It was a week of soul searching. However, the more I searched the more down in the dumps I became. Every wake up and say.....I am wasting time, I am wasting precious time. Live each day to the fillest. I should be doing just that AND I am not. Do you? I mean realistically...of course, I could go wild everyday and ignore my work, kids, house etc. BUT that is not the smart move. But do you find that you live your life to the fullest each and every day?
Kind of upset me that I am wasting time. That I am stuck in a way. Wanting to move forward yet I can't. Can't because of fear. Fear that my plate is already so fill, can I actually do even more. And on the other side, I fear that my life is just passing me by. That the time of my great smile and sexy ways will be gone. Miss my boat for fun and hot sex. Although when Mystery Man and I were at Paradise, there had been this older couple meeting there...in their 70's. I remember teasing him..is that going to be us? Will I be searching Ashley Madison at 70? Where is all this coming from....I think I am officially pre-menopausal. Without the gory details, my period won't go away (something that has certainly put a damper on my love life lately).
Today, I am going to be home alone. I need to contemplate what my moves are going to be. Ironically, having gotten the Blackberry or Crackberry as some friends have called it, has given me both the freedom to be on the road but also is making me a slave to my emails. I have been trying to blog from the road but it is not going through..I set it up so I can BUT its not working...damn Blackberry.
So now....I need to work on getting the most of my day. I also need to find a lover. I hate the looking process with the highs and disappointments but I also miss the highs. I miss the lover...flashbacks can be cruel and torturous at times. Ironically, my fantasies are not of things I haven't done but of things I have and miss doing. One hot fuck is what I need to get me back on track. One wild afternoon of pure lustful sex. No attachments, no emotions...I just really want an old fashion, mind blowing oh wow sex! Time to look online for a non emotional fling. A man without a brain is what I think I need. A man that I wouldn't be attracted to mentally but purely physically. A nice hot cock that I can use as a lollipop....mmmmm....yessssss...exactly what I need. My nipples seem to agree as well....
Enjoy your day!
3 comments:
Amazing what a good fuck will do for the soul, huh
OH it most certainly does!! In search of some good soul healing!! LOL
I had one of those "milestone" birthdays last year and it really made me realize how much of my life really was passing me by. It's a real wake up call, let me tell you. I'm making a point of living much more in the moment now, but it's hard to break old habits. Good luck in wringing as much out of life as you can. It really is short.
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