Sex Sex and more sex!

I was looking at one of my affiliate programs (they sent a job ad) anyway, the top banner just had me giggling....I loved it. Then I decided, here are some links for your amusement. I was so impressed with the Webcam network.....I guess that regular looking people were up there. It's like the stuff I do with the frogs in a way....pretty wild.....I guess I am naive in a way, I didn't know there was a place you could go and do amateur cams like that......anyway, I hope the top banner is working....that was my favorite! IT was dripping cum...so hysterical. Damn, I don't think its working....anyway, look at the pix...you can imagine. Want the toys? Click on the acrobat banner below!! lol The things that make me giggle!!







Webcam Network


Viagara, Celias & Other Hard Cock Meds!

Fairy Tales Do Come True?

Fairy Tale
This is the fairy tale that should have been read to us girls when we were little: Once upon a time ~~~~~~~~in a land far away,~~~~~~~~a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess~~~~~~~~happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle.~~~~~~~~The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: " Elegant Lady,I was once a handsome prince,until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.~~~~~~~~One kiss from you, however,and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am~~~~~~~~and then, my sweet, we can marry~~~~~~~~and set up housekeeping in your castle~~~~~~~~with my mother,~~~~~~~~where you can prepare my meals,~~~~~~~~clean my clothes, bear my children,~~~~~~~~and forever feel grateful and happy doing so. "~~~~~~~~That night,~~~~~~~~as the princess dined sumptuously~~~~~~~~on lightly sauteed frog legs~~~~~~~~seasoned in a white wine ~~~~~~~and onion cream sauce,~~~~~~~~she chuckled and thought to herself:~~~~~~~~I don't think so.

Hustling to make a living!

My daughter is doing ok. My theory is don't think bad. Go into denial. When the biopsy comes back, I have time to worry...so...I am going to think positive.

So where have I been? I realized I never wrote about my encounter with Mr. Porsche last week. Well, I am too tired right now but I gotta tell ya...it was wonderful. I walked into the room as a stressball.....I waked out of the room.....so relaxed, so focused and so content.

I was an easy mark last week. He has found all those magic spots in no time. Able to make me cum over and over and over again...YUM! Yes, it was hot. No ropes but he did manage to grab my hands so I couldn't move them. And as I reached a climax from him hitting my g-spot...he works even harder "let go baby, let go".

We fucked in quite a few positions and even a little anal......for some reason, maybe because my butt muscles are so tight, but anal makes me wild...I have immediate orgasms. the area still is a little funky for me but I try to not think about it.

And for him. He loves when I lick his balls and suck his cock. Even a little rim job and one finger pressing against his prostate. Damn, that makes him cum so damn hard. It sets him off keel a little but this time he was a little better. Wow, that was wild. Yes it shocks him how I can get him to cum so much. And swallow....yes, I swallowed every last drip...mmmmmmm......quite a mouthful there.
that turns him on that I swallow his cum!

So, we cuddled, we showered, we talked and we fucked again. Yes, I have to say it was a relaxing afternoon. I hate when it has to come to an end. But it did. He kissed me and we said good by.

You know what is nice about our relationship. I feel secure. I am not worried that he is going to disappear...although he may one day. But it would be with a little warning unlike others. That makes a healthier relationship. I need that foundation.
We are friends.

Talking about friends...Springer and I talk about 10 times a day. Sex is the farthest thing from our minds. I cannot believe he is the same guy who made my legs shake from oral. Well, we are good friends. It's nice. Funny how things work out.

As for me? I have been working insanely. I gotta get the mortgage payment. I have till the end of the month. No idea how I am going to do it. but I have no choice. Pay or Lose the house. That's what is going on now. 6 months probation. Wish me luck!

Only To Me---An I Love Lucy Moment

Today was so stressful. My daughter had surgery. what was going to be 1 hour...three hours later I still didn't hear from the surgeon. Panicked....well thankfully Mr. Porsche and Mr. Electric were there for me. Trying to calm me. They are so special to me, I appreciate their concern and their love.

So the I Love Lucy.........For some of your old readers of my blog you will probably get a real hoot out of this one....

