February Blues

I always seem to get depressed in February. I don't know if it is light deprivation or what but I just want to crawl into a hole. the kids have off from school and it has just been so dreary. My littlest one thinks 4AM is a great time to get up for the day and I have been grabbing 2 hours of sleep, working, grabbing another two hours. My body is totally screwed up right now.

Mr. Porsche will be coming home from his vacation and I missed him so. It's not just the lack of physical contact but the lack of talking to him three times a day has put me into withdrawal. I also have a very big birthday coming (45) and I can't wait for the house to be in order and the construction done. Honestly, I took on too much but when you are in the middle of the construction there is only one way to go and that is to the finish line.

I have been sitting here evaluating my life and wondering what is going to make me happy. It's not men. I know that for sure. I have a date on Friday with someone new. Nice guy, cute but he reminds me too much of my ex husband starting over again in life. Nothing is wrong with that except selfishly, I would like to find a man who has already found himself. He doesn't have to be rich but have a decent career and financially be okay. Am I wrong for wanting that?

I had met a man on Ashley Madison that was brilliant. Talk about mentally stimulating. He has written a best selling novel on the brain and genetics. It's deep, its philisophical and it's also one of those deep theory books like the Secret. Very cult like. So I half jokingly said I think I can say that I finally met a man online who may be way out of my league in intelligence. I mean this was thinking on a whole different level. Now I can hold an intelligent conversation with the best of them but after reviewing his website, he was super deep. OR......so I thought. we exchanged maybe two emails when he said that I totally intrigued him but he did not have a car and we lived too far away from each other. HOWEVER, he's not into a long term relationship but if I was into casual sex then he would definitely be interested.

Okay, let's examine that statement. You live too far away and do not have a car but for casual sex you are able to get here?!? So I responded..... interesting, I guess you are so well endowed that your cock is able to stretch 30 miles? What a moron. I politely said that I could easily get sex, didn't have to travel for it and I only really wanted him for his mind. Stupidly, I had forgotten that I had given him my telephone number two emails before and as soon as he got it, he called me. Turned out Mr. super brain was your everyday ordinary man both in his talk and his stupid casual sex remark. We actually spoke about his book for awhile and I found it very interesting. I actually plan on buying it tomorrow. However, I was so turned off by his carefree, we can hangout one night and if we like each other hookup. Am I back in Woodstock?! Are we going to do an LSD trip too?! I am beginning to think he had a ghostwriter write his book or he just got damn lucky on getting a bestseller because if he said "and stuff" one more time, I was going to gag. and the only time I like to gag is when a cock is so deep in my throat and a man cums. Now that is a good gag! lol

Anyway, I have been deep in thought and so damn busy I don't know which end is up. the good news, one of my clients is going away for two weeks. That should give me time to catch up with my other clients and maybe get my head on straight. Oh, I have to tell you the furniture story, you will laugh. Sweet dreams for now!! Kisses to all!!!

Oh wait....Mr. Astronaut..I think I finally figured out the problem. He likes me. He has been backing off on the threesome but he also has backed off on the vulgar banter. I need to focus and you are too much on my mind lately. Hmmmm...what does that mean? You got unbelievable skills. I don't know, he's being polite, he's being sweet, we've had real conversations but then he is being so distant. so he either doesn't like me or he likes me!?!?! I am so confused. I wish I could figure men out. I have no idea.

And Divorce Attorney if you remember left me out of frustration. For years, he wanted to hear about all the men I fucked and four months ago he said he couldn't take it. I didn't give him anytime and he left in a rage. I let him go. Well at 2AM last night, he called me after so many months and he had the balls to get upset that I was sleeping. there are very few men that I would get up for at 2AM after I just had gone to sleep at 1AM. And quite frankly, he is not one of them. So how dare he get pissed. Grrrrrrrrrrr....I don't get men!!

First Valentine's Day Alone

I don't know what is worse, the Valentine's Day that I pretended that I was still in love with my husband or a valentine's day totally alone. Oh there was no pretending today, I was alone. But it was good probably because i realized there is no one in my life probably worth carrying over for the rest of the year. I know Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday but I do believe that you wish someone you care about or want to be romantically involved with a Happy Valentines. Mr. Astronaut truly fell short today. He actually came over to my house during the week and we had a wild time. No sex, well no vaginal sex. Anyway, he didnt wish me a happy valentines day and so later in the day, I wished him. his response...Thanx.

Ok, so haat happened to you too. Say Happy Valentines day...but just thanx. Amazing how when you suck a guys cock and he there is toys and orgasms involved, they get nervous. I am really hurt. I told him how I felt, I am sure it is over.


Mr. Porsche sent a business note with a happy valentines day to you and your family in there. Great, I appreciated him remembering but please, send and erase the email. Grrrrr...so I really am sad and realized there is no guy in my life that truly gives a shit. Well I should re-phrase that. Any man who has any feelings for me (supposedly) couldn't send a Happy Valentines. Of course, Mr. Fireman did...the ones I didn't expected. the ones with no emotional ties actually.


So today, I went out a bought a couch and love seat and a new powerful kick ass vibrator. And of course, I had to flirt with the furniture guy. And of course, he is married. Hmmmm....there seems to be a pattern here. I just love married men even though I am single now.

The fireman and few others from Ashley (some blasts from the past) wished me a Happy Valentines Day. The fireman is without a doubt a player. So while I had a lot of fun with the furniture guy, it still turned into a little bit of a depressing Valentine's Day...sadly, I am going into a depression. I am beginning to worry about myself a little....please, I hope this road turns. With the kids off and the insane workload, I am about to lose it

Passion, Desire, I NEED YOU NOW!

There is something about Mr. Astronaut. He is such oozing with sexuality. I have not felt such desire and lust for someone in a long, long time (Mystery Man). Just a three words..."where are u?" makes my panties wet.

If you have been following my blog, you will know that we met eight months ago. Haven't seen each other but have been in constant contact almost everyday or every other day. He has this fantasy of a threesome. His theory, if we don't do it first, we will get too emotionally attached and it will not happen. so we have been at a crossroad. Our main activity has been phone sex and pictures of me masturbating and his hard cock. You gotta admit, camera phones are such a dangerous thing. you can snap a pix and instanteously send it to someone. Most of my pix lately have been for him. He loves that high shiny lip gloss. He also thinks that I look sexy with no makeup, half asleep. My type of guy. If stilll think I am sexy just waking up, well then your a keeper.


I have been telling him, I want to see him again. His face is fuzzy. I need to see him in person. He said no, that we can't fool around. Its going to ruin everything. I convinced him that we could meet and kiss. Keep the spark going. Constant BBMs back and forth building up the anticipation. So here is the thing, I was on a mission. And when I want something bad enough, I go full force for it. Here's the thing. He's a law enforcement and our government does a great job of teaching these government agents how to keep their control and be disciplined. Frustrating to me yet even more of a challenge.

That evening, where are you? He was on the job, undercover somewhere in the area. He never tells me about his work and I don't ask anymore because he can't talk about it. I will say how is your day but that is about all I can get out of him or he's out in the field. Tonight I was determined to get him to meet me. He had a break coming up where he could get away for 15 minutes. Hmmmm....MEET ME. He hesitated. I just want to kiss you and give you a kiss you will never forget. I know you have limited time and you have to get back to the area but meet me so we can just kiss and then you can go on your way. I sent him a pix of me under the covers and smiling. Aaah....he couldn't resist. "A kiss and then I gotta get back. And don't get mad if I am on my way and I get a call that I gotta go back. I can get away for 15 minutes..that's it". Okay...so we rushed. I got dressed quickly and he started driving and I started driving and we were on the phone. we drove until we met. Luckily, I knew of a parking lot that wasn't very busy and I told him we should meet there.

I couldn't take the anticipation. I couldn't take the spontaneous excitement. This was like one of my slutty romance novels but it was happening to me. So damn hot. Like two animals in heat, we needed to meet. "Which is your car?" And he flashes his light so that I can see as I waited at the light. When I saw the lights flash, I could feel my pussy tighten. Somehow, someway I needed to get this guy. I cannot wait for a threesome because I don't know if I am ready for that. "I got a call, I gotta go back so hurry". CRAP...I rushed to his car.

I opened the door and I could feel the desire hit me like a swoosh. Oh, I was not going to be able to stop at a kiss. "Is this seat taken?" And I just jumped in his car and leaned over and began kissing him with so much passion, desire and lust that it was overwhelming. I kissed him like it was the last kiss I would ever experience in my life. With my hands on his face and moving to the back of his head. Our tongues entwined, our breath shallow, this was unbelievably hot. And he was so into it. Grabbing my hair, pulling me closer and there is no doubt in my mind that we are sooooo compatible. Sex would be insane.

