have changed. I don't want to be stuck in a motel room every time, I would like to meet for lunch once in awhile but our time has been so limited lately. Our sex is unusual, in that it is more on the deviant level. His purpose is to make me cum (I can't complain). He also loves to get me to the point of pain versus ecstasy. Right at that threshold is definitely mind boggling, like I have said before it is like a game of pinball and the machine goes to tilt!!

So the sex? Its always deviant. He gets this devil look in his eye and I truly see the devil...lol He loves to chew on my nipples and we have sex with my legs in the air and as he thrusts he will have anal beads in my ass and a vibrator on my clit. He made me cum three times today and I can't even begin to tell you the amount of toys he has on the bed that we use. A toy for all purposes. Oh and he even has a vibrating ring on his cock....we are buzzing!! lol

I enjoy our time. we had a good day but there were a few incidences that made me think. He complained about my perfume (I know, it was cream that had a perfume). He feels the need lately to mention how he has no plans to get divorced, he told me to stop talking like a woman and start blowing him. And as we were joking around...well he was putting anal beads in me and he put them in my mouth as a lube. Excuse me sir, but with you and your prostate massager I have to use a whole bottle of lube. When it was his turn for the massager, I said...oh let me do the same...then he said, I will punch you in the face. Oh I was taken back. He quickly added with my knee but it came with a sense of anger that tears came to my eyes.Oh he would never hit me but for the first time he said it like he would.

And then I was quiet and concentrating on blowing him and using the prostate massager and I was just thinking. Thinking about our future, thinking about if I wanted to be here as much as I used to want to be here. And it wasn't anger on what he said, I was really soul searching. Oh this is still what I want, I do enjoy our time together but for the first time it hit me that we are not going to go on like this forever. And Mr. Porsche shocked me out of my thoughts when he said "You have such an intense look on your face right now." I smiled, he knows me so well. He can sense when I am distant or pre-occupied. He can tell from a hello whether my day was good or bad. I just smiled and did my magic. Yes, for a man who didn't think he was going to cum, I always manage to get him there. Finding his prostate has been amazing. Such a feeling sends him reeling out of control. He says his cock isn't even fully erect but I am able to make him cum and get that amazing aura. Its wild for him. Men, you should try it if you haven't.

But the funniest part of the day was that I set my alarm because the clock wasn't working. I had to be back at home and I couldn't be late so when that alarm went off I knew I had to fly. I was lying in his arms and then I started to massage his back and the alarm went off...."Oh, your time is up...gotta go!" And I jumped up and began to quickly dress. He laughed but it bothered him. He called me later and said the same thing...oh times up! well, well, well....that feeling he feels..that's it! That's the feeling I feel 99% of the time when he's running around. It felt good to turn the tables.

The sex itself...its deviant. My nipples are aching, my butt has a bite mark (his newest thing,like he wants to brand me) and my pussy is sore. So needless to say, my day with Mr. Organized, I am not as excited as I was last week. Truth is, I was suppose to see Mr. Astronaut tonight and he didn't even call so seeing Mr. Porsche was even better so it worked out. But I know I need to walk away from Mr. Astronaut.

I have a new date tomorrow night..I will let ya know how it goes.

Someone commented on my blog about the quantity of men. Oh, I get it, that is my point, the quantity is there but the quality is not. I am in search of a quality man but I have to kiss a lot of frogs to find that perfect prince charming and I am not settling.

Well off to bed...I have to rest my pussy for tomorrow. I hope I am horny, Mr. Organized has this romantic morning planned at a hotel and I am not into it.

Oh, the new look. I just decided to make a little change....did you think you weren't here?!!? lol I would love to take the time to really make the changes to my blog as I always wanted but there is never enough time. Its my baby!!

Mr Sports Arrives After One Year of Cock Teasing

So it is two weeks shy of one year that my best girlfriend introduced me to this guy. a big shot in sports management. she knew him from her days of dating some pro ball players. He has been a good friend of mine for almost a year. He says he's coming out to see me and he never ends up coming so should I have thought he was going to show up tonight? Of course tonight he does. giving me 4 minutes to prepare.


Nothing is stranger than talking to a man for a full year and never knowing what he looks like yet he knows so much about you. He knows my tones, my fears, my desires and my wants. I am coming over to be with you! OMG! I never even thought about it. I can't sleep with a stranger who is not a stranger but a good friend. I told him I couldn't. I don't know you...he laughed and said, I know you very well and I'll be there in two minutes.


I started to get a panic attack and the gigglesd. He knocked on the door and when I opened it, there stood an unfamiliar face yet the voice was one I know so well. What a bizarre and strange feeling. I smiled and kissed and hugged him. I explained that I felt so strange. He said he felt totally comfortable...why? because he had a picture. He understood how I couldn't jump into bed with him so we sat and talked for awhile. I gave him a tour of the house and he wanted to see the famous virgin bed which we all know is no longer but I left out that fact. We hung out on top of the bed, listened to the radio and we began to talk.


Talking in the almost dark, I heard the voice of my dear friend as I lied on his chest. And then I reached up and kissed him. I giggled but was feeling more comfortable. His hands wandered and he slide his hand in my pants. Fingering me, I began to really loosen up. And of course seeing his hard on in his pants did not help the situation....well.....the man loves to eat a woman out and I haven't had a good eating in awhile...hmmmm...and you can certainly guess where there is going.


