Facebook-That crush from High School

I had to giggle just now. Facebook had brought back so many memories for me...but surprisingly I am finding out so many things that I just never realized back then.

I have been IMing with a friend that I had known when I was 8 all the way through high school. He was a nice guy...we used to call him grasshopper because he had a green shirt and pants that he had once worn. LOL name just stuck. He was not popular (how stupid that is now...) but he was a really nice guy. In High School, I never stuck to that Popular and not popular thing. I talked to people because I liked them. My friends were an interesting mix of Honor students and the Bad Boys.

Well now 30 years later, I find out that he had such a crush on me growing up. He never told me just lived with it. I find it so amazing how these guys who had crushes on me are coming out of the woodwork and I was so oblivious to it. He said he didn't have a chance with me so he would rather be my friend. Hmm...how could I be so blind? I guess I just accepted our friendship and never knew the real feelings he had. If I only knew the things I knew today.

I am having a rough day today. And he IM'd. Instead of texting, I said call me. And so he did. We could only talk for a few minutes because I was picking up my son but we did hear each others voices....a smile came to my face. One I needed so badly. And then he said something that shocked the crap out of me.....WOW, this is the first time I am speaking to you ever on the phone. I was taken back by that.... we never spoke in High School? I wish, he said. It was as if today was a special day for him. I giggled. Oh stop it! What I would have done to talk to you on the phone. REALLY? How strange that is....I sooooo never thought of myself as that.

And then the little sadness.....so what has become of me? How I wish I knew that I was so popular back then with the gentleman. And then the thought, what about now.....did I miss the boat again? Has my time come and gone?

Just some quick updates.......Mr. Porsche....I am not contacting him today. I always call on Mondays, I want to see if he gives the effort. On Friday, he didn't seem to want to talk to me...rough week. And well, its looking like he feels the same today. I know he's busy but I am puting some space inbetween us.... And I had a weak moment...I was passing Paradise and the flashbacks of MM and I came flowing back...I called the batphone to see if it still was connected. I left a message just saying hi, hope all is well.

And now what? I haven't been sleeping well.....I think I am starting to twirl into a little bit of a depression. Make a move or live like this. I confess...thank God for my children or well, I am so sad right now, who knows what I would do. I wish I could runaway for a little bit but I can't. Something is going to break....not sure what but I can't go on so sad. Life is passing me by as if I am trapped in a life sentence.

Oh to go back to High School knowing what I know now.....sigh