I want to make you cum..he said to me and his hands went down my pants as I began to open his pants. NO...he said. I am going to make you cum. And I threw the seat back and he went in my pants....playing with my clit and then his fingers inside of me...I could hear the moan yet my mind was in some far off space of ecstasy. As he fingered me deeper and deeper and I got wetter and wetter...I could feel the rush of orgasm come over me and my body start to pulsate. the foreplay was the drive over and the anticipation, it was easy to make me cum with such foreplay.

However, I was determined to get into his pants. I opened his pants now and pulled his hard cock out. I kissed him again savagely, licked his ear and after a brief handjob I whispered....baby, I soooo neeed a taste. How could you resist? well he couldn't and I went down on him. I am not going to cum, he protests. If I cum then we will never do my threesome. And then I went to work giving him a superb blowjob. Licking and sucking and deep throating where you could hear his moans. Him pushing my head down but I was able to take his cock deeper and that just turned him on even more. He tried to pull me off, I had him so close, I could taste the pre-cum and he got me off for a second and then I went back down again. I could hear him moaning, it took every inch of discipline and control that he had not to cum.

I want us to fuck...I want to feel you inside of me, spreading my lips apart...feeling you so deep inside of me. "We don't have a condom". "I DO" hehehe....I had just bought condoms just in case for my house. I grabbed one as I was running out. Uggghhhh!! I could hear him say. You are making this impossible. Oh I wanted to just jump on that cock. "NO, I will be pissed if I do because you are perfect. you are the perfect girl except the threesome. If we fuck, we will get emotionally attached and not be able to do my fantasy. Its my bucket list. I need to do it". So you don't want to fuck me? I said it in a sexy whisper. "OMG! I am about to explode and I can't think of anything else I want to do right now. you make this impossible. OMG, you are so fucking hot". And then I went down on him again. I love to make him moan. BUT....he managed to keep the control.

I would have had him if he really didn't have to go. He was being noticed missing at this point and he had to get back. I gave him one more intense kiss and he grabbed me by the back of the hair. "You and I are going to be dangerous". And I kissed him gently and smiled and jumped out of the car. Within an hour, I was pulling back into my driveway. What an unbelievably hot 35 minutes. Holy crap...the passion, the sexual tension, the desire...it was amazing.

And while I didn't get him to cum. I have no doubt that he will fuck me soon. Before the threesome. there is no way he will not be able to. He text me after (and we have been trying to get our schedules to match up all week to meet again). "baby you have skills". Aaah, I think that is one of the best compliments. He told me he can't stop thinking about me. he can't stop fantasizing, he can't stop thinking of how amazing I am at sucking cock. Oh yes, this man will be in my bed by the end of the weekend.

Since we met, I am pleased to say that I really do think this guy is going to be something memorable in my life. I posted the threesome thing on a website, no responses yet. But I can see before we met, he wasn't going to see me until we had the threesome. I convinced him to meet me for a kiss and now, well I see he is swaying. I sent him a note...thanks for the sampler. He just started to laugh. Man, you are so damn perfect and so hot. YUM!!

But no matter what happens. I will never forget the anticipation of just jumping in a car and both of us driving towards each other until we both met on the road. You make your own destiny in life. My theory, you should shoot for moments like this. Let yourself go and make your slutty romance novels become reality. this is just another that goes down in history.

And now....he is going to stop off at my house tomorrow before he goes to work. Or at least we are trying to make that happen. My virgin bed.....are you going to allow some other man to de-virginize it?! I think he will give in tomorrow...the virgin bed is pulling him in!

A Day Of True Single Fun

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Now It was His Valentine's Day Treat

FIRST--YES THIS IS US...I LOVE PHOTO FIXING!

Mr. Porsche loves to watch me cum. It gives him so much pleasure to watch each orgasm. But I also love to give him pleasure. Nothing is more desirable than to know that I am pleasing him. after lying down, I tokd him to roll over and I would give him a massage. A combination of deep massage and light tickles. He was in heaven. I massage ever inch of him from his head to his toes (literally). And then I worked my way back up to his ass.....slowly he feels me working up that way and he opens his legs.....I oil up the prostate massager and slowly and gently teasing him until he is ready to feel me insert the massager into his ass. I work it around until i get there and he rolls over.

Here's the thing about the prostate massager, it is hot when you find the right spot. It makes him lose control, giving him a strange sensation that makes him feel like he is going to cum hard and he doesn't. It's little internal orgasms that causes that euphoria. He giggles, losing control is not something he is used to. This feeling, like a little boy with a sheepish grin, he is enjoying it and I am getting wet knowing I am pleasing him, knowing I am controlling the situation.

His cock is huge and I can see his pre-cum at his tip. I try to give him a handjob but its his own technique that can get him off. this is probably the most frustrating thing. Oh, there is no doubt that I can get him hard as a rock, get the pre-cum there but I don't seem to be able to get him over the top. With rubbing his balls and his magic touch...he came and he came hard....the prostate massager rubbing and pressing against his prostate. Moving it around and watching him moan....yes, I managed to give him that Wow...the pinball TILT! He then finally came...I open my mouth as he squirts his cum all over my face, some in my mouth, dripping down my cheek and quite frankly some shooting over my head.

And then we laid there. It was late, we were doing it for over two hours already so there wasn't much time to cuddle. He doesn't love cuddling, he does it for me. He told me he is happy to do it for me because he can see in my face how much I enjoy it. I love the gentleness, I love the holding and closeness, entwined bodies. I am finding out more and more its not many guys thing but if they are willing to do it for me, they are special.

And then I wanted to take a pix of him which turned into an ordeal with us outside, giggling and wrestling...the camera flashing all over getting flashes of light only. A woman had gotten out of her car and she was laughing at us, enjoying our little scene..running around the car, him grabbing me and the camera just flashing away. She actually stopped to watch us and she had that sheepish grin on her face. That look a person has when they are remembering some flashback in their past that brought her that fun, free romance.

We left and I was sad. Yes, sad because now I wouldn't see him for almost three weeks. Sad because my Valentine's day was over. This was all I was getting this year. Don't get me wrong, I guess its better than being with someone you have fallen out of love with, there won't be an awkwardness on the day, a twisting in my stomach but it would be nice to have someone especially since I won't have the children for the weekend.

The Devil of Lust Always Appears

There are times in my life when I have had enough of these men. I truly commit myself to working on me and not looking for men. Yes, I truly make an inner commitment to myself and begin thinking of all the things I am going to do to get me together, get my life together, get my children and home together (of course not counting Mr. P). Just as I get these things all set in my mind--the devil of lust appears. It has happened before, I have good intent and then men start to appear and tempt me.

This past week was one of those weeks or at least the beginning of the week was like that. And just as I am beginning my life of inner soul searching-- BOOM..the men start appearing. Men I have a hard time resisting. So let's just say Thursday was Mr. Porsche, Friday was a lunch with a new frog (Mr. Ken Doll) and Friday night was Mr. Astronaut...I cancelled on Mr. Beachboy because I was too exhausted on Saturday.

So I told you about my hot sex with Mr. Porsche on thursday. So now I need to tell you about my lunch and my steamy encounter with Mr. Astronaut. Oh man....Mr. Ken Doll was good but Mr. Astronaut, I get wet now from thinking about it. Damn, that man is smokin!!

Pre Valentine's Day Blow Job

Sadly, Mr. Porsche is not going to be around for Valentine's Day. Which of course, I am pouting. I knew I would be alone on Valentine's Day because it is a Sunday but I would have hoped to see him on Monday. this is tough for me. the realization that I do not have a lover on that day. It's ridiculously making me upset. I know, Mr. P says we can make our own day Valentine's day anytime we want. so today, we had our valentine's day.

I wanted to get him a new toy. Gentleman if you are not homophobic and you can handle a toy in your ass...I strongly recommend the prostate massager. And the one that has a handle at the end and it vibrates. I didn't write about my last rendezvous with Mr. P but this massager has given him orgasms that he has never experienced. He came and came again. He actually couldn't talk after he was so blown away.

So for Valentine's Day...I wanted to get him a new one with a different shape that also vibrated. Before we were going to meet I was going to go to the local sex shop. Now this local shop, you go through doors and in the back is this staircase (you gotta know its down there). Then there is a room filled with the easy Rated R stuff and then there is this backdoor. Porn, toys, funky stuff and bongs. If you have a sexual fetish, they got the toy for it! But you have to know it exists, there are no signs. coming down the metal steps, you can always hear me coming. My heels clank so loud on them. so I get down to the first room and from the staircase, I see a guy in a suit at the register...crap, I always worry I will meet someone I know there. And boy did I know that man...it was Mr. Porsche. He said my face was priceless. We spoke and pretended that we weren't lovers but how funny....I made him come with me to pick out the toy that he wanted. He actually loves the prostate massager we have so we got him vibrating cock rings.

we met at the motel and funny how we used to secretively go in but now we just go in together. we put our stuff on the bed and decided to share presents first (since we could use them). I had also bought him this audio book for becoming a certified hypnotherapist. And then I had THE CARD. Yes, I decided after two years, it was time to tell him how I felt about him. The card was a little heavy but not crazy. It actually said how much I love how we could talk about things, even the tough stuff, I loved how we always were there for each other...etc. etc. the card didn't say I love you but it said how much I love what we have. And then I wrote inside...how special he is to me and how I wouldn't change anything (except that I wish I could buy him things and that we could spend more time together) but I told him I know its our reality and that's ok. I basically told him how much I appreciated him and how much I cared for him and how special he was to me. He read it and he kissed me. I was afraid of his reaction but he got it. It wasn't meant to ask for anymore of a commitment, just to express how great I thought he was.

