Wow! I feel like it's been forever since I have blogged. I have been busy job interviewing and really contemplating life.

I have come to the conclusion, that finding a man for an affair is not an easy task. (hee.hee). Actually, I have been giving it a lot of thought and well I don't know what direction I am going to take right now. There are some days when the highs are just so high.............and then others when the lows are so fucking low. So, I am seriously thinking about focusing more on me (and not on the men).

To me, there is this thing called Respect and certain basic rules in life that you live by that just tells someone that you care about them. Curious George, Stud Muffin, Zorro, Booty Caller and Six Pack Man............all wished me a Happy Birthday. And thank you !! It really meant a lot to me!

Chris, text messaged me at 11:56pm.......4 minutes before my birthday but never said happy birthday. I even reminded him it was my birthday and he never text messaged me back. To me, that is stabbing someone in the heart. It's going out of your way to be vicious. Mr. Government knew, Mr. Navigator knew and Mr. Backgammon knew. Yet, not even an email or an text message.

I always say you can't expect something from someone else. And I really try not to....but even if it's a friends birthday (purely friendship)....I try to make that day special for them. Send them an ecard, send them an email, call........do both.....take them to lunch, buy them a little something....it's my way of saying "I appreciate you and I want you to be happy". Now I realize many people don't think like I do (probably that's good for this world--because I am a little offbeat). But I just don't get it.

So what is it? Is it that I am not playing the game? Oh, I so could play the game......but I choose not to. Are some men so primitive that they need to feel the pursuit and attempt to conquer through the whole affair? I prefer the enjoyment......I prefer the closeness, the desire for each other, the fantasy world. I prefer to find someone and I want to make them feel like they are the center of the universe. That they deserve to feel good, they deserve the happiness and they deserve to just have orgasm after orgasm.

I want to find a man who can put the game aside. One who can enter into our own little world where nothing else matters. WE are it. OUR needs are it. Playing, experimenting, exploring............and yes, we return to reality (a few hours later). And then, we email during the week.......and we talk and we are friends. Knowing and respecting that we both have "REAL" lives....and that's the way it should be. But every once in a while, doing something to make the other person smile. To know, they are truly special.

So am I kidding myself? Maybe I am. In the back of my mind, I do have to chuckle in a way. Ironically, the guys who didn't wish me a happy birthday.......I honestly think...they think...they are the only one! Mr. Government asked me if I found someone else, I told him not yet. Mr. Navigator, is so wrapped up in real life that he never even thinks to ask me if there is anyone else and Mr. Backgammon (not even worth mentioning). Little do they know, I am not sitting around waiting for them. I refuse.

So yes, supposedly I am still on with Mr. Navigator for Thursday BUT I didn't answer his last email. I'm waiting for him to realize....he hasn't heard from me in days ! And as for sleeping with each other......we were so HOT there for awhile. The cybersex, the pix, the webcamming......I imagined seeing him and us just screwing wildly. Now, he has to start again.

So, Mr. Married Prince Charming, Are you out there?? I am going to take a bath........Sweet Wet Dreams!!!