Hey Baby,
This is a very hard note for me to write. I usually don’t walk away from things when I know it is right. I knew you were headed for a really rough, rough road but I was willing to take that journey with you. I am used to rollercoasters in life and the joy,the fun and the connection we found -was worth the ride. But after Friday night, I realize now that you really do want to do it on your own.
I have been dating for awhile and never let someone in like I let you in. Why? Because there is just something there that was so special. I found this quote that touches on it….
“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.”
Alexander Smith
The connection we found doesn’t come every day and it’s a hard thing to let go of. It’s hard to slow down something that feels so good. And now it is scary that we found something we may never find again. It’s scary that it is going to totally die, we are going to drift and we will never find each other again. But timing is everything and as much as it hurts—I guess we are going to have to let it lie there and always wonder what potential we had. Who knows, maybe we will find each other again, the timing will be right and we will have saved something special. Only time will tell.
I will tell you-I loved what we had these past two months. You made me feel so special. You made me feel alive, you made my body sing. Our kisses are kisses I never felt before. You have taught me it exists, and that I should never settle for less of a kiss or connection. Our rocking, our deep conversations, our sexual connection, our laughs, our similarities, the tub, your oral skills, you knowing how to make me cum, the shower, “yeah yeah”, our being the same person…lol, you knowing what I am thinking…..it was amazing! We never got to share a cream cheese and jelly sandwich though. We had so much in such a short period of time. Who knows, maybe we will be The Notebook.
My heart aches that you don’t want me there for you now. Promise me, you won’t disappear into that darkness. Promise me, you will try to look at the positive and have hope….and I promise you that it is going to work out if you fight the darkness. You have so much potential, I wish you believed in yourself. So, I am including two sheets of quotes….one, to remind you of what we had and how special it was and the other, to remind you of how much potential you have and to hopefully give you some support to help you find yourself.
I don’t want to say good by. I am glad we at least ended in an okay place, and I realized last night we both had the same fears and concerns. We can try and talk sometimes, if it doesn’t hurt too much.
I care a lot about you. I hope you find what you are looking for…
Xoxo
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
If Our Stars Align…Look out to the horizon,
A whole world lies beyond
The path of life shall guide you
And move you swiftly on,
There’s new things to discover
And unseen sights to see
The road stretches before you
No one knows just how far,
And whatever may befall you
Just remember who you are
If others try to change you,
Think who you want to be,
You’ll find you’ve reached your limit,
When you can go no more,
And you’ll always have our memories
Of good times we’ve had before
So when you’ve done with what you need to do,
And you remember the lost connection we had was key
Hopefully, we will be in the same place at that time and
And begin a new journey for you and me.
You can close your eyes to the things you do not want to see, but you cannot close your heart to the things you do not want to feel.”
I don't pretend to know what a special connection is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; connecting is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, connecting is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, connecting is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”
A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself. Jim Morrison
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”
“Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition.” Alexander Smith
If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours, if it doesn’t it never was.
Or a version I thought you might like….If you love something set it free, if it comes back its yours, if it doesn’t, hunt it down and kill it…(I had to add a little giggle! Lol)
If At First You Don’t Succeed.
Failure doesn’t mean – “You are a failure,”
It means – You just didn’t succeed at that one thing.
It doesn’t mean– “You accomplished nothing,”
It means – You have learned something.
It doesn’t mean – “You have been a fool,”
It means – You had a lot of faith.
It doesn’t mean – “You don’t have it,”
It means – You were willing to try.
It doesn’t mean – “You are inferior,”
It means – You are not perfect.
It doesn’t mean – “You’ve wasted your life,”
It means – You have a reason to start afresh.
It doesn’t mean – “You should give up,”
It means – “You must try harder.
It doesn’t mean – “You’ll never make it,”
It means – It will take a little longer.
It doesn’t mean – “God has abandoned you,”
It means – God has a better way for you.
