A Whore Is a Whore Is A Whore??

Okay...Tony M (known as T-)..sent me this pix. Can you die?? I was laughing so hard --it so fit my entire last year at Secret Lovers Lane AND my entire frame of mind and blog entry today! thanks T-!!!! This is a classic!

I started this blog, almost a year ago, as my diary to my soul. Since I couldn't share my Dirty Little Secret with anyone in my life, I felt blog entries would be a great way to unload my inner thoughts. Never did I even suspect, that people would read my blog...hee.hee. Never did I expect that I would meet such great people along the way.

I truly was disillusioned and thought that I would easily be able to find a man that was into the same things that I was. I wanted someone I could share some hours during the week....kind of like a buddy that I laughed with emailed, text, spoke with-- and then when we would meet we would just explore our sexuality. Let's face it, how much exploring did you do before you were married? I always had a boyfriend but the sex wasn't anything I would chalk up to bringing us both to heights of intense passion. Some were hot....most were just plain sex.

So I wanted to push the limits (or the envelope as some would say). The last year has been great exploring, trying new things, feeling that intense passion that had so been dead. I have come back to life (literally)! But the reality, I still haven't met a man who can give me what I need....the respect, the buddy, the passionate sex.

Am I looking for a serious commitment? I am not. Because reality stares me in the face. My life has complications that I am realistic about....they are hard for me to handle sometimes, I would never ever think I would find a man that would want (or be able) to take on such responsibilities. In fact, my conclusion is that if I was going to ever leave my husband....it would be when I wasn't involved with someone....just to be sure that I was leaving for the right reasons (not with false expectations of hooking up with this other man).

I can write over and over again that I am a good girl. That I deserve (and do expect) respect. I have done some amazing things in this world that I have made a difference. I have left permanent and positive marks (and will continue to) with many of my efforts in life (especially my advocacy work). Yet, I find that I am treated like a common whore by some of the men that I have run into. Is it what I should expect wanting to explore my sexuality? Does that "Title" and "treatment"come with the desire to explore and have an affair?

Last night, I was on the IM with Curious George. He had paid $60 to cam with a woman and talk with a woman. Hmm...it made me think....what makes me different from that woman? What makes me different from a prostitute? The only thing--I am not charging!! If I am not getting the friendship and respect, then I am just a stupid whore who gives the goods away for free. Is that what my life has become and how others see me?? Are the guys looking on Ashley Madison just looking to fuck me like a whore? It actually is beginning to feel like that.

So, I am taking the weekend off. Taking some me time and truly re-evaluating my life and my frog associations. The big question--is it worth all the energy I am putting into finding a great guy just for a couple of hot sessions of amazing sex? Do I clean the slate and begin again? Do I just leave this all behind and just hope that Mr. Prince Charming will find me one day? A lot to think about....

Wishing you all an amazing weekend!!!