Oh my?! Can I Still Masturbate?!?

Okay, so here's something that is so bizarre...it's kind of funny yet freaking me out a little.

When Mr. Prize and I were webcamming and playing the other night, as I started to cum, I got this severe pain in my head. Shooting up the back of my head into my eyeballs and my nose. For a second, I couldn't even move it hurt so much. I had assumed that it was from me pushing my head hard against the chair as I reached climax. It subsided after a while but it was lingering until yesterday.

Well I was talking to Mr. Podcast and he said it might be my blood pressure. Nah, its always been fine. Must be the chair, I was in a weird position or something.

So yesterday, I went upstairs for my own lunch break. Took my handy vibrator out and began to play...talkiing with so many frogs has certainly made me horny and playful. A little vibrations to the rim of my ass, two finger insertions, some special attention to my clit....and well here came that amazing orgasm.....yummy!!



However, so did that damn headache..like as if I were having a stroke. This only has happened to me when I would fly years ago. So maybe I have a slight sinus thing going on. But damn, the pain was excruciating.



So does that mean, I can never masturbate again?


Oh my, will I never be able to orgasm again...no sex? I swear I am tempted to call a frog and say FUCK ME....I need to see if I get this headache again when I fuck or does it just come when I masturbate...do you think I can't masturbate anymore? Oh man, now I am depressed!!



Mr. Podcast came up with the recommendation that I just keep a constant orgasm....since it seems like it is when I am coming down that the headache attacks. Such a good friend, he volunteered (too bad we are so far away).



So I called my girlfriend last night...telling her my story. Can you imagine if it were a stroke or something? Damn, I don't want to be found with a vibrator hanging out of my pussy. Talk about embarrassing...what a way to go. What a way to be found!!!



My girlfriend said "love ya but I ain't coming over to pull the vibrator out of ya". So we told her boyfriend he was on call should it happen again. He's on Vibrator Removal Duty for the next two weeks until I get this straightened out.



I told Mr. Springer what happened. Okay, he was dying laughing. I think he is feeling a tinge of guilt over us but just the sex not the friendship. He told me he missed me and that he missed laughing with me. We're going to go out to lunch next week.



Divorce attorney keeps emailing and IMing...a blast from the past. Actually, he wants to meet for lunch. I keep saying no...he is trying to entice me with free advice JUST in case I decide to make a move. I'm thinking about it since I have a meeting two blocks away from his office tomorrow.



Booty Caller!! Do you remember him?? He was almost, almost my first affair. We were hot and heavy for awhile...and then I got bored. He chickened out and well I wasn't sticking around to just exchange hot emails. He sent me a note too this week.....tryng to re-kindle


Tadpole? Hmmmm....he hasn't called. And while I would love to talk to him, I'm not going to call. I feel like I am bothering him. I feel if he wants to talk to me he knows how to find me. I'm not going to bother him....I hate feeling like a pain. A girl likes to feel desired..not like she is always making the intiative...even friendship is a two way street.

BUT the big news...Mr. Fireman. Aah! Just when you throw them to the curb they return. He claims that our plans weren't definite last time and he apologized up and down that I thought they were. Well, I thought we just had to firm up a time. So, he's been quite the attentive one. Emailing, calling, IMing...actually I enjoy talking with him. We talked about everything from work to hobbies to future career stuff....he was going to check out something for me today.

Anyway, we are shooting to meet next Thursday or Friday. Who knows. I won't put all my eggs in one basket...but I love when a guy mentally stimulates me. And I'm not talking about phone sex. I find it so hot when two people connect as people. Turns me on even more I think!

so cute, he asked me...."Can I call you tomorrow? I really enjoyed our conversation." Wow...that was so sweet. "Of course, I said...I'd like that!" So that's on a positive note.

Okay, okay I said no men. But I didn't track down anyone...they all seemed to find me. I haven't been on Ashley in search of new...these were all, well ones that were there already. All though I think everyones hormones are heating up....lots of new catches on Ashley.....yummy!! But I need to finish what I have on my plate now...don't want to be a pig, I'll save some for some other girls (hee.hee)!

Sweet Wet dreams (I am trying to keep my sexual arousal to a minimum until I figure out this head thing so mine won't be wet!! lol)

The Frogs Are Restless This Time of Year!!

Wow! What a strange day. Was there a email blast informing all my dysfunctional frogs that I was thinking on taking a little break? Was there a full moon? OR with the holidays beginning is everyone just needing the feeling that they need to catch up with lost friends OR is everyone just damn horny this time of year? Hmmmm....I wonder.

Let's see....

Mr. Fireman re-appearred and we are talking he tried to reach me by phone, IM, email and through Ashley Madison yesterday. Quite out of character for him to try to track me down to say hi. Was this his approach to showing me more attention? Not sure but my horoscope did say to give someone a second chance. Could it be him?!

Mr. Navigator dropped me a line...well I returned his pictures (I had found an email with all these cock shots that he had sent to me). As a joke (of course we know I still have them) I sent them through the email saying I was returning them. He was howling....he thinks I am too much. He mentioned getting together.... I am going to have to pass. There is a man of power but he has no time for anything.

