Surrounding Myself with Manipulative, Controlling Men

Yes, here is a rant. I just do not get men. I don't and I am beginning to think I never will. I have a boss who calls me concerned how upset I am. Yes, first time in my life I showed weakness and I was touched by his concern. Oh wait, at our next meeting he pulled the old personal problems card on why I am slipping. Hmmmm...let's see, I didn't do one thing but I did 500 other things and you are going to take me to the cleaners? You feel I should be happy with my salary...keep it like that this year.....hmm....is that your way of saying you aren't giving me more money? How you have made me who I am? Men are so damn manipulative and controlling and I seem to surround myself with them. Oh yes, while he is traveling the world, I am home working weekends growing his business.

Oh wait. My newest lover. Who is so attentive. rough around the edges without a doubt and definitely a bad boy. A hard ass yet a soft side to him. showing up one day with the hugest mum plant I have ever seen AND that won me over. My type? not at all. But he's sexy and good in bed. He's been my knight in shining army and has taken care of things around the house that I am not able to do. I am very appreciative. But there is a pattern. He won't commit to weekends. I joke that I am not weekend worthy but again tonight he had to work late. Two other times, we had tentative plans. but tonight I see the writing on the wall....he's avoiding me on weekends. I see him all week but on the weekends he is not around. A surprise birthday party one weekend, got home late from his cabin another, text the wrong girl another time and tonight....again, he had to work late. So there is a pattern. And as of right now, I am breaking the pattern....he's gone! His cock was small anyway. I mean without even a gag, I could engulf his entire cock with room to grow. His technique was great....ahhh...but you see, I just learned the other night, he was a stripper. In fact, the mother of his child was a stripper too. Hmmmm...explains the great technique. He's been doing this for a very long time.

Next, the lover of three years. He has a phobia to purchase anything personal for me. Oh he is generous with throwing money at me or buying things that I need and even giving me expensive services. But when it comes to a personal gift, jewelry, perfume....it ain't happening. Mr. Porshe would rather give me a gift certificate than make the purchase. I reminded him....three years. THREE YEARS!! I want something personal. I do not know what I am going to do if he doesn't. It's more the fact that he knows how flowers or jewelry would mean so much. A few months and he had gone with me to pick out a ring. I realize now he handed me money. It wasn't that he actually purchased it. so stupid but it's as if it makes us less if he doesn't get me something personal. Well I want that personal. As for the I love you. You can not imagine how that went over like a lead ballon. I do love him. I love him for all that he has done for me emotionally, physically, mentally....I love for how he has given me happiness these past three years. As far as wanting him to be my husband?! Oh no way! He is difficult and high maintenance. So we shall see how this pans out.

Mr. Astronaut has flown back into my life. Now that man has a cock to die for. Problem is, I can't catch the cock. As you know, he goes undercover and disappears. When he is out of the country, I cannot BBM him. Oh he sneaks a peek but usually doesn't answer. Two weeks ago, we had a date. He had been working 75 hours straight and said he probably wasn't going to be able to get out of work. I didn't know the work ended up making him have to run out of the country that night. I, the PITA that I am, had tentative plans with him for the next night. So was I suppose to know he had to leave? so i texted...wow, your great for my ego...don't worry, I got my booty call without you. WTF?! was his response. I am out of the country...damn it, you are going to get me killed. We'll talk when I get back. Ooops! How was I suppose to know. So heres the thing. I think he's back and he's playing that he's still away. Bastard admitted to me he loves to see me squirm and want his cock. Well, I showed my girlfriend a pix of his cock and she said that she would be begging for it too. I mean he has one fine cock!

Oh there has been others. Actually five blah dates. So is it me? These men are just not doing it for me. Tonight I blew off the most high maintenance of them all. Some big time developer. A man like him wants constant pampering. He got angry when at 5PM, I refused to come over tonight. He threw a fit when I told him I had a date at 8! Sorry baby....

Oh there are more....but no one is truly floating my boat right now. Oh guess what!!! the ex has a girlfriend! I am happy for him, well happy for me. He has not been hanging around making me feel guilty and looking at me weirdly. He still stalks me, I have seen him drive by at weird hours. Now heres the funniest....my kid is out with his gf and sleeps there, my ex has his gf sleeping over and I am not allowed to date without eyes raising from the kid and my ex. hmmm..two more controlling men!

So in conclusion.....I am here on a Saturday night, sexually frustrated that I can't find a man that really gets my blood boiling. A man who can screw me, balance me, give me that euphoria that I sooooooo crave. Is there a man out there that can do it for me? Is there a man who can touch me and give me the chills and make me moan with every thrust? I am beginning to think there isn't. I have begun to look at sex differently and I am beginning to think it is the way men look at it. Interesting......it's an activity. It's a hobby. Doesn't have to have emotion in it like love or super liking. I think I am really getting the man thing. WoW, it's kind of cool. I don't want a man to sleep over, I want to fuck and have them leave. I don't need the super passion after...I don't think its love....I go on with my life right after. Amazing....I think my independence has turned me into a man! (well not physically of course)