An Overnight Fun Trip

I'm okay!! I did go away over night with you Win! I will definitely give you the details. Are you expecting an intense night of hot sex? Oh it was there, but it was the hours of laughter that Iwill remember most.

To me laughter is the best....enjoying someones company...feeling comfortable enough to let go and be yourself. I was able to do this with him.

I will try to give details tomorrow.....things have been crazy since I am basically working three different jobs right now. i can barily keep my eyes open.

But let's just say... the overnight was filled with hysterical events. Did you ever have someone that you just constantly make a fool out of yourself with? For some reason, thats' what happens with him...but he loved it...

Okay, have a great nght....Iwill try to get back tomorrow!!

XOXO

Divorced?! He was married & my secret rendezvous

Thanks for the no bra advice.....my tits are flowing over the top so no bra is the way to go!!

I have a lot on my mind these days....more than usual. I think its more fragmented or at least that's how I feel. I appreciate those who do not judge.....and I respect those who have their own opinion, don't agree with me but do not attack me either (Stalin)... everyone is entitled to their own way to live....and their own opinions. I do respect and try to understand what someone else is feeling.

I am going away this weekend with You Win! I am getting nervous and I am having some second thoughts. It's a business and pleasure thing.....I don't know...I am nervous. I've never done anything like this before. No need to comment, I am feeling some guilt here or something isn't sitting right.....I am not sure.

I thought I was totally over Mr. Government. I am for the most part. He removed his profile from Ashley Madison totally so I guess that separation made me feel like he is totally gone now. I guess going away this weekend, made me do a search to see if he has been in the news lately. I did discover something that really took me for a loop.

Basically I feel now like a slept with someone I did not know at all for a year. I found his High School picture and information. On that listing it said.....Divorced. WOW! It was last updated a year before we met. I also learned that he is 4 years older than I had thought. So is he remarried, is he back with his ex wife? I am so damn confused now. He is definitely living with someone in a house with his kids. Is this his second wife?

Now ironically I was thinking this was someone else with his name....however his pix was up there from shots taken from the reunion. The pix was from a while ago. He is in so much better shape now...he must have lost 20 lbs.. Hmmm..that would explain the gray pubic hair he started to get (that I didn't mention to him but i did notice the last time we were together)!

He has always been secretive....he had always kept his distance. He never lied...but he never gave me additional information. I am sitting here thinking who was that man I slept with....he was definitely married and is definitely married now....I guess it doesn't matter....its over. But divorced?!? Maybe that wasn't his wife I saw, but the babysitter. It just doesn't add up. He would have said he was divorced...he wouldn't have gone on and on how depressing his marriage was.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything at all. It is what it is....VERY OVER!! I just like closure and well we just never had it. Wish me luck this weekend!
XOXO

this message brought to you by a hormonal Cheri

Oh my, oh my, oh my! The fiddles are out today!

All these scourn men are coming out of the woodwork.......and it's all my fault.

I am howling here. Let's see....men never cheat right??!!

HELLO!!!!!! Have you read anything in my blog?

Who do you think I am with?? HELLO!!!! Newbies read the blog more...

And I am not going to defend myself

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!!!

This message is brought to you by a hormonal Cheri!!

Well, my tits are about to burst I think....they have placed me on an overload of hormones....hmmmm.....my 36D breasts feel they they weigh about 200 tons!! They are filled, rounder and my nipples are so erect. Quite a feast for a tit man! They are popping out of my bra.

I do feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. You Win! got his cock helpers today!! Woo Hoo!! We should make quite the couple.....both of supercharged......now this should be an interesting meeting!!

Out of Commission But not totally....

Another scare yesterday....almost hospitalized. Doctor put me on bedrest for a few days.

So last night, I sat and surfed the internet. However, to my enjoyment...Mr. Prize appeared on my Instant Message. We've been both busy, sending little notes but never actually being able to hook up. He hasn't been looking at all, he did go to a sex club and fuck two women one night. But that was about it. When I confessed that he was my last....Damn Baby, we need to get you laid. I know, I know was all I said. Well there is an open invitation once I am feeling better---and I miss him. What's nice about our friendship is that it is just that. First, it is a friendship. In actuality, that is what I find to be the most rewarding to me. A man with a brain (and of course a cock..but he's got to have a brain).

I so need mental stimuation. I never realized how important it is to me. I need a man who is more than just a cock. I need someone who i can laugh with, talk about the world, talk about life...talk about emotions.

We finished up and I was just about to go to bed when I see Curious George was webcamming. Hmmm.....do I take a peek? Oh yeah, its been a long time since we connected. So I stopped by and requested an invitation. There he was masturbating. Playing with his cock with that technique that he has. I know that technique so well. I've watched it so many times. Funny how everyone has their own way to masturbate. It's their own special technique. And usually, a spouse doesn't know it. If Curious George and I were together.....I would have it down pat...the motion, the hardness, the speeding up.