Now you know from past occasions, that he can't buy me something personal. It's just him. so I really wasnt' expecting anything but some great sex toys (which he did buy). and then he said I have a little something for you, its not jewelry....secretly I had hoped it was but it wasn't and that was okay. Whatever it was, he picked it out for me and that's what was important to me. I had to accept that he wasn't going to buy me jewelry....he just couldn't. So he handed me a bag and it was Tiffany & Co...and inside was this fabulous tiffany designer pen. "I want you to sign all your big contracts with this"..... this was special. Because he knew how my career is so important and I have a thing with pens. They have to be a special writing feel and weight (I know weird but its my thing). Finally, a gift that had personalization and thought to it. I have gone out and purchased things with his money....a ring, a leather jacket but here he finally bought me something that was personal......I was so happy.

Now sex today was fabulous. gotta say the last five months have been over the top. When his cock gets full length, I can barely take it in my mouth but I gotta say...I am getting really great at deep throating...I can get his head down my throat pretty deep.....I love sucking his cock. In my life there are two cocks I loved sucking. And we know who those were.

I crawled in between his legs and I gave him a valentine's blow job to remember....slurping, sucking, deeper and deeper...he was in heaven. I could tell. doing everything he loves, rubbing his balls and doing the exact lip and tongue action that makes him grow huge. Ironically, I had my camera that he bought me in my bag...I brought it to the bed...oh no!! he screamed and grabbed it from me. Oh come on....I want pix of us, of me sucking your cock. Now there is a Valentine's day present. He grabbed the camera from me and began taking pix as I sucked his cock. It was hot and honestly the pix came out great. I am in between his legs with his cock standing straight up and my eyes look so far away. then he took pix of me sucking his balls and his ass. I just looked at them and they are hot. So I had to doctor them for my blog..but I think you can get the idea from the pix above...

And then he flips me over and starts to fuck me with my legs spread...he loves pounding deeper and deeper and when he reaches my gspot you can hear me moan. But deviance is his style and he starts to squeeze my nipples....as I screech a little, I can feel him growing inside of me. Okay, I admit it, it felt good, he wasn't hurting my nipples this time but I knew if I screeched..he would grow bigger in me. We fucked for awhile....and then he took out my new toy. OMG! this toy made me die. A dolphin that had the right nose to hit my gspot. I could feel the orgasm coming over me like a wave. It was so damn hot....and then my back arching and the screams and moans. But Mr. Porsche is relentless. He knows that satisfies me but instead of just the earthquake...he likes to make the small tremors come too. so now he is still going after my gspot and rubbing my clit and I am like a fish out of water on the bed...orgasming and my body is flopping all around. I beg him to stop...it becomes too much. I call it the TILT. Like on a pinball machine...its so exciting that it is overload!

we finally crash on the bed and he holds me. I love being held and he knows that. It's his turn now! A special Valentine's Day for him! Part 2 will post by Monday....sorry, I am exhausted.

Spontaneous Roadside Sexual Fun--SPOILED

Mr. Astronaut has continually been in my life for eight months now. We haven't seen each other but our BBM's (which stand for Blackberry Messenger) are hot...super hot. Amazing how someone can be with you and its just through the computer. when I had three emergencies, he talked me through each one and was there for me. The pressure I am feeling for a threesome is unbelievable and then I remind myself--you have met him I once crazy lady. I actually posted to see if we could get a third person. I figured I had nothing to lose and if someone responded, I could decide then. So far, no responses since its probably not on the right website but I put it up. His ridiculous theory is that if we have sex, we will never do a threesome. We will both get attached and then the threesome is out of the window.

Last night I had a big meeting and it ended at 10PM. I decided to BBM since we were BBMing all day and I was sending pix of the internet to him like crazy. He loves my lips sucking on the vibrator the best. He says that makes him so horny and he comes so quickly using it as incentive. Anyway, I BBM'd him.

"Where are you?"
"Leaving work".
"Meet me on the highway....I am passing your area...meet me and lets go wild on the side of the road. I want to devour you or minimum I want a long luscious kiss"...
"Crap, I am not in my area today..." he was 20 minutes away.

Going back and forth we were planning a meeting place and POOF..my phone goes dead. I ran out of radio connection. Crap....now I am horny beyond belief and I can't reach him. I had energy for one last call. shit, I went right into voicemail because he is BBMing me....crap! And then the phone dies and I can't find my car charger.

My plans for a hot, spontaneous meeting were spoiled by a damn phone. I envisioned three scenerios...if he stuck to his stupid no sex rule...I just wanted to meet him on the side of the road. Get out of my car and meet him at his car right outside the drivers side. I wanted to pull myself inside his coat so I could feel his cock and he loooves lip gloss. So I would have shined my poofy lips up to a laquer effect and then give him a kiss that would blow him away. No words...let my hands wander and just breath really heavy into his ear. One last kiss and then I would just walk away and get in my car.

Second scenerio was hot sex in his car. Amazing, spontaneous, over the top, mindblowing sex. As if you were never going to have sex again. Oh man, I was beyond horny....it was so hot that when it all fell apart...I tossed and turned all night.

I woke up this morning to his voice mail and during the night I got his BBMs. He was going to meet me and he wanted to do me. See? I knew he couldn't resist me and I can get him to put that threesome away for awhile. Hmmm...first I want to see if all this worked up sexual desire is worth it. He could be a dead fish in bed!

So I tossed and turned in my virgin four poster bed. The mattress isn't a virgin since Mr. Security and I did it before I got the bed...but the four poster...I need to do someone in that bed...mmmmmmm.....I am having less sex now then when I was married (and we know it wasn't my husband!)

Is It Real Or Make Believe

An unknown posted on one of my past posts that my blog seemed like a fairytale. I had re-read the post and tried to pull myself out of it and I guess--reading it might have seemed like a fantasy. In actuality, it was. How hot was it that Mr. Security showed up at my door that day? Of course, if it truly was fiction then we would have had the most wildest sex that would have left us exhausted and fulfilled. Sadly that hadn't been the case.....

So to answer this unknown person, my blog is true and my journal. It is my life and I guess I should feel blessed that I do have so much excitement and so much thrilling experiences. Ironically, when you are actually living it, it feels differently than it does when you read it. If there it was fiction, I would pull out all the sadness, despair and disappointment. I would leave out all the heartache and all the void and emptiness I have felt throughout the year.

My life has always been a rollercoaster. Extreme highs and extreme lows. In some aspects, I am extremely lucky. I have friends who know famous people and have had the opportunity to enjoy things that people dream of. At times, my life has been like an I Love Lucy episode with hysterical things happening to me that would make a phenomenal sitcom....but they are all real. Some of the stuff that has happened to me, is just so damn funny that I couldn't make it up. Like when I was giving Mystery Man a blow job and I hit my head on the sink coming up. Or when I bought that hot outfit at Fredericks of Hollywood and tried to be so sexy knowing they left the security tag on the back and I had a pair of underwear connected to me.

One day I am going to sit down and read back my blog. But until those wounds heal...the sad times of almost losing my house, the excitement of how I felt when I first met Mystery Man actually saddens me now and is hard to read.....and the helplessness I had felt at times...those real dark times are still hard to go back and read. but I have to say, I am sooooo glad that I took the time to write all my posts and I can actually see how I have transformed throughout the years.

So Unknown reader, good, bad or indifferent....this is my life...

Truly Alone....

There is nothing drastically different today than other days. But tonight, I am feeling truly alone. First time I think EVER. Mr. Porsche and I have been in a little bit of a bad place these past few days. He is going to be gone for most of february. Oh he is going out of his way to see me this week but reality smacked me in the head. I know, Valentine's day is so stupid. It's a holiday made up by Hallmark to sell lots of cards but I am going to be alone on Valentine's Day.

And quite frankly tonight I feel more alone then I have ever felt. I examined each of the men on my list and pretty much they are all gone or 1/2 there. Mr. Security and I were suppose to get together again today--and he once again booked appointments. Mr. Astronaut is undercover again. Mr. Fate, well because of the kids--I couldn't go out and there you go again, the men not understanding who are single. Basically, I think he's gone now. Mr. Perfect, who doesn't have phone manner is also gone.

I am basically alone right now. First time in my life I think. It's a funky feeling. The void is deep, very deep. Actually, I think its deeper because I don't feel like going online and dealing with more losers. So while I am alone, this is a real alone that I see no end to.