People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. ~Thomas Szasz, "Personal Conduct," The Second Sin, 1973
Never mind searching for who you are. Search for the person you aspire to be. ~Robert Brault,
Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor.~Dr. Alexis Carrel
If you can go through life without experiencing pain you probably haven’t been born yet. ~Neil Simon
If you aren't sure who you are, you might as well work on who you want to be. ~Robert Brault,
Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. Norman Vincent Peale
The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself. Mark Caine
We make the world we live in and shape our own environment. Orison Swett Marden
Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Ideas shape the course of history. John Maynard Keynes
Your present circumstances don't determine where you can go; they merely determine where you start.
Nido Qubein
“But there is suffering in life & there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it's better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without ever knowing what you're fighting for.”
“You are the Fate of Your Own Destiny”-
Showing posts with label emotional affair. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional affair. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Surrounding Myself with Manipulative, Controlling Men
Yes, here is a rant. I just do not get men. I don't and I am beginning to think I never will. I have a boss who calls me concerned how upset I am. Yes, first time in my life I showed weakness and I was touched by his concern. Oh wait, at our next meeting he pulled the old personal problems card on why I am slipping. Hmmmm...let's see, I didn't do one thing but I did 500 other things and you are going to take me to the cleaners? You feel I should be happy with my salary...keep it like that this year.....hmm....is that your way of saying you aren't giving me more money? How you have made me who I am? Men are so damn manipulative and controlling and I seem to surround myself with them. Oh yes, while he is traveling the world, I am home working weekends growing his business.
Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.
Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.
Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!
Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....
Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!
So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)
Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.
Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.
Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!
Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....
Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!
So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)
Friday, July 09, 2010
I LOVE YOU.....Oooopss!!
I saw Mr. Porsche yesterday. He was surprising not stressed, he was calm, he was not deviant and he was gentle. Wow, what a change in pace. We cuddled, he made me cum four times...yes I was a damn river, you know how wet I get...it's crazy. It was an amazing afternoon. He wasn't in a rush. He cuddled me, spooned me, made love to me, tickled me, wrestled me....it was the calmest day I have had with him. I love being with him. the first ten minutes I just vented....went on a rage of all the things wrong with me and he held me and smiled. He finds my releases amusing...like a child throwing a temper tantrum. But he knows I feel better after and quite frankly none of my complaints was about him. He just smirks and then he looks me in the eyes and says, feel better? I say yes and then he kisses me.
We kissed today more than ever. He just wanted to kiss me and kiss me. who was this man? Oh he is always good to me but this was a different man. As we lie in bed, my damn phone is going crazy. wow you are just getting call after call...silence. he thinks it is all men..well two were. He's so not losing me, he's my foundation. He's my support, he's my baby. But reality is, he knows that one day I might find a steady thing. I guess it more realistic to him now.
So my friends called, we were making plans for dinner. I scream to him how I should go meet them. His eyes bug, they know I am with you? YES...relax, they know of you but not who you are..he did and kissed me. My friend heard the kiss, wow, lucky girl. And then as I was on the phone he kisses my neck and then slipped $50 in my bra. Go have a great time on me baby. He has a heart of gold.
And then out of no where...he was up against the door and I leaned over to say good by and kiss him and i said....I Love You....took me by surprise as I am sure it took him by surprise. I quickly changed the topic so he wouldn't have to respond or acknowledge it. Where the fuck did that come from? I mean I do love him. I love him sooooo much. But I am realistic that we are never going to be together and I am totally okay with that because we would kill each other. So I think I shocked us both with the I LOVE YOU!!
He left me there to get ready and then I met my GFs. Oh boy, we were laughing. My GF is having her single friend call me. I am like a single person counselor these days which cracks me up. As we sat at the phone, I got four calls from men. Doesn't phase you bitch! and we all started to laugh. Actually it doesn't. I am not fulfilled, the right one has not come yet. Can't even find one to fulfill that void. Mr. Porsche does in most ways but there is that area that others have filled at times but now it is still a big void.