Surgery was a disaster....poor thing is in such pain. Successful? somewhat. They did find something that is scary but I am not going to think about it yet. Anyway, a day with the hubby was way too much. I told him to empty stuff out of the I told him to Valet (he doesn't listen to either) AND the car gets broken into. He pulls up in front of the hospital to pick us up and we proceed back to where he parked and wait for the police.

Now, what is the chances that I know one person in that area. Soldier Boy...remember him? That single, hot, super hot soldier that I had a little rendezvous two years ago? Well as my luck would have it, it is his house (yes, HIS HOUSE) my car was broken in at. The police cars pull up and my husband is removing some of the stuff from his lawn that blew onto it. Yes, with the police car outside his house, he does look out the window.

Oh man, this is going to be interesting. Please don't come down. How would I explain knowing him? Thankfully he didn't recognize my car (or he did and decided it was best not to come out). Quite frankly, the way my day was going, I am surprised that the car didn't catch on fire and some of the firemen I know didn't show up or even more Mr. Government (okay...now if he had to show up, then I was really in trouble!)

So, what an I love Lucy moment.....actually considering the stress, it was pretty funny that it was literally in front of his house....he did look good. Yummy, yummy thoughts of soldier boy tonight. I just pulled his pix up on Ashley Madison. He hasn't been on there in over a year, but his pix is still visible. Yes, now there is some delicious boy toy material.....lips watering.....

I just answered Mystery Man.

Hmmmmmm.......Dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight......yes, we have both danced with him on quite a few occasions. Personally, I seem to have found that I like variation in the lead......however, its truly not the lead but the actual dance style that you choose. So many types of dance styles.....which do you choose? Yes, the flashbacks of dancing with the devil in the neon lights.....so many color choices, so many dance styles!! Any preference?

And a Happy Valentines Day to you too!!

Yes, the Devil Dance

Well I guess I got thrown because there is a song that sounds like one he would listen to called the Dancing with the Devil. So I was looking at the lyrics and they weren't an exact fit....(at least I hope not..it was more of a good by (death) song)...

I think you are all right. Scarlett, John and others who personally emailed me basically said the same thing. And yes, I can see him saying that and meaning that. And now to have to think of a hot remark back.......

Yes, I think he is thinking about me and I am glad. Funny, as my thoughts have lessened (not the desire) his are seeming to haunt him again. Okay, I know I didn't help with the poem.....he's giving me a taste of my own medicine. Actually I am turned on by his erotic and intellectual approach....his words and emails always did it for me. sigh....

Yes, I would love to fuck him again.....but I don't know if I can. There is so much hurt there. It was hot, because of how we interacted.....I will always fear he would disappear again. Oh well....I am going to respond later tonight.

And quite honestly, the fact that he did it on Valentine's Day.....means that he was thinking about us and well, that definitely makes me happy.

Sigh...
Sent a nipple pix to Mr. Porsche....he almost forgot he got it. Hmm..think its time to back off a little there. Just so that he misses me just a little. things are fine with us, I just don't want him to start neglecting me....

He told me it was the reference of the devil that made me think of him.

My response: Oh you must be right, the licking, sucking, oral fixation......had nothing to do with me thinking of you in the poem. It must be the devil but

I asked him: Who was the devil? Was it me or was it him?


And his response:

It's not a question of who's the devil, as we've both danced with him on numerous occasions. The real question is who is going to lead?

Happy V-Day


Okay, what does he mean by that? Anyone have a clue? I don't know where he's going with that or what to respond.....come on you quiet on lookers....I am baffled on what I should say.....there is a deep meaning there....he always has one. So what is he thinking when he wrote this? Oh its from Mystery Man..

An Okay Valentines Day

Hubby didn't wish me a Happy Valentine's Day. Glad in a way, shows me that he is feeling like I am.....the end is near.

A sad day today, unless you are in new love or true love. A day that I guess truly tests your heart. Yes, a day when you can see....where your love is. Are you excited to buy the present? Do you want to buy the present? Is there a part of you that dreads this day? Do you feel even more lonely on the day of love?