I am thinking to try to do some work this weekend. Try to get the house in order. Try to do all those things that need to get done. I probably need this time, its just so hard when its staring you in the face.

January and february have always been tough months for me. I seem to get really down during this time. It will pass. I will be okay. I guess its a good time to find me right now.

Do You Believe In Fate?

Life is so strange sometimes and the most bizarre things do happen. Four years ago, I had been going to places to have a party for my son. I went to one place where there was a live band and my girlfriend and I had an amazing time. I actually ended up having the party in that place. That night we had run into a group of cops and we hung with them. I am sure I blogged about it. Mr. Government had been texting me and this cop had looked over my shoulder and was reading my phone....hey, I giggled. Hey you are married, who are you sending those texts to? I laughed and said....I should stay away from government employees...its a guy who works in your line of work sort of. He made a comment....oh you need to stay away from men like us. I went to the bathroom and the guy was gone.

so that was the prelude to the story...

I was searching on Ashley Madison and another site when I came across this guy. when I clicked on his pix, I started to laugh. He was everything that I usually do not go for in looks (shaven bald) and he was in law enforcement. I started to laugh....I can pick out a law enforcement ageny for miles....I am drawn to them. Last night, that guy sent me a note asking if I would like to talk. I wrote back....I am not into bald men and I have sworn off any form of law enforcement. He wrote back some hysterical line like wow, now that's my luck a double whammy and then he told me his name anyway.

A light bulb went off in my head.... hey, here is a bizarre question...have you ever been to that bar. I think we met there one night? I thought this guy looked like that guy from that night. but really, what were the chances. He wrote back yes, I do and now I remember you. Oh please, its been four years, he is single, he flirts with millions of girls, he doesn't remember me and its probably not him... so I said...well if it is you and you do remember me...tell me something about that night..

He wrote back....the name of the band that was playing that night, exactly where we were standing, he remembered I was with another blonde, he remembered I was married, that I was texting Mr. Government and the color sweater I was wearing! HOLY SHIT! I didn't even remember all that.

You left without saying goodby...I said. He responded, I didn't think you were interested...you had a boyfriend, you were married and I wasn't going to make a fool out of myself and pursue you. Last night, we spoke online for two hours. And he is so funny. I gave him my number and told him to call or text me.... and he made some sly comment like...oh so some other guy in a bar can tell you to stay away from me like I told you about that guy. Then when I went to my phone he had text me.... Here's my number..to my old new friend.

And then I got caught in a whirlwind of my romantic fate beliefs. It always blows my mind that you may meet someone in your life for a brief, short second and then they re-appear so many years later. Like as if, there was a sign coming down from the stars to give you a little taste. I mean the first meeting should have been uneventful for both of us. I would not be able to pick out any of his friends that were there. I would not remember anybody I met at a bar in the past year. But somehow this guy stuck in my memory and I stuck in his. Life is so strange. things happen to us that make no sense and then later on, its as if the mystery is solved. So what is with this guy? What is he suppose to mean in my life? Everything has a purpose, its just hard to know what that may be sometimes.......
do you believe in fate?

A Weekend Romance With Mr. BBM

My Best friend asked me if I was blogging all of my dates. I actually haven't been. 1/2 of them are one dates and then its over, there is no sex involved, maybe a kiss or sometimes a handjob but nothing hot and wild. OMG, she said. These dates are hysterical, you have to blog them, your readers will love them. I don't think they will care that you aren't having sex with them...they will just enjoy these insane meetings. And so, I am going to try to start blogging them.

Mental note to self---Mr. Perfection, My hot day with Mr. Porsche, Mr. BBM, Mr. Fate

The truth is, I am juggling way to many newbies. I mean, I have guys on my yahoo IM that I have no idea who they are. And when I decide (like I did on Sunday) that I really should take sometime to myself....it seems a whole new pond of frogs show up at my lilypad!

I met Mr. BBM. Sadly, his picture was probably 15 years old. I was sooo disappointed but I liked him as a person so I decided to see where it would go. It went until Sunday! LOL He turned out to be exactly like my ex! Super charged, like a whirlwind. Our first date was nice, we had dinner, we laughed and we sucked face in the car. I touched his pants, he got so excited, he came all over the place. When I went home, I hesitated. I had no physical attraction to him. From a hot stud to a bent over old man. I think that more than anything is a total turnoff. He looks like one of those disney movies of the grinch or one of those mean guys.

well he called me about 20 times on Saturday and it was his birthday. Even though I was feeling sick, I decided to meet him later that night for coffee. He was eating in this restaurant with friends where the wait to get a reservation is 3 months. A super fancy, great place but he ended up leaving early because he wanted to be with me. My plan was to go to this local bagel store. He likes chocolate chip muffins and I wanted to put a candle in it. Grabbed my candle and ran out. I figured we would sit and talk and hopefully I would be into him. We had two fights already (one about me being online after we had met, he went crazy and another about me not being able to meet him the night before).

When I pulled up, he had already gotten the muffin, the coffee and wanted to sit in the car. Well, I know why...he was all over me. I have a hard time saying no, so I went with it. He took his cock out and said...Please spit on it.....spit on my cock. Hmmm..now I am not a prude and I have spit on cocks before but it has been while I was giving a blowjob. That wasn't happening. Finally, I spit on his cock.

After leaving, I decided it wasn't going to last. I had to think of something. I just wanted to be friends. Part of my reason for not being into him was also because of his selection of words. Ever other word out of his mouth was retard and dork. Well honestly, I have a thing with the word retard which I had said years ago if you have read my blog. So each time he said it, I would cringe.

On Sunday, he asked me to send him back his penis pictures that he had sent to me. He lost them in his phone. I had erased them. His penis is truly not one of the better ones I have encountered. Not really long, not really thick...kind of just there. And the pix was kind of like those balloons you blow up for kids parties to make the balloon animals (but a little one) where it curves up....let's just say, I wasn't impressed. But then I realized, why would he want them back unless that he was such a narcistic person or he wanted to send it to another girl. Either way, a weird request.

Finally, Monday morning I sent him a BBM. I think we are looking for different things, I don't see this working. He responded....I am saddened by this, deeply saddened...I really, really like you. Then he was online looking to see if I was online a couple of times last night.

So I truly feel bad but honestly, the man was so not for me in personality, looks or manners. NEXT Frog.....Saturday I actually had two dates. Mr. Perfection was lunch.....

Mr. BBM turns out to live less than two miles away from me. Same town and our kids know each other. His wife left him for an older multi-millionaire. He told me she had numerous affairs while they were married (note: probably not a good idea to mention my affairs!!) He also said something hiliarious-- I guess she hadn't gotten the memo that marriage meant no sex with others.

He's funny, a little overbearing, cocky yet nice. He's Type A all the way and has been overly into our phone conversations to the point that he didn't leave me alone all weekend. Granted, we had off and thankfully this morning I can see that it is much quieter. If we are attracted to each other there is huge benefits to that. Sex in the morning before work, being able to sneak out locally and see each other whenever we want and it has potential for fun. So....the problem I foresee is two things. First, he reminds me so much of my EX. Which is scary. He's in overdrive. He will need attention and will immediately want me off the site. He will be high maintenance. Like he wanted to meet this morning. I said no this evening. He wouldn't let it go. Finally I said...Baby, I don't do first meeting mornings...give it up. He backed off.

Problem 2--like my EX. He dates woman half his age. His last girlfriend was 22. What the hell is that about? Why do men do that? Honestly that is a big turnoff. Our kids are the same age...the girl he was dating more appropriate for our kids.

I turned him on to BBMing. I also told him how to use his camera. He has been snapping body parts and sending them. Fun....and when he snapped his cock....and then another of him cumming...now he feels vulnerable. Its driving him crazy. I am amused and enjoying his vulnerability. Oh....on Friday night, he was in his car and our conversation gave him a hard on. It was 20 questions..which the last 10 were heated. So I started to tell him how I find the man penis very desirable....I explained in detail how each head is shaped differently, sizes and girth....how differently each man's cock fits in your mouth. He was dying. It wasn't exactly phone sex but I knew what I was saying. Then when i told him I liked Anal....he is out of his mind. Today, he said to me....I don;t know what it is about you. Just our phone conversations are working me up, if you are half this way in real life, I am going to be a very happy man.

So...he's a character. He has some potential, I have to get over the EX thing, I had posted a new pix on my facebook and the EX wrote me a long note....at the end he wrote..you won't answer any of my emails, please write me. So I did.

"I don't know what we have to talk about. You cheated on me, lied to me and the finale was when my grandmother died, your family was at my house and you were out fucking another girl. We were getting engaged and you decided a girl from Nebraska that you fucked should come here and move in with you. So let's see? Do ya think we have anything left to talk about?"

