Today was pain. Today was emptiness so deep. I lost Digem today. He had to say good by. He had no choice. He called when he knew I would be in a meeting. He text me to say good by. He couldn't say good by and hear my voice. He was choked up, he began to breakdown. I called him back, I said good by. I began to cry...tears that wouldn't stop...I had to hang up. I'll explain why he had to say good by another time. I agree, it had to be done. It's one thing when you want to end a friendship, its another when two people are forced to end a friendship. I told him I loved him. I do....I loved him as a friend. He was my pea...we always said we were two peas in a pod.
I am sitting here tonight.....crying. The tears will not stop. This is bad. I told my family I had a migraine. Not fair from the truth....I do have one. I am physically sick tonight. I just heard this song--"Lips Like Morphine"..flashbacks of me and Mystery Man having hot sex. The intensity, the passion.....a sexual connection I have never felt before. I mean I have had good sex but not like this. This was the best, most amazing, intense, passionate sex that I haven't been able to find anywhere else. What happens if I never find it again? I lost the best thing I physically have ever had. And these two years, I have tested the waters a few times and no sexual experience was mind blowing like my times with Mystery Man. Listen to this song----Can you see yourself with a lover, intensely fucking...your bodies in sync, the animalistic passion between you.....
I know, I am a drama queen today....and I am sitting here listening to a CD that we used to fuck to. All these hot songs....the flashbacks are killing me tonight. There are so many hot memories? Does he not have them too? Does he not see us in all those positions, with all that fun....me on my knees looking up, sucking his cock and him looking at me with those caring eyes and smiling and throwing me a kiss and caressing my hair and cheek....I haven't felt so empty in so long...the two loses together.....I can't even explain the intense hurt I am feeling...I am sitting here, it's like flipping a coin.... I lost my soulmate today.....I lost a man who made me feel passion and desire I have never felt. One alone, would bring me sadness. Losing both sides of my heart?? I cannot even explain the gaping hole in my chest. This has got to be my saddest day on Secret Lovers Lane EVER....Is it better to have lost and loved then never loved at all?
I need to go take a bath...the only place I can cry and no one will see my pain...my migraine is sooo bad...I actually just got sick....
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