We all have crap in our lives. Just some of us have more crap than others. Today, I had to watch as my child was put under anethesia and fought it. As her eyes looked at me and begged that I help her. The tears rolled down my face. God forbid something terrible happened, I was part of allowing it to happen. The poor thing is a trooper....three teeth pulled, two root canals and two crowns replaced and after I held her in my arms for a few hours. She bounced right back.
I was alone today. The Ex was working and didn't even call to see if I was okay. My parents didn't think to ask if I needed help. The EX didn't even call till 4:30PM. Actually Mr. Porsche, after being insensitive last night and we had a fight...actually came to the rescue today and called and text me throughout the whole three hour surgery. My girlfriends had assumed the ex would be in the picture but he wasn't, so they were frantically calling to see if they could pick us up, do something. Honestly, at that point, I was okay and she was okay. My girlfriend made me a friendship cake today and brought it over to make me smile.
As I lied in the bed with my daughter in the hospital. I sat there and thought a lot. This is what matters. These children need me. I need to be there for them. And then the reality, they need me so much that my work is being effected. I need to start figuring out a balance here or my job will be in trouble. Truth is, their needs are a lot and to be a good mother, I need to work less. I work less, I lose my job. So what is a girl to do? My clients expect too much because I have given so much. I need to start working smarter.
And for men, that same damn relationship card keeps coming up when I do my angel reading. The card means...I need to build a relationship with me. I need to start getting it together and loving myself with bring others in my life. And today, I decided to do that. Re-look at my priorities in the morning. Re-evaluate what I want out of life.
On the list...a hobby. I need to find something to do that I really enjoy that is not just revolving around sex and blowjobs. Although I do enjoy that a lot. Working out....tomorrow is suppose to be a gorgeous day. I am going to begin walking again, go buy myself new sneakers and check out the hot yoga and regular gym. I need a haircut....I need to listen to my inner soul. and then work, I have some loose end projects I gotta get out of the way. I turned down three clients this week. Yes, I can't take on anymore freelance, just concentrate on building the clients I have right now. And bed before midnight. While it is impossible to do most of the time, I need to start implementing it so I wake up refreshed and ready to start my day.
Sounds like a good plan? Hmmm...if I had wild sex three times a week, that would cover a lot on this list. And if I laid there and thought about work inbetween sex sessions...I could accomplish a lot including a blowjob hobby. JUST KIDDING! But it would be fun trying out that approach.
You've all been screaming at me that I should start looking for inner peace. I think you are right. I am proud of myself today. I was the only mom alone in the whole surgical center. Sad and scary at first but I did it. I am strong. Please God, continue to give me the strength.
And tomorrow the saga continues. The Ex car which is under my name has not passed inspection which means it is not registered. Which means that since the car is in my name, I told him he had until tomorrow to hand over the plates to me, Its going to be a war but I refuse to get more legal issues. If he doesn't hand over the plates, I have only one thing to do. I have to report the car stolen. Oh this should be interesting. but after today, I realized. I need to protect me and my children first. Do I have the balls to report him? I think tonight while I sleep, I will have to grow those set of balls.
4 comments:
Need a hobby? Take a ballroom class. Can't think of a better way to make yourself feel good about yourself. And if any of the kids are old enough, you could drag them along too.
I have been thinking about taking my grandaughter (15) to mine.
Thanks not a bad suggestion from J. How about Salsa classes. You could still take the kids along, but at the same time you'd get to dance with (some) gorgeous men and you never know who's gonna turn up!
About time you listen to us. Matter of fact I was one of first to say it.
Glad surgery went well. The EX gotta tell ya this there is probably more battles as well.
As long as you have kids, even at 18 never will end. I have been married 26 years this past Tuesday and even tho not divorced I can say with eviction he ain't going away and will always u troubles.
EEEKKK
Linda
In the end, the family always has to come first. Maybe you need to downsize a little to cope with the very delicate balance between family, work and relationships. That's much easier said than done, but I did it years ago and have never regretted it.
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