And a real surprise---Booty Caller...an early holiday wish. Now there is a blast from my past. He never tried to put on a fake facade. A straight shooter....I am selfish, I am into fucking and definitely will not cuddle after. However, we never consummated that affair....we were SOOOO close....he chickened out. Yeah, not taking that path either.

And then Mr. Prize. After a great chat last night with Mr. Podcast, I was shutting down and Mr. Prize sent me an IM. We started chatting, a chat which went into 2AM, phone sex and webcamming. Him directing me by phone until I came and then me returning the favor. He wants to meet. I care about him a lot. I definitely would love to meet...but there is a part of me that feels like I was duped. Of course, I mentioned it last night. Which kind of shrunk his cock so I worked extra hard after to make it work!! He disappearred for awhile because he found another on Ashley. Well I don't want to be filler although he does sound sincere that he wants me. I think we look at this affair thing differently. For him, its casual sex with numerous partners. He even enjoyed reading Mr. Springer and about our sexual escapade. We discussed his pussy eating technique last night like we were critiquing a book..lol Anyway, I guess I will see what occurs, I might meet him for lunch next week.

Then there were the IMs from Mr. Computer (begging for me to meet him) and the guy with the gallery of photos of someone else (Iming and emailing). Oh, and Mr. Backgammon sent me a pix....he drops in once in a while wanting to meet. That hot boy toy...now that would be quite a day.

So yesterday was a very action packed day of many dysfunctional frogs from the past. Unsolicited but nice to hear from them. Glad they are all okay and still got those hot, horny cocks!! I have to admit, I do like that I am still friends with all of the frogs--well I am friends with them all except for one---and we all know who that is--the frog who left the void.

Well I'm off to work!! Kisses today.....who knows what today will bring....you never know!

Webcamming and I have seeped into his dreams!!

My friend Curious George has been way too busy to webcam (and was kind of trying to give up the life). Well, when he is away on business....it pulls him back in again.

He loves to webcam. But as you know, I do not have one. So It is not an even balance there. So sweetly, he offered to send me one, but I cannot accept gifts. I don't know, I don't want to feel like a kept woman. It's silly, I might just have him send it but still....you know me, I write and do all this sex stuff for free! (lol)

Well, he was on and I was glad we were able to catch up. I was also glad to see that he took his webcam with him. I miss the webcam fun. I miss giving him directions and seeing him cum knowing that he is thinking of me. Many times we run into one problem. I don't share! Yes, I am a spoiled webcammer viewer. If he has other woman watching, I don't like to watch. I don't like to see him typing to someone else. Selfish, one on one that's me. I want a man to myself. CG jokes and says "I can just imagine what you were like in Kindergarten, you don't share".

He had a dream about me. I thought that was sooo cool. No , not a fantasy but an actual dream where I seeped into his unconscious while he was sleeping. How yummy and what a turn on that is for me. I was wearing a pink mask in the dream. I can just imagine what I was doing. LOL

So, he turned his webcam on and I had forgotten how much his cock turns me on. Something about the tip of his cock. It has a perfect mushroom head. I always imagine it just entering me and how it would give me additional pleasure as he pulled it out. Extra ribbing!!!

Well he did give me my one on one time which made me very happy and very horny. I love watching him rub his cock. I love directing him to put more lotion on, to rub his head, to move his hand faster up and down his shaft. Such a turn on!

CG and I had some issues in the past. He once made a comment like I was his whore. Okay, flipped me out. I took it so personally and not like it was part of the other world. A nickname usually used in submission. Let's face it....even though I don't feel I am a whore, I am very sensitive about that.

For some reason seeing his hard cock there...I was feeling super horny and super naughty. I told him that I am his spoiled whore! He was shocked and he actually loved it.

"Okay my little whore, take a pix of those breasts...zip that zipper down on your shirt and snap a pix. then snap one with your bra off".

For some reason, the submission tonight was just what I needed. So I followed directions to the tee. "You see, your spoiled little whore can follow directions."

I love telling him how to caress his cock....its as if I am there. But it has to be one on one.....I am spoiled....I need the one on one direction...I need a man to be 100% with me. Not his mind wandering on some other chick sending him instant messages. I need crave to be the only one, even if it is for a few minutes.

"Does my whore want me to cum?" "Mmmmm.....yes I want you to cum for me, thinking only of me"!! And so he did.....the cum is like the medal at the end of the race....the more intense and powerful and messy...the more intense the orgasm and the better I feel. It's like winning a race....

CG fantasizes about us going to a hotel one day and webcamming while we savagely screw. He also wants me to be submissive, I've never taken on that role and well, he was shocked that I did. I was too, I guess I was just feeling super naughty that night.

Well, CG has had a dream since. I guess it was the excitement of me giving into the submissive role. Yes, if we meet, I agreed to do whatever he wants (in disguise) on the webcam. Well that day should fulfill a couple of my 50 sexual things I want to do.

He dreamed about me with a pink wig and a mask.....to cover my id. And I was his little whore for the day....obeying his every wish. I guess its a turn on to give up my power. USually, I am quite the active and aggressive one in bed. Usually I am into the pleasing making sure that the rendezvous goes perfect and that I am there to please...but I am in control. Seems like it would be nice to change the roles a little. I did with Mr. Prize and I enjoyed it. He was my teacher that night, he directed the moves and I obliged. Had to follow the class syllbus if you want the A!!

