So the Eskimo wrote again that he thinks of me all the time and that's what gets him so nervous. Just the thought of my face, gets him all worked up. Hmmmm....
And then this other guy I kind of dissed because he was weak...like a child. I don't need a whining child..I have three kids and an ex like that. But he told me that he jerked off to my picture.
And this is not the first time I have heard this. So I wonder, do guys meet girls on Ashley and even if they don't meet them, is it a common thing to use their face to jerk off?
And then there is this eerie feeling of the fact that I may be sitting here right now and there is someone jerking off to a picture of my face...lol Actually for some reason, I am okay if a guy reads my blog and gets off on one of my hot rendezvous' but the fact that these guys just use my picture....not sure if I should be flattered or grossed out?! they obviously feel I should be flattered because they tell me.
Gotta think about this one. So, is someone holding his cock right now and thinking about me?!?! Mmmmm....very interesting!
Monday, October 12, 2009
All variations of Cocks...A Quantitative Analysis by Cheri
I found myself lying in bed last night thinking about the various cocks I have encountered over my life. It is quite amazing how unique each man’s gems are! So what brought this thought on? I think because this old bf had a thinner cock than I remembered. Funny how you don’t think that when you are 18!
As the years go on, I guess more experience, more cock views and sucks…you have some personal data for comparison. At this point in my life, I am almost qualified to do a scientific study on it! Of course that is only on circumcised penis’. I still have not encountered an uncircumsized cock yet..
The largest cock I have ever been with was one of my first boyfriends. It had girth that didn’t even fit when we tried to do it the first time. Now, reality can also be a little warped. I was almost a virgin, he was the second and I am now wondering whether that baby just looked so huge because I was so tight. Hmmmm…I should track him down just to see where he falls now in the line of cocks!
While I have been sitting here analyzing size, it honestly has not been the size that has constitutes a great lover. I admit, being a little on the larger size certainly has given me tons of pleasure. On the other hand, its easier to blow a guy who is not huge. The gag reflux doesn’t kick in as quickly….you don’t have to cheat by beginning before his cock is engorged to get the whole baby in your mouth.
So looking back…..size and depth are noticeable but if its not obviously really huge or really small…it doesn’t really play an important role to me. Its not the largest cock that has given me the biggest joy. It has been those that have above average girth and length. To me that is great cock. But honestly, only if the man knows how to use it. Its all in the technique. Oh yes, definitely in how the cock is put to use. Oh my, I am getting horny now.
A man wouldn’t understand but when I see the cock stick its head out of the underwear…wow! My mouth begins to water. Seeing it stiff and at attention, wow, that gets me all worked up, like its calling me. Actually, I remember with MM how the inner animal in me had to have that cock. I loved sucking on it…and blowing him but honestly, I needed his cock inside of me. My body just craved his cock that I never could wait for him to cum with a blow job. I HATE TO HAVE IT IN ME!! I never felt that way with anyone else actually. His just seemed to fit like a glove and the fact that he could make me cum during sex was something that never happened to me before so I guess my body saw it and needed it!
I try never to regret anything, so I didn't regret giving the old bf a blow job. It felt so right at the time. I thought about what Clem said..that I sounded like I pushed him but honestly, I was very cautious and watched that I didn't. While I don't know for sure but I think that he has done this before. He was the one who put his arm around me....he was the one who was massaging my arm and breasts...i made sure not to make the first move. I didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation. I mean on Ashley Madison, I know a guy is there because he is looking. Here I wasn't sure. So today, I was nervous a little that he was uncomfortable or something.
However, this afternoon, i got a text from him. I am so glad I got to see u. You are as beautiful as ever. Let's keep in touch this time. I will talk to you real soon! xo
I felt better now. The day will go down in my memories and quite frankly, I don't know if I will ever see him again...but the day was exactly what I needed. And for some reason, I think I will be hearing from him.
As the years go on, I guess more experience, more cock views and sucks…you have some personal data for comparison. At this point in my life, I am almost qualified to do a scientific study on it! Of course that is only on circumcised penis’. I still have not encountered an uncircumsized cock yet..
The largest cock I have ever been with was one of my first boyfriends. It had girth that didn’t even fit when we tried to do it the first time. Now, reality can also be a little warped. I was almost a virgin, he was the second and I am now wondering whether that baby just looked so huge because I was so tight. Hmmmm…I should track him down just to see where he falls now in the line of cocks!