Now my GF, she's in the big leagues. She meets multi-millionaires and blows them off. That's because she hangs out in the top places. So last night over a sangria, I promised her that I would go in and go with her to these places. Her newest toy is this super famous basketball player. I even knew his name...good looking guy man and big bucks. She blew him off...he was so pissed. But not pissed too much that he didn't call her two days later for lunch. way too funny.
I told her how the new guy wants to take me to Costa Rica. Tells me I haven't traveled enough that he wants to show me all the great places in the world. WOW, too bad he has some issue going on.
another great night with the girls and Mr. Porsche....I went to bed content!!!!! Aaaah!!!
We kissed today more than ever. He just wanted to kiss me and kiss me. who was this man? Oh he is always good to me but this was a different man. As we lie in bed, my damn phone is going crazy. wow you are just getting call after call...silence. he thinks it is all men..well two were. He's so not losing me, he's my foundation. He's my support, he's my baby. But reality is, he knows that one day I might find a steady thing. I guess it more realistic to him now.
So my friends called, we were making plans for dinner. I scream to him how I should go meet them. His eyes bug, they know I am with you? YES...relax, they know of you but not who you are..he did and kissed me. My friend heard the kiss, wow, lucky girl. And then as I was on the phone he kisses my neck and then slipped $50 in my bra. Go have a great time on me baby. He has a heart of gold.
And then out of no where...he was up against the door and I leaned over to say good by and kiss him and i said....I Love You....took me by surprise as I am sure it took him by surprise. I quickly changed the topic so he wouldn't have to respond or acknowledge it. Where the fuck did that come from? I mean I do love him. I love him sooooo much. But I am realistic that we are never going to be together and I am totally okay with that because we would kill each other. So I think I shocked us both with the I LOVE YOU!!
He left me there to get ready and then I met my GFs. Oh boy, we were laughing. My GF is having her single friend call me. I am like a single person counselor these days which cracks me up. As we sat at the phone, I got four calls from men. Doesn't phase you bitch! and we all started to laugh. Actually it doesn't. I am not fulfilled, the right one has not come yet. Can't even find one to fulfill that void. Mr. Porsche does in most ways but there is that area that others have filled at times but now it is still a big void.
Now my GF, she's in the big leagues. She meets multi-millionaires and blows them off. That's because she hangs out in the top places. So last night over a sangria, I promised her that I would go in and go with her to these places. Her newest toy is this super famous basketball player. I even knew his name...good looking guy man and big bucks. She blew him off...he was so pissed. But not pissed too much that he didn't call her two days later for lunch. way too funny.
I told her how the new guy wants to take me to Costa Rica. Tells me I haven't traveled enough that he wants to show me all the great places in the world. WOW, too bad he has some issue going on.
another great night with the girls and Mr. Porsche....I went to bed content!!!!! Aaaah!!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Passion, Desire, I NEED YOU NOW!
There is something about Mr. Astronaut. He is such oozing with sexuality. I have not felt such desire and lust for someone in a long, long time (Mystery Man). Just a three words..."where are u?" makes my panties wet.
If you have been following my blog, you will know that we met eight months ago. Haven't seen each other but have been in constant contact almost everyday or every other day. He has this fantasy of a threesome. His theory, if we don't do it first, we will get too emotionally attached and it will not happen. so we have been at a crossroad. Our main activity has been phone sex and pictures of me masturbating and his hard cock. You gotta admit, camera phones are such a dangerous thing. you can snap a pix and instanteously send it to someone. Most of my pix lately have been for him. He loves that high shiny lip gloss. He also thinks that I look sexy with no makeup, half asleep. My type of guy. If stilll think I am sexy just waking up, well then your a keeper.
I have been telling him, I want to see him again. His face is fuzzy. I need to see him in person. He said no, that we can't fool around. Its going to ruin everything. I convinced him that we could meet and kiss. Keep the spark going. Constant BBMs back and forth building up the anticipation. So here is the thing, I was on a mission. And when I want something bad enough, I go full force for it. Here's the thing. He's a law enforcement and our government does a great job of teaching these government agents how to keep their control and be disciplined. Frustrating to me yet even more of a challenge.