So there were other girls watching him but you know me...I need to take the lead. Oh yes, I am that only child syndrome....who likes to be the only one. "So what are these girls doing? Are they ever going to make you cum?" I could see that I needed to step in....I needed to direct this production here. I was determined to get him to cum.

Start putting that lotion on...come on....lube that baby up. That's it, deep rubs...from the base to the tip of your cock....harder, harder....faster, faster......mmmmmm...now that looks yummy!"

Oh yeah, he was beginning to show signs of my helping him.. His cock was standing up nice and tall to attention. "Cum for me" You know how important that is for me. I love when I can get a man to cum just thinking about me being with them. Delicious!!

And after a little more play, the squirt was amazing....I mean it went straight up and the camera caught it in slow motion......as he squirted three times, and then it dribbled down all over him. Extremely cool.

Yes, I felt satisfied now. I knew that I have accomplished what I set out to do.

Okay, back to bedrest....wish someone was here to play with me

Dear Mr. Anonymous

Wow! Within a few hours, two anonymous notes. It's amazing how someone feels the necessity to hide behind the Anonymous name. Stand up to your statements.....did you ever notice Anonymous never has anything nice to say?..

so to Anonymous (both the one and two and one again)

Wow, you are women haters. Sad that someone in your life has hurt you so deeply.

And you come to my husbands defense as if it were you. My, my, you definitely talk from experience. Do you feel you are a failure? Poor Baby!

Now Mr. Anonymous...what keeps luring you back to my site? Why do you feel you have the right or the need to talk to me and insult me? For a year, you've been coming back to check on me.....I know who you are so in actuality(your IP Address is in my statcounter & your name was posted once by accident...oops!), you aren't so anonymous to me. I think you need to look inside of you my dear. What is it that keeps you coming back with such hate? What makes you feel you are so superior?

Hit a nerve? Oh no dear. You actually bore me and i find you rude. I will not be your entertainment.

You see, your comments of an aging twat....your comments of me getting old and used and no one wanting me....they don't have an effect on me. You see, I have come a long way over the year. I have grown internally and I know my worth. I have no need to have to defend myself to you or to anyone.

I feel bad for you. I feel bad for people who judge so harshly.

You see, people come to my site because they care about me. They are caring and truly care about me. And they don't have the urge to leave negative comments. The Blogger world is tolerant of various opinions...thats the idea. Move on Mr. Anonymous....no one here wants to hear your comments

How To Make A Woman Happy & A Man Too!

So who do you think wrote this list? A man or woman? Have a Happy Monday!!

How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic!
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:* birthdays* anniversaries* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

The Sexual Reality of Getting Old

The old expression "Man Plans and God Giggles"

My girlfriend and I were just on the phone hysterical laughing. Actually she screamed at me for making her laugh so hard. Ironically, I was just stating facts:

The last week has been filled with examples that I am getting fucking old. the good news is that my friends are getting old with me! Where we used to discuss the children and career plans, we are now discussing our aging twats and body parts.

My problem was that my period wouldn't stop. This has been going on for weeks. Not a faucet running but enough that its upsetting and draining me. When the doc started to talk about cancer.....it freaked me out. So, there it is....my twat is worn. But I think its from lack of use.

Ironically, now that I want to have sex....I am enjoying it so much. God decides to throw a monkey wrench into it. The part of my body that I rarily had cared about during most of my marriage has become an important part of my affair. I like using it now. So, it not working right is certainly putting a damper on my affairs and my fucking!

Then there is my girlfriend....she is fucking like a bunny with her boyfriend. Her problem,,thinning walls. Mine are too thick, hers are too thin. She also didnt use it for years and now she is having problems.....excessive sex and her walls bleed.

So here we are...two old ladies...finally enjoying sex and getting eaten out and well the damn twat is aging.

So she just called. "Fucker...I have a yeast infection now. I've never had one. What do I do?" the supportive friend that I am .....I started howling and tears are rolling down my face. Go to the drug store and get Monistat. Poor thing, now her old crotch is itching like crazy. She calls me from the store....there are 1 day, 3 day and 7 day kits. We read the box. My answer.....1200 mg vs. 200 mg. "I say kill the sucker in one shot. Hey with 1200 mg. who knows whatelse it can solve too. Kill whatever you got going on up there"

"Do I go for the combo pack?" Hmmm.....such damn decisions. I asked her if it had a little twat scratcher in the combo pack?" Don't you think...you know, like a back scratcher but a little one to scratch those itches inside? What a great invention.....