While I have been sitting here analyzing size, it honestly has not been the size that has constitutes a great lover. I admit, being a little on the larger size certainly has given me tons of pleasure. On the other hand, its easier to blow a guy who is not huge. The gag reflux doesn’t kick in as quickly….you don’t have to cheat by beginning before his cock is engorged to get the whole baby in your mouth.
So looking back…..size and depth are noticeable but if its not obviously really huge or really small…it doesn’t really play an important role to me. Its not the largest cock that has given me the biggest joy. It has been those that have above average girth and length. To me that is great cock. But honestly, only if the man knows how to use it. Its all in the technique. Oh yes, definitely in how the cock is put to use. Oh my, I am getting horny now.
A man wouldn’t understand but when I see the cock stick its head out of the underwear…wow! My mouth begins to water. Seeing it stiff and at attention, wow, that gets me all worked up, like its calling me. Actually, I remember with MM how the inner animal in me had to have that cock. I loved sucking on it…and blowing him but honestly, I needed his cock inside of me. My body just craved his cock that I never could wait for him to cum with a blow job. I HATE TO HAVE IT IN ME!! I never felt that way with anyone else actually. His just seemed to fit like a glove and the fact that he could make me cum during sex was something that never happened to me before so I guess my body saw it and needed it!
I try never to regret anything, so I didn't regret giving the old bf a blow job. It felt so right at the time. I thought about what Clem said..that I sounded like I pushed him but honestly, I was very cautious and watched that I didn't. While I don't know for sure but I think that he has done this before. He was the one who put his arm around me....he was the one who was massaging my arm and breasts...i made sure not to make the first move. I didn't want to put him in an uncomfortable situation. I mean on Ashley Madison, I know a guy is there because he is looking. Here I wasn't sure. So today, I was nervous a little that he was uncomfortable or something.
However, this afternoon, i got a text from him. I am so glad I got to see u. You are as beautiful as ever. Let's keep in touch this time. I will talk to you real soon! xo
I felt better now. The day will go down in my memories and quite frankly, I don't know if I will ever see him again...but the day was exactly what I needed. And for some reason, I think I will be hearing from him.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Re-living My College Romance- 26 years later
Today, I got to see my old college boyfriend. He was coming to town and we haven't seen each other in 26 years! Crazy...but as it turns out exactly what I needed. I was nervous, I mean 26 years is a long time and we obviously change. What happens if he is repulsed by me? What happens if we have nothing to say?
Our relationship ended when he never showed up after work for our dinner plans. I cooked him a lasagna...angry he didn't show up, I threw it out the window and that was the end of us. He found me on Facebook, we chatted once and we decided to meet for lunch when he came to town this weekend. Italian...to make up for the wasted lasagna 26 years earlier. He now lives on the other side of the country but was coming back for the weekend.
He picked me up..and I smiled at him. He looked the same, six pack and all....we chatted about life, I teased him endlessly and we enjoyed lunch. Both of us a little nervous with the chit chat but yet it was exciting. To my surprise, he remembered so much about our relationship. when he said it, I remembered as well. How funny to be brought back so many years. How strange to be sitting across from him. Out of no where, he was staring at me. I said, what are you thinking? He responded...that you are as gorgeous as you were back then. you always had the most beautiful face. I smiled. Why didn't you tell me back then? He responded "because I was an idiot. I must have told you how gorgeous you were. Actually, he never did but it was so nice to hear it now.
The conversation was friendly with a slight tinge of flirting. But nothing that you would think would mean anything more than sweet. He started reminding me of things we did together and I laughed so hard. Like the time my car got stuck on the way home and we slept in this little town. I reminded him how he worked out constantly in his dorm room and I used to hang upside down off the bed to talk to him while he was doing situps. And he mentioned how my lips were just as he remembered them. Unforgettable lips you have....
We drove around the neighborhood and then I said...lets go to the park. What?!? You have to know him. Very disciplined and somewhat of a straight arrow. Your crazy, he kept laughing. I made him go down the slide a couple of times with me and we were like little kids. And then when I came down, he caught me off the slide and I ended up in his arms. He held me tight and hugged me. I took a deep breath in..I remembered those arms. With his arm around me, we sat down on the bench and I laid my head on his lap and we talked and talked.