I had a nice day. I can't complain. Happy Valentine's Day from a few friends.....from a few lovers. Mr. Porsche called me a couple of times today........Mr. Electricity did too! And I got a bunch of calls and wishes from other frogs......and blogs.....lol Yes, I did feel that people did care. A sweet holiday. And honestly, not as lonely as I thought it would be. My MySpace friend calls me Milfalicious......it was great to get his note today and callYes, I am glad that the hubby didn't wish me a Happy Valentines Day...it would have been more hurtful.

So, I was truly okay where my head was today. Wow, the surgeon just came on to chat. Well I am off to bed....the baby has surgery in the morning....

Happy Valentines Day!!

Happy Lovers Day!!

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!!!







An appropriate day for lovers.....yes, give love and be loved today!! xoxoxoxo

The Meeting Of The Divorce Attorney

I cried and cried and cried. My eyes are all puffy. But I do feel better. The lawyer said I was doing everything that I possibly could for my situation. The next step, its up to me. Serve him with papers or try to talk it out through mediation. Yes, I would win in a trial BUT in a case like that, you lose even though you win. Emotionally physically and monetarily. No, I don't want that.

He may have an opportunity here to do some sidework that really may pan out for him. We will have to see. Does it change my view? No. It's not the money, although that would help. We are not in love with each other anymore. We both deserve to find happiness. We both are miserable. We both deserve to find some relief. Sadly, I lose in all ways. Monetarily he doesn't have to pay much. He doesn't have to see the kids. He doesn't have to do anything but pay his percentage. Basically, I am like the man in this situation since I am making the money. Only thing, he is capable of working so that's in my favor.

The lawyer looked at me....I showed her what I have done. I told her my plan. Her answer...you are a very smart woman....you are doing exactly what you need to do to take care of your family fairly.

But what was the nicest of all...the outpouring of support today. My friends realized that I was sick that it has come to this. Many women go there with a anger and determination. Not me, I came out of there mentally drained. My phone ringing off the hook after for support. Two guys from my space (an attorney who gave me the lawyers name as well as a few others).

Mr. Porshe called before and then after. Giving his support and special words. He's not a mush...but he does like to be appreciated. He's a soft pussycat underneath that rough exterior. So I said to him....I want to tell you that you gave me the best gift that you could have already for Valentines.....he said what are you talking about? You gave me your friendship....that's all I needed...thank you......and you don't have to respond because I know you don't love mush but thank you for being there for me. You are welcome, very welcome, any time.

So to lighten the mood I said....well I expected you to be here waiting for me to get out with a stiff drink or a stiff cock.....Damn I need something stiff right now! He just started to laugh and we made plans to meet tomorrow......as he said, I need the escape......and I plan on escaping even if it is for just two to three hours.........sadly, I got him nothing for Valentines Day...crap.....he made me promise not to but you know I don't listen.....

Off the the lingerie store I guess in the morning......off to pick up at least some chocolates or something...I can't believe its Valentines Day already......crap....I better think about this so I can get it in the morning....sweet dreams.....I do feel better. Thank you all for your support!

xoxoxoox

When Do You Know?

when do you know that it is enough? When do you know when you have reached your limit and you can't do it anymore? He's not physically abusive....to me that would not even be up for discussion.

So when do you know its the end? I think I know. I know, I know. It is time.

I have been working to save the house with the mortgage company. My options are slim. I have no choice, I need to do this. I don't think I can afford to pay it but somehow I am going to have to do it.

Reality sunk in today. He's on unemployment....they request a few checkins. He's been going on interviews, he's been sending out resumes, they just require to see you are looking. He missed three appointments. They refuse to give him his check this week. Hence, the car payment was on me. To the bank I went......taking out the last of my funds.....

I've never been a quitter. I've never given up on anything in my life. But look when I am writing this....its 4AM...I am still working. I am hustling nonstop....I am dead. My kids don't sleep,I made him go lay with the one who was running around at 3AM. Not so I could sleep, but so I could finish working on a project. In 2 hours, I have to get up for the day....