For a good 15 minutes, he feasted on my pussy until I came. Oh I was feeling so selfish at this point. And then I opened his pants to a hard cock. It was more of two friends experimenting than the intense passion. There was a comfort there for me. And he was excellent at eating pussy. While he fingered me. Man, he was good. I slide my hands on his cock and could feel it bulge as my hand touched it. You could hear a little moan from him. That to me is always enticing. I get off knowing that I am pleasing someone. So I worked my way down to devour his cock. Oh, he moaned and moaned good. After an amazing blowjob, I looked at his cock and felt that it would be a waste for him to cum and us not to have sex. I love what it feels like when a man sticks his cock so deep inside of me. I love the thrusting...I love when a cock first enters me and it spreads my lips and then my muscles wrap around his cock.

So i told him, get the condom. The guy hasn't worn a condom in a million years but no raincoat, no sex. So he put it on and thrusted inside of me...it was french vanilla sex. i say that because it was missionary but I added a little flavor to it with my legs wrapped around him and my additional hip thrusts. Soon after, he came. If he didnt announce it, the little moan was all he gave. Afterwards, I loved his reaction. His mind was blown. He laid there and felt amazing. He held me close and we chatted. Actually even called my GF because she couldn't believe we finally met.

Well the sex was good but you know me, i need to push the limits. can he get it up again. I just started playing a little after 10 minutes and it began to rise again. Yes, there was life! So now there was a challenge. He said there was no way it was going to get hard enough to screw again...aaahh!! That is a challenge I will take on. And so I did with a great handjob and a little lip action and well, his cock was up again. There's not way I will cum, I can't believe you even managed to get me hard again. Hmmmm....lets try! So he went isndie of me again and this time I wrapped my legs around him and thrusted my hips too even faster and then I played with his balls and to his surprise, he came again. As he looked me in the face, he had a dazed look. "I haven't been able to cum twice like that in 20 minutes since I was 17!" He collapsed on the bed. He works out daily and responded that this was a better workout then he could do at the gym.

he made me laugh so hard. He truthfully was shocked that he was able to perform like that. Holy shit, you are amazing. And that made me feel great. My girlfriend called me this morning and we laughed. Amazing how times have changed. When I said goodby to him it was totally fine. You see, it was more like a sport then it was an actual sexually intense attraction. The sex was like an activity. He's my friend but I had no attachment. It was nice. We both laughed, yes, I was feeling like a man feels after sex. Now i get it. There's no emotional attachment, it was fun. That was it. I like him but it was like he was my tennis partner or something. Too funny.
In fact, 15 minutes later, I was on the phone with Mr. Porsche who is out of town and chatting. With him there is emotion, it was so different.

So that was my day yesterday....tons of talking to various men, four dates and one sexual rendezvous. No wonder i was so tired this morning. Yesterday was a day I certainly will remember.

Mr. Porsche Plans A Sexual Escape...YUM

I have to say I was surprised. Mr. Porsche called this morning and wanted to escape for two hours. He was planning it last week but was afraid it would fall through and well we have been having some communication issues lately. Last week, we had gone to a show together. My phone was ringing off the hook...I think he was thinking it was frogs. And it actually was.


Well today I was entrenched in a project so when I didn't sound super excited I think he was a little disappointed. what did you want to meet for? work or play? whtever you want, its your time. Hmmm...lets see...I will take play.


When I got there, he was in a towel. He worked this weekend on something ridiculous. Well its not ridiculous but realistically its house stuff that unless you are a contractor, you pay someone to do. Heavy manual labor but he was determined. It is a personal thing not that he couldn't afford to hire someone. So his entire body was aching.

Come over here and cuddle with me, he said. WHAT, I don't feel like cuddling today!! I said. He started to crack up and pulled me on the bed. Here's the thing about Mr. Porsche that I love. He knows I am a PITA and accepts my ball busting ways. Others, get mad at me or get really annoyed. He finds my rebellion funny and he lets me have my dig and just laughs. Why?! Because he knows me. He knows that I am truly a mush. He knows that I am just protecting my heart with some little PITA TALK. I laid down and kissed and cuddled him. then massaged him from head to toe. His head, his neck, down his back, his ass, his legs, his feet and his hands. Poor thing, he was so tense. Yes, I did go back and massage his balls as well.

Get undressed, I need to feel your tits on me. And the good little slut that I am, I got undressed. I laid on him when suddenly, he came back to life. I want to make you cum...so I was on my knees, kind of lying across him when he starts to finger me using this little rubber finger. Our toy bag has exploded. In fact, the prostate massager is our second one and it is dead. I am writing to the company and I will post it here. Mr. Porsche said, you wouldn't write. I said watch me. I mean it, the damn thing is expensive and it should break after one use. He doesn't have a prostate of steel (which i will point out to the company when I write).

Anyway, I have to say. Mr. Porsche has gotten amazing at finding my gspot. I mean we are talking amazing. He played with my clit and used my juices to make it so smooth...then he goes in and he finds my gspot and I can't explain but I moan and have an out of body experience and I cum like crazy. I remember panting, I remember thinking there was other men in the room watching and POOF...my body went into orgasmic mode. WOOOWW!! Amazing how I went through 39 years of life and never had an orgasm. I have made up for it now!!