I actually started this post last on November 19th, its been sitting in my posts. Today was a very interesting day. I know, I know, I had said nothing new for the week..but well...this day took on a strange turn. Tadpole and I, for the first time, were on way different wavelengths. I usually tease him and well he wasn't into the teasing or he just didn't want to play with me. I don't know...I hung up very sad. Like our connection was so off...

And then there was quite the surprise....I fellow podcaster and I have been talking a lot. He is a sweetheart. hmmm...nothing to report further...its just weird for someone to know all about me and I know so little about them. Kind of like all my blogger friends.. but he shared something really personal and well....it really got me thinking but that is a whole other post. Hey podcast buddy, thanks for being such a great friend!!

Sweet Wet Webcam Dreams All!!! Hee. hee.

Weekend Update

What do you feel when you look at your significant other? Do you feel a warmth of love and admiration? Do you respect them? Are they your best friend? Do you look forward to coming home and telling them about your day? Do you look forward to holding them in their arms and finding that is the only place in the world that you want to be?

Is such a feeling possible after many years? Or does life chip away at all our relationships? Is such a love possible to go on and on?

More than anything....I want to feel that feeling again. More than anything I want to be in love with my husband. So I really have to say FUCK YOU to anyone who ridicules my family time!! You just don't get it. I want to feel the respect, the love, the admiration. And this weekend, I was hoping that it would start to come back. In the past, we have left our environment and a little connection would return. I am grasping for the slightest connection and hoping that we can grow it again. The good news, he was great with the kids this weekend. So much so that friends commented on how they never thought he was good with them (he does get credit for really trying to help out--so there was some admiration). There was no screaming, there was no fighting...it was bearable and nice.

A person who wanders or considers to wander....is unhappy. I don't think they do it (at least most) as kind of a hobby or a quick thrill. I think a cheating spouse has gone into it lacking something in their life. Wanting to just feel that part of them come alive. It doesn't come without any guilt, a tremendous amount of guilt. In fact, sometimes the guilt is too much too bear. They would probably do anything to bring that spark they found in the bed of another to their own marriage. And in most cases, they have tried. It's a form of inner need that gets so strong.....

So am I advocating to cheat in your marriage? NO!! I would love for every married couple to work on their marriage and fix it. On my website, I urge people to go to counseling, try and spark your marriage again....but sometimes, life is not that easy.

So yes, I drove for 3 hours. I drove and drove and drove. When I need to think, I do all the driving while everyone sleeps. And I did a lot of thinking. A lot of thinking.

Any answers? No.. lol

but I did come up with some thoughts.
-I'm not going to settle. There was awhile when I was grasping....grasping in hopes that a frog would satisfy me actually knowing before it even began, that wasn't the frog for me. I'm not going to do that anymore. If I know there is no friendship connection--he will not become a Suck and Fuck!

-I'm going to concentrate more on me. So, for the holidays, it looks like batteries are the perfect gift for me!!

-Go back to my plan....Go back to the thought to straighten my life and set it up so that IF I want to divorce, the possibility could be there. That is going to take a lot. But at least strive. In the process, it can only better my household if I succeed even if I decide to stay.

-And if I decide to divorce, I should be alone without a frog when I make the decision. I need to do it alone, I need to do it for me.

This weekend was good for me. It opened my eyes. A couple of instances, it also pointed out that I still have it. Yes, a few people in our group were shocked (the men were talking) that I was married to my husband. As a male friend of mine put it, they never imagined that I would be so hot!! (hee.hee) Made me feel so good just hearing it. I would never touch any of them (nor do I think they would ever make a pass at me)!! I don't believe in ever shitting where you eat but it was nice to flirt.

So I don't know where I am. Just as confused, just as lonely. And I don't know what is going to happen. I don't even have the desire to browse on Ashley Madison for new frogs. Am I giving up? I don't think so. I think I am taking a breather this week... a catch up is a good way to put it. For a while there, I was so busy screwing around, I missed a couple of hot webcam moments with Curious George, the doctor guy and the update on Mr. Fireman2. So next week, is a hot catch up week. Of course, I've said that before and its been some of the hottest sex weeks of my life so who knows.

Only Time Will tell.....Kisses!!! Talk to ya tomorrow!!

Still Away ON FAMILY TIME!!

I am still away but had some internet withdrawals....lol

Yes, for the first time I deleted a comment. Why?

It's played...I am away enjoying my family and the vicious comments are just boring me.

And you know what..... I am not going to take abuse on my blog anymore. We've discussed my indiscretions, we've discussed the moral status. I respect your opinion (had it once myself actually) but the same thing over and over....blah, blah, blah

Yes, I suck, yes, I fuck...and yes I do a lot more.

You don't like it....please don't visit.....if you can be open minded and respect someone elses life....you are absolutely welcome here. And I'd love to share my life with you.

It amazes me how someone would come to my blog and abuse me......how did you find my blog? What were you searching for? Bet it wasn's a wholesome search? Why would you have stayed? Possibly intrigued?
Actually, I don't care....I'm off to have another drink with some friends. Thankfully the comment didn't bother me....BUT thank you SR and Hale for coming to my aid. Didn't we do this about two weeks ago?

Have a great rest of the weekend (damn its almost over) and I really had the opportunity to think this weekend. I'll report when I get home...but as for now...

