Balance with Three Men

Well the whirlwind in my head as stopped. And surprisingly what is left is calm and balance. Knowing who Mystery Man is, changes nothing except I feel calmer inside. If he's gone, he's gone and there is nothing I can do. The anger has passed, the betrayal that I felt. All I had was his first name and that wasn't it. I am worried about the Linked In but I can't do anything about it. It is what it is.

So why did I need to know who he was? Especially since I don't plan on doing anything with it. I am not sure if it was to make him real, a connection in my head or if it was just a control thing. Having his name has put him in a place in the universe. Before it was as if he only appearred in Paradise. As if he was the devil who came in and vanished into the air. Then of course there is the control issue. He has been controlling this relationship since day one. Nothing will change except for the fact that now I have a control in my head. Who know, I feel better. And now that the dust has passed, I do hope he will be back again. I so enjoy our times together.

So am I addicted to sex? Actually MM asked me that...I lied and said...well I would have shriveled up and died since I haven't seen you (I seemed to have left out Mr. Porsche..lol). And then today, Mr. Porsche and I were talking. He went to a strip club last night. I don't understand the concept. He took a client out and said he didn't enjoy it. He did have a massage and he bought the client a lap dance. I love busting his chops. He gets a kick out of my spunk--I think because I am so tough in day to day and he has such control in the bedroom. The more I challenge him in day to day life....the hotter our sex is in the bedroom. I don't remember the context but we were talking about swallowing cum (most talk about the weather, we talk about swallowing). He said I was your first...I said if you want to believe that...and laughed. And what was that laugh, he said. Somehow the convo went to others....he always says he wouldn't be jealous... well, I was testing you he said. I thought it doesn't matter if I am with someone else? As long as you are happy, I don't care...was his answer. IT was that laugh, he said. Oh no..I must have given a giggle....like I have a secret. He suspects now...that's ok

And then there is a new guy. I am not sure if I told you about him. We spoke the other night online and then I spoke to him for an hour on the phone. He said we will take it as slow as I need to. He was the suave talking man....the suave talking single man I think I told you about. the one who wrote EXACTLY what a girl wanted to hear.......not being alone anymore etc. etc. Well oh well, he is turning into a real pleasant surprise....we spoke again today for 2 hours. I like him. He's funny, he's interesting and we seem to enjoy each other. He's not cocky at all. He's actually very independent and sweet. He has never been married so he doesn't need a woman....he's content single. He's fine with my situation and he actually gets it....concerned with when I can meet. Asking about my life. I enjoyed our conversation. And the undertone has been beginning to get a little sexual tone.

It's up to me. when do you want to meet? It's going to have to be next week. He's like ok. So we will see.

Three men.....am I a sexaholic or am I just trying so hard to fulfill my life and make it happy. Three men....another woman would be in heaven. I am in a good place...but I think I am wishing I was single and loving life.