I am not a religious person. But today, someone said to me that I am Job. Who is Job, I asked. It's someone in the Bible who God kept doing horrible things to and he still had the faith. I laughed and said I guess I am Jobess!!

Mr. Porsche is a street smart business man. I sat with him tonight on the phone (not really caring if my husband even heard--it was an advice session). Quite honestly I trust him and his business sense. So he confirmed many of the things I was thinking, many of the directions I was considering as options. I hesitated to tell him my shit (I would never tell Mystery Man) but with him its different. We are friends first. The truth--he was so angry. Tell him to get a fucking job sweeping the streets...damn it, he needs to start helping you. You can't do it alone.

What I wanted to do was just crawl into his arms....release some of my anxiety and tears and crawl up like a little girl just for a few minutes and absorb some of his strength.

Okay, I have to get two hours. Today I have meetings and a big day at the lawyers. And you know my thoughts, every day is a new day. Well I have to get at least an hour of sleep to declare that! I will wake up tomorrow and gather the information I need for the lawyer. Ironically Divorce Attorney called me today to meet. I told him I can't, I have a meeting with a divorce attorney. Save your money, he said....I will take you to lunch and give you free advice. Honestly, he wants me...not an actual impartial person AND I am too embarrassed for him to see all my shit.

Sigh...tomorrow will be better....right?

Valentine's Day is a Coming!

So what are you doing for your lover and/or your wife? Personally, I am not a big believer of flowers on that day. The cost is just mind boggling if you want to really get a nice dozen. My practical theory...throw it into jewelry or a thoughtful gift and get me flowers another day. Now that's talking as a wife. As a lover, well, you can't buy me a dozen roses anyway....a sure sign of cheating....

So what are some ideas for your lovers?
-An expensive hotel which you can enjoy for more than just the usual time (and throw the rose petals on the bed and in the jacuzzi). Candles....romantic music..... and order room service to share in the room.....(if its a nice place, they have nice meals too)!

-A piece of jewelry....(but make sure that person can accept it)...luckily for me, my husband doesn't even notice my jewelry. Why? Because I mix it with expensive pieces as well as fakes. So when I come home with a new piece, he's never sure it its new, just been in the jewelry box for awhile or if its a fake one. Hence, how I am wearing Mr. Porsche's ring that he still hasn't noticed (although my family has).

-An experience present..anything she always wanted to do? Go in a balloon, a day at a spa, a makeover day....

-Perfume.....a scent you have chosen that she can wear when you aren't together, to always remind her of you....

Okay, that's it for now. Gotta work! Enjoy your week and make that day special for everyone!
So what should I get for Mr. Porsche? Any ideas?

A funny story.....Mr. Cable wrote me a note the other day...how he wanted a threesome with his ex. I wrote back, have a twosome and have fun with her. At that point, I even wrote here that we are not meant to be. He's a child, he annoys me a little actually on how he wastes his money,hangs out with the guys all the time. etc.etc. I personally had moved on.....

Yesterday he wrote me a note. We need to talk. I got nervous. Men don't talk. All these horrible thoughts went through my head. His wife found out, he has a disease etc. etc.
He wanted to say that it wasn't working for us these past few times. That I wasn't doing i for him like I did at the beginning. Just wanted me to know and to remain friends. Okay, that was sweet that he at least called (I am not used to that..I already had moved on). I agreed and wished him luck...quite frankly I giggled inside that I was gone already and I was relieved that he didn't have some rare disease! Oh well, I guess I got dumped yesterday. I never felt so good though....so funny!

Is Mr. Prince Charming Out There?

I worked all hours this weekend and ended up sleeping on the couch last night....hubby's snoring actually was giving me a headache.


I made an appointment for a lawyer consult for this week. I am sad. I wish i was in love with my husband. I wish he had a job...I wish I had simplicity. But is it what it is. It is sad. I am afraid I will be alone for the rest of my life. What a sad thought. I'm afraid I won't be able to take care of the kids....I'm scared.