XOXOO Sweet Deliciously Wet Dreams!!!

Happy Turkey Day!

Well my dear friends, Happy Thanksgiving! May this weekend be a safe one and you enjoy all the yummy food!! Remember its a day of giving and giving thanks!! I am thankful for my family, my friends, my health and all of you for keeping me sane!!

I am thankful for all the dysfunctional frogs that have come into my life this past year! I am thankful for all the great orgasms they gave me. I am thankful that I have become sexually alive again!! I am thankful that I still wake up every morning and am horny!!

Happy Thanksgiving! I will be back after the weekend. I am heading out for some family time. So I think this will be one of the longest times that I haven't posted. Withdrawal. So I will see ya when I get back on Monday!!

Gooble Gooble!!

Way Too Old!!

Yes, I went to the concert last night. Had an amazing time BUT this body is not meant to be 20 anymore. Hungover a little but mostly, I cannot hear. I am totally deaf from the concert.

Well, let's see. We had the luxury of having the best standing spot. Oh yeah!! The 18 year olds were very jealous of us...right up front...Woo Hoo!! So the band comes on and I'm saying to myself....this doesn't really look like the guys I saw on the internet. The music was noncomprehensable and the only word we understood was "Suicide" in one of the songs. Hmmm.. turns out it wasn't Hinder (but an opening band). We were duped..my girlfriend screams.

So the guitarist kept doing this Kiss thing...licking his guitar up and down with his tongue. And the other guitarist kept cursing at the crowd. Barking orders...."raise your fucking hands and clap". Well I was fine with all that...I was getting annoyed at his constant taking a bottle of water and throwing it at the crowd.

EXCUSE ME!! I had my hair done today. I don't appreciate my $75 haircut getting all wet. You are flattening my hair. He must have thrown water on us at least 4 times. Oh yes, the last time, the water drenched me....yeah...I was thrilled.

Remember those black boots I bought. Well my girlfriend and I both wore our great boots. Now, we should have listened to our kids who told us to wear sneakers. But we didn't...our feet were killing us. "They must have a wheelchair section for old people" my girlfriend said.

FINALLY......Hinder comes on. Actually, I did enjoy them. I do love their lyrics and their music. No...we weren't the oldest people there. We were the oldest in the front. But if you go to one of these concerts....and a little girl pushes you....you just turn around and say honey, do not push me again....and guess what....they listen!!(it's like their mother talking)!

Okay, I did enjoy the show. We stayed for 1/2 of it. I had to hear them sing Lips of An Angel....and Better Than Me. And then I found out there are a bunch of other songs they sing that are really great. The lead singer looks like (or his movements at least) reminded me of Mick Jagger.

When we went to the back, there was the people our age...ahhh!! The highlight was this gorgeous guy who I got squooshed up against. Oh my, neither one of us could move so we just stood there. He smiled, I smiled. He said hi, nice to meet you. We both started laughing. So we started talking about being at this concert.....well, the crowd has lessened a little and we were still close together..... my girlfriend said you two can unmold now... it was time to go. I stopped by the manager, he wanted to buy me a drink but I told him to hold that drink till next time I come. Then I want a whole party.

So in conclusion....I don't want to be 20. That I found out. But it was so nice to be free. To feel no responsibility, to not think about being a mom, a wife, a worker. I just stood there and got spit on.....and it was okay.

So when my hearing returns, my friend and I decided that we will try to do something that 30 year old do. Any recommendations?

The Perfect Place In The World--My Tub

MY BATH! I love my bath. for some reason, all my worries, my crankiness, my sadness goes away when I am in the bath. The perfect environment.....light are off, the tub has chromotherapy in it so there are lights in the water....I always choose the colors that fade from one to another...always seems to fit my mood. The music--yes, always have to have mood music. Last night, was a CD of songs that motivate me...sad but motivational. Candles burning all around the tub and if I'm lucky a full moon glaring in the skylight (sadly it wasn't there last night).

Last night, I just lied there with the jets pounding my body. Relieving the stress and allowing my mind to clear. I don't have to think about anything specific, this is my retreat. I can fantasize, I can escape....I can be whoever I want in my tub.

I have this waterproof vibrator which I rarily use. I don't know, I fear getting electrocuted. Hey, you know I have already burned out the motor on a vibrator so I always fear this baby will electrocute me. I certainly don't want to die with my blue vibrator inside of me in the tub. But last night, I felt like playing and well Mr. Blue certainly was an appealing thought.

The chill of the air made my nipples so erect as they peeped over the top of the water. I don't know if all woman's nipples get soooo erect...mine are huge....they look like they have been sucked for hours....is that attractive to a man? I'm a little self conscious about them. They are like an inch protruding from my body....they are just begging to be grabbed and sucked. And they are so sensitive. Yes, my nipples have a direct line to my clit. Squeezing them makes my clit tingle. Quite fastinating....

So last night, the magic of my fingers rubbing my clit while the jets pulsated on my body and one directly on my pussy and my ass......I could feel my body escalating, I could feel the pressure leaving....I could feel my clit engorging and starting to tighten....yes, I played and played. Mr. Blue actually served a little purpose. The jets actually stimulate so much more...but he manages to add a little fantasy of a man thrusting inside of me. Harder and harder, faster and faster....actually its just enough to bring me to the most amazing orgasm. I wish I could stay in that exact moment all the time. Nothing is like that moment when you feel that orgasm coming on, feel your body totally begin stimulated...all your nerve ending joining together for the ultimate moment---yes, your body is in harmony. your heart, your soul and your mind...all in one place.

