In Memory Of My Time With DigEm....
I think that everyone that enters your life does so for a reason. Some are more relevant and leave a lasting impression. DigEm was that for me. What we had was truly on a deeper level. I've never met a man like him. Most men I meet, there is a little wall, a little thinking before you say something, even with a spouse...there are things you say and things you don't. Do you share every feeling with your spouse? Do you just totally open up and give them total access to your thoughts, your feelings, your desires, your wants? Do you sit around giggling and laughing about the silliest little things, finish each others sentences?
On the other side...does your spouse offer total support? Do they tell you how amazing you are everyday and give you the emotional balance you need to face the world no matter what your day was? Do they call or text you as soon as that important meeting was over to see how it went? Do they tell you that you can do it..build you up so you have the strength to accomplish something that you were beginning to doubt?
Well DigEm was all that for me and more. He was a true friend...he was exactly what I need in my life. He made me realize that there are men out there like that...that can make me feel and support me....be my partner. Be a true soulmate. He joked that he was really a woman....he thought like a woman, he was programmed just like me. We were two peas in a pod.
And I gave back and tried to be as supportive as I could for him. The more we both gave, the more we would give. Constantly making sure that we both got what we needed. Giving advice, reassuring each other....truly being there for one another like I have never had before.
SO....what did I learn from this experience? That there is hopefully another DigEm out there that will local here and available. I admit it, if DigEm had been in my area, I really do think that I would have thought about a future for us. I used to think how amazing it would be to be married to him (or someone like him). I used to tell him he was a rare gem.....so I learned here. I learned what it feels like to have a healthy sharing relationship. I learned that there are men out there that can be partners...in all sense of the word. I imagined that I was cooking dinner and he would walk in the door and slip up behind me and kiss me. That we would do it all together.....
So, I think he was my far off Mr. MArried Prince Charming. He was the real McCoy...but it could never be because of the statelines.
His last words to me on voicemail...."I didn't want to text goodby, I know you would want to hear my voice so I am so glad that I got your voicemail. It would be too upsetting for me to talk with you. I'm pretty much in tears at the thought of saying goodby and talking to you would make me breakdown. (long delay) I will talk to you as soon as I can. I wish you all the best."
And his final text--"Maybe some day soon I will call you from work or visit your blog. Till then, bye for now. I wish you all the love you've given to me"
DigEm--Well if you ever get to my blog. Just know, you've given me things that no one has ever given me. I want to thank you. Some things I guess are learning experiences, I can't help to think what WE would have been like together. Just know that I do love you. I don't know exactly in what way--its a love I truly have never experienced before you. But do know, my friendship is always there. Thank you and I LOVE YOU!!
We always said our relationship was like Heaven. When you call my phone, there is a hold until I pick up....and the song Heaven plays (he knows that was for him..of course no one else did...our little secret!)
Thanks for letting me unload...I needed to put this closure in my blog. I feel like a character in the book The Notebook...who knows, maybe our paths will cross in 10 years...we could grow old together....this is the type of man I want to grow old with..
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