What I wish......I wish I could find a man that I adore. I wish I could find a man that supported me in my career and my life decisions. I wish I can found a man who was my friend, to laugh with, to have fun with, to giggle with, to play practical jokes on.....to chase around the kitchen and just laugh and giggle. I wish I could find a man that I could cuddle with in front of the fireplace and just watch a movie as we hold eachother....a man that I could race to the bedroom because we couldn't wait to be together.

And what can I offer this man in return? I would be there for him heart and soul. I would give him support and attention. I would give him back all that he gives to me and more....I would make him feel like he was a king.....that the world was there for him....and I was there to make it the perfect place. A place he would want to come home to....a place that was fun, filled with love and filled with passion in the bedroom. Start the night off with a drink and a home cooked meal and my smiling face excited to see him at the door.

And in the bedroom.....oh la la! I would make sure this mans every need is fulfilled. Yes, we would look forward to that time alone...

I realize..that if I could find a man that could just give me the simplicity....the peace that I so badly want....a man who looked at me with a sparkle in his eye....I would want to make his world heaven!!

The Devil In Mystery Man

Sitting here working like a good little girl......an email comes across......Mystery Man! My heart skips a beat, my heart drops into my stomach. Damn that man.....he responded to the Blow Job Poem. Afraid to open it yet I find myself going to it. Will it say something like please stop emailing? Will it say something flirtatious that will want me to want him again? I am afraid to open it...my heart pounding outside my chest.

I sent him the poem and then I wrote, for some reason this reminds me of you....

And then I open his response...... the words...

"it must be the devil reference....."

Hmmm....not telling me to go away. Not telling me to come closer. Not saying if it is I who is the devil or is it him? Was that remark his usual sarcasm, is he feeling remorse, is it nonchalant?!

The only thing I got out of that response was that the lines of communication are open between us. Is that what I want? I do not know what I want. Well, I do know that I wish I could turn back the hands of times and that I was meeting him for one of our rendezvous'. The sex was soooooo amazing....the attraction was hot. I mean it was animalistic the way I felt about him. I never wanted someone like that before. Such desire, such passion, such intense orgasms.....he made me drip! The thought of us together would make me drip. I have never felt such desire....how I wish I could experience that connection again. But with all that he did, it will never be the same. He's not on Ashley Madison since a week after we parted. Did he find someone new? I don't think so. I think he took a break for awhile. Sadly, we will never return to what we were. If we ever met again....it would be anger sex in a way. Frustration, anger, oh, it would be hot......but I would hate him with each groan. STAY AWAY, that's what I have to do.

Mr. Electric has been terribly ill this week. Mr. Cable too. Now I would say they caught my cold from last week.....however, their kids were sick first!

I sent Mr. Porsche a note while he was away these past few days when I was sick "I'm dying of from food poisoning, I loved sucking your cock and having sex with you. I just wanted to say goodby....hope you are having fun!" lmao

Two days later he responded........ X

Okay that was a kiss.....but come on! So I responded, what?!?! no hugs and just one damn kiss!!! lol and then I sent him.... xoxoxoxooxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxoxooxoxoxoxoooxoxooooo

He is very intuitive....he knows when I need a little attention. Even if it is an X. He knows that I need that little text message every once in awhile.

So, back to Mystery Man. I wonder.... is he the devil? Quite frankly he has that dark,mysterious look that you would think was the devil. He also has that dark side to him....that many times I have thought of him as the devil. In the poem, the devil referred to me but I am not the devil. He is the darker one....the more sinister one. Oh yes, he does remind me of the devil a little. The devil that tempts me so.....damn I am horny!

Would you like to discuss an experience?

I have been food poisoned. I have never felt such pain in my stomach in my life. Kind of serves me right....I let my son convince me as we were driving home that Taco Bell was a good idea and that I shouldn't make dinner. Well, we both ate beef and the lettuce (rest of the family had the steak and chicken). Well, the two of us all night were dying.....

A friend told me to call to let them know just in case a lot of people were getting sick. So I did. when you call up they say.....Press 2 if you would like to discuss a recent experience? Even with my pain, that just hit a funny bone. "Yes, my recent experience is that you gave me food poisoning and you are trying to kill me". I began laughing.....I do have a warped sense of humor.