That evening, where are you? He was on the job, undercover somewhere in the area. He never tells me about his work and I don't ask anymore because he can't talk about it. I will say how is your day but that is about all I can get out of him or he's out in the field. Tonight I was determined to get him to meet me. He had a break coming up where he could get away for 15 minutes. Hmmmm....MEET ME. He hesitated. I just want to kiss you and give you a kiss you will never forget. I know you have limited time and you have to get back to the area but meet me so we can just kiss and then you can go on your way. I sent him a pix of me under the covers and smiling. Aaah....he couldn't resist. "A kiss and then I gotta get back. And don't get mad if I am on my way and I get a call that I gotta go back. I can get away for 15 minutes..that's it". Okay...so we rushed. I got dressed quickly and he started driving and I started driving and we were on the phone. we drove until we met. Luckily, I knew of a parking lot that wasn't very busy and I told him we should meet there.
I couldn't take the anticipation. I couldn't take the spontaneous excitement. This was like one of my slutty romance novels but it was happening to me. So damn hot. Like two animals in heat, we needed to meet. "Which is your car?" And he flashes his light so that I can see as I waited at the light. When I saw the lights flash, I could feel my pussy tighten. Somehow, someway I needed to get this guy. I cannot wait for a threesome because I don't know if I am ready for that. "I got a call, I gotta go back so hurry". CRAP...I rushed to his car.
I opened the door and I could feel the desire hit me like a swoosh. Oh, I was not going to be able to stop at a kiss. "Is this seat taken?" And I just jumped in his car and leaned over and began kissing him with so much passion, desire and lust that it was overwhelming. I kissed him like it was the last kiss I would ever experience in my life. With my hands on his face and moving to the back of his head. Our tongues entwined, our breath shallow, this was unbelievably hot. And he was so into it. Grabbing my hair, pulling me closer and there is no doubt in my mind that we are sooooo compatible. Sex would be insane.
I want to make you cum..he said to me and his hands went down my pants as I began to open his pants. NO...he said. I am going to make you cum. And I threw the seat back and he went in my pants....playing with my clit and then his fingers inside of me...I could hear the moan yet my mind was in some far off space of ecstasy. As he fingered me deeper and deeper and I got wetter and wetter...I could feel the rush of orgasm come over me and my body start to pulsate. the foreplay was the drive over and the anticipation, it was easy to make me cum with such foreplay.
However, I was determined to get into his pants. I opened his pants now and pulled his hard cock out. I kissed him again savagely, licked his ear and after a brief handjob I whispered....baby, I soooo neeed a taste. How could you resist? well he couldn't and I went down on him. I am not going to cum, he protests. If I cum then we will never do my threesome. And then I went to work giving him a superb blowjob. Licking and sucking and deep throating where you could hear his moans. Him pushing my head down but I was able to take his cock deeper and that just turned him on even more. He tried to pull me off, I had him so close, I could taste the pre-cum and he got me off for a second and then I went back down again. I could hear him moaning, it took every inch of discipline and control that he had not to cum.
I want us to fuck...I want to feel you inside of me, spreading my lips apart...feeling you so deep inside of me. "We don't have a condom". "I DO" hehehe....I had just bought condoms just in case for my house. I grabbed one as I was running out. Uggghhhh!! I could hear him say. You are making this impossible. Oh I wanted to just jump on that cock. "NO, I will be pissed if I do because you are perfect. you are the perfect girl except the threesome. If we fuck, we will get emotionally attached and not be able to do my fantasy. Its my bucket list. I need to do it". So you don't want to fuck me? I said it in a sexy whisper. "OMG! I am about to explode and I can't think of anything else I want to do right now. you make this impossible. OMG, you are so fucking hot". And then I went down on him again. I love to make him moan. BUT....he managed to keep the control.