Well I do feel better today. Nothing changed really because I realized that this is my choice right now to be where I am. Mr. Computer is IMing me relentlessly, Mr. Fireman immediately responded to my card with a Nooooooo....I am able to give a woman my full attention. Well I am not trying with him at all. So it's my choice a this point. I am choosing to be alone.... today.

Well I gotta get to work. I have a big MILF night tonight. My girlfriend already called. She's in a bad girl mood...we are headed for trouble. The only thing I told her is that I insist that we check ID's. Can't trust the bouncers..so maybe I will find a little boy toy tonight to play with. One never knows, we'll see my mood.

The Pond Is Empty

I had stopped answering any new Ashley ads for awhile. Most of the time, when I see the pond getting a little empty, I go back for a couple of new frogs. This time, I decided to let the pond go to the last frog and well....the pond is empty.

Mr. Fireman is a strange dude! Friday, he doesn't call, just emails me (he knew I wouldn't get it until I got home). Then today, he sends an email...I will be home to call you around 1 ish-- is that good for you? Yeah, good, I wrote back.

Hmmm..one ish, two ish, three ish, four ish....well you get the point. No call. Well reality is if he is this non attentive NOW, I can't even imagine how unattentive he will be in a few weeks. So, I have written him off. He would have to do a miraculous turn around....to get my attention.

I decided to send a card tonight...."A unique Approach you have" Not following up on a meeting and then not calling when you say you are going to.... hmmm... are you this attentive in bed? I have a feeling he won't be answering that one!! lol

Let's be honest. If he can't handle the romancing period...its not going to be enough for me.

Well I called Tadpole today. Imagine my mood. I spent the day at Motor Vehicles because the hubby screwed me up again (don't ask). Then this Fireman is playing with my head.... AND I called Tadpole and he didn't call me back. So when I called again and he answered.... I was in rare form. Yes, cranky, bitchy and probably looking for a fight. Moody would be probably a sweet word. When he felt me pushing and pushing...he finally said "okay, we are going to hang up and you are going to call me again and we are going to start over. He allured to the fact that I am damn cranky when I don't get laid". And he hung up. How funny!! He is so cute. He manages to take my mood and turn it around and make me laugh. Teasing and pushing me right to the edge...a strange combination.

So I called back and we started all over. "Hey how was your weekend" (hee.hee.) Do I understand why we never even tried? I don't. Do I understand why he won't even meet me as a friend? I don't. But honestly, I enjoy his friendship so much. I enjoy our daily talks..he makes me smile. He is actually the only guy who could handle my secret lovers life and my real life. I don't know how he does it. I give him credit. So I sent him a card tonight too....one to say how special he is to me. He is actually the only guy that I tell everything to. There is no sense in trying to hide it, he reads it all here anyway.

So, I am frogless. Yup! Tonight, for the first time in a long time I am without anyone. It's a strange feeling. There has always been someone now for over a year. Someone I was flirting with, someone I was romantically persuing but not tonight. I'm very cranky. But its strange....there could be someone if I wanted. Let's be realistic, I could hop on My Space (there was one guy who I haven't pursued but has caught my eye). I could jump back on Ashley and send out a few winks......but I am not going to.

I don't have the strength tonight for the game. I don't have the energy for the cat and mouse game. Actually, I am going to go upstairs. I am going to go into a my tub and i am going to masturbate. Tonight, all I need is my tub, my fingers, my toys and a really juice orgasms to get my head on straight!

Until tomorrow(as I crankily turn the computer off) !!! Sweet Wet Dreams!!!!

It's A New Week

Scheduling A MILF Night!

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Romance Deprived

Wow! Tough crowd!! I forgot to go back and post my post last night. Wanted to add pix but didn't get a chance. I posted, I posted!! I liked the Pretenders romance...you should hear the messages he left me on the cheri line... 1-206-20-CHERI LOL

Today was crap!! Work sucked. Whatever could go wrong, did go wrong. I can't tell you how upset I was to see all that I try to accomplish sabatoged by a few people. Thankfully though my boss is behind me. "Do whatever you gotta do and I am behind you 100%". That felt good.

So, I got fucking stood up today. Well, if I posted earlier I would have said that. Don't know how I want to handle this one. Mr. Fireman and I were suppose to meet for coffee today. I replied to his note yesterday...didn't hear from him. I got up this morning, no email. Hmmmm...but I wasn't going to write. I never met him and I didn't say anything so if he has some inner issues....it's not my fault. However, I feel like a loser today. The man did check Ashley to see if he had mail so he could have easily emailed or called this morning (he doesn't know it shows when he has been on so I was able to tell). I walked around feeling so stupid. I was dumped and I never met him. What the Fuck? Okay, I came home and there was an email. Some emergency at his house due to the bad weather. Okay, but he could have written in the morning when he checked Ashley or called me. Playing games? I'm not going till answer until tomorrow and I am going to play it cool. Reality, we've never even met. I don't need a rollercoaster right now.