"I'm going to pee in my pants, stop it." "Great, I say, you should stop in the Depends aisle".

"How do I use it?" she says.... "Don't you use tampons? I asked"

"No." Okay, I told her what to do and then told her this was one of those moments---like when I thought I was going to die with a vibrator in me because of those brain freezes I was getting. she told me she wasn't coming over to get the dildo out before (and we assigned her boyfriend the job)....well, today I told her.... I am not coming over to help you with Monistat and your twat. you can do it.

so then she calls and says that there is a plastic tip, do I put it in. Hmmm...read the damn directions, it doesn't say she says. Okay, shove it in and if you feel uncomfortable, it will end up being toxic shock and you know it shouldn't have been inserted.

Next call.....You Win! Not a funny situation but ironic in itself. He said that he has been having issues with staying hard. The pecker doesn't work as well as it used to these past few years. I guess that might explain the lack of him always wanting to talk sexual. He gets hard but it doesn't get rock hard.....he was hard when we were together but it didn't stay super duper hard. I was honored that he was telling me and well..he made an appointment to see the doctor. I guess he was worried about us meeting and him not being able to get it up. Now you all know me, I wouldn't be upset at all. I would be concerned. I would worry.

So, he made a doctor's appointment to get it checked out before we meet. Can you say Viagra?! Hmmmm.....I heard it stays hard for hours after that...damn, can my old pussy handle that?

so yes, today was a day of reality. Our body parts are getting old......but damn it, if it were a car, I have hardly any miles on it.....Sigh....have a great weekend and St. Patty's Day. Have a drink and toast Maturity!

I'm Okay and Strange Deviants On The Web

I am okay!! Yeah!!!! Woo Hoo!!! The test came back benign!! Sigh....

I was scared...really scared. In a way I feel I got a new lease on life. It's not over yet because the problem is still there. Let's just say having my period for a month is not really sexually exciting for me. Although, I was surprised to find out that many of the frogs do not care. Divorce Attorney, Mr. Podcaster and You Win were totally fine with it. I guess it is me who cares more... Gotta ask Tadpole today his view on it..

So last night I was on Instant Messenger with Curious George. We were talking about his first affair. I was a little jealous...I had wanted to be his first. It just never worked out between us. Well he has this arrangement with this girl..he's her Sugar Daddy in a way. Helps her out a little and she helps him out a little. Maybe I should have gone that route?!

So we are talking and all of a sudden the Chat Detective comes up and says something like...."Come On you know you shouldn't be doing this?" YIKES!!!!!! I mean it came through my speakers...I almost died. Luckily no one was around me. Well, to make it even weirder, the same thing happened to Curious George at the same time. Shit, it scared the two of us. So I wonder if they just send that out to everyone on Yahoo at the same time or if there is a cookie in there that shows my history. Hmmmm.....either way...I was not too happy with that and either was he. It was like being a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

And then this morning...I found a site. Its for people who like to stalk. A meeting ground for Stalkers. How fucked up is that?!? Strange things on the internet.

So my little Secret Lovers Lane seems so Vanilla compared to the other shit going on. I guess having an extramarital affair and being horny all the time is no biggie these days.....hee.hee

Have a great day darlings!!

Damn Horny!

Okay, I don't know what it is tonight...but I went from asexual to so damn horny. I think I want to be taken away from reality for awhile. Escaping with a secret lover always seems to do that for me. Gives me that intense escape. Gives me that desire to forget all.

I am dying for someone to Calgon me...you know,,,Take me away!!!

No, I'm not in the mood for romance. I am in the mood to fuck. Yes, intense lust. Meeting at a hotel room and closing the door as you are undressing each other before the door is slammed shut. Throwing the person up against the wall and ravaging their clothes off......lust, intense passion.....and fucking. No other desire but to take that person (and that person take me) to places that we rarily get to go.....wild, wild sex. Savagely exploring each others bodies. Pumping hard....wetness..intense wetness and orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. No romance....I want lust tonight.

Where this desire came from? I do not know. Do I have a specific person in my head? A few come to mind..I think my worries are starting to get to me. I need an escape like I never had. So in conclusion....its off to the hot tub and my drawer of vibrators. Let's see....the waterproof one is probably a good choice tonight.

Sweet Wet Dreams...I know I will be tossing and turning!

Status Quo Day

I guess when my pussy has been out of commission for so long, I don't have much to report sexually. Actually, its been more of a mental thing right now. Trying to keep busy until the test results come back....Denial...its a great thing!

Actually, except for that health detour....things are moving along. You Win! has been back in my life. He has been really great. Yeah, there is still that hesitation to trust...yeah, I haven't fallen back into that spell...but I am happy.

