I am a very passionate woman. I am into telling people what I think and what I feel. That is probably one of the reasons I feel so trapped in my marriage. The lack of affection is devastating for a person like myself who thrives on touch and hugs and kisses.
Mr. P is going through a real rough time with work. While he is out working his butt off to keep his business afloat, his employees are doing things in the office...their way. Having had my own business, I have been told I am a fair boss and a good boss. But if someone crosses me, oh they know. One thing I demanded was respect and honesty from my employees. If you screwed up...we are human, but if you try to blame someone else or try to cover it....I would flip! My employees felt I was a very fair boss.
Anyway, Mr. P's employees have stepped over that line. I am so protective of him. I am angry that they are taking such advantage of him. Personally, I would go in and just lay it out. There is no compromising or room for employees that all cover for each other. I would nip it in the butt. He is soooo overwhelmed...
So anyway, I am his sounding board. I help him with his managerial direction...he respects my opinion and 95% of the time he goes with it. Today, he was beyond frazzled. I was scared. He had so much on his shoulders, more than most days and quite frankly, I was nervous for his health, that's how much pressure he is under. So I sent him an email saying I love you, you are so special to me and I don't want to see this hurt you or kill you...I said more but that was the part that is relevant here.
Now after I sent it, I realized.....oh man, the old I love you. the way I meant it, I hope he got it. I do love him very much. He has been a wonderful friend and has helped me through the toughest and darkest days. He is always there for me. I did not mean it as a husband and wife love. I hope he realized that. And here we are back to the old...there are different kinds of love.
His response....That was very sweet. Thank you.
Hmmmm....I've spoken to him since. It wasn't mentioned. As I am typing, I am thinking,,,should I be insulted that he didn't say I love you back? I wasn't insulted but should I be?! There was a whole story besides the I love you. Actually it was a little about my neighbor and what he is going through so it wasn't just an I love you. I don't regret it, because I do feel that way. I love my close friends. I love them for supporting me and being there for me. hmmm....I gotta think about this one
9 comments:
I sympathise. Sometimes you can say those words and, because you know what you mean by them, you think that the person on the other end will do so too. Unfortunately that's not always the case - hope it is for you though.
Probably the "ILY" caught him by surprise too, regardless of the context. He didn't need to say ILY back, why? after all, you said those words mostly in a comforting-friendly way. Don't bring it up, if you say something about it, bet you he'll freak out.
No, I don't think you should be insulted and here's why: when you tell someone you love them, it is a giving act. "i give you this". It is supportive, it should be without thought of receiving for yourself. I think the idea that the other person reciprocating it is a Hollywood thing. I actually don't want my partner, when I've been in such a relationship, to say it when I do. Say it when, and if you really mean it, when the moment strikes you. Don't just parrot it back to me. You know what I mean? I want genuine.
I also very very much empathize with your comment about "the lack of affection and how devastating it is". I hear that!!
You know how squirrely men can get about the L word. He obviously feels strongly about you. So he probably knows what you meant.
No, no, don't be insulted at all. He knows what you mean. He knows that you want to hear it back. It's not the right time to tell you. In a way, he did. He acknowledged it, it meant something to him, it registered. Leave it alone; he cares, he loves. Let him show in in his own way, not that way you want to hear.
It was sweet. He can take it.
I agree - it was sweet. Everyone wants to be loved. Well done you!
I am sure he'll understand what you meant. He knows he doesn't have to say ILY back, and you do too, really. He has so much on his mind he hasn't got time to analyse and re-analyse everything that's said between you. He'll be OK. And so will you.
I'm thinking his reply was sweet. Heck, I've been with my AP for 5 months & he freaked when I told him I was getting attached to him! I would have been thrilled with a response like you got. Don't fret over it. Could have been worse :)
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