But I felt very alone today. That emptiness was deep in my chest. Very deep...I havn't felt it in a long time. And on my way to work, I thought about what Marathoner said about romance. And sadly, I can only remember two guys when I was younger who romanced me. Truly romanced me and made me feel so wonderful. That was a long time ago. The hubby, he would sometimes bring me flowers for no reason (he knows how much I love them) and he will still give me an affectionate hug. But there is so much crap there, its hard to feel good about it. I freeze now when he does it and it is usually there to try and iron over when he screwed up (ironically, he did it tonight).

Problem is that I always pick the men that are the macho men. the ones that are cool, suave and not romantic types. I truly think the guys I have always dated and have met lately--I think to them, it is a sign of weakness. Now that is kind of sad. You know the guy I am talking about....that's what I seem to always attract. The players....sigh

So, the truth is....if I had a connection with someone and they showed up with one rose...that would probably speak louder than anything in the world to me. If a man made a picnic lunch or just held me in his arms and stroked my hair.....there would be no place in the world I would rather be. If a man just grabbed my hand and kissed it and just gave me a warm and affectionate hug, I would feel so amazing. Open a door, pull out my seat..okay you know what I mean.

"Romance Deprived" --that is what I am. Sadly, I don't ever think I will find a man that can fill that part of me. So yes, if a man thought to bring me one rose.....it would be like a million dollars to my heart and soul!! I'll be looking for that one man....

Wanna laugh? i just remembered someone else who did give me a rose once. There was a man on the street selling flowers. I was waiting for a friend on the corner. He was looking at me so when he caught my eye, I had smiled. He walked over to me and handed me a rose. "A beautiful woman, a beautiful smile deserves this beautiful rose". I wanted to give him money for it, it was his job. "no, you made me smile just seeing you smile at me. Please I want you to have it". That was so sweet I hope the next rose is from a Mr. Married Prince Charming.

So, you know what guys....when was the last time you brought your lover or wife a rose? Try it!! I bet it will bring a smile to their face and a twinkle to their eye!

I'm His Dirty Little Secret

Everyone has a routine in their day.....certain things that you just do all the time. On of those things for me is to call....Tadpole. It used to be that I would call two times a week--wait to see if he called me (stubborn bastard wouldnt). But I feel so good after I talk to him--he always brings a smile to my face and well I try to bring one to his.

Like yesterday, he was having a really bad day. So in the afternoon I called him and in a disguised, low voice I said "this is your boss, go home you are working too hard". Okay he knew it was me...he thinks I am crazy but he laughs.

The one thing that is really, really great about him and I find sooo sensual is that he doesn't miss a beat. He's quick witted and damn funny...I love playing and teasing him. And well, he gives it right back to me.

Some days I just love to play and flirt with him. Yesterday was one of those days... "Tell me a dirty little secret"

Without skipping a beat he says "YOU"!

There was something so damn erotic about that. I am his dirty little secret. That is sooo hot. I never thought about it like that. Such a real yummy thought....

FROG UPDATE:
Mr. Fireman has been working all week. We are suppose to meet tomorrow for coffee but I don't see it happening. Oh, I've heard from him everyday...short boring notes that we kind of lost our sexual connection. Oh well...the fire can be re-kindled, I guess. I know he is busy, didn't even have time to check Ashley.

Springer and I have been IMing but he's busy with work (and I am too). Today he called me because the girlfriend is coming down till the 28th. So we sat and chatted. Last conversation he spoke about how honesty is so important in their relationship and he was annoyed that she didn't tell her ex-husband something.

so I was sitting there making dinner and thought...shit! What happens if he feels the urge to come clean. Then I am dead meat. So I called him back...I need to talk to you about something....I need you to make me a promise.

He called back almost immediately--what's up? Everything okay? (how sweet, concerned about me). I told him--you have to promise me you will never tell your girlfriend about our lunch!! He just started laughing...I promise you. I will take it to my grave, I will never have the desire to come clean on it to her. Whew!!

That is one thing....no matter what happens with a lover, I will never ever rat them out. Even if my whole world falls, their dirty secret is safe with me.

Another Sensual Poem from the Pretender with a little French Message!

So I had to share one more of The Pretenders poems....and he must have stopped by my blog to see that he was the star of my blog the past two days..because I found this note and poem. All I can say is this guy is GOOOOOOODDD!! Certainly knows how to swoon a girl...making her weak in her knees and wet in other areas. NICE!! VERY NICE!!



Bonjour Cheri.

Merci de m'honorer de l'espace dans votre blog aujourd'hui. Vos mots étaient très aimables et je suis heureux que je puisse remplir votre esprit de visions délicieuses et érotiques.

