ALONE, LOST THEM ALL

Is it that time of year? I am in a total funk. I look around and I lost the closest people to me within the last few months. Most were just really good friends that I met online...it was more of a friendship connection. Others were soulmates......This week, I lost both DigEm and Mystery Man, The two men that together made me whole. Now? I feel like a lost soul. EMPTY....



And I am doing really stupid things. In search of filling this deep, deep void...I have been on Ashley Madison again--- in search of frogs. And of course, I filled up the pond again. A mixture of old frogs and new. A return of the Fireman who I flirted with for so long. The holidays are the perfect time to send a note....and there he was wanting to meet me. Of course, again, he didn't follow through. The surgeon, this one I have to meet. I can't figure out what his deal is. Claims he is dying for me but afraid to meet. JuicyMan...meeting him on Friday. Very cute, not sure about him but we are going to meet. Electric Man....well he is constantly looking for me. Contstantly tracking me down....to me he sounds like trouble....serious past drug problems, stalking a little....I say stay clear.



Well today I met Mr. Porsche. You know, the guy who is really into Controlling. I hesitated. I am definitely not my best. I am feeling gross (I gained 7 lbs from depression) and I wasn't up to my game. A game of cat and mouse. But, I figured, if I ever was going to be submissive, today may be a good day. My attitude was very vulnerable. He is being patient. He is sitting back and playing his cards.....exactly right I might add. He knows I am hurting right now, he is being totally supportive and understanding. 4 lunches....and nothing but a peck and a shoulder filled with tears. Today, he wanted to meet me. Today he wanted to fuck me but only if it was what I wanted.

We met at a local motel. He really isn't my type if I had a type but he has great eyes and a great personality. So how was the day? WOW. He controlled the day and quite frankly, he made me feel like a little inexperienced girl. Quite a different role from Mystery Man. This man was controlling but in a very sweet gentle way. I forgot how to do anything. I felt so inexperienced, it was so weird. How can you be sooo on with one guy and so timid with another.


His goal today----was to totally please me. I was the agenda. His goal was to make me cum over and over again. I've mentioned this before, I have a problem releasing. Allowing myself to go to that next level....I can't help it. I cum hard once and I won't' let myself experience any more. I will go back for some additional orgasms but not right away.


Well he didn't want that.....he knew my body...very strange since we first met. He immediately went down on me. And he knows how to use that tongue....he worked my clit, his fingers inside of me, his fingers leaning on my ass.....and his other hand squeezing my nipples so damn hard. It was uncomfortable yet hot. His tongue knew how to work....sucking,licking and doing circles. I was so wet, you could hear the wetness......I am amazed how wet I get.....

As I moaned and came, I tried to move out of his grasp. He wouldn't let me go...."no baby, I want you to let go...relax, you are going to cum again." My body beginning to squirm even more, not sure if I felt pleasure or pain....He wasnt letting me up....baby, relax....you can do it, cum again...I could hear myself moaning. I could feel my body responding again...a strange yet enticing feeling...it was hot! And so I came again...."do you know how beautiful you look when you are cumming?" I can feel my face change...the tension release, the euphoria in my eyes...its perfect..a perfect place.

Aahh, he fucked me hard and I sucked him hard. But he didn't cum. I felt like a failure. How could he not cum? Was I not hot enough for him? Obviously not....he watched me masturbate and then he lent a helping hand and got me to cum again...

We talked, we giggled, we played. It was a really nice day. It was truly fun and for me sexually satisfying. The fact that he didn't cum was disturbing. Maybe I lost my touch? Now you know there had to be an I Love Lucy moment with me.... i didn't want to get my hair wet in the shower so he tried to turn the showerhead....the showerhead came off in his hand and the water was going everywhere...the reaction on his face....I was dying laughing. I mean I couldn't catch my breath....he just looked at me out of the corner of his eye with a disapproving look and well forget it......I started gasping for air I was laughing so hard. He just looked at me and started dying with laughter.....it was too much for him to take..he just shook his head and started laughing. I'm a nut...I know it. I love to have fun....and the strangest things make me laugh.

Now here is something that is pretty intriguing. Mr. Porshe is the total opposite on what he likes in bed from Mystery Man. I mean he loves being carressed and his nipples played with, his balls rubbed and sucked and that area by his ass and he would love a rimming. Mystery Man...nipples were okay, gentle ball playing was okay but not on the priority list. He loved when I pulled his cock all the way back to me. That would make him moan. Funny how there is no one set of rules...you gotta read the person. I watched him masturbate a little....to me that tells me exactly what a man likes. So, it was fun today and if I wasn't stressed from work and from my two main men leaving...I probably would be super happy right now.

Got home, to see Mystery Man sign on Ashley. My mood switched quickly. I miss him, I miss the familiarity of our bodies. The seem to just naturally connect. I wonder if that is because it had been 8 months....did we learn each other? Have I forgotten when it was awkward? I don't think so...I think we were a good fit.

POUT!