We cuddled, we talked. He was under so much stress that he really didn't think he could get it up. Well, well....we are talking to me. I was determined to put this mouth to good use and so I did. working his cock, I was certainly able to get him hard. He has the girth baby...the true girth..he loves to hear me gag. I did a few times. I got out the non vibrating prostate massager (still his favorite toy) and I worked it good. You see, I have my own power now. I know exactly where is prostate is...I know exactly what to do to get him off. And so he came like crazy. He says its a different kind of cum, wild....like he peaks and its almost like he is afraid it is going to hurt and then there is total ecstasy. Not sure exactly since its different for me but I love getting him to that point where its out of body experience.

We lied there after, I took my nails and tickled his body. We talked about everything and nothing. It was fabulous. I love days like that. So what he wants to do is get me in a threesome. Hmmm....maybe I should find a girl and we can go from Mr. Porsche directly to Mr. Astronaut the same day. Kill two birds with one stone. But more interestingly, he wants to pierce my nipples. I mean get it done professionally. Ever been with a girl or know a girl with pierced nipples. This is really turning him on and he is serious. I am not so sure about it. I mean these are my nipples and they happen to be a part of my body I like. Gotta think about this.

we left and things felt right. Things felt like they used to.....back on track!

Does Tiger Woods Owe US an apology?

So do you feel that Tiger Woods owes you an apology? He owes his wife and family an apology but he certainly doesn't owe anyone else! As I am writing this post, my local radio station is holding a Tiger Woods Apology Weekend-giving away all the things he should have given his mistresses to shut them up. It's pretty disgusting.

Did Tiger owe his sponsors apologizes? I gotta tell you, I am not crying for Accenture or Nike. They paid and reaped many benefits from his exposure. With any spokesperson, you take the chance of a scandal. Sorry, but that's the way it goes--he is human. And as a person who isn't a Tiger Woods follower, until this scandal broke, I didn't even know who his major sponsors were. Accenture?! I had no idea BUT now I do. Publicity, even bad publicity can be good. And let's be realistic, are men REALLY going to not buy a product because Tiger Woods had an affair? Truly all it does is remind a man of exactly how guilty he has been some time in his life of an actual affair or a flirt or a kiss. PLEASE...so I do not feel bad for these poor sponsors crying the blues.

And the mistresses. Let's be realistic here. Watching the press conference of his mistress with high powered attorney, Gloria--just screams I am suing you big time. I gave up my porn career....boo hoo. We all know that if you went back into the porn business your videos would fly off the shelf a lot faster now then before darling. Your crying press conference certainly didn't do it for me, it actually made me angry. Your new look of the business professional bob haircut and white prim and proper shirt was also ridiculous. We didn't even know who you were before. No one forces you to give up your career. You choose that road yourself. Did he promise you love? Did he promise you he was going to leave his wife? Hmmmm....let's use your brain here. Tiger Woods would never have a porn star wife! The waitress at Perkins had a better shot for his image. It disgusts me that she is going to sue him and probably get a lot of money. Baby doll, there are millions of women out there who have had affairs and we are not getting the millions. You knew the situation when you got into it. You knew who he was and you had the affair.

I honestly feel bad for Tiger Woods and according to polls, I am one of the few women who do. Affairs scare people. I have heard some of my lovers say--crap he's making this bad for all of us. Their wives are bringing the topic to the bedroom. An opportunity to see what your husband thinks about it. An opportunity to fish around to see if your husband shows any reaction or sympathy for him.

As he said, the power and his lifestyle made him feel like he was above the rules. He stands in a long line of politicians, movie stars, professional sports figures. They cheat because it gives them another high. Obviously going through therapy for a sex addition, they explained why he did what he did. But realistically, being on top of the world like he is and so young, unfortunately he was inexperienced and he thought with his penis. His choice of 11 less desirable women is what is really getting him in trouble and causing the distaste. If he had a few less affairs and with women who were more acceptable in society-it all would have gone down so differently. He should have gone to Ashley Madison and found some hot married women in all these cities. A lot less problems.

The man plays golf. He's not a preacher. I say leave him alone and let him work out his issues with his wife and kids.

Passion, Desire, I NEED YOU NOW!

There is something about Mr. Astronaut. He is such oozing with sexuality. I have not felt such desire and lust for someone in a long, long time (Mystery Man). Just a three words..."where are u?" makes my panties wet.

If you have been following my blog, you will know that we met eight months ago. Haven't seen each other but have been in constant contact almost everyday or every other day. He has this fantasy of a threesome. His theory, if we don't do it first, we will get too emotionally attached and it will not happen. so we have been at a crossroad. Our main activity has been phone sex and pictures of me masturbating and his hard cock. You gotta admit, camera phones are such a dangerous thing. you can snap a pix and instanteously send it to someone. Most of my pix lately have been for him. He loves that high shiny lip gloss. He also thinks that I look sexy with no makeup, half asleep. My type of guy. If stilll think I am sexy just waking up, well then your a keeper.


I have been telling him, I want to see him again. His face is fuzzy. I need to see him in person. He said no, that we can't fool around. Its going to ruin everything. I convinced him that we could meet and kiss. Keep the spark going. Constant BBMs back and forth building up the anticipation. So here is the thing, I was on a mission. And when I want something bad enough, I go full force for it. Here's the thing. He's a law enforcement and our government does a great job of teaching these government agents how to keep their control and be disciplined. Frustrating to me yet even more of a challenge.