Le Prétendant



close your eyes
and listen to my whispers

don’t move
just let my voice be
the only thing that
moves you

don’t touch
just let my words be
the only thing that
touches you

don’t breathe
just let my kiss be
the only air that
you breathe

feel my hands
caress you
in all the right places

close your eyes
and listen to my whispers

and then

open your eyes
and listen to your screams

Touch Yourself...by the Pretender

touch yourself
and think of me
think of my eyes
looking into yours
think of my lips
kissing you softly
think of my arms
wrapped around you
holding you
keeping you close

part your lips
and think of me
whisper my name
and speak it softly
so as to not give away
the secrets that we've shared
lick your lips in
that breathless anticpation
of my fingers tracing them
red and full
of taking me into your mouth
and enjoying the taste
of me. . . always. . .

turn it on
and think of me
think of me caressing
down your body slowly
stopping here and there
to lick and kiss
to suck and tease
until I reach that place
soft and warm
wet and open
think of my mouth there
tasting and savoring
your body quivering
and thrashing
until that first release
takes you there

slide it in
and think of me
think of me
above you
behind you
beneath you
with you
moving in time
to the beating
of our hearts
desires shared
passions spoken
lusts satiated. . .

for now. . .

until that moment. . .

think of me. . .

I Can Be Whoever You Want Me To Be!!

I've been dabbling in myspace and have actually met a few very interesting people (and yes, a few sickos as well). But my favorite myspace is this guy called The Pretender!! With his dreamy, hot pix of this gorgeous classy man....you right away get drawn into his world. He sent out this hot poem which I will share tomorrow....damn I was drawn in.....the Don Juan of the internet world...YUM!!

I love that he tells it like it is....He's the Pretender....he is who you want him to be. Now that gets your blood flowing. It's quite a turn on! Of course, it's all in fun (but for some reason I have a feeling there are a few woman who are totally infatuated by this mirage).

So today's post is The Pretenders description on his my space. So dreamy, it makes me wet just thinking about it!! Wanna see his myspace...he's my friend (you can link through my myspace-- www.myspace.com/RendezvousRadio

About him:
You don't know me. But I know you. I know your thoughts, I know your words, I know your actions, I know your desires. I know those secret thoughts that you have when you're all alone in the night. Those fantasies that you have when it's 3:00am and you're naked in your bed with no one there but your thoughts.

I know who you're thinking about. You're thinking about him, or his wife, or your wife's friend, your husband's buddy, their little 18 year-old girl, or boy. That waitress who smiled at you today, that guy who works in the other office in your building.

It's ok. I know. I understand. You can tell me, I can help. We can explore it together. And the best part? No one has to know. Just you, and me.

I am The Pretender. I can be whoever you want me to be. I can be whatever you want me to be. It's who I am. It's what I do. I can help you make your fantasies reality. And all it takes from you is a few clicks of a mouse. That and a willingness to open those doors and let me into your mind. Because, as we all know, the mind is the biggest sex organ.
Who I'd like to meet:
You. I want to meet you (or your boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, lover, whatever). And I know that you want to meet me. I'm what you've been looking for. I'm the one that understands. Come on, you know that you want to. I promise, it won't hurt. Unless you want it to.

Controlling Men

Now, this cartoon killed me. It brought tears to my eyes. Talk about hitting a funny bone. I love it. Is it just me or is it totally hysterical (thanks Hale!)?

What is it with controlling men? I guess the big question is what is it with me and controlling men? I don't know if control is the right word. Macho? Egotistical? Disciplined? Yeah, I think that about covers them.

Man 1- Today, I had to tell someone that I could not do some consulting work for him due to a possible conflict in interest with a present client. Hmmmm....it was as if I never said it. "We will meet for lunch and discuss possible plans". This is a very powerful man in his field. Very, very...the best at what he does possibly on the East Coast. He has been described as cold, difficult--I think the fact that I ignore his success and talk to him like it is...is what draws him to want to hire me. I also make him laugh. Or is it that he just wants something he can't have? Well that was Man #1.

Man 2- Tadpole- For the first time....I felt like Tadpole let me in. Told me something he hadn't before and it really meant a lot to me. As I tried to get him to elaborate on it...he slammed the fucking door in my face. Shut closed, solid. Actually this was the first time that I really think I got mad at him (and he was truly getting mad at me). I can change what is bothering him and he seemed to get pissed when he realized that he let me in for a second. RRRRRRR.......MEN!!!

Man 3- The New Mr. Fireman. Yes, this one is a winner. We actually had a great conversation today on IM and on the phone. He's funny, witty, charming and sensual too. Not over the top in the slightest. Actually another man who won't give me a damn inch.

Sending him my pix, I was hoping that he would say something ...like you are attractive, hot, a dog.....something. Nothing except I got them thanks. Hmmm...I was fishing for a reaction and he was just letting me squirm..he just started to laugh. Back and forth flirting and baiting each other all day--teasing each other...it was actually a lot of fun. we are going to possibly meet on Friday for coffee. when I suggested coffee, he didn't answer. did he expect me to fuck him? Hmmm...I have never seen him, the conversation has dabbled in flirting....was he gone after the coffee comment?!?.

So, I asked him straight out....did the coffee throw you a little. "did you think we would screw on the first meeting. Is that what other girls do when you first meet them, you get a room?"

He answers.... "not a room, in the car."
"well honey, you should go back to Ashley, there are plenty of girls that may do that but I am not one of them" I said
"Do you know which ones are?" he said (okay I am getting a little bothered)
"Nope but I can ask my gentleman friends which ones...some you may need bags for their heads but hey, they got mouths". I said
"That would be great....find out for me. As long as they aren't double baggers."
"Sure, I will ask when I get the next Ashley message which should be any minute now" I said starting to really get annoyed....this guy keeps going and while I think he is kidding, I am not 100% sure.

