A Break From Men

I took a break from men this weekend and it felt good actually. So good, that I am thinking of giving myself a little extension of the break. Not work so hard to meet a man even if I have a babysitter. Take it easy and relax. Of course, that was after two afternoon rendezvous' and a bad date on Thursday night. This guy was a pompous moron..an air of superiority. I hate that. I always feel compelled to knock those men down.

On Friday, I had a really hard day. I was feeling like a failure as a mom. Nothing feels worse than that. Mr. Porsche called and we chatted but you know how he knows something is not right. He asked what was wrong and I said I don't want to talk about it because I will cry. Well, saying that to Mr. Porsche is not the right one. What is wrong? Why are you so upset? He wasn't letting it go. I began to tell him the situation with my kid and he stopped me. And he went off. are you kidding me? OMG! There is no woman who gives more of herself. You might as well been a single mom for their whole life. You do everything..and he went on and on giving examples on how I have given them the best possible life I could. he brought back things I forgot about. He reminded me how far I have come. He reminded me of all I do, what I stand for, what my goals are for them.....to be the best they can be. To be responsible, caring, loving and build an internal foundation to face the challenges in life.

Yes I felt better as the tears flowed but I began to remember all I have done good instead of how I felt that I failed. And then I realized how upset he got that I was going to cry. I rarely say that and I guess my tone he knew it was serious. And then I realized, how much he cared. How worried he was when I said that. How his voice escaladed and how he came in to lift my spirits. He's a good man. he's a great friend. He gives me strength, he has my back, he understands me. So many men have been selfish just taking and taking from me throughout life. so many men have gone the It's all about me and my needs route. He goes that route too...lol but at the end of the day, it's a two way street. It's rare in life you can find someone who you know you can count on. I can count on him. Am I in love with him? I do love him but I am realistic and know the reality. I am fine with that. Thankfully in my life I have been able to keep the reality of a married man in check with every affair.

As for Mr. Organized, there is a major issue which he will tell me tomorrow. He may be gone...his wife is suspicious, something about the laundry. Yikes...its not funny but I thought in the back of my head how both Mr. Porsche and MM were hitlers when it came to perfume, lipstick, smelling oils....I mean...animals. And I know they are right. So where do I think it went wrong here? My guess would be lipstick on his shirt. I don't know why I think that. I will find out tomorrow.

they are dropping like flies...Mr. Astronaut is gone. I was devastated this past week. Every friend who knows of him has told me this is for the best (as I am sure you will agree). But I am hurting and relieved in a way as well...weird combination. I personally think the man is the devil. His pearcing dark eyes and I would be nervous if I didn't know that he was on the right side of the law. But he is gone..I will give you an update tomorrow so to close the book on him... I will survive, it hurts but I have felt worse--or am i just getting numb to the game?