That evening, where are you? He was on the job, undercover somewhere in the area. He never tells me about his work and I don't ask anymore because he can't talk about it. I will say how is your day but that is about all I can get out of him or he's out in the field. Tonight I was determined to get him to meet me. He had a break coming up where he could get away for 15 minutes. Hmmmm....MEET ME. He hesitated. I just want to kiss you and give you a kiss you will never forget. I know you have limited time and you have to get back to the area but meet me so we can just kiss and then you can go on your way. I sent him a pix of me under the covers and smiling. Aaah....he couldn't resist. "A kiss and then I gotta get back. And don't get mad if I am on my way and I get a call that I gotta go back. I can get away for 15 minutes..that's it". Okay...so we rushed. I got dressed quickly and he started driving and I started driving and we were on the phone. we drove until we met. Luckily, I knew of a parking lot that wasn't very busy and I told him we should meet there.

I couldn't take the anticipation. I couldn't take the spontaneous excitement. This was like one of my slutty romance novels but it was happening to me. So damn hot. Like two animals in heat, we needed to meet. "Which is your car?" And he flashes his light so that I can see as I waited at the light. When I saw the lights flash, I could feel my pussy tighten. Somehow, someway I needed to get this guy. I cannot wait for a threesome because I don't know if I am ready for that. "I got a call, I gotta go back so hurry". CRAP...I rushed to his car.

I opened the door and I could feel the desire hit me like a swoosh. Oh, I was not going to be able to stop at a kiss. "Is this seat taken?" And I just jumped in his car and leaned over and began kissing him with so much passion, desire and lust that it was overwhelming. I kissed him like it was the last kiss I would ever experience in my life. With my hands on his face and moving to the back of his head. Our tongues entwined, our breath shallow, this was unbelievably hot. And he was so into it. Grabbing my hair, pulling me closer and there is no doubt in my mind that we are sooooo compatible. Sex would be insane.

I want to make you cum..he said to me and his hands went down my pants as I began to open his pants. NO...he said. I am going to make you cum. And I threw the seat back and he went in my pants....playing with my clit and then his fingers inside of me...I could hear the moan yet my mind was in some far off space of ecstasy. As he fingered me deeper and deeper and I got wetter and wetter...I could feel the rush of orgasm come over me and my body start to pulsate. the foreplay was the drive over and the anticipation, it was easy to make me cum with such foreplay.

However, I was determined to get into his pants. I opened his pants now and pulled his hard cock out. I kissed him again savagely, licked his ear and after a brief handjob I whispered....baby, I soooo neeed a taste. How could you resist? well he couldn't and I went down on him. I am not going to cum, he protests. If I cum then we will never do my threesome. And then I went to work giving him a superb blowjob. Licking and sucking and deep throating where you could hear his moans. Him pushing my head down but I was able to take his cock deeper and that just turned him on even more. He tried to pull me off, I had him so close, I could taste the pre-cum and he got me off for a second and then I went back down again. I could hear him moaning, it took every inch of discipline and control that he had not to cum.

I want us to fuck...I want to feel you inside of me, spreading my lips apart...feeling you so deep inside of me. "We don't have a condom". "I DO" hehehe....I had just bought condoms just in case for my house. I grabbed one as I was running out. Uggghhhh!! I could hear him say. You are making this impossible. Oh I wanted to just jump on that cock. "NO, I will be pissed if I do because you are perfect. you are the perfect girl except the threesome. If we fuck, we will get emotionally attached and not be able to do my fantasy. Its my bucket list. I need to do it". So you don't want to fuck me? I said it in a sexy whisper. "OMG! I am about to explode and I can't think of anything else I want to do right now. you make this impossible. OMG, you are so fucking hot". And then I went down on him again. I love to make him moan. BUT....he managed to keep the control.

I would have had him if he really didn't have to go. He was being noticed missing at this point and he had to get back. I gave him one more intense kiss and he grabbed me by the back of the hair. "You and I are going to be dangerous". And I kissed him gently and smiled and jumped out of the car. Within an hour, I was pulling back into my driveway. What an unbelievably hot 35 minutes. Holy crap...the passion, the sexual tension, the desire...it was amazing.

And while I didn't get him to cum. I have no doubt that he will fuck me soon. Before the threesome. there is no way he will not be able to. He text me after (and we have been trying to get our schedules to match up all week to meet again). "baby you have skills". Aaah, I think that is one of the best compliments. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. he can't stop fantasizing, he can't stop thinking of how amazing I am at sucking cock. Oh yes, this man will be in my bed by the end of the weekend.

Since we met, I am pleased to say that I really do think this guy is going to be something memorable in my life. I posted the threesome thing on a website, no responses yet. But I can see before we met, he wasn't going to see me until we had the threesome. I convinced him to meet me for a kiss and now, well I see he is swaying. I sent him a note...thanks for the sampler. He just started to laugh. Man, you are so damn perfect and so hot. YUM!!

But no matter what happens. I will never forget the anticipation of just jumping in a car and both of us driving towards each other until we both met on the road. You make your own destiny in life. My theory, you should shoot for moments like this. Let yourself go and make your slutty romance novels become reality. this is just another that goes down in history.

And now....he is going to stop off at my house tomorrow before he goes to work. Or at least we are trying to make that happen. My virgin bed.....are you going to allow some other man to de-virginize it?! I think he will give in tomorrow...the virgin bed is pulling him in!

A Day Of True Single Fun

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Tiger Woods Report On Someone Rushed To Hospital

Wow...I hope it is a mistake. As I woke up this morning, the radio station said there was a report that a blonde was rushed to the hospital at 2:30AM after a 911 call today and the person is in bad shape in the ICU. They aren't sure if it is his wife or his mother or mother-in-law. The djs were speechless actually and took a whole new look at it. This is a private thing, it really is none of our business and if someone may die from it--personally I think the media is to blame. I hope it was a false report or this thing is certainly going to end Tiger's career.