He wrote: "I am sorry. I was an idiot 20 years ago. You made the better move by marrying your husband. He was a better man for you then I could have ever been. But I did love you very much and it took me two years to wake up, I was so sorry that I lost you but it was too late. You were honestly the best thing that ever happened to me, I was an idiot. And I want you to know, I never meant to hurt you. You were always an amazing girl."

And of course, I am thinking....what losers I have loved in my life. And as you can tell. I didn't tell him that I am divorced nor am I going to tell him. He also has on his facebook a picture of him and this young chick.

So men, why do you go for girls half your age that realistically I can't imagine what you can talk about with them?

It's Been Awhile

I want to blog and miss it so. It's just my life has not overwhelming lately. Doing all the construction when I am so busy with work, was a big mistake. Doing it all when the hubby was first gone, was also a big mistake. It just worked out that way. The good news is while I am tired, pulled my back out twice and overwhelmed by the dust--I am not angry. I would have been angry because I would have been doing it myself anyway.

So how am I? I am okay. I made the right decision to get divorced. I feel so much freer, I feel so much happier. Ironically, everyone says that my face looks even younger and less stressed. That I have a glow to me. That's the good. The bad, I feel very alone sometimes. Not that the ex was there for me....I felt alone then but now I am openly feeling alone. I sleep amazing because I don't fear getting molested in the night..lol...

I am trying to concentrate a little more on me as soon as the work slows down and the house is completed. I need to feel better about myself and I am not feeling that way. Oh, I have been dating. But it seems that with each date I have been getting more and more down. They are all the same--they come on like a steamroller....to the point of almost annoying. They push and push until they feel you are into them and then they back off. they don;t go away, just back off. Well for me, if a guy doesn't call for 10 days, he's gone.

This weekend, three guys had said to me--I will call you back in five minutes, later or at 7. None followed through and called last night. Am I being to hard? One guy we were making plans to meet and he said I will call you back in 5 minutes. He got annoyed that I was talking to my son for three seconds. He didn't call back...I am not seeing him this week..

Married men are much easier like that. I am beginning to think I need a married a man again for a little bit. Good sex, no worries, no bullshit. Way too much bullshit when you are divorced or single.

Mr. Security had to cancel plans this weekend. I was pissed because I was looking forward to it. I told him, the ball is in your court. I am not calling anymore. Lets see what happens. Mr. Porsche has been busy for the last month traveling for business and I miss him terribly. I feel like it has been months since we were together.

How ironic that I really haven't named any of these new men. Truthfully they aren't worth a frog name. Only one I will name Mr. BBM and I will tell you about him because I have a date tonight.

A New World

Life has been a little rough the past few weeks. I don't know if its that my workload is more this time of year, money is tight, clients are complaining, I had to rush my child to the emergency room yesterday, my house is under construction or I just don't get men. possibly its also this time of year. I think I get a little gloomy in February (hmmm is it still January?)

I think I am also missing blogging. Today I was just so sad. I found myself analyzing my life and beginning to think, I need to lay off of men for awhile. The obnoxious rich guy re-surfaced (they always come back)....and he sent an apology email for disappearing. his life seemed to explode at once with health issues and more.

So what am I looking for in this new life? I don't know. I want the old life back minus the husband. I want the old frogs, I am missing them terribly. Is it that I am comfortable with them, care about them? Hmmm...to lie in their arms again. It would be heaven.

So today...I got a great surprise that did brighten my day. DigEm came back into my life. some stupid site stole all my 700 email contacts and sent them all an email that I left them a message. Actually embarrassing considering how many frogs i wouldn't want to re-surface but DigEm got it and wanted to check that I was okay. We began talking by email and just seeing his email made my heart skip a beat. this was my soulmate who truly saved me years ago when I even had been considering to end my life. He was my support, he was my strength...he was actually right before Mr. Porsche and in between Mystery man. I never felt so close to someone in my life. Going back and forth today was so sweet...made the sadness a little more bareable.

Mr. Security is going through a vicious divorce. His exwife must be interrogating his daughter because the really pretty, nice, blonde lady with the high heeled black boots that shine was mentioned. Yikes! that was me! I had hung out with them one day and his wife obviously interrogated his daughter and she said how great I was. The wife screamed across the table that he is dating someone. the judge asked her how she knew and she admitted to interrogating her daughter, the judge screamed at her for such behavior. Mr. Security called me after and laughed. My daughter loves your boots and they worked in favor in court.

Mr Porsche...called me tonight. He has been going through a rough time too. I feel bad, he is so sad. But when he heard me, he knew I was bad. Knowing someone for years, I guess you can catch on to a tone. He said this is my scary tone. My giving up tone. I started to cry. Forget the damn dust, get your numbers together for work, finish up your shit and get your edge back. i told him I was really thinking about packing up and starting over. Moving someplace really warm. He said think about it then....Hey won't you miss me?!!? And his response....hey, I like warm too ya know. I smiled.

So another woman today may have felt some support, some caring, men are around me who care about me. So I need to snap out of this. When the house is complete and life settles down a little....I think I will be in much better shape. what do you think?

The Armed Guard

Yup! I went out with a banking analyst who is also an armed guard. Actually, I met him the first time before he was going to his armed guard job. Filled to the max with two guns and ammunition.....man, something about a guy with a gun, and two with blue eyes....irristable.

Date one, we went for some lunch. We spoke and everything was great. So? And he said, wow, you are everything you said in your profile and more. He was okay, not as good looking as his pix but he still had great eyes. His pix was from a few years ago,without a doubt. But he still was sexy. When lunch was over, I stood up and he was standing next to me. our lips touched...it was hot and I could hear him give a little moan. Great lips he said.

we walked around a store for a bit that was closing and when I stopped, his ammunition hit against his cock. Oh man, come on, don't do that. Innocently I turned around and said do what? I hit this thing...and I hit it again. Conveniently, it must have been sitting on his cock because he took a deep breath. Oh...what an opeming for me....let me see what this is...he was dying now and I opened up the ammunition..and smiled. Awwwww...you are such a great cock tease, its killing me!

He walked me to my car and then he kissed me. A long and passionate kiss, like two teenagers. I want to see you tomorrow...New Years Day. Can you come over? Hmmm...I can't sleep with you, its too soon (yes, trying a new approach here). I will try and behave he said. And so I decided it was okay.

I wrote about New Years already.....so I went over to his apartment, And I have to confess, I guess in some ways I am a little bit of a princess. He had given his wife everything in the divorce, he even seemed angry when he talked about it. The whole day he was saying how he wanted to help me change my locks, put up the pictures and make life easier (yeah I was getting sucked in even though he had a dump of an apartment). We went on the bed and just talked which of course lead to kissing, which lead to heavy petting which lead to me cumming so hard that the sheets were soaked. I was almost embarrassed...he had this technique with his hand that also hit my ass and went all the way to my gspot. i have to say, he was good. I didn't sleep with him but let's just say we both had happy endings.

His cock was bent...big but bent. Why does that happen to some men? It was fully erect but curved at the top almost like a left turn arrow traffic sign. Actually, the shape fit right down my throat. I didn't suck it long, I wasn't loving the cock but he was losing his mind when I sucked his cock. And as we both lyed there he said Man you have phenomenal oral motor skills...lol

We hung out, had lunch and then I left. I decided that I wasn't into him. He text once...I sent a quick text back and that was it. A week later, i haven't heard from him but that is okay. Except I wonder what I am doing wrong with men? I need to learn the singles rules. they are so different than the married but dating rules. I think when you are married and you first start dating its easier because you are just opening up. Here, I am used to lusting someone and going for it. I have to do the opposite, learn how to refrain from sexual contact. Which to me is ridiculous since i don't want marriage. I am beginning to think married men are truly what I need right now except I dom't want to fall in love.

So that was another frog....thrown back into the pond. concentrated a lot on me this week and it was actually refreshing and good for the soul. Having major construction done as well on the house. this is absolutely my final project, I can't take the mess!!!

So except for that technique he did with his hands which was quite impressive, I am glad he is gone!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Happy New Year Everyone!!


Oh it has been one busy time of year. Lots of craziness going on. Two days before new years I was fearing new years. The thought that I was alone was sad. No babysitter, no man....sitting alone when the ball dropped....however, I've done it before.


Actually, after the initial fear of it, as it approached and arrived, I looked at it with excitement. It was going to be a new start and a new beginning to my life. My girlfriend came over and we drank champagne and ate Baskin Robbins out of the container with the big pink spoons and little hot dogs in the buns...there would be no new year kiss, no man...but I would survive.

And the ball dropped......and we toasted....and I was so happy that my phone started going crazy with the texts and calls. Mr. Security, Mr. Astronaut, Mr. Fireman, Mr. Policeman, Mr. Divorce Attorney, Mr. Porsche and this new guy I met last week (who by the way is gone already!! lol) All sent texts to wish me a happy new year. As well as some newbies on line. Mr. Policeman sent a pix of him working..it was cute. So a smile came to my face. No one man but a bunch of men remembered me.

