The Actual Mystery Man Meeting- Closure with Class

MM asked me not to write about the details...but I have to because I don't feel its a great representation of exactly what went down and leaving out the details doesn't actually get the true meeting across.


We met at Starbucks....everything was okay but I felt there was something. On my way over there, I was asking which direction he was going...he usually doesn't oblige by allowing me to know which way he is heading but he did this time with a little snicker (idiot me, thought that maybe he was willing to now open up and let me know more about the real him. Truth now, he knew I know where he lives so he didn't have to hide) I thought he was hurt or something serious, I was worried about him. For him to want to meet to talk was so out of the ordinary that I was afraid something was wrong in his life.


We sat down (he chose a table in the corner)...now that's serious but I walked over. My first reaction are you okay? what's wrong? And then he began to tell me how he was searching for a pix. (A little update....I searched and searched and cannot find where I come up. In fact, I was removed from the google search because of my content so you need to know the name of my site before you can find me really). He began to tell me about finding the pix.....and I didn't know what to say. Literally, there was nothing I could say. I dropped my head down on the latte and said I don't know what you are talking about...laughing and truly not being convincing. How could I be convincing....the cat (in this case frog) was out of the bag.


Now he is a private person, he never wanted me to know who he was. With me, he could escape and we had funny, great times with amazing sex. The truth is, now that I know who he is and he knows me so well after reading the blog. It changes the perspective of our relationship. Yes, he did say he could never be with me again because of the vision of all these guys etched in his head but there is another spin on it now....he also knows how I care about him. And he says the trust is gone, he warned me this is the way he needed it. I also didn't always say the nicest things when I was mad. Things I would have never ever said to him face to face. That's not my style...but I did write some things in the blog. My blog was not a 24 hour rule...it was a I am pissed and I have to get this crap off my head. He was actually understanding about that and we joked about a few mean things I said.

We laughed about the blog in some ways. He admited that there was stuff in there that he forgot about, great memories. We have amazing memories together. I was holding his hand, smiling and the tears were rolling down my face. He was pissed that I would post our email exchange...he felt it was so personal and that I shared it with the world. Truth was, they were so special to me...I wanted to have them forever...I didn't want to paraphrase them so it wasn't in disrespect, it was in admiration. Everything I ever wrote about our rendezvous' were filled with such emotion and caring....and was not meant as a tabloid edge. It was a romantic edge...it was something I hope to come back to one day and read and smile and remember how wonderful and what great times we had. My heart feels fulfilled when I think about out times, a smile comes to my face and I giggle. Fulfillment, contentment and the memory of the best sex of my life. That's what always made me come back for more and more and more. It was so hot, truthfully undescribable....ok, I am getting sidetracked.

I tried for him to see that I never meant it to upset him. I understood his privacy thing but he is well protected by the MM and it was my journal. He understood but he still couldn't live with it. I felt like he was judging me as a whore. Now honestly, its three and 1/2 years and while these men came and went many of them.....I had for the most part....long term relationships. If he never left me, I would never have looked for anyone else. He satisfied me in so many ways. And yes, the one time I got angry was when I said.....damn it, if you didn't leave me there would have never been anyone else. I never knew if you were coming back.


So the meeting was friendly and laughing and extremely civil. And it was probably the most open we have ever been...or at least I didn't think about what I said because....he knew my every feeling now...no reason to pretend. He left me with some parting gifts.....how fucking funny is he. A book on Dirty Limericks.....BUT the hysterical one was a book on the Meaning of Life..it is a warped humorous (yet quite true) perspective on life. Okay here is the kicker...on the cover is a picture of a FROG!!! LOL I read it when I went to bed that night, laughing and tears flowing because he actually added a few little adlib personal memories handwritten in.

If you would come back, I will drop everyone. Just you and me and I can get to know the real you. He assured me that he couldn't get out of his mind me with the other guys and the things that I did and he is convinced that I won't like the real him (which is unfair, damn it, let me decide that...I care about who he is). He told me that I deserve to find my Married Prince Charming. That these other guys are good to me and give me so much more. Hence Security Man (which he pointed out I keep changing the frogs name...Sensual Man...lol) and Mr. Porsche. He also thought I should look for my Married Prince Charmin that could give me what I need...that i deserve it. Reading my blog, he admitted he did see things from a different perspective....wow how emotional.

It hurt....it hurt so much. Like a schmuck I was wearing sunglasses in Starbucks to hide my tears.....He met me because he said he knew I needed closure. He wanted to give that to me. I cried even more....that was so important to me and did show me he cared (or of course he could have been wanting to prevent a psycho act---kidding, he knows me better than that I hope). No, I don't plan on any drive bys or anything stupid.....I care too much about him. Of course, I guess I should pass up the book and movie deal that I was offered......lmao.....

With all my heart, I thought he knew I was writing something online. We mentioned it a couple of times in joking....and if he really thought about it, how would Ashley Madison find me and ask me to do some interviews? They had to know me somehow...oh well.

The one thing that did hurt was that when we were saying goodby and he hugged and kissed me....he did say, we had great sex, laughs, thats all it was and all it could ever be. That went through me like a knife. For me, it was more. Yes, it was that..but we talked a little. I thought we were somewhat friends. Wow, that hurt and still hurts, a flashback I want to forget.

Well, if I could have one dream right now.......that would be that he came back in my life as the real him. Give me a shot to decide whether I like that guy or not. Give us a chance to be friends. I don't expect him to leave his wife...we would kill each other....but I want to know him, I want the wild sex, I want his humor. And I hope in time, he will realize that its worth going out of your comfort zone for something that has proved to be hot and worth it. Take that leap...those are always the best things in life.

I decided...when my dad gets out of the hospital.....I am heading away for a weekend to someplace warm. To be alone...to think...honestly, I am an emotional wreck and of course the husband is home today....hard to hide these sudden tears that just fill my eyes.

Update: Now I see my pattern...feeling low, feeling bad about myself.....run to Ashley Madison and POF. See, this is what gets me in trouble...on for one second and I already was flooded with emails...geez...I better stay away from there...I know its not the answer....

I wonder....how may people do most people sleep with in their lifetime? Hmmm...I'm going to do a quiz...put your answer on the sidebar...let's get a tally here....LOL