So the report of over 10+ women that he has had affairs with, Tiger baby, you were just damn stupid. Stupid in his selection and the numbers. A waitress from Perkins?!?! A porn star? And he allowed someone to take pix of him on their cell phone. Rumor has it the girl is talking to PlayGirl now. There are fires popping up all over the place. I cannot believe he had such a God complex here. How did he not think that these waitresses wouldn't want to cash in?

Gotta say....he should have gone to Ashley Madison, he should have found one girl to bang that was married or in a position where she needed an affair to be quiet too. As for his wife, at this point, whether she loves him or not, I can't see how she could stay with him. 1-3 woman of respectable backgrounds....she would have survived. But from the list now and the woman he chose....the embarrassment alone is too much to endure.

I always said, I didn't care so much if my husband found out as much as I did if my kids found out. His kids are young but this is something he won't be able to erase out of history. Wow, transgressions....I think he needs a few more sssssssssss on that. For his sake and his families...I hope it dies down and no one was hospitalized...sadly, I think this is just the beginning for him.

Tiger Woods- Is it really our business?!?!

Wow....cheating is in the air. Yes, America's Golf Idol has been caught cheating. Why is everyone so surprised? Let's be realistic here, he fits the typical Type A perfectionist of power profile--high powered attorneys, men in top positions, politicians, sports figures, hollywood figures...men of power are usually cheaters. Whether they think they can get away with it, they are above all, whatever the reason--Tiger Woods is really a perfect example. Maybe because we all thought of him as a little boy who rose to stardom. Well he is a man. His wife actually looks like a little teenager, a Barbie doll. The woman he has an affair with, did you all notice they had amazingly succulent lips? Hmmmm....

Now he should have been smarter, don't ya think? Ashley Madison dear man. You should have chosen a married woman who would not want to rock his world. Not single woman who are looking for the public eye (and money). Ironically, this whole thing came to a head (hehe) because he cheated on the girl he was cheating on and she found out.

Well Tiger Woods, extramarital affairs always come out. However, I gotta say, I am shocked and kind of repulsed on how it is on every news channel with commentators debating it. Like it is a war, a missing child, a serial murderer. Please, the man had a few extramarital affairs. Quite honestly, it is between him and his wife. My opinion, most people like Tiger Woods, so leave the guy alone. It's sad and I am sure overwhelming. Think about it, if a regular person gets busted, their life turns becomes a whirlwind. I can't imagine having the world talking about it.

and then there is Mr. Porsche's take on it. He is saying how Tiger getting caught is bad for the entire male race of adulterers. Wives all across America are checking their husband's phones to see the numbers that they have callen. I mean, if clean cut Tiger Woods is having an affair, what about my husband. Yes, woman are bringing it up at the dinner table and in the bedroom. A perfect way to see your husband's reaction. A perfect way to see if he has a guilt attack or begins to shake.

So my take on it. Leave Tiger Woods alone. Give him and his wife a little room. And to everyone else who is cheating, remember, I always say....erase those text messages, emails and phone logs!!!!

Mr. Security and the Stalking

Mr. Security is getting divorced as well. We have been in contact but he is afraid to see me. Within two weeks of his wife leaving, he hooked up with a neighbor down the block. He is trying this monogamy thing for awhile. Interesting concept but I admit, I don't plan on making it easy for him. I always felt one reason I lost MM was because of Mr. Security so to not have him even for a little==nah, I am going to make it a little rough for him to be a one woman man right now. And, it's for his own good. His track record of wives are woman who have never worked a day in their lives and need saving. And the new one is exactly that again--so I am doing a good service (hehehe) and quite frankly, I enjoy working him up a little.

However, I did have some things for his kids that we were suppose to meet and I was going to give him. I am tired of that bag sitting in my livingroom SOOOO I decided to look his address up on the computer. It was way too easy, he is listed...address and all. He isn't home (out with the kids), I am going to drop the bag off and leave. If he wants to see me after that, the bag is no excuse.

He lives relatively close to me (5 minutes actually) so I drove into his development. One thing, there is only one way in and one way out. I am pulling up to his house..getting ready to stop and drop when as I pull up--he is OUTSIDE emptying food shopping bags fron the car. CRAP! You see, I have a very obvious car. BRIGHT RED. Oh yes, you know I am coming for a good mile and since I had just gotten it washed....it shines like crazy. As I noticed him, he noticed me as well. My plan to drop and leave and text that I left it at his door, was not a plan anymore. My heart was palpitating and giggling at the same time because his expression was priceless.

I pulled up...."hey you! here's the puzzles. Nice to see you. Gotta go to lowes bye!" and I started to walk back to my car. He was speechless which for him is a miracle. WAIT WAIT WAIT!! as he is smiling and holding his head. How did you find me? DUH...white pages baby. Okay, gotta go... Wooooooooo....come over here.

So I walked over..."Hi, he said smiling." and he introduced me to his daughter. "Do you always stalk people and bring them puzzles??""

Nah, I leave other things as well....and started giggling.

We started chatting small talk and then he said to me. " You look great! I am glad you broke the ice. Can you come in for a second? " And then I said to him "I truly wanted to drop this off, I didn't mean to pop in on you...are you sure?" "Yes, he said...come on in"

So he gave me a tour of his house. And he showed me some things we spoke about on the phone over the year and then I said I have to go. He walked me to the door and said "so I have the popcorn already, just let me know when movie night is".

