Today, I wished never ever existed. I feel like a failure. A total failure. closest I have ever come in life to taking off or even contemplating leaving this earth to lessen the pain. Two issues with the children, one that my husband made me look like white trash and then my son...failing every subject. I am lossed....angered......hatred......I wish I could not work so much....I feel like a failure at home. A horrible mother. My heart is aching right now....the tears flowing. I try...I truly try....its just too much to do it all.
Met the doctor today for a 1/2 hour. I was rejected. He's a handsome man and quite frankly thin as a rail. Sexy, but I am not his type. I could tell. We started talking business....a pure sign that there was no attraction. so instead of a sexual partner.....I got a new client. How fucking funny. Ashley has actually given me more business clients, its a riot. I am doing or have done business for more guys on Ashley...little did I know that would also be a business site for me (well if I were a prostitute or escort, it would make sense.....lol)
So......I am sad. I am goin to my bath, a little mommy's helper.....and some strength. Feeling like a failure hurts so much when you strive for perfection.
2 comments:
Luv your blog. Am sorry for all your ups and downs. Suggestions:
1) Try hanging out with close girlfriends for awhile.
2) Get a hobby other than male companionship right now.
Too many highs and lows with Ashley men. I know while I am not an Ashley member, back in 2001-2006I met tons of men on AOL just by my screen name. Met a few of them in person. Ups and downs as well.
Take a sabatical from Ashley and men. Concentrate on yourself and your children. Might work for you for now.
I'm sorry, Cheri. If it's any consolation, you know that I would definitely not reject you! ;)
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