As I was hanging up with the live voice. She says "Is there anything else we can do for you?" My answer to her was..."Don't you think you have done enough? I feel like I was hit by a truck and my insides are twisting in knots...please don't do anything else!"

And then she ended with Thank you for choosing Taco Bell...or something that I know is something they have to say but its like pouring salt in an open wound.

My girlfriend stopped by.....Oh my, you look like crap. She's the one who told me to call just to let them know. Now I am not saying that they are having that horrible food poisoning thing they had in the past.....but I cannot believe how sick I feel. I have never had food poisoning...this is definitely brutal.....

Life has been so crazy for me....and I am looking for simplicity....geez.....how funny is that. Okay, back to bed. Can't work, just need my pillow.

A Passion For Life? A New Day!

The good thing about the sun setting and rising again....is that it is a new day! Today was one of those testing days.....see how far I can stand it. Will it break me or make me stronger? Well ladies and gents, it made me stronger. YEAH!!!

I fought for my daughter's program, I cried for it and I think I may have made some leadway...woo hoo!! I faced the mortgage company and am trying to work out a deal to keep my house from going to foreclosure....woo hoo!! I worked six different clients at once today, juggling deadlines without letting one ball drop....I just kept working and hustling and negotiating and working and working!! I took on everything I needed to take on to try and get this house in control......and I took the biggest step. I called a lawyer for a consult. I need to know where I stand with all this. I cried after but its what I have to do.

I can't imagine what he is thinking. He is keeping his distance. He is not sure what is going through my head. He feels my anger. Yes, you have dropped the ball. You have dropped every ball and if it were up to you, your family would be in the street. You have not given a dollar to the bills in months. I need to take control....be strong....yes, it is a new day and I need to find the strength..

A friend sent me the Blow Job Poem....and quite frankly, I loved it soooooo.......(see below)...it made me laugh, it made me giggle....it made me want to be a little bit of a bitch. Yes, I sent it to Mystery Man.......yes, he should be missing my mouth and just in case he didn't miss it today or think about me.......oh yeah!! You did today!!! hehehehe......I wish I could see his cock when he opened it...I wish I could see the flashbacks that went through his head.

I also recycled. I sent it to Mr. Porsche too. well it has a different meaning to him. He knows when he returns from being away that he will have these lips on him. Did I tell you he admitted that our last meeting had been mindblowing for him? Yes, he admitted it was one of the most amazing orgasms..... he also said I gave the best blow jobs. He asked me if I knew it? Now most women would say of course or something like that. No idiot me, admits that I hadn't given one in years and that I actually read up on techniques. He just laughed......you are so damn cute...he said. And then I thought about Larkins comment about a sense of innocence about me. I guess its innocence and ignorance.....but I am trying.

I don't know, I can be online on my new webcam and Mr.Prize will say , you look so beautiful....and my first reaction is to smile, throw him a kiss and then make a stupid face...lol Okay I am a clown as well.......The I Love Lucy comes out.

Yes, I am beginning to feel a little better. I cried, I licked my wounds and now I have to take control. Do you see that Prince Charming riding up on his horse yet to swoosh me off to heaven? If you find him.,please send him to Secret Lovers Lane!!! I'm waiting!!

xoxoxoxo

A BJ Poem

A very good friend sent this to me today....how perfect!

Bliss
by Silkyheat

Bliss is my mouth
covering your dick

My tongue probing you
swooping down for a lick

Hard licks, fast licks
soft ones and slow

You'll have a favorite
this much I know

But you'll love them all
because of my passion

You can tell by the feel
I love tongue-lashins

I'll kiss you so softly
it'll make you sweat

I'll suck you so hard
you'll think the devil you met

I'll make you explode
in big O's so strong

In my mouth and body
you'll know you belong

I'm A Survivor

Mentally drained. What a day. Seeing my angel in so much pain was more than I could bear. My phone ringing while they were doing the procedure, oh, my husband saying my son wouldn't let him use his computer...they were fighting. are they for real? I am holding my daughter who has stars in her eyes from pain and they are calling me about this?! I just hung up. I am by far the only adult in that house.