He walked me to the car and he kissed me goodby. As we were standing there, you could feel the sparks. Looking into his eyes..they sparkle and melt me and he knows that. Those eyes have sparkle like I have never seen before. I had to get out of there because my mind was wandering. "Thinking about some flashbacks?' he said....and I think I blushed. Giving him a seductive look I looked him in the eye and said "yeah, is that a problem? you bending me over the desk in the hotel just flashed across my mind". And he answered back "yeah, one of my favorite...along with me doing you on the bed as I whispered in your ear". UGH!!!!!! He knew I died from that flashback.....I kept a straight face...Yeah, that one too was hot. I'll use that one later" And very cool, I jumped in my car and threw him a kiss and drove away.

that was a week ago, and we have been in contact a couple of times a week since. He has been calling me almost everyday to say hi or messenger me to say something hysterical.

Tonight I was chatting with him and I told him I got new carpeting. "Awwww..your carpeting got laid before you". Fighting words there....total teasing is in line. So for the next half hour, I tortured him. Thanks for this raging woody before bed he said. And then I decided to top it off with a lip picture... WOW, I know those lips well. They are so damn hot!

I've been good, but busy. Busy with life, busy with the house, busy with the kids, busy with taking care of things. It has not been easy. Good things but I don't know what to do first. I cancelled with Mr. Sugar Daddy for tomorrow because I am seeing Mr. Porsche. We won't have time to sleep together but we are grabbing some lunch. I have been craving sex and with so many men, I have not gotten it at all.....Today I said to Mr. Porsche "do you still want me?" He answered "I've been busy but craving you everyday. You know I want you badly." Aaahhh....tomorrow I am going to figure out how to sneak a bj except there is one little sticky thing--tomorrow, he is meeting my kid. A little weird, I am nervous....my worlds are colliding but its ok.

OH! Heard through the grapevine,...the hubby went on a date. Gotta tell ya, the last five times he has been here, he is scratching his balls constantly. I hope he didn't catch anything....lol He didn't do that when he lived here.

Nine Frogs and No Little Sex

I watched this show last night...Hoarding. Did you ever see it?! Crazy how people's entire homes become a garbage dump. they can't part with anything. An excellent show to watch before you clean your house. Giving you incentive to throw, throw, throw! Boy, am I going to look at something differently before I throw it out.

It was a real tough weekend here. Hubby is packing to move out and has begun to move stuff to his new apartment. It's small but it is nice. I am jealous in some ways. He gets to leave the craziness behind and start over. He gets to sleep late, sleep through the night and do whatever he wants to do. My life will not be like that. I began throwing out tons of stuff this weekend. I don't want stuff anymore. All it does is collect dust and make a mess.

I reclaimed the bedroom and like a baby, he refused to do anything around this house. yes, he is moving out but realistically the mess, the dirt and the kids messes....are being done while he is still here. He didn't take out the garbage, didn't want to help with the kids and he knew I had to work today...he ran out early so I couldn't work. these are his kids too.

On to other things.....I sat down last night and thought about the frogs I am communicating with. And in final count, there were 11! Now, 11 frogs...I should be screwing day and night. Looking at the list, I realized that some I have been talking a long time. Some men just need that jump in their pants, that quick email/sex text to give them that quick high for the day.

Sadly, MM was not on that list. I miss him. He won't answer an email. I miss what we had. Flashbacks of us while bring a smile to my face, then leave a sadness and void. I never expected anything from him, except those three hours together of total paradise. Last night, I had done a search of my emails and all his emails popped up. I just opened a few and got the giggles. The man was brilliant at sexual emails. He had the sexiness, the creativity, originality and intelligents to give excellent email. And he brought the same out of me. I don't even give email like that except with him. He could get me so excited to the point that I had to masturbate to focus again. The email foreplay before we met made me so wet and rush for the room like an animal in heat. I couldn't wait to touch his lips and his cock...damn, I miss that frogging.

Poor Baby-I Won't Screw and Run

So the reality is, many men cannot take a woman who has a brain, an opinion and one that has her own wants and needs. It confused me all day, what happened with Mr. Astronaut. It was so bizarre so I sent him a note. have a good weekend. He wrote back thank you U2. Hmm...I had to know, how did we go from boiling over passion to the ice ages in a matter of seconds. I wrote him....so what happened yesterday? And he wrote back...the cuddling was the deal breaker you said. WHAT?!?! He was upset that I liked to be held after a wild sex session. That instead of screwing and jumping up and getting dressed like a whore, I liked to hangout and relax, lie in someones arms and get ready for round 2??? I wrote back "So you are telling me--that if I wanted to lie in your arms after sex, contact is an issue?" He writes back..I told you, I don't do cuddling.

And I wrote back....well baby doll, then I guess I don't do you! I am a sensual person, I love massaging someone after or just lying in their arms. I admit it, I know that MM wasn't a huge fan but he actually got into it after awhile. It was our quiet time, our joke time, our tv time. Sometimes I would massage him or him me...sometimes we would just tell jokes, sometimes watch porn, sometimes I would take my finger and just trace his face...he even fell asleep a few times which was my favorite as I lied in his arms. It actually got longer as time went on.

Mr. Porsche, he hates it BUT knows how important it is to me. So he even announces it....okay, come here...10 minutes of cuddling.