I have some stories to tell you....very funny ones BUT I actually have a date tonight for a drink...a new meeting. Someone has to tell me how to act with men. Single men come on strong and then get scared and seem to retreat. They return two-three weeks later, but I have moved on thinking they were gone. Weird! I need a lesson in being single. But I guess I am psyched to know I don't need a lesson in sucking cock....because another one LOVED my mouth!! I have to stop sucking cocks! This one I didn't even like that much....

Wish me luck. and to all my friends.....A Happy, Healthy and Prosperous New Year!!!! I feel this year is going to be GREAT!!!!!!! YEAH!!!

What A Hot Hose He Had

So I had a date with the fireman on Friday night. Truth is, I have to learn the single rules of dating. I am a newbie in this world. There seems to be rules and timelines and I have no idea what they are. A married man, there is no timeline. You either like each other or you don't. If you like each other, you plan for additional meetings and the wings of lust fly you away. With single men, there are rules?!


The fireman picked me up at 7:00PM. I jumped in his car. I hate the first second. Neither one of you knows what to say or think...OMG, does he like me? OMG are we into eachother? I have to say, I was pleasantly surprised. While he looked a tinge older than his pix...not much really...he looked hot like his pix. I was very happy and was hoping so was he. We went off to a nice restaurant where we shared appetizers, had drinks and even shared our meal. We had lobster and steak and scallops, shrimp and clams. We talked, we laughed and he did magic tricks. Very cool, he made the salt shaker disappear. He made a coin change....it was fun. We talked joking, we talked serious...it was a nice night. And the drinks, we kept drinking and drinking. I have decided I can't drink like that on first dates (you will see why!) But I wasn't tipsy but feeling very nice. The french fries came and there was one that was over 9 inches long. I am bigger than that he said and I started laughing. I actually snapped a pix of the fry which I will have to post tomorrow.


After dinner, we went to the bar for a drink and we sat and talked some more. He finally reached over and kissed me. Okay, he was into me. I thought he was, I mean he invited me to his getaway house for one unspecified weekend but if he didn't like me, he didn't have to invite me. As we were sitting at the bar, I realized this was the same restaurant that wacko pulled out his cock at the bar. He started to tell me how I would be very impressed with his. I giggled and said, oh no..are you going to whip it out?! I would never, he said. I would just show pictures. We both laughed. He went on and on how magnificent it was....I was laughing hysterical. I reminded him that he shouldn't praise it so much, I might see it one day and call his bluff.

One more drink, and I actually was seeing a picture of his cock on his camera. Well I have to say, first, that he is built unbelievably. We are talking he has the broadest shoulders and strongest legs. He has one hell of a body. And his cock, I thought you couldn't build up muscle in your cock but this guys cock is something I have never seen before. Most guys cocks have girth but they are wide with thickness. This guy's cock reminded me of a budweiser bottle. It looked really round and as thick as a bottle. Wow, this wasd unique. And in length, it seemed long. His cock looked like it worked out!! lol


After kissing at the bar, we decided to go to a local arcade place. In front of the place, he leaned over in the car and kissed me. It got really hot and intense. The passion was flowing and I could feel myself getting super wet as I could also feel that he was getting super hard. At one point, II knew we had to get out of that car because we were attacking each other.

Playing the games, he was shocked when I beat him at a skeeball. Eventually he figured out that the scores were accumulating but I denied it. It was too funny how he couldn't believe I would win something. Air hockey, he kicked my butt. I was pretty good at deal or no deal and wheel of fortune. We drank some more and we played the games and it was really a lot of fun.

At one point, we sat down at the bar and drank. The conversation ended up getting serious. As a fireman, he is faced with some serious things and well, one event actually has left him with some serious lung issues. He also told me that they found spots on his kidneys which he isn't checking into. That made me sad. I could tell that his eyes were getting a little watery. How this conversation came to be? We were talking about life. How you gotta live one day at a time. How you should just go for it and not think about tomorrow because there might not be a tomorrow. Do today and live it like it were your last day. (Okay, so now you must be seeing the frame of mind that was developing....drinks, hot man, live today....need I say more!)

We actually played in the arcade until one in the morning. We handed in our tickets and I got...a stuffed frog!!!! Yes, for my bed and I must confess, a Scooby Doo. Scooby Doo always makes me happy but then of course I had a fleeting moment of thinking of Mystery Man (which passed now that I know he is fucking around). With stuffed animals in hand, we went to the car and headed to my house.

Talking and laughing the whole way home. We got to my block and we stopped at the corner so I could kiss him goodnight. Well, that was some hell of a kisss....it was intense and hot and I didn't want to stop. Strong, his body so hard against me....I didn't want to sit there just in case my neighbors would see so we went to the schoolyard and parked.

Well, when we got to the parking lot, I don't even remember starting to kiss but it started to get super hot. And I felt myself getting super horny....and his cock was super hard and I had to see it up close. So as his hands massaged my breasts and he squeezed my nipple, I removed his cock from his pants. AllI could say is WOW. that baby was round like a beer bottle. He was super endowed, I have never seen anything quite like it...my hand didn't fit around it...I stroked up and down and he moaned with each stroke. And I could feel myself getting wetter and wetter and pulsating more and more. Oh my, this was getting way too heated but I couldn't stop. The more I touched his cock, the more I wanted it deep inside of me.

I pulled him over to my seat and we lowered the chair. His hot body was lying over me, his shirt was off now and I could hardly contain myself. Dear God, this man was built with a six pack and more. My pants were opened and his were too...thankfully we had nothing or we would have fucked right there. But he touched me and he could feel the wetness which made him moan even loader....I was still stroking his cock when he moved it up to my mouth...I hesitated but then I couldn't resist....he kept leaning above me and moving his cock in and out of my mouth. My pants were all the way down now...and I just had to rub my clit for one second, the idea of the car passing, us in the open, his hard cock and body, his cock in my mouth.....and then he said..oh man, I can't hold it, I am going to cum... so cum I said.... and at the same time, we both climaxed and he shot his load all over me hair and face....he quickly grabbed his shirt to wipe me off..I giggled. I can't remember the last time I came so quickly and got so damn wet like that with little help.

He drove me home and kissed me good night. I don't remember much about getting into the house. And I felt great. I sent him a text the next morning, he answered and said he had a fun time too. And then I didn't hear from him or did he say we will have to do this again. It just laid there and I realized what a mistake I made. I should have refrained but I didn't. It just felt right. Of course, my friends all yelled at me and that made it worse. Today, I couldn't take it anymore, I called and apologized for drinking and what happened.

He called back a 1/2 hour later....Hey baby, who are you apologizing to? I thought we were going with the live and let live attitude? I know, but I felt like it wasn't appropriate. Oh come on, stop it. He wasn't feeling well, had been at the doctors. I'll call on him to check on him tomorrow. I guess I like more definite plans after. Like, hopefully we can get together again soon?!?

On another note, Mr. Porsche called on Friday night, two times. I think he knew, I always answer my phone. He called on Saturday to check on me. And my buddy, Mr. Security, called today. He is going through a tough divorce and he needed to talk. I love that we are friends. The movie Hangover is coming to Movie On Demand next week and we have made a date to watch that together at my house. I don't know when but hopefully soon. Things are okay with us and I like it. With Mr. Security, I think its not the right time for us but for some reason, I think we will be together again in the future. Only time will tell.....

There are others, Divorce Attorney wanted to come over, Mr. Astronaut/the Cop and I are fighting over a threesome. I am perfect except for that is his words. Grrrr....after I told him about my date, he ran onto Ashley Madison and has been on there for two days now consistently. He's trying to find that perfect woman. I keep annoying him by writing, you will never find anyone like me..your loss baby. It's pissing him off...lol

A Fireman, A Dream Bed and A Pond Of Frogs

Interesting comments to my last post and certainly made me think. Actually, I agree that many woman may keep a little hush on their escapades (look at me!) but I have to honestly say, I think most have truly not had them.

As for the other men...interesting point. Truth is Mr. Porsche makes me very happy. I have been really happy with him and we have been having some great sex sessions. I also have been so busy that I haven't even been able to keep up on telling you all our encounters (one I still didnt tell you). As for the other men, there are many BUT none that has really made an impression. When online, I am finding that the beginning is exactly the same for each one so until one stands out from the pack...its almost not worth writing about them.

Mr. Security is back in the picture. We discussed our awkward rendezvous and he admitted that he felt guilt for the first time with this new girlfriend he has. Interesting...ok, I said. We don't have to ever have sex again. Wait, wait, I didn't say ever. No, I said. I insist, let's wait and just be buddies. And of course, once I said that, he has been calling everyday! Actually, we are trying to get together to hang one night and watch tv in my new theater room.