Work calls mounting through the whole procedure (the doctor commenting how I must be an important person. I told him, nothing was more important than my baby). They finished the procedure, I swooped her up and told her how much I loved her. She held on to me for dear life. How horrible for your child to be in pain, wrapped up and her looking at you as they are hurting her. My heart is hurting right now....probably left a scar on me more than her.


Mr. Porsche called me, I called him after the procedure. I didn't want him to know how fucked up I was....Ironically, I did turn to Mr. Electric and he was no where to be found.

And as for Mr. Cable, well, I think we are going to take a little breather. He told me today that his Ex is into a threesome. I can't believe him. That's not what I want and I told him that. My answer to him "well why don't you make it a twosome and enjoy her again". As Mr. Prize said...a little premature...my response....yeah and a little immature too. Plus, here is a guy who literally spent over $20,000 on a SuperBowl party and gambling on the game. And I can't pay my mortgage. It kind of steams me a little bit. He has shares in ski houses, travels all around the country for fun events and he is cheap with me. Its not happening. Mr. Porsche is all over the place too and travels a lot but he's different. It's his lifestyle, he's not flaunting it...plus, he treats me well and with respect. He has a good heart. Mr. Cable, I think is still a college kid that just is lucky enough to have the bucks to blow.

And then there is Mr. Prize who is amazing. He has been my support for so long and he continues to be a great friend. Someone who is always in my corner with good advice. You know, I have had my affairs but what I cherish the most is the friendships.


So, a few of you wrote to me worried about my state of mind. I am okay. You know my theory on life, tomorrow is a brand new start. And I will go to sleep tonight and cry. And let out all my hurt and anxiety. And wake up tomorrow with a new day. Sweet Dreams

Soooo Tired

Sooooo tired..... Not tired from not getting a good night's sleep but tired from life.

Working like crazy, trying to keep my head a float and for over a year I have been working to get this special program for one of my kids. It's in its final stages....she needs something done medically that is going to cost a fortune. If I get the program, they will pay for it. Anyway, she woke up with the problem intensified yesterday. Which means, we can't wait for the program to come through. Nothing is worse than a mom who feels they fail as a parent. Nothing is worse when your hands are tied and things are out of control.

Today and last night I realized why I hate this man so much that I live with. He lied about bringing over the paperwork I asked him to bring over. He never brought it to the doctor. After freaking this weekend, he brought it over. I asked him to pick it up while I go to the emergency appointment with my daughter and drop it off where it has to go. Guess what? Song and dance how he has other things to do for some side work he is trying to get.....

Anger is an understatement.......Volcanoes were going off in my head. You asshole, if you had a job I could have afforded to pay for this and I wouldn't be running around like a chicken without a head or working so damn much or feeling like a failure. He looks at me like I am crazy. Like I am talking another language. It's moments like this that I want to throw his ass out the door. Moments like this where I want the man as far away from me as possible. He says you know it takes months to get that program. DUH!!! What have I been doing for a year. We live in different worlds. He has no clue what I do. I have thought about killing myself in the past, I have thought about leaving....but I know my kids really wouldn't survive. And I mean that. Not a mom tooting her horn. Last week, he was left with them because of my dad and he forgot to feed my daughter dinner.

Last night I went to bed crying and I haven't stopped all day. The pressure is so intense right now. The emergency appointment they will tie my daughter up in a straight jacket...a vision that kills me. And I am alone.....I am totally alone to deal with this. I'm sorry, I had to dump this somewhere so I can get the strength to handle what the day has in store.

Usually DigEm would talk me through this. He was there for me in the past when this happened. I guess he was on my mind because he came to me in my dream last night. We ran into each other by mistake. And we were searching, searching for a place to be alone. We finally found one and he held me. I woke up and smiled. He came to me in my dream when I needed his shoulder. What a pea.

Okay I am off.......thanks for the release.....anyone got a drink?