When you are with someone, I would think you would want to please them. Giving 5 minutes of yourself to make someone you care about feel special that is not a deal breaker. So, my conclusion, Mr. Astronaut is not for me at all. Dude, I like that little contact after..before jumping up and throwing on your clothes..amazing how he really couldn't do that or wouldn't even entertain the idea. Well I am standing up for my position her. If you can't let me lie in your arms for 5 minutes after you just explored every inch of my body...after your cock was thrusting inside of me..and we exchanged every body fluid imaginable...then you are not for me.

Final note to him....sorry baby, if contact after sex is an issue for 5 minutes, you aren't for me. If one of my friends doesn't need contact after sex, I will send them your way. And please, if you have a friend who can handle a girl touching him after sex--send him to me...good luck in your journey. How was I soooo wrong about this guy. And proof again, a Starbucks meeting is a very good idea before rushing to a motel room. I am so glad I stuck to my guns on that one....I would have been crushed if I let him force me to go to a motel and he would have shunned me like that after.

Well his loss....I am convinced its these Government dudes who have these issues. Mr. Government also was uncomfortable with contact after sex. BUT he even did it...wow, amazing how the C word scares some men!! These are men who go undercover, who see death, who fight for our countries freedom, even go into enemy territory and the CUDDLE is their torture point. If the enemy only knew this...bizarre...okay, next frog!!

Got the Mediator, Side Note..the sexual tension is unbearable

I spoke to a friend, lawyer I had met on facebook awhile back, who is excellent at what he does. No, we haven't had sex...he is my ice cream buddy. We go for ice cream sometimes and just talk about life (we've kissed...licked the ice cream off of each others faces is the most sexual contact we have ever had). He is also going through a rough time...they even went to a divorce attorney, his wife lost her job and then they proceedings stopped.

Reality, the hubby can't afford a lawyer. So if I want a divorce, it is going ot have to be through mediation. I got a name and I am calling today. I can't meet her alone I don't think....we have to meet at the same time I think. I am going to call today.

I wish I had a crystal ball...dom't we all?

As a side note, I have been searching Ashley Madison and found two men. Here's a hint gentleman....when you are trying to impress a woman and she asks..have you had an affair? She really doesn't want to know detail to detail....I mean explicit details of the sex and how amazingly hot and what a perfect body she had. And how she could give a blow job like no one else. Hmmm...just a hint. Especially even when you finished the conversation and he sent a note that she gave the best blow job he ever had. Hmmmm....I needed to know that...why? and even as an after thought. I started laughing. He's either really stupid or really dumb...lmao
So I put him to the curb. Two others, spoke to but my heart isn't into it. How ironic, since MM is gone, i haven't wanted to find another. I'm not waiting for him...he is gone (ok, a glimmer wishes he would decide he is horny, call me and we can fuck for hours)...but I haven't felt the desire for the search.

Today, I am soooooo damn horny. Poor Mr. Porsche...he's in a meeting and I call him. He picks up and says everything ok? With people in front of him....I asked...am I on speaker? No..he said. I said GOOD....I think you should stop the world right now and come over here and satisfy my because I am soooooo damn horny and need your cock right now. All you could hear was laughter from him. And a thanks, that is going to help me finish this meeting...lol He's so cute...I love shocking him like that....keeping him on his toes...keeping him young. Spontaneous....erotic...passion...hot sex....oh man...I need the world to stop right now and for me to let go of all this build of tension.....

My Life Described In ONE SIMPLE WORD....

Yes, it hit me like a ton of brick today. My life is filled with takers. Except for some close girlfriends...everyone is sucking me dry...so if I was looking for one word to describe it...UNAPPRECIATED would go across the board.

It was as if a lighting bulb went off in my head. At work, I am constantly pushed and pushed and pushed by a client. He reminds me how he has control of other aspects of my business as well and he takes and takes and takes. And the pressure is incredible. and I give and give and give. And quite frankly, I wouldn't mind giving, I enjoy seeing his business thrive. BUT when you feel unappreciated and disrespected....you explode. Happened again to me today....and he knows I am furious. Not sure how this will play out. We will either come to an understanding OR I will be out of a job. Actually 3 jobs..long story.

Then there is the family. Let's leave it as husband is sucking me dry again....taking advantage of me. And even our friends took advantage of me today......the hubby was with our friend today and they were golfing...long story short...they knew his child was sick and they took off. Hmmm..guess who had to run around town today dealing with that?

And then Mr. Porsche...we are not clicking lately. I realized I didn't have help tomorrow and we were suppose to meet. I wanted to meet in the morning...he said he would call me back and let me know. He didn't call. So.....I called at 6:45..basically said...if I don't hear from you by 7PM, I am assuming you don't want to meet tomorrow morning. I had enough. I am not feeling the caring from him lately nor his desire and I certainly won't deal with a mercy fuck....and I am not going to feel like he doesn't want to be with me. So he returned my call at 7:30 and I didn't pick up. Nor do I plan on picking up tomorrow or seeing him. If he misses me, if he wants me...hey, work a little...show some APPRECIATION!!!

A surprise text arrived today. It was Mr. Sensual....we went back and forth and we were joking and getting along and I started to remember why I liked him and thought how I missed him. Okay, I was funny today on text. He said that he never got to get a sample of the gifts I was giving away to clients. Jokingly I said to him..I had your gift, I just never got to give it to you. He asked if it was Lotion? Oh yes, I said....fresh, natural lotion. He returned his remark...oh I love going green! And I said....its the freshest..collected right from the bush....we both started to laugh...he was dying.

