Up at 3AM today because one of my kids decided that sleep was overrated....let's just run around the house for hours before school. I jumped up and anxiety took over....a stressful two months it has been. The financial walls are closing in on me.
Last night, I picked up a check from a client. Sadly this should have been my money but with the husband out of work, I am going to pay for the health insurance. I only put in 10 hours a week for this client so the money was wasn't going to be that great BUT it was 75% of the money we needed. I worked last night until 10...and then told my husband I got the check. His response "I thought it was going to be more"....
Ever felt like a whore being pimped out? That was the feeling I got. He is a pimp and I am the fucking working slave. I am hustling jobs, maneuvering things, juggling to hustle money in AND....that's what he says.
So this morning at 4AM, as I was folding the laundry and washing dishes..I could feel the tears filling my eyes. I am an educated woman, I have more clients then I can work for, I have been turning away work...I can't do more than 70 hours a week...I mean really...this is out of control..and then I work Friday and Saturday nights too.....
So my thoughts were...I feel like Cinderella. I have been working so hard, the house, work, family...that I would love to find a guy who made an okay living and treated me like an equal. One that we were a 50/50 partnership with everything. And you know what? I would sooooo appreciate him. I would want to make him happy and feel so special...because he made me feel so good. I don't know if I would ever marry again...maybe live with someone. But I swear, if I could find that man, I would make him feel like the luckest man in the world. The most appreciated man in the world.
Okay, back to work...that was my 10 minute of dreaming.....Have a great day!! And you know what, do something nice for your lover/spouse today. Maybe it will make things better...you never know till you try!
2 comments:
I felt like crying with you - for you, Cheri.
Someday - and soon hopefully - you'll look back on this as a bump in the road. I know, I just know, you're going to make it and will be okay.
Here's a little escapism for you, part 12 of my story has been posted and I know you won't want to miss Her Cups Runneth Over (12).
The story is nearing an end.
Take care my sweet.
xoxox
wow....
your writing... this piece is full of emotion, it comes through very clear..
I could hug the monitor but that wouldn't help!
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