Actions speak louder than words in my book and helping someone in need speaks even louder. He has put himself on the limb for me to be a consultant for a client. To me, that has shown a lot and he is redeeming himself.

I have been feeling overwhelmed (money an issue again) and scared (health) but for some reason there is still a little rainbow...I just need to get the fuck out of this tsunami here.

I guess my life is taking more of a front seat (real life) where for awhile my secret escape was taking the lead, which is not that healthy.

Tadpole finally was able to meet me last week and I couldn't. Figures, I have a 1/2 hour in 24 hours that I had a business thing and that was when he was able to make it work. We are going to try again.

Fireman, I can't figure out his deal. Another drama moment for him. I told him, don't worry about it. ITs not a biggie.....just would have been nice to meet. I threw the ball in his court. I can't figure it out. I give him an out to walk away and he won't take it. Keeps saying he's dying to meet me.

Divorce Attorney is a one sided thing. When he texts me....he wants an answer. When I text, he doesn't answer. Strange. But he texts every day, every other day....whatever.

Emotions--I can say that it is taking a few frogs right now but I am emotionally good. The fact that they are so concerned about my health....is nice. Very nice actually. They can just walk away, they can just say--she's not fun right now....I am going to move on. But they haven't. Friends, really good friends is what I have made with these frogs.

Surprisingly, that's what I need right now. Okay, as I type that they truth is that I would love a hot afternoon of sex to forget everything.....who am I kidding? That would be the cherry on the cake. One afternoon of total bliss. Sigh... I guess my sexual drive is lying there waiting for an explosion.

A Murder Thank you Note

I received this yesterday from a long time reader....I want to thank her, I found this to be the perfect laugh for me tonight! Hmmmm....I have to start sending thank you notes of my own someday. Any suggestions?


Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

A Fairytale Every Little Girl Should Know (Adults Version)

I just got home...and this is what You Win! sent me in my email. It is hilarious in general. But now think about how much I was dying in that he doesn't even know about my blog, my Mr. Married Prince Charming Search or any Dysfunctional Frogs....part of me wishes I could tell him because it is way too funny....

I think I will read this to my daughter tonight

This is the fairy tale that should be read to all girls when they are little:


Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
In a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
A beautiful, independent,
Self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
Happened upon a frog as she sat
Contemplating ecological issues
On the shores of an unpolluted pond
In a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
And said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
Until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
And I will turn back
Into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
And then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
And set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
With my mother,
~~~~~~~~
Where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
Clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
And forever feel
Grateful and happy doing so. "
~~ ~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
As the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
On lightly sauteed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
Seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
And onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
She chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin' think so.

After Birthday Round Up

An uneventful birthday but just as I hit 42, a little glitch in health was waiting at the door. A female problem which I am hoping will not be a big deal. Of course, my mind wanderers thinking the worse. But hopefully it won't be....I am nervous though...I have no time for major drama in my life. I think we will all agree, I have enough.

My birthday turned out to be a Happy Day because of the Frogs! The hubby was sick and didn't even bother to wish me a Happy Birthday till 1PM and that was it. And you wonder why I can't stand him.

Thank you all for your birthday wishes..I can't tell you how they made me smile anf get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. We all love to be loved...and it felt good to hear a Happy Birthday!!

Tadpole, so sweet....right in there with wishing me a Happy Birthday and promising we would meet this week. Mr. Podcast, very busy but stilll managed to wish me a happy birthday a couple of times during the day. Springer left me a message. Divorce Attorney wanting to send me flowers (of course that is a no-no).... and then the unexpected call....You Win!

Yeah, I didn't expect that. He apologized and basically said he didn't call because he knew I was furious. He wanted to give me a couple of days to calm down. He said he had no reason for what he did. Ashley Madison is addicting. Hmmm....I can understand that statement. I certainly have done my share of browsing for new lovers even when I was with someone. IT is addicting.

I told him I wouldn't have cared if he had stayed up...but the lying deceit. Well he says he wants to try to win back my trust. I really missed you. I missed your voice, your laugh, your damn stupid jokes. I was miserable without you all week. I realized that I pushed away someone really great for stupidity. He even sent me a receipt of his Ashley cancellation.

So, I am not letting him back so easily. Realistically, I let him in like very few. I am not opening up that easily, but we are talking again. We will see where that gets us. And the big disappointment--the Fireman. He is so gone. Not even a call after all our talk about meeting this week. I can't bother. I just wanted to see what he looked like. Oh well!!

Gotta get to work.....Due to female problems, I will sexually be out of commission this week! Wow, talk about putting a damper on having an affair. It figures, you don't need a lot of accessories for an affair.....and the part that I need is out of commission. Well, of course, I can just please them ...now that's a thought.

Party Time!!

Woo Hoo!! I've been so busy lately, I haven't looked at the Statcounter....so its time to celebrate... 115,000 hits on my site!! WOW! How exciting...

And another celebration....tomorrow (actually in a few hours) it is my birthday. I don't expect it to be a big deal. It will be very low key....but I get extra excited when someone takes the time out of their day to wish me a Happy Birthday. I love it because I usually hear from friends I haven't heard from in a while. I get to catch up with others and there is usually that one surprise person who remembers that I am always shocked about. Let;s just say you aren't penalized if you forget but I make it extra special if you just remember. I think its so thoughtful and caring!

On Friday. I was teasing Tadpole. It's my birthday, you have to see me. So I asked him what are we waiting for? Is there some sign I should be looking for? something I can count down to? What is it going to take for us to meet again? His answer was "maybe a planet alignment". WE both started laughing. Well........I was on the internet and last night there was a lunar eclipse..Woo Hoo!! that counts for me! I quickly emailed him....its here, its here...see ya on Wednesday!! He's so sweet and makes me laugh .

Well I saw the lunar eclipse towards the end of it....the moon looked so fake. IT looked like it was pretend in the sky. It actually looked like this pix..pretty cool. I love things like that.

Fireman knows its my birthday. Honestly, if we do not meet this upcoming week...I am done, done, done. It's literally a first meeting and with him there is no fireworks flying. It will be friendly nothing more.

Mr. you Win is celebrating a big birthday this week. Thankfully mine comes first so I will see if he calls me. And then there is Divorce Attorney (he won't remember) and Mr. Springer (he probably will call).

So that's the round up. Except for my secret bookstore rendezvous, its been pretty quiet around here. Even Mr. Podcast is so busy, he doesnt' have time for our nightly chats. Sigh...

Sweet Wet Dreams!! Have a great day tomorrow..I know I am going to try!

XOXO

Sexual Fun in the Bookstore part 2

We left the bookstore and went into his car. We started to kiss, his hands roaming and landing right on my breasts. Now we all know how I love my nipples played with and so he did. I can feel him lowering back the seat as I am now in a reclining position.....part of me wanted to giggle but its his words that stopped it from coming out.

His fantasies are different. I don't know what name you would give them. He loves when other men want me. (Hmm....now that I wrote that maybe they aren't different than the other frogs). He got even harder when this man smiled at me in the bookstore and then these men at a table looked at me. He loved it.