Today is a VERY BIG DAY FOR ME!!! My Four Poster Bed Is Being Delivered!!!!!!!!! And so are the seats to my theater room....OOOOOOOOOOOO....husband out and I am improving the area. I can't wait for my bed. I am almost tempted to cancel my date tonight so I can enjoy my new bed sooner!!!!! lol For all of you who have been around awhile, you know I have dreamed about a four poster bed for five years now. I didn't get it because first I couldn't afford it then I didn't want to share it with the hubby and I feared losing it if I got divorced. So today, is a big moment for me! The bed represents my independence as well as my sexual freedom......

Tonight I have a date with a fireman. He's sweet, a little too corny with the jokes and he is built like a brickhouse...lol His voice (a little blue collarish and a little too talkative) does not match his looks. His looks, if he does look like this, boy oh boy, I will be a happy woman. He is taking me for a lobster dinner (he recommended it) and then we are going to a local amusement place to play games, bowl, air hockey....yes, that was my choice. What was sweet was he said that even if we saw each other and we sexually didn't hit it off, he didn't care because I am someone he knows he is really going to enjoy being with. Isn't that nice?

Another cop has surfaced into my life. I admit it, I have been reeling him in on Ashley Madison. One drunk night I ended up sexting with him and sent him a pix of my pussy. I have been snapping pix of my pussy way too much lately. Even sent one to the surgeon of the past who has been IMing me again. Well now he is interested....lol I have such a thing for cops. And then there is the old cop who I can't get out of my head. the undercover one who wants the threesome.....we get so close to meeting and each time he starts with the threesome thing again. Grrrr....today I told him..well you hold out for that threesome, and tonight, I will fuck the fireman and tonorrow night a lawyer and you will still be using your hand!

The others I have been talking to? Honestly, I guess there are four or five more. But they haven't even made it to the gate yet.

On the homefront, the kid is running me into the ground. At 16, he is brutal and when he reminds me of his father, I could puke. The ex stayed away for a week and honestly it was nice and quiet. He came in last night, started raiding my refrigerator, fighting with my son, yelling at me....I started yelling....get out, get out....I can't take it. Truth is, he has the kids this weekend and I need a break from my son. He hasn't slept there yet, hopefully this weekend he will. I have had enough, he's wild and overwhelming....aaahhh, I may not even get out of my princess bed tomorrow or Sunday.

Leaps and Bounds Above The Others, Yet Sexually Not Enough For ME?!?!?..

It's hard for me to imagine at this point, what it would be like without my life the past few years. When you live something and you are going through day to day shit, you don't realize that your life is probably not the norm. Or is it?!

My neighbors husband just passed away a few months ago. I went over last night for coffee with a couple of neighbors. Woman chatting! It was then that I realized that my life is so wild compared to all of them. Oh, each woman admitted to an affair. But as I was sitting there, the question was more, so which affair do I admit to? It was also at that point that i realized that even though these woman had affairs, they were truly vanilla. They didn't use the affair as an experimental ground. The didn't have the wild stories of toys and handcuffs and millions of positions. At the quietest point of my life (now!) I am still having sexual encounters and seeing more men than they did in a lifetime.

One of the girl's is online as well. She is attractive but I see her as very prudish I guess. Is it my sexual appetite that draws men to me? I think a lot has to do with my blog actually. I have learned how to be open, express my wants and desires and not give a crap about what is prim and proper I guess. This one woman says she has a date or two a month. That she has seen one man a few times but she isn't flooded with dates. Not being conceited or a pompous ass, I truly didn't understand that. My reality is, I could have 5 dates in a week if I wanted to with good looking guys. At this point, I am blowing them off because i am too busy. She was shocked by this and I was shocked by her experience (or lack of). Ironically, I still don't know what I want. I yearn for that closeness to someone yet fear that I will find someone really special.

Gotta update ya on Mr. Porsche.....the sex has been fabulous. Even he has been saying that we have hit new levels. And I have a date this weekend with a very built, hot fireman. I really hope he is as good looking as his pictures. there is a blue collar smartness to him yet you can see he is rough around the edges. He's funny, he's nice and we have good conversation but as usual, I feel there is something missing. However, he is worth the meeting because what is missing may just be my white collar stick up my ass or it may be that he is a comedian a lot of the time but he's a little funny. I love the quick witted, smart humor more than a one man comedy routine. I guess Friday night, I will find out.

Ooops...I forgot to post this and left it in draft.....this was from two weeks ago:

Taking Mr. Porsche to the Place that I considered to be MY PLACE with Mystery Man was a big step for me. Granted, I know that Mystery Man has probably been there a million times with other woman but for me--it was our place. I was nervous that the flashbacks would be overwhelming. I was nervous that I would even see his car there and freak out...I was also nervous that Mr. Porsche was going to ask me about the motel and if I had ever been there before. I don't lie....I may not always go into detail on things and even avoid things at time but if he came straight out and asked..I would have had to admit it. Well luckily for me, he didn't ask. I did make a snide comment, did you tell them you knew me? you would have gotten a discount..and I laughed. He just grabbed me and said Oh for some reason, I think I would have! And that was the end of that. Whew....



So my conclusion is this place has magic walls. Location. Location. Location. And this location is smoking! the walls are acoustically padded with this special material to absorb sound (and it looks so slutty like carpeting on the walls). There are mirrors everywhere, over the bed with neon lights, on the ceiling, a full mirror on the two walls......even a shelf which is actually perfect height to use to bend over or put your leg up on for deeper penetration. the television has three porno channels....and wouldn't you know it, the one on was the S&M channel. Dominance and Submission, Mr. Porsche was into it.


His cock was super hard. Reality is when that cock is hard...it is huge. The S&M channel was heating us up even more....he brought our toys and boy oh boy....those eggs were vibrating inside of me. There was no slow in our approach...it was hot, it was ravaging, it was goal oriented. Yes, the goal was that we both would cum!!

He squeezed my nipples till I screamed....he slapped my ass as I begged for more...I could hear myself screaming but it was an out of body experience...he thrusted and thrusted until my back arched and I came sooo hard. I could feel myself dripping as my body collapsed on the bed. But he wasn't done with me....he flipped me over and put the vibrator on my clit. He knows that my clit is so sensitive, my nipples were pointy and I needed a break but he wouldn't until I came again....

And then we collapsed on the bed.....and he held me in the neon lights as we watched the girls on tv eating each other out. Yes, this place is magic. the room certainly adds to the experience. His cock was still hard and ready to go. I wrapped my lips around him and sucked as I played with his balls. One finger massaging his prostate...he was about to cum....oh yes, he was right there.

So this magic motel is no longer exclusive......I love that place...definitely adds to sex being hotter. Although I do confess, MM and I had done it in another hotel and it was dripping too.

Tie Me Up Baby!!

Holiday Season Is Here!! I have been shopping through Amazon to get free shipping (and no tax) on things. So if you are looking for a gift....we are talking everything, be sure to push my link below. Yes, I have an amazon affiliate program and a 4% donation goes directly to the Cheri Fund towards my new four poster bed. Woo Hoo!! Just think when you give that present...you can get a little chuckle that you were a part of me being tied to the posts! Hehehe

Thanks!!!! xoxoxo

Mr. Hunk Is Over The Top

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Tiger Woods Report On Someone Rushed To Hospital

Wow...I hope it is a mistake. As I woke up this morning, the radio station said there was a report that a blonde was rushed to the hospital at 2:30AM after a 911 call today and the person is in bad shape in the ICU. They aren't sure if it is his wife or his mother or mother-in-law. The djs were speechless actually and took a whole new look at it. This is a private thing, it really is none of our business and if someone may die from it--personally I think the media is to blame. I hope it was a false report or this thing is certainly going to end Tiger's career.

So the report of over 10+ women that he has had affairs with, Tiger baby, you were just damn stupid. Stupid in his selection and the numbers. A waitress from Perkins?!?! A porn star? And he allowed someone to take pix of him on their cell phone. Rumor has it the girl is talking to PlayGirl now. There are fires popping up all over the place. I cannot believe he had such a God complex here. How did he not think that these waitresses wouldn't want to cash in?

Gotta say....he should have gone to Ashley Madison, he should have found one girl to bang that was married or in a position where she needed an affair to be quiet too. As for his wife, at this point, whether she loves him or not, I can't see how she could stay with him. 1-3 woman of respectable backgrounds....she would have survived. But from the list now and the woman he chose....the embarrassment alone is too much to endure.

I always said, I didn't care so much if my husband found out as much as I did if my kids found out. His kids are young but this is something he won't be able to erase out of history. Wow, transgressions....I think he needs a few more sssssssssss on that. For his sake and his families...I hope it dies down and no one was hospitalized...sadly, I think this is just the beginning for him.

The Deadly Muffin

I was upstairs straightening up for the cleaning people. My house was in disarray because I have been working so hard. I wasn't showered and looking gross for me when I heard banging on my front door. The door was open so I ran down. Probably UPS or my neighbor and when I got to the bottom of the steps...there was Mr. Security holding a white bag with his dazzling eyes and sexy smile. "Morning sexy, I bought you a muffin". I stood there with my mouth open. OMG!!! OMG!!! OMG!!! My house is a mess and I am a mess....CRAP!!! Usually I am better put together but not today. Almost the end of my cycle...not showered...oh this isn't good.