And somehow we got to us....and what we had...and when I asked him if our conversation was turning him on...at first he said it was the naked pix on the computer....AND this is when I realized..this is why I didn't want anything more to do with him. It KILLS him to say...that he was hard from texting me..to him, it shows vulnerability.....over and over...thats what I couldn't take about him and now I remember what it was....and I knew I was turning him on...and he missed me BUT I also knew once he made that comment...I was done and I remember why..LOL

Too bad...he was a nice person...just so afraid of letting his wall down...so what if he was turned on? As if it was a sign of weakness.

So it was another stressful day in the World of Cheri..

Did I dream it?

All of a sudden, its as if the hubby said nothing. He gets annoyed when we were out shopping and he was ridiculing our child about a selection on bedroom furniture. That's gay looking and ugly. Hey, its my kids choice...keep your stupid comments to yourself. I brought him there to select what he wanted for his room. And it was his choice...I just looked at the hubby and said...so for your own bed when you move out, you can get the other one. He immediately shut up and started talking under his breath. I proceeded to work with my son to see if we could mix and match and if the colors were the same. They were very close so he chose what he wanted.

I did a lot around the house this weekend. I am outside, trimming the landscape, planting plants while the son and hubby are watching LaCrosse on tv. amazing....Anyway, I am happy with what I got done and scarily...I do worry about doing it all. I still have so much to do and its hard by myself.

Mr. Porsche has been a little distant. I am still not sure...when we are on the phone, things are fine. But we haven't been together in over three weeks. We talk all the time, saw each other for lunch but no afternoon rendezvous'. We are in a weird place right now. He says he wants my help for work but then he says hes afraid that its going to cost too much...he can't afford me. geez, I take that as an insult...I barely charge him anything and I give him everything at cost. Not sure if he meant me or the whole idea of expanding. Anyway, there is friction. I wrote him and asked, he didn't answer. I am sure it will come up again.

Today we spoke.....he had heard a commercial that I did and he was laughing. He was shocked to hear my voice coming through his radio...hahahahha...he can't escape me....didn't mention us meeting, didn't mention anything really although it was a great conversation..he's callling later, I am sure it will come up then.

Went on Ashley Madison again.....just to browse...but I am still not up to the cat and mouse game right now. Two guys on there that I met were SMOKIN. I mean they were certainly every girls dream. However, with my confidence so shot lately, I had decided not to pursue them at this time. They both took it as rejection and ironically they are pursuing me even harder now. As one said...I am never rejected, now I see what it feels like and it sucks. I explained that it wasn't rejection...I was just busy. I guess women are never busy for them...lol

Okay, one last thing.....I am going to be putting a comment approval on the site before a post is allowed to be posted. I love the comments and I encourage them...you guys are a huge support to me. You don't have to agree with me, you don't have to like what I am doing or even support me....BUT I will not be disrespected on my own site. "You get what you deserve comments" from someone who can't even claim an identity....I am not going to stand here and have someone who wishes me harm on my site. You dom't have to agree, you don't have to encourage..you can even disagree with me BUT to hope I fall flat on my face and wish me harm.....nope, I am not entertaining those comments.

So...please continue to comment....there shouldn't be that big of a delay because I have my blackberry. And for the gentleman who commented and didn't think I would get it because he posted on an earlier post...I do get them. And yes, Ashley is not just filled with fuck me and leave me people. Therre are people on there for many different reasons....and filling a void like you explained is exactly why I am there...

xoxoxox ALL....Enjoy the day!!

A Key To Your Private Showcase-- YUM!!

I find when I am depressed and bordering total frustration and anger...I turn to Ashley. It's liberating, addicting and quite frankly...I want to get laid. Simple as that, hot sex...I need it and I need it bad. Mystery Man's absence has left me empty. This time, he is gone. I am angry. So I am tired of turning to the cake for empty calories and absolutely no satisfaction.

I am hitting the gym again tomorrow. I am starting to get my damn life in order. AND....I am starting over. Yes, drastic measures need to be taken here. I am falling deeper and deeper into a depression and I need to stop this free falling. I have to confess one thing....if I knew it was going to hurt this much when he left, if I knew that I was going to feel such a void so deep and for so long --I should have never started this. Then of course I think about the flashbacks and I wouldn't give one second up that we had. I guess right now the hurt is just not subsiding. I miss our rendezvous, I miss our emails...while I didn't know him, I did..parts of him that I cared about.

Okay, so what do you do when you are feeling like this? Your heart profusely bleeding with heartache....you grab some gauze pads and bandaids....You head to the Ashley Madison search.....

Yup! Tonight I went wild!!!!! Looked for all the damn hotties and all the men that were kind of cute and had nice profiles. Yup!! I went on a Private Showcase Key Hunt! 20 men!! Yes, 20 men.

My girlfriend has been going wild on there. She has had a date each night this week with a different man. It's amazing. I wonder if our standards are different? She is finding all these great men....she's juggling them all like a pro. And it amazes me how she is having fun with so many of them.

I want one good frog. One frog that is intelligent, sweet, quick witted and very sexual. I found it once, there's gotta be another one on there for a long term fling. I'm not looking for love..I am looking for passion, desire, hot sex!!!!!!!!!!!

So I will let ya know how the Private Keys turn out! Yes, its reckless time.....I am on a mission..but for now, I am going to crawl up on my couch right now and have a good cry...the tears are already flowing as I am typing...Overworked, underpaid, lonely is a suck feeling.