A Small World

Can you say Schmuck? Aaaahh....a small world and a reality check.

It was Mystery Man's birthday, I sent him a card...which he didn't read. I have sent him emails, I have been worried because I think he lost his job. He would go to a dark place sometimes and I would think of him often worried that he was in that dark place. Oh I hope he is ok...Oh I hope he has a job. yes, I worried that he was in a bad place.

And....he is totally fine and out fucking other women. How do I know? Does it matter? No. But I know. Let's just say its a small world even in a big city.

So I am a schmuck for caring and for even being a bit concerned. And there is anger tonight. Yup, my Best Friend and I had a long discussion about it tonight. What are friends for? She agrees--a schmuck. She reminded me how my whole life I have been way too concerned about people who weren't worth being concerned over. How I always cared with all my heart and when someone was my friend, I was a 200% friend. And we laughed hysterically (and I cried) for a few hours tonight. A total psychological evaluation and the conclusion-- a schmuck.

And her advice....do what is good for me. Do what I want to do. Do whatever the fuck I want to do and not give a shit about what someone else may want especially someone who obviously doesn't care about my feelings. Yup, something I have wanted to do but I didn't do because "I care". Well fuck caring. I decided tonight, I am going ahead with it. Why? Because it is good for me. what is it? Can't tell ya right now but I will. Wish me luck!