Not Just A Sexy,Dumb Blonde

I admit it. Tonight I got a little help from my little anxiety pill. Quite frankly, it send me right into fog land. So Hi From Fog Land!!

I am working on a project for Mr. Springer. And quite frankly, it is sooooo tedious and boring. However, its very detailed oriented and you really can't take a break or you lose the momentum...there's over 600 products and we are talking one minor detail difference on each...I am working on it for his website.

I have been spending a decent amount of time with him. It's every once in a blue moon, the image of us fucking pops into my head....and I don't even feel like he is the same person. How strange. You know I have done work for another guy I met on Ashley Madison. I also am going to do some consulting for Mr. Porsche and then there is Mr. Prize who I am honored that he trusts my judgment on things and every once in awhile he asks me for my opinion on something he is doing.

What a strange relationship I have with these men....but I am glad that they do see I am not just another dumb blonde. That I have a brain too.....(and the dumb blonde is only when I need to be that way) or when I want to totally escape from reality. Then I will sit there and be silly and cute and refuse to get serious. The escape side....

So the many different facets of my life. Okay, my break is over. I probably shouldn't haven taken a 1/2 of the pill. I am starting to get really tired and very foggy.....I am such a light weight.

Sweet Wet Dreams!!! Mmmmmmmm.........how I wish I could just crawl under the covers and cuddle with someone tonight. I guess my dog is the best alternative.....

The Cock-A Unique Work Of Art

As I was sucking on Mr. Cable's cock last night, I started to think how each man's cock is like a fingerprint. Each one is so unique. In girth, in length and in feel. Some men have a strong mushroom head......while others, the head is not any different in size from the rest of their cock.

All having the same function yet are so unique. Like a face or a fingerprint I guess. I guess when I was younger, I never gave it a thought. I honestly rarily saw a difference. Oh granted, ifa guy was huge, I noticed. But for the most part, I never gave it much thought.

And, I certainly never thought about techniques. Maturity has certainly gave me a new outlook. I guess that is a benefit to a mature woman who is in search of her sexuality. I am intrigued what turns on a guy. I am also intrigued how each guy likes something different. I guess I never paid attention when I was younger. You would think, two balls, a cock.....there would be similiarities....but there isn't as many as you would think.

The cock-- some men like it sucked slow and steady. Others like it hard and fast. Some like circles with your tongue. Others like just sucking on the head. Some like whatever you can't get into your mouth, you use your hand to rub the rest. Others want your hands in other places...

One thing I did notice that they all have in common....Men love it when you deep throat them. Hit the back of your throat and get in as much as you can......almost to the point of gagging. Yes, that is the only common thread I have found with all. And most like you in between their legs, so they can watch as you suck them. Of course, MM liked it when I would pull his cock forward as I sucked (I used to call it the car shift--want it in second gear baby?!?). Of course, some prefer them inbetween your breasts (but they also like to be sucked). I haven't found a man yet that doesn't want a blow job!

The Balls-some don't like them touched, some can't get enough of the massaging and even would prefer it to having their cock sucked. Some like their balls sucked, others like them licked. Even some like two in your mouth at a time......Some like it rough, some like it gentle.

Wow, with all that going on...its amazing a woman can figure out what a guy likes. My technique...I ask. I basically say "what feels good baby? do you like this?" at first, the response is usually....everything, I like it all. And I believe that but as you are working the cock,

they seem to start to give up the secrets. the secret to what makes their cock dance! This week seemed like eternity....and when I opened my eyes I realized, I actually had been intimate with three men this week. Quite frankly, it didn't even feel like it was one week. granted only slept with one, but wow, I've never been with three men in one week intimately.

And then I go and turn my Ashley Madison account back on today....subconsciously I did it. Sitting here thinking about it, I know why. One, Cable Guy is good for right now but not the answer to my fulfillment. I'm not super attracted to him. Mr. Electric, well, sexually we are not really compatable.... and Mr.Porsche....he's got a lot on his plate. Very busy with work and if I see him once every two or so weeks, that is a lot. So inclusion, I still have not found Mr. Married Prince Charming. So, Ashley is back on......