His desire is for me to be all dressed up and waiting for him at a bar. Flirting my ass off with other men, teasing them, making them think that they have a chance with me and then he swifts me away from them and he has me. It's a power thing...its a deep routed feeling that I win I guess.

So as we are in the car, he's whispering in my ear. You love when those men look at you don't you? You love that guy smiled and watched you walk? He's controlling (in a good, hot way). It was turning me on.

It was certainly fun kissing and well my nipples were loving the attention. I didn't have to do a Cheri Check because I could see his cock bulging from his pants. In fact, the pants were getting so damn tight. It looked big, I wanted to see it. It was as if he read my mind because his cock was now out. Very nice!! I touched his cock and was pleased to find that it was quite long. Yeah, he was a good 8 inches or so...now I didn't have a ruler but he looked longer than many I have seen. Not a lot of girth though. Adequate but not like Soulmate Chris who was super wide!

I love cocks. It amazes me how not one is like another. And each one has its own beautiful characteristics. I don't think I met a cock that I didn't find something I truly liked about it. Beautiful head, nice rim, girth, length, structure...... there's usually something distinctive about it that is quite appealing.

Anway, back to the car. So it was getting hot. He was whispering all these things that he wants to do to me. and he said, I want to know what I can do for you. What is going to make it special. What does my baby want? There's time to share my fantasies.

Cum for me....I told him. I want to cum on you. He said. hmm...well he can't cum on me and then I go home. I want to cum in your mouth he said. Now I am usually not a big fan of that unless its in a moment and I want to and well tonight..I wanted to taste him. I already was feeling alive and spontaneous....and so when he shot, I let him shoot in my mouth.

I want you to kiss me now with your cum all over my lips. He hesitated and then smiled and he did. Hey, he got me to do something teetering the line, I wanted him to teeter too!!

So we talked a little....we kissed good by and he said I want that real date and time with you. This was fun and great and I loved it...thank you he said.

So I jumped in my car, ran home with my magazine and threw back on my pajamas. As I started to work, I felt like it didn't happen. Like it was a fantasy or something.... an hour and 1/2 or here I am back where I was. PJs, ponytail.... except for one thing....

a little smile on my face, a giggle in my heart and the wetness between my legs. Wow that was one hell of a trip to the bookstore.....I love spontaneous moments!! YUM!!

A Spontaneous Trip To The Bookstore to Meet A Frog

Sitting at my computer, in my pajamas and just thinking about the rough day I had. My hair is already in a pony tail and I am working diligently to try and catch up on all the work I have to do. It's been a long day, I am exhausted.

Divorce Attorney sends me a note. Gotta give this guy credit. He has been pursuing me for over one 1/2 years now. He always had bad timing....coming on stronger when Mr. Government and I were solid. He asks me to coffee, lunch, dinner...whatever I want at least three times a month. I always turn him down.

He's been calling me, emailing me and sweet talking me all month. Tonight, I answered and we chatted a little. I want you so badly. I dream about you and masturbate to you. All I think about is your lips....our hot kiss.

How sweet!

I'm near your house at the bookstore. Meet me. I can't, I am in my pajamas. I will wait here until you come or closing. Please. I wrote back....I am in my pjs, no makeup, look like I just rolled out of bed.

I want to see you so badly. Please, even for 5 seconds...I just want to see you and touch your lips for a few seconds. I will sit here until the store closes and hope you will show up.

I look disgusting I said.

I don't care if you come in your pjs...I want to see you so badly...just taste your lips.

Well you know me. I love romance. I love spontaneoity..I love just going for it without even thinking. something off base. Okay...I'm going. I went upstairs..pulled my hairout of the pony....threw on a little blush and eyeliner....slipped on the clothes I wore today and I was off. Yes, he was getting exactly who I am....nothing more. Announced that I had to run to the bookstore for a second..and ran out the door.

"I'm on my way, get me a latte and meet me by the magazines."

And thats what he did. I walked down the magazine aisle and we pretended not to know each other. He slowly snuck up behind me as I was reading a magazine. Damn you look fucking hot! Okay, his vision must have been slipping over the year...this was not one of my super hot moments. I looked okay..but nothing crazy.

With latte in hand, we sat down at the table and started to read a magazine. We were very close, extremely close...there was no explaining who he was if someone walked in. We looked way too comfortable. His hand was rubbing my back, his other hand reached around and undid my zipper on my shirt a little. Okay, a lot. My boobs were hanging out. thankfullly the magazine hid it. "ahem, someone is going to see". "And they would think I was some damn lucky guy to be able to look so close to these tits." Damn, I just want to stare at them and wish my mouth was around them.

Pretend you are reading the magazine, he says to me. As he whispers in my ear. I want you so damn bad....I wish we could go someplace quiet and I can finally have you. ..

Okay, I am literally falling asleep right now....this will have to be continued in the morning!!

A Lesson Learned From a Very Dysfunctional Frog

Do you believe in signs? Do you believe in angels? I do. I know you may laugh but if I look at the signs...what may hurt now, can turn out to be the best thing down the road. I mentioned the guy who I almost married who turned out to be a child molester (his own--ugh). I swear my grandmother (who had just passed away) had pulled me away from him.

And with Mr you Win! There was a dark side. Here's an interesting fact..I didn't like his lips. something about someones lips when they are so damn tight. Not relaxed at all...they seem like this person is a time bomb ready to explode.

I guess I am bewildered by people when they do things that I can't even fathom doing. I don't know what his game plan was. He actually never went back to the site after this all happened. I think that he is used to being in total control. Controlling everything. With me, it was trying to figure out what would make me tick. He did and he ran with it.