I would have had him if he really didn't have to go. He was being noticed missing at this point and he had to get back. I gave him one more intense kiss and he grabbed me by the back of the hair. "You and I are going to be dangerous". And I kissed him gently and smiled and jumped out of the car. Within an hour, I was pulling back into my driveway. What an unbelievably hot 35 minutes. Holy crap...the passion, the sexual tension, the desire...it was amazing.
And while I didn't get him to cum. I have no doubt that he will fuck me soon. Before the threesome. there is no way he will not be able to. He text me after (and we have been trying to get our schedules to match up all week to meet again). "baby you have skills". Aaah, I think that is one of the best compliments. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. he can't stop fantasizing, he can't stop thinking of how amazing I am at sucking cock. Oh yes, this man will be in my bed by the end of the weekend.
Since we met, I am pleased to say that I really do think this guy is going to be something memorable in my life. I posted the threesome thing on a website, no responses yet. But I can see before we met, he wasn't going to see me until we had the threesome. I convinced him to meet me for a kiss and now, well I see he is swaying. I sent him a note...thanks for the sampler. He just started to laugh. Man, you are so damn perfect and so hot. YUM!!
But no matter what happens. I will never forget the anticipation of just jumping in a car and both of us driving towards each other until we both met on the road. You make your own destiny in life. My theory, you should shoot for moments like this. Let yourself go and make your slutty romance novels become reality. this is just another that goes down in history.
And now....he is going to stop off at my house tomorrow before he goes to work. Or at least we are trying to make that happen. My virgin bed.....are you going to allow some other man to de-virginize it?! I think he will give in tomorrow...the virgin bed is pulling him in!
If you have been following my blog, you will know that we met eight months ago. Haven't seen each other but have been in constant contact almost everyday or every other day. He has this fantasy of a threesome. His theory, if we don't do it first, we will get too emotionally attached and it will not happen. so we have been at a crossroad. Our main activity has been phone sex and pictures of me masturbating and his hard cock. You gotta admit, camera phones are such a dangerous thing. you can snap a pix and instanteously send it to someone. Most of my pix lately have been for him. He loves that high shiny lip gloss. He also thinks that I look sexy with no makeup, half asleep. My type of guy. If stilll think I am sexy just waking up, well then your a keeper.
I have been telling him, I want to see him again. His face is fuzzy. I need to see him in person. He said no, that we can't fool around. Its going to ruin everything. I convinced him that we could meet and kiss. Keep the spark going. Constant BBMs back and forth building up the anticipation. So here is the thing, I was on a mission. And when I want something bad enough, I go full force for it. Here's the thing. He's a law enforcement and our government does a great job of teaching these government agents how to keep their control and be disciplined. Frustrating to me yet even more of a challenge.
That evening, where are you? He was on the job, undercover somewhere in the area. He never tells me about his work and I don't ask anymore because he can't talk about it. I will say how is your day but that is about all I can get out of him or he's out in the field. Tonight I was determined to get him to meet me. He had a break coming up where he could get away for 15 minutes. Hmmmm....MEET ME. He hesitated. I just want to kiss you and give you a kiss you will never forget. I know you have limited time and you have to get back to the area but meet me so we can just kiss and then you can go on your way. I sent him a pix of me under the covers and smiling. Aaah....he couldn't resist. "A kiss and then I gotta get back. And don't get mad if I am on my way and I get a call that I gotta go back. I can get away for 15 minutes..that's it". Okay...so we rushed. I got dressed quickly and he started driving and I started driving and we were on the phone. we drove until we met. Luckily, I knew of a parking lot that wasn't very busy and I told him we should meet there.
