A Sad, Horny Marshmallow

There were times when I wanted to close the blog....felt like each of my encounters--while so special to me...were so repetitious when I wrote them...

I find myself returning to my blog as you turn to that favorite old pair of slippers or sweatshirt. A comfort...yes, my blog brings me comfort. Why? Because I can pour my heart and soul into it. As I write I forget that others read this....(well now I just remembered) but for the most part I am writing to relieve my heavy heart.

Familiarity is so important in our lives. The stability. Probably why most of us stay in our marriages. Probably why we stay with most things in life that we don't like or want. It's easier. I wrote that note to Mystery Man hoping that it would piss him off, that he would stand up to the plate and say--hey, stop it...I care about you. But he didn't. I drove him back to Ashley. I am sad that he didn't call me to reassure me. I jumped the gun because I wanted to be the one to take the walk first, the upper hand. Stupid but true.

He;s either gone and will find someone else or he is waiting for me to let it slide (and he will calm down too). We will either get closer because he will miss me or he will move on and forget me. We hit that point.....I am mourning the sex, I am mourning the laughs, I am mourning our offbeat connection.

I need to snap out of this today. I have too much work to do. I need to throw myself into my work. I shut off my Ashley Madison profile temporarily....I need to get my head on straight a little better, I'm not into the hunt right now. (and honestly, I have enough frogs around to play with if I get the urge to flirt).

Here's something very funny--I went to Match.com today. I wanted to see what is out there when I finally take the plunge. Well, now I need to know this. I saw at least 6 guys on there (and mind you--I didn't look at too many pages) that are also (or were recently) on Ashley. So, the question is--are they really divorced? are they married? have they gotten caught and their wives threw them out? Hmmmm.....

I signed up just to look at the pix. No profile and no picture so I certainly won't get a response. And I don't want to. It wouldn't be fair to a guy who is looking for a woman he could have a real relationship with to find me. I would wait until I was separated to go on there. Truth is I would be really pissed to find out a man I was dating who I thought was single was really married.

Okay gotta get ready for work....trying to inspire myself.....build up the energy...get out of this depression. I went to sleep early last night soI wouldn't be able to say being tired was my excuse for not getting out of bed. However, I am very lethargic...what did Mr Porshe call me, a marshmallow. He's not used to seeing me like that...most people don't see that side of me. And what's even more hysterical is that is the side you who read my blog mostly see. The soft inner me--not the facade of the successful businesswoman...