He had a mission, he had a goal. His goal was to make me happy. He mentioned it quite a few times.....he was determined to make this soldier happy. And then I think back, when I would say something nice (like when he was having a bad day and I just was myself) he would say...you will be greatly rewarded for your loyalty. Interesting choice of words.

Well, gotta tell ya. I felt duped! But I am 100% bounced back. I really wasn't crazy about him per se. I was crazy about the way I felt. Crazy about how great he made me felt. Crazy about how special he made me feel. That was nice.

So what did I learn from this Dysfunctional Frog?
I learned that I do want to find that someone who can make me feel special. I learned that when I do find that special someone, he will be more than enough for my heart and soul. I also learned that it doesn't take as much as I thought it would to feel complete.

Back to regular life...back to the chaos of work...back to normalcy.

Again thank you all for caring so much. It feels so wonderful to know there are people who care about me (especially when I am down). And thankfully, after two days of licking my paws and feeling sorry for myself...I bounced back. Woo Hoo!!! That was a fast one!

Seduction of My Mind

So the drama left, the anger subsided and what is left....the hole. How ironic that the word "WHOLE" and "HOLE" are the same word yet mean exactly the opposite when it comes to your heart. I felt so WHOLE 24 hours ago and now I feel the HOLE again......rrrrrrr.

So what have I learned? Trust that damn inner voice of mine. I keep not listening. Oh I knew he was full of shit a lot...but he was feeding me the manure that I so badly wanted and that was filling up the emptiness. Tadpole and I were talking. I told him the other day, this guy was definitely not MArried Prince Charming. I knew he was handing me shit. MY hearts not broken.....I am just feeling a bruised ego. I didn't see him putting up another profile. I kept encompassing myself with his bullshit because it felt so damn good. Nothing is wrong with that because I knew. I guess the fact that he blindsided me, is what took me by surprise. That is what is pissing me off. He knew he was getting one over on me.

And reality is....I was no angel either. Okay, okay I admit it. I didn't have my profile up there BUT my feelings for Tadpole never swayed. The Fireman is still in the pix by email, I am debating whether to meet him. So technically I wasn't looking for new, but I didn't walk away from the interests I already had.

One thing I am learning from Ashley Madison is that it is addicting. That feeling of finding someone new....that desire, that tingling, that wetness......the imagination luring. The fact that this might be the guy who can make my body do things that it never has responded to.
I am being seduced by the thought of seduction.

Well, I did learn an important lesson fro this one. I know what the escape is that my inner self needs. It's definitely not just physical...its emotional too. ITs a connection....a deep connection..I like that. And it isn't true love. I'm not looking for true love....I'm not looking for a mate for life. I am looking for the physical and emotional connection along with reality that we belong to someone else. And honesty...I need to know the feelings are genuine. That's all I ask. That if you really like my smile....tell me. But if you don't...don't lie because it will get you in my pants.

Having been so busy, I didn't get to share all the nice things I had experienced. He seduced my mind...it was amazing. And that is what I am looking for. A man who mentally fulfills me in a way. How bizarre but think about it. The guys I am attracted to have all been extremely smart, witty and personable. It's not a mistake..its what I look for.

Okay, I am babbling.....I am back. Starting Wednesday, my life returns to what it was before and truthfully.....that's okay for now. How sad I feel I took so many steps back this week. I was almost at that door. Damn...I was sooo close to a total emotional and physical thing....

I Let Him In

The last three weeks, I have felt amazingly great. I had met someone who I (once again) thought was my soulmate. He made me laugh, he made me smile, he wanted to know everything about me. We talked about our dreams, our desires...."I want to make you happy. I want to fulfill you, I want you to fall in love with me".

Brick by brick, he broke my wall down. Brick by brick, I allowed him to get closer to me, to my dreams, my desires, my inner soul. Not just the sexual part of me....my whole world. He was seeping into my brain and my heart. He was fulfilling that void that existed.

Yes, I felt great. I have to say, there was a voice inside who was warning me (I told it to both Tadpole and to Mr. Podcast) but overall...this man was doing everything right. I found myself letting totally go. I allowed myself to trust, to feel comfortable and not second guess him (which had always been a problem in the past). I felt secure with him (even with that little voice).

He wanted me to take down my profile from Ashley Madison. I agreed and asked the same from him. We decided that we should give it a shot without others. We would focus on exclusivity with each other. I shut my profile down....and for the first time..I was really okay with it. I didn't have the desire to go back and look. I didn't have the desire to search for more. The insecurity had disappeared.

And with this new found wholeness. I found that it made me better. Having that void fulfilled inside of me....was making me a stronger person. I never realized how much energy that void sucked from the person I am. With that void inside of me fulfilled, with happiness once again in my heart and fulfillment....I was able to concentrate and focus on my life. Feeling so good allowed me to expand that to other areas of my life. I forgot how Mr. Government had motivated me and Soulmate Chris. I forgot how great it felt to be complete.

Tonight was a bad night. The hubby did something that once again shook my world. He once again wrote a check without me knowing. And the mortgage money covered it. The man had also taken my debit card and had the audacity to call to see why he couldn't get money out of the account. What?!? I quickly checked...well asshole, you wrote a check that came in that I didnt know about.

