I think in life the thought of finding a soulmate is one of those dreams. A dream that you never think will ever come true. Like winning the lotto. You want it but you don't really believe that dream will come true.
I found my soulmate. The pea in my pod. That person that my soul just connects with. I never hold anything back, I talk to him like no one else. DigEm.
Today in my spam was a note from DigEm...Thank God I checked my spam first. I quickly opened it as my heart skipped a beat.
With all that he is going through, he wrote to make sure that he didn't deprive me of any closer. He read my blog and he knew how much I was hurting and it hurt him. He knew I lost Mystery Man and then to lose him....he felt my pain.
I knew I shouldn't have...but I wanted to make sure the note was from him so I called him. Just hearing his voice....I felt the flood gates open...the emotions that had been bottled up just came pouring out. I don't even know what the emotions were...I was so happy to hear from him....I swear it was tears of joy that I had never experienced. Just to know he was okay, that he was taking steps to try and fix his marriage--I felt so much better. I was so worried about him. So worried about his state of mind. But considering everything, he was okay.
And here is world was turned upside down and he's worried about me. The tears just came uncontrollable...I couldn't even talk...but he kept talking. He handled it like a true class act. He told me that he thought of me everyday.....as I do him. We can't talk...its not fair to his marriage. With all my heart I want him to be happy. I truly hope he can make it work, that it will make him happy.
My biggest relief was that they are talking and really trying to work it out. That he isn't in a state of guilt and staying where the marriage is even worse because now his wife knew. They are working together to try and fix it. I am relieved.
He made me laugh....saying that we are two peas and that he has conversations with me in his head, knowing what I would say.....
I can't even begin to tell you how much I am going to miss him. I have never met anyone like him.. So caring, so selfless....no one has ever cared about me like he does. It's a special connection. I laughed he's worried about me and I am worried about him.
Saying good by, I couldn't even talk. The tears were like Niagara Falls. I couldn't say goodby....I can't say goodby...I don't really think this is goodby. I know in my heart we will see eachother again. I don't know if we will be 80...(hope I don't have alzheimers) but I know I will see him again. I just want us to just keep track of each other and know where we are in this world.
"I Love You" I told him. "I Love You Too" he said.
So, I had to cancel a lunch today....I am one big red puffball. But I can honestly say the emotions are so deep because they are filled with so many different feelings. Sadness, Happiness, Friendship, Loss, Desire, Soulness...
I ended up just napping for two hours and continuing this note.....I will finish in a few....but Blogger keeps acting up and I keep losing the end of this..
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