I couldn't take the anticipation. I couldn't take the spontaneous excitement. This was like one of my slutty romance novels but it was happening to me. So damn hot. Like two animals in heat, we needed to meet. "Which is your car?" And he flashes his light so that I can see as I waited at the light. When I saw the lights flash, I could feel my pussy tighten. Somehow, someway I needed to get this guy. I cannot wait for a threesome because I don't know if I am ready for that. "I got a call, I gotta go back so hurry". CRAP...I rushed to his car.
I opened the door and I could feel the desire hit me like a swoosh. Oh, I was not going to be able to stop at a kiss. "Is this seat taken?" And I just jumped in his car and leaned over and began kissing him with so much passion, desire and lust that it was overwhelming. I kissed him like it was the last kiss I would ever experience in my life. With my hands on his face and moving to the back of his head. Our tongues entwined, our breath shallow, this was unbelievably hot. And he was so into it. Grabbing my hair, pulling me closer and there is no doubt in my mind that we are sooooo compatible. Sex would be insane.
I want to make you cum..he said to me and his hands went down my pants as I began to open his pants. NO...he said. I am going to make you cum. And I threw the seat back and he went in my pants....playing with my clit and then his fingers inside of me...I could hear the moan yet my mind was in some far off space of ecstasy. As he fingered me deeper and deeper and I got wetter and wetter...I could feel the rush of orgasm come over me and my body start to pulsate. the foreplay was the drive over and the anticipation, it was easy to make me cum with such foreplay.
However, I was determined to get into his pants. I opened his pants now and pulled his hard cock out. I kissed him again savagely, licked his ear and after a brief handjob I whispered....baby, I soooo neeed a taste. How could you resist? well he couldn't and I went down on him. I am not going to cum, he protests. If I cum then we will never do my threesome. And then I went to work giving him a superb blowjob. Licking and sucking and deep throating where you could hear his moans. Him pushing my head down but I was able to take his cock deeper and that just turned him on even more. He tried to pull me off, I had him so close, I could taste the pre-cum and he got me off for a second and then I went back down again. I could hear him moaning, it took every inch of discipline and control that he had not to cum.
I want us to fuck...I want to feel you inside of me, spreading my lips apart...feeling you so deep inside of me. "We don't have a condom". "I DO" hehehe....I had just bought condoms just in case for my house. I grabbed one as I was running out. Uggghhhh!! I could hear him say. You are making this impossible. Oh I wanted to just jump on that cock. "NO, I will be pissed if I do because you are perfect. you are the perfect girl except the threesome. If we fuck, we will get emotionally attached and not be able to do my fantasy. Its my bucket list. I need to do it". So you don't want to fuck me? I said it in a sexy whisper. "OMG! I am about to explode and I can't think of anything else I want to do right now. you make this impossible. OMG, you are so fucking hot". And then I went down on him again. I love to make him moan. BUT....he managed to keep the control.
I would have had him if he really didn't have to go. He was being noticed missing at this point and he had to get back. I gave him one more intense kiss and he grabbed me by the back of the hair. "You and I are going to be dangerous". And I kissed him gently and smiled and jumped out of the car. Within an hour, I was pulling back into my driveway. What an unbelievably hot 35 minutes. Holy crap...the passion, the sexual tension, the desire...it was amazing.
And while I didn't get him to cum. I have no doubt that he will fuck me soon. Before the threesome. there is no way he will not be able to. He text me after (and we have been trying to get our schedules to match up all week to meet again). "baby you have skills". Aaah, I think that is one of the best compliments. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. he can't stop fantasizing, he can't stop thinking of how amazing I am at sucking cock. Oh yes, this man will be in my bed by the end of the weekend.
Since we met, I am pleased to say that I really do think this guy is going to be something memorable in my life. I posted the threesome thing on a website, no responses yet. But I can see before we met, he wasn't going to see me until we had the threesome. I convinced him to meet me for a kiss and now, well I see he is swaying. I sent him a note...thanks for the sampler. He just started to laugh. Man, you are so damn perfect and so hot. YUM!!