"You are great. Such a good friend"
"What are friends for?" Steam is coming out of my head now...but I am keeping it together.
"Friends are for more than that" he said "friends are for talking and sharing your day and sharing that some special time together. Friends are for more than just a roll in the hay. You know I'm looking for a friend".

"You know you were starting to piss me off?" I said
"I know...but we are both very stubborn and neither one of us were going to step down".he said

The phone conversation was fun and we definitely connected. A match of flirting wits. A definite tug of war game. He searched for my hot buttons, I searched for his. Teasing and flirting. I like that he has had two affairs before which both lasted over a year. Shows he can handle more than one night. Shows he can get close to a person. Interestingly, he still talks to both the women. Why aren't you with either one of them? I asked. "I choose not to be" was his reply. Interesting..

Okay, now I know this is a little strange but he looks like Mr. Government, he acts like him (like at the beginning when we first met), he sounds like him (a little scary) and he is even going back to school for this other career which Mr. Government dabbles in. Jokingly I said to my girlfriend..if I didn't know better, I would think I was being set up. At one point, I closed my eyes and it sounded so much like him. Could it be his brother? He has 4. Now that would be real crazy. Oh well...time will tell. I hope its NOT one of his brothers.

The Two Left On Ashley Madison

Yes, I had two men left that I had wanted to contact on Ashley Madison. Everytime I went to contact them, someone else had appeared. Well, you know how curious I am. Always wondering if Mr. Married Prince Charming is there and I have just been ignoring him. So I wrote each man with interesting results.

Man One- This was the first guy on Ashley who displayed his pix so freely. I was so curious on how he didn't seem afraid someone would recognize him. This man had a whole portfolio for all to see. He was very cute and sexy. Hmmmm...39. Perfect! So I send him a note. He writes back and the typical conversation pursues. It's going well so he calls me. We're talking and I asked twice about the pix and whether he was concerned. The second time he finally answers..."that's not me". WHAT?! Yeah, woman wouldn't answer so I put a pix up of someone else.

Okay, so why do I feel so duped! I mean, this guy didn't just put one pix up..he had a whole photo shoot type of pix. As we are talking I said, "I am sorry. I can't even continue this conversation. I feel so deceived." He says everything was the right info except for the pix. So I told him to webcam me. Now, I expected someone with six heads and two noses or something. I was close. Well worse actually, the man looked like MY FATHER'S FRIEND. I didn't expect that....I usually go a little younger, I would have never contacted him...

I went back to his profile...39! Bullshit, 39. He was more like 69. Now nothing is wrong with someone who is older( a distinguished man is hot) but he was not what I am looking for. why waste both our time. Well, now he begins to stalk. Sending me email after email and IM after IM for TWO DAYS!!! UGH!! Thankfully, I never sent him a pix. But what did he think, I wouldn't have noticed? Come on...what a waste of an time. He said I was the first woman to mind. WHAT?!?!

And then there is the Fireman. Another Fireman. He had a pix up and his age. 49. Older than what I usually go for but he is really hot. "your a little older than I usually go for. Is that your real pix?". "Real pix and Okay we're not a fit." Hmmm...so easily he gives up...which makes me want to pursue. I apologize for being abrupt...telling him about the last one..."he answers..I had one of those-I called her the psycho". We talked by phone. He is charming, he is funny, quick witted and nice. Very much to the facts kind of emailer (unlike me--the on and on type)but just enough sensual undertone to keep me interested.

I sent him my pix today. So who knows..maybe I am not his type. But the thing that does concern me is that...he reminds me of Mr. Government. I know, I know...I probably should run. He looks like him, directness like him, even our conversation. Underlying controlling in a way....

He has had three affairs before (psycho and two others) who he is still in contact with as just friends. They want more, he doesn't. Okay, my guard is up on this one. Remember what I say about Players....cool and aloof is the way to go. I was online when he emailed me today and re-sent the pix to him. Either he signed off immediately or not interested. We will see tomorrow.

Aah! Never a dull moment in Secret Lovers Lane. So did you visit me at MySpace? I'm in search of friends. Add me as your friend if you are there. Never can have too many friends. For some reason my friends are all guys?!?

And thanks Hale for the pix!! You are just sooooooo good to me! XOXOXO

My Internet Friends

Faceless Friends

We sit and we type and we stare at our screens
We all have to wonder, what this possibly means
~
With our mouse we roam, through the rooms in a maze
Looking for something or someone as we sit in a daze
~
We chat with each other, we type all our woes
Small groups we do form and gang up on our foes
~
We wait for somebody, to type out our name
We want recognition but it is always the same
~
We give kisses and hugs, and sometimes flirt
In IM's we chat deeply and reveal why we hurt
~
We do form friendships - but - why we don't know
But some of these friendships will flourish and grow
~
Why is it on screens, we can be so bold
Telling our secrets that have never been told
~
Why is it we share, the thoughts in our mind
With those we can't see as though we were blind
~
The answer is simple, it is as clear as a bell
We all have our problems and need someone to tell
~
We can't tell real people, but tell someone we must
So we turn to the 'puter' and to those we can trust
~
Even though it is crazy, the truth still remains
They are *Friends Without Faces* with odd little names.

~ Author Unknown ~

Have a Great Weekend!!