Totally distraught, I turned to my new wholeness. And of course, he comforted me and made me feel like a million dollars. He gave me hope that it would all work out. He sent me hysterical jokes every 4 minutes for an hour until I was giggling out of control. He made my heart sing....he cared about me. He made me feel so damn special. We had to reschedule our planned trip for tomorrow because of weather and me being sick. So I had already been down, then this with the hubby....I was feeling real bad. We decided to reschedule the trip for next week....our birthdays are two days apart. We were going to spend that day inbetween together in bed.....a present to both of us.

I started to clear out my email mailbox and came across a message from him that had been on Ashley. I went back to read it....to make me smile....and when I got there, his name was not on the favorite list. I haven't pulled up my Ashley in over 2 weeks since we decided to take the profiles down. However, a new name was on there. You see...a word of advice. If you change your name on Ashley Madison....the new name appears on someones favorite list in place of your old name. So that person knows you changed your name (which is a good thing).

So I click on this new name and there is his pix...his new profile...his new pix....and a whole new damn profile...and he checked it yesterday. Once again, I felt my insides being ripped out. That void was back and this time a little deeper. What a fucking fool I was. I believed him. I believed his caring, I believed his compassion, his aura, his desires to make me believe we were meant for each other. Him telling me today, how I should leave my husband and move up there near him (I laughed & told him how ridiculous but come on.....I feel so stupid for even thinking he meant it even for a nano second). I was taken ball and sinker by a player. He worked and worked and worked at the challenge....and probably enjoyed each brick as he felt them fall. He wanted the profiles down. I had gone this road before....but now he lied. I can't take lying it makes it impossible for me to believe anything else the person says. Sigh

I called him on it.....I built up as many bricks as I could. I emailed him and told him how happy I was that I found out before we spent the weekend together. Kudos, you played me for a fool. How stupid I thought you were different. We were both on the site at the same time. He didn't answer my email, I didn't acknowledge him.

So now, I am sitting here with this gaping hole in my heart again. I cried a little. You know I went to my tub...and I cried. Not because I lost him....but because the hole was back. The emptiness was back. I loved that feeling of completeness...of someone holding me in their arms, of someone making me feel so damn good. That first kiss, that second kiss...that feeling when someone touches you for the first time. That wetness that is so damn wet in between your legs. The desire, the passion. I loved hearing the words I love you, even though it wasn't a love like husband and wife...but a more I love who you are love. It would have been so sexually hot for us. He was the first guy who allowed me to get so close emotionally. We were almost there. Fate worked against us or my angels were working overtime for me.

I am angry and disappointed because it was so damn close this time. It felt so damn good. I kind of saw it (I did see he was a player, I told you all that). He's excellent. He stuck with it and worked me till the walls came down and I questioned my hesitations.

Okay, if you see the bricks lying around....send them my way. Actually, it felt soooo good, I know I need to find someone to fill that void. My profiles are back up. A couple of days and I may have the strength to go back....I need to lick the wounds a little. I was suppose to be in his arms lying in a hotel room tomorrow all day having amazing sex...and now...I will be moping around the house. Life really sucks sometimes....

The Mystery Cock

Today I am sitting in my training and a text message comes over. It's a pix of a cock. It's quite a nice looking cock. It came over Yahoo, so I wasn't sure who it belonged too. Now that is bad, a nice looking cock and you don't know who the owner of it is.

So I was thinking. It looked like Mr. Navigator's cock. And this week, he actually wanted to meet. I declined. One because of work and two well.....he hasn't really been around. But it looked like his cock...same direction bend, same size.....hmmmm...a definite potential.

Then there was Curious George. Curious George might send his cock but it didn't look like it. How funny, I am a cock identifier. His stands straight up more. His has a certain identifiable mushroom head and it is more round. Nah, not his.

Now there is Tadpole. Tadpole and I never kissed, I have never seen his cock....and well, this is not his style at all. Nah...not his.

Divorce Attorney....I doubt it. He;s shy..never would send a cock.

And then there is You Win! Now things are going well with you win. Actually, I am so my self with him. And, And, he is really giving me what I need emotionally. Yup!! finally a man who is not afraid to tell me how he feels. A man who tells me how great the weeks have been since I've come into his life. How he looks forward to hearing from me, emailing me.....how special I am to him. Now, here is a man who claims to want all of me. Heart and soul. He's not into cybersex or too erotic phone sex...so while this kind of looked like his cock.....I wasn't sure. He has never or was ever willing to send a pix of it.

I felt it was a test. A test for him to see if I knew it was his cock. A test to see if I really was not still talking with other men. Hmmmm.....do I call and say something? Do I text back. I decided to text back. Yes, this way, I am acknowledging the fine cock with nice girth....I was going to throw in is this a preview?

Well the Mystery Cock has finally been identified...it is Mr. You Wins to my surprise. And deep inside I think it was a test. I took my chance and mentioned it....and he was happy.

I am doing something I have never done before. I have a business trip next week. I am sleeping over and Mr. You Win! is going to meet me up there. How exciting, how scary. A full night in his arms....yummy!! I am excited and nervous. Oh, guess what. The Angels are working over time...I can feel my period coming on. He said....crime scene sex is okay...I hope it doesn't come to that. So yes, things are going well right now. I have left you out of the loop but Mr. You Win and I have been talking regularly.

He's planning a big day and night of sex around the clock with lots of toys!! I can't wait to share...I have a feeling this is going to be a night of lots of fun....talk soon!!