February Blues

I always seem to get depressed in February. I don't know if it is light deprivation or what but I just want to crawl into a hole. the kids have off from school and it has just been so dreary. My littlest one thinks 4AM is a great time to get up for the day and I have been grabbing 2 hours of sleep, working, grabbing another two hours. My body is totally screwed up right now.

Mr. Porsche will be coming home from his vacation and I missed him so. It's not just the lack of physical contact but the lack of talking to him three times a day has put me into withdrawal. I also have a very big birthday coming (45) and I can't wait for the house to be in order and the construction done. Honestly, I took on too much but when you are in the middle of the construction there is only one way to go and that is to the finish line.

I have been sitting here evaluating my life and wondering what is going to make me happy. It's not men. I know that for sure. I have a date on Friday with someone new. Nice guy, cute but he reminds me too much of my ex husband starting over again in life. Nothing is wrong with that except selfishly, I would like to find a man who has already found himself. He doesn't have to be rich but have a decent career and financially be okay. Am I wrong for wanting that?

I had met a man on Ashley Madison that was brilliant. Talk about mentally stimulating. He has written a best selling novel on the brain and genetics. It's deep, its philisophical and it's also one of those deep theory books like the Secret. Very cult like. So I half jokingly said I think I can say that I finally met a man online who may be way out of my league in intelligence. I mean this was thinking on a whole different level. Now I can hold an intelligent conversation with the best of them but after reviewing his website, he was super deep. OR......so I thought. we exchanged maybe two emails when he said that I totally intrigued him but he did not have a car and we lived too far away from each other. HOWEVER, he's not into a long term relationship but if I was into casual sex then he would definitely be interested.

Okay, let's examine that statement. You live too far away and do not have a car but for casual sex you are able to get here?!? So I responded..... interesting, I guess you are so well endowed that your cock is able to stretch 30 miles? What a moron. I politely said that I could easily get sex, didn't have to travel for it and I only really wanted him for his mind. Stupidly, I had forgotten that I had given him my telephone number two emails before and as soon as he got it, he called me. Turned out Mr. super brain was your everyday ordinary man both in his talk and his stupid casual sex remark. We actually spoke about his book for awhile and I found it very interesting. I actually plan on buying it tomorrow. However, I was so turned off by his carefree, we can hangout one night and if we like each other hookup. Am I back in Woodstock?! Are we going to do an LSD trip too?! I am beginning to think he had a ghostwriter write his book or he just got damn lucky on getting a bestseller because if he said "and stuff" one more time, I was going to gag. and the only time I like to gag is when a cock is so deep in my throat and a man cums. Now that is a good gag! lol

Anyway, I have been deep in thought and so damn busy I don't know which end is up. the good news, one of my clients is going away for two weeks. That should give me time to catch up with my other clients and maybe get my head on straight. Oh, I have to tell you the furniture story, you will laugh. Sweet dreams for now!! Kisses to all!!!

Oh wait....Mr. Astronaut..I think I finally figured out the problem. He likes me. He has been backing off on the threesome but he also has backed off on the vulgar banter. I need to focus and you are too much on my mind lately. Hmmmm...what does that mean? You got unbelievable skills. I don't know, he's being polite, he's being sweet, we've had real conversations but then he is being so distant. so he either doesn't like me or he likes me!?!?! I am so confused. I wish I could figure men out. I have no idea.

And Divorce Attorney if you remember left me out of frustration. For years, he wanted to hear about all the men I fucked and four months ago he said he couldn't take it. I didn't give him anytime and he left in a rage. I let him go. Well at 2AM last night, he called me after so many months and he had the balls to get upset that I was sleeping. there are very few men that I would get up for at 2AM after I just had gone to sleep at 1AM. And quite frankly, he is not one of them. So how dare he get pissed. Grrrrrrrrrrr....I don't get men!!