Cleaning House!!

Okay! Today was an insane day. It was a "ME" day...a day where I reflected what the f--k am I doing?! It was time to narrow down my chatting! It's so hard when some guys are so nice but its not right. So, I cleaned house. I've been corresponding with two policemen (one is a detective)...one went, the detective I like. Soldier Boy is gone....he was sweet, definite boy toy material BUT he has some issues that I am not ready to deal with...plus he is a boy and plays some games that I am too old and too wise (lol) to play! So, I am going to let that just fade away..I will miss those luscious lips...man they were so hot...the thought of oral sex with those lips is a little too much for me. But, he's living like he's in college...a life that I can hardly remember. Lying around and getting stoned, watching VH1 is so far from my life today!

And Soulmate and I...well we are on the outs today. He hasn't had tme even for our friendship and I miss him. He's so stressed so I try to take him out of his world and into a fantasy world where he can escape his worries. Doesn't work, he says I try too hard (try to hard to make him happy?!?). He doesn't understand that I am well aware of our situation..but there is no reason why we can't escape. Just for that little time. Of course, we have to go back to reality but a place for just us to enjoy our interests, our friendship (and of course whatever else develops) would be nice. I'm going to step back. It's his turn now if he wants a friendship. Even though I want to fucking kill him, he's truly such a great person--I love our friendship. I do miss it (sigh)--he knows how to make me laugh.

Tonight my worlds collided!! As I am at a community meeting, my phone starts to ring (50 cents Candy Shop)..and its my detective on the phone...I was lost after that (of course no one knew--but I felt so vulnerable as if everyone knew who was on the phone--- Of course, it happened as I was giving a speech on a very serious issue. I lost my trend of thought it was hysterical.

You know you look at people differently when you are considering to have an affair. You kind of look around and say--okay--who else is having an affair. Who else is screwing around? And in my neighborhood there are a mixture...hot babe moms and old moms...with a few in between. But I laugh....all of a sudden divorce is starting to pick up in our town. The town is going wild!