Like a little kid, I ran to the door and dragged him in by the hand. I gave him a big kiss and hug..Don't move, don't move....I ran upstairs and threw a bra on and brushed my teeth. I ran down and gave him another big hug...and grabbed his hand. He handed me the muffin and I looked into his eyes and said Thank you...but those eyes, those eyes captivate me and he knows it. Suddenly our lips met...and we stood in my livingroom kissing....what seemed like a half hour that you could feel the attraction and chemistry between us.

I quickly grabbed his hand...let me give you a tour of my disaster. And I showed him around the house. As we stopped in each room (except for the kids rooms) we began to kiss. I could feel his hands on me....oh he was so damn hot.

we went to my new theatre room that I just put in..which is waiting for the furniture. Our big joke is that is where I am putting the pole for my pole dancing. And then we returned to my bedroom...Yes, he was the first man in my bed. Actually I just pushed him on it and like a little kid I said....Wooo Hoooo a man is in my new bed. As I was jumping around, he pulled me down and so we began to kiss some more. Its a strange thing. we are friends but the attraction is there. slowly I worked my way to his pants..oh that wasnt his phone in his pocket. It was his nice hard cock. Come look at my new toy drawer. And I opened up a drawer that I now have made into a toy drawer. Yes, there is vibrators, ropes, lubricants, gels, massagers...so many toys. He was laughing so hard. And I grabbed my bunny to play with and threw him back on the bed.

I worked my way down to his cock and I got on my knees. Sucked him and licked him as he moaned. You give the best blow jobs...mmmmm, words I love to hear. I didn't want to do him...but it was getting warmer and hotter and damn... So you know when you know you shouldn't be doing something and then you manage to justify it in your head? Well after an hour, I needed to have him inside of me....but this is where it started to get weird....I had to go to pee, he had to look for a rubber and he was really nervous and I was really nervous and quite frankly the whole mood was lost and as he put on the condom so was his hard on.

so now I took it as if it was me....maybe it was. He said he was nervous and here we were with his limp dick. Fuck!! I should have never agreed..I didn't feel it was right. the lights shining in my bedroom, my new bed didn't come so bending over was uncomfortable...crap. So I looked at him and took the condom off and said Don't be nervous it is me...and I began to suck on him again which made him come back. We did fuck but it wasn't like we have in the past. It was uncomfortable now...I was very self conscious...it was not great. He came or so he said he did..I should have checked the condom but I didn't.

He kissed me good by, he left. I called him and said don't weird out on me. and he said he wouldn't. but he was suppose to come over on Friday and he didn't. and our conversations have been far and few between. So my bed wasn't exactly christened the way I wanted it to be. And now, I ended up crying. Out of all the new guys, I cared about him the most. I like him as a person, as a friend and lover. Actually if I had to choose, I would choose his friendship over sex. He makes me laugh like no one else.

Kind of said about this...what a damn deadly muffin! Oh Ironically the ex called during and wanted to come over to work on the computer. Good thing I screamed at him the night before about popping over like he had been doing. Phew....I had left the door open while we were screwing...lol

Ya Think I Should Be Banging Him?

So I met Mr. Hunk online today. He is arrogant beyond belief. I actually turned him down. After seeing his body, I felt I would only be self conscious with him. I wrote him back and turned him down. I was honest saying your bod is hot but not for me right now. Well, I don't think Mr. Hunk has been turned down EVER. lol The turn down just caused him to come on to me even more. Email after email today, picture after picture to convince me that he is fine that I am not a size 2.

Is he for me? Should I be banging Mr. Hunk? He comes with a guarantee....he guarantees that he will be the best fuck I have ever had! yup....I guess he comes with a warrantee or a money back guarantee. He went to the bathroom to take a pix of his cock for me today...and he sent a pix he had of his body. Yup, its hot. He actually reminds me of a guy that I dated in college. I sooo badly wanted him. Trouble is once I got him, after three months of sex with that body, I realized we couldn't talk. He was empty upstairs. Our main meetings were after a long night out with our friends and we would hook up. Once he even came by with my cat who was hanging on the streets. He rang my bell and there he was, standing there with my cat. That was the best sex we ever had. My mattress was on the floor afterwards, having fallen off the frame from the passionate and hot sex we had.

So why am I walking from this guy? Hmmm.. I am writing this at 1AM and he is actually calling my cell phone. I guess the thought of rejection is beyond his comprehension. First, this guy brags how he has a magic and huge cock. Okay, I am including the pix for your review. What ya think!?!? lol However, he is a cocky bastard, self absorbed, shallow and doesn't like to wear condoms. BUZZZZ....I don't care how careful you are, you aint doing me without a condom. Disease and more kids are not my thing. I would kill any girl who gave me a disease! Well dude, that statement is great but if you both got AIDS, it doesn't matter does it?

So I am not meeting him.....Just the fact that he saw my pix and wanted me is more than enough at this time. Actually, looking at the pix, the guy has great nipples....all pointy... Wow, they guy even has sexy nipples.....damn. And his face....he looks like a Ken doll. I was surprised, he is smokin but I am not going to bang him. I can only see that heading towards heartache and he is definitely high maintenance......NEXT!

Things Have Been Wild

So you may be wondering, where has Cheri been? well, well, well....

After realizing that Mystery Man is out on the prowl again, I feel like a fool for even worrying about him and honestly, I wasn't moving on. I was afraid he was reading my blog and I would risk getting him back. So after beating myself up, annoyed at him beyond belief....I said fuck it!

So....I have been going wild. I have been busy.....I haven't been on Ashley Madison in awhile because quite frankly I am already talking to too many men. Updates, I am so far behind. Let's say wild sex with Mr. Porsche on Friday...yes, we made up. He realized he was an ass on Wednesday and he was amazing on Friday. It was WOW!! Details to come. We went to the motel I have only gone to with Mystery Man. My favorite place, it was our place, but now it was time for me to introduce it to Mr. Porsche...oh it was hot!!!

And then Mr. Security...well lets just say he just showed up at my door and let's just say my bed has been christened! no longer a virgin bed....

And then there are the newbies.....Mr. Landscaper, Mr. Darkside, Sugar Daddy and then the new hunk. We are talking muscles on top of muscles on top of muscles. I told him I wasn't feeling so great about myself. That he should come back into my life at another date. Interesting how that just made him want me more. The more I turn him away, the more he wants me.

so things are great. A little bummed about Mr. Security--I will go into details. Let's just say that my neighbor was sitting here and three men called and she was dying. We were like little girls...damn girl, you are having fun. I guess I am but quite honestly, the one I want to hang with hasn't come around. I guess I am searching for that feeling I had when I was in balance with MM and Mr. Porsche. Man, that feeling was amazing.

Tiger Woods- Is it really our business?!?!

Wow....cheating is in the air. Yes, America's Golf Idol has been caught cheating. Why is everyone so surprised? Let's be realistic here, he fits the typical Type A perfectionist of power profile--high powered attorneys, men in top positions, politicians, sports figures, hollywood figures...men of power are usually cheaters. Whether they think they can get away with it, they are above all, whatever the reason--Tiger Woods is really a perfect example. Maybe because we all thought of him as a little boy who rose to stardom. Well he is a man. His wife actually looks like a little teenager, a Barbie doll. The woman he has an affair with, did you all notice they had amazingly succulent lips? Hmmmm....

Now he should have been smarter, don't ya think? Ashley Madison dear man. You should have chosen a married woman who would not want to rock his world. Not single woman who are looking for the public eye (and money). Ironically, this whole thing came to a head (hehe) because he cheated on the girl he was cheating on and she found out.

Well Tiger Woods, extramarital affairs always come out. However, I gotta say, I am shocked and kind of repulsed on how it is on every news channel with commentators debating it. Like it is a war, a missing child, a serial murderer. Please, the man had a few extramarital affairs. Quite honestly, it is between him and his wife. My opinion, most people like Tiger Woods, so leave the guy alone. It's sad and I am sure overwhelming. Think about it, if a regular person gets busted, their life turns becomes a whirlwind. I can't imagine having the world talking about it.

and then there is Mr. Porsche's take on it. He is saying how Tiger getting caught is bad for the entire male race of adulterers. Wives all across America are checking their husband's phones to see the numbers that they have callen. I mean, if clean cut Tiger Woods is having an affair, what about my husband. Yes, woman are bringing it up at the dinner table and in the bedroom. A perfect way to see your husband's reaction. A perfect way to see if he has a guilt attack or begins to shake.

So my take on it. Leave Tiger Woods alone. Give him and his wife a little room. And to everyone else who is cheating, remember, I always say....erase those text messages, emails and phone logs!!!!