But no matter what happens. I will never forget the anticipation of just jumping in a car and both of us driving towards each other until we both met on the road. You make your own destiny in life. My theory, you should shoot for moments like this. Let yourself go and make your slutty romance novels become reality. this is just another that goes down in history.
And now....he is going to stop off at my house tomorrow before he goes to work. Or at least we are trying to make that happen. My virgin bed.....are you going to allow some other man to de-virginize it?! I think he will give in tomorrow...the virgin bed is pulling him in!
Thursday, October 09, 2008
The gentleman who commented have a good point. And it amazes me how just from my blog posts you can feel my mood. Feel my contentment. Yes, I am content. Yes, I am happy. I have Mr. Porsche who fulfills me in so many ways. But he doesn't go into the emotion section. He's a pussycat in his own way but he's a toughee. Type A controlling all the way. I do soften him and he has admitted that it does surprise him how he cares about me.
Mystery Man......its that part of me that was void....that he fulfills. That making love part feels so goood. that soft, sweet, gentle sex that we had...the connection that I long for. He does give me that. So having him back in my life (even if it was for a day)...fills my heart and voids.
The new man. Seems to pick up where MM stops. He is the newness, the future potential. He is very nice, respectful...I like him. I don't think he's the womanizer that I thought he was but we will see.
So....right this moment....I am definitely content. Emotionally, physically and mentally. And it certainly helps that my career seems to be getting on track. I put a proposal that would make me an additional $26,000 next year. And a new potential client and then this big convention --I have opportunity. So if I can close all that up.....financially I will be securer. Something that would certainly make me more content and help out so badly. Make those horrible anxiety nights lessen. I know money doesn't buy happiness. But when you are in financial trouble, it lcertainly can worsen your frame of mind and cause inner turmoil. And mostly, I am proud of myself. If I can pull this off.....yes, I did it myself.
So Cheri is a happy, overworked but inner peace is so damn wonderful. And when a day starts to slip...I have my flashbacks of MM going deep inside of me and Mr. Porsche whispering in my ear as he goes deep inside me....or looking up to seeing MM's smiling face as I am sucking his cock......Umm...I think you get it. Damn, now I am horny.....lol
Mystery Man......its that part of me that was void....that he fulfills. That making love part feels so goood. that soft, sweet, gentle sex that we had...the connection that I long for. He does give me that. So having him back in my life (even if it was for a day)...fills my heart and voids.
The new man. Seems to pick up where MM stops. He is the newness, the future potential. He is very nice, respectful...I like him. I don't think he's the womanizer that I thought he was but we will see.
So....right this moment....I am definitely content. Emotionally, physically and mentally. And it certainly helps that my career seems to be getting on track. I put a proposal that would make me an additional $26,000 next year. And a new potential client and then this big convention --I have opportunity. So if I can close all that up.....financially I will be securer. Something that would certainly make me more content and help out so badly. Make those horrible anxiety nights lessen. I know money doesn't buy happiness. But when you are in financial trouble, it lcertainly can worsen your frame of mind and cause inner turmoil. And mostly, I am proud of myself. If I can pull this off.....yes, I did it myself.
So Cheri is a happy, overworked but inner peace is so damn wonderful. And when a day starts to slip...I have my flashbacks of MM going deep inside of me and Mr. Porsche whispering in my ear as he goes deep inside me....or looking up to seeing MM's smiling face as I am sucking his cock......Umm...I think you get it. Damn, now I am horny.....lol
Friday, September 05, 2008
Brad Hanson the Emotional Affair Man for Palin?
Brad Hanson is his name. Supposedly they flirted with each other but never consummated the deal with Sara Palin. So? Emotional Affair....hmmmm.....yes, with all our country has to worry about...we should be concerned with flirting. Actually, here is a pix of Brad Hanson. He actually resembles Todd, her husband a little.
Okay, definitely not juicy enough for me to keep me interested. Interesting fact, he supposedly was having his divorce papers sealed today. Now that is interesting. There is a gay porn star by the same name, Brad Hanson. Now that would be a story!
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