I was his first and only of a list of things. He confessed that he thought about them sometimes and has thought about me throughout the years. The first and only to handcuff him, first and only with whipped cream and how I knew how to use those lips of mine. He thought about that often. I have gotten much better than I was at 18! I have practiced and even read up on how to give a good bj! He just smiled and shook his head and started to massage me. "Do you want me to take the keys out of my pocket?" "Damn, I was hoping that was something else poking me in the head". He laughed so hard.."actually, that is on the other side and it is as hard as the keys". Hmmmm...let me use that as a contour pillow then. So I got up and switched sides.
Old times, old memories came flooding back. How great he massaged, how safe he made me feel in his arms and as he reached over and kissed me, how amazing his lips felt. And there we were, kissing each other passionately in the school playground. And now our lips moving up each others necks and it getting a little heated. I did the Cheri check...I needed to see that his cock was hard and boy, it was hard.
It started to get cold so we conveniently moved to the car. And then we began to kiss intensely. He began to breath heavily in my ear and nibble on it.....mmmmmm...how I love that. And to my surprise, that wasn't by mistake..you used to love when I did this to you. Damn, he remembered. It makes me instantly wet..and beyond horny.
So have you read up on what is proper etiquette when you meet your ex lover 26 years later? Do you start again or can you pick up where you left off? I asked him. Absolutely pick up where you left off he said. And with that and the kisses, I began to open his pants...his cock sticking out just the head. Oh, he's aged so well, not a wrinkle. And my mouth wrapped itself around his cock. Honeslty, I wanted to mount him and have wild sex right there. But instead I showed him my new and improved blow job technique. And he moaned...oh cheri...I thought about your lips often. Wow, he did??!? And then I let his cock go deep down my throat...oh yeah, that's what he loved. And after a few minutes, he came in my mouth and all over his shirt (and as I walked into the house, I realized all over my hair too!)
We kissed good by and said we would keep in touch. we kissed again and again and finally I jumped out of the car. Thanks for a great lunch. And then I was back in my reality.
However, I do have the great memories of the past that he brought to the surface. I went back in time, 26 years lying in his arms as he massaged my back and neck. Amazing hands that guy has. And the fact that he remembered so much of our relationship, shocked me. Probably because I had forgotten so much and he brought the memories flooding back. wow, after 26 years, he had thought about us and remembered so much. I was totally flattered.
not sure that blowing him was the best idea..he is married, we didn't even discuss that. I hope he doesn't weird out on me. but it was just there and I had to show him how much I have improved!! I mean at 18 what did I know?!?! Obviously it had been enough for him to remember it so many years later.
I feel like a little kid again. Today was a great day! I text him a thank you but I didn't hear back. Well whatever happens....it felt right at the time and I will not regret it. I had a really good week my first week of separation.
Our relationship ended when he never showed up after work for our dinner plans. I cooked him a lasagna...angry he didn't show up, I threw it out the window and that was the end of us. He found me on Facebook, we chatted once and we decided to meet for lunch when he came to town this weekend. Italian...to make up for the wasted lasagna 26 years earlier. He now lives on the other side of the country but was coming back for the weekend.
He picked me up..and I smiled at him. He looked the same, six pack and all....we chatted about life, I teased him endlessly and we enjoyed lunch. Both of us a little nervous with the chit chat but yet it was exciting. To my surprise, he remembered so much about our relationship. when he said it, I remembered as well. How funny to be brought back so many years. How strange to be sitting across from him. Out of no where, he was staring at me. I said, what are you thinking? He responded...that you are as gorgeous as you were back then. you always had the most beautiful face. I smiled. Why didn't you tell me back then? He responded "because I was an idiot. I must have told you how gorgeous you were. Actually, he never did but it was so nice to hear it now.
The conversation was friendly with a slight tinge of flirting. But nothing that you would think would mean anything more than sweet. He started reminding me of things we did together and I laughed so hard. Like the time my car got stuck on the way home and we slept in this little town. I reminded him how he worked out constantly in his dorm room and I used to hang upside down off the bed to talk to him while he was doing situps. And he mentioned how my lips were just as he remembered them. Unforgettable lips you have....
We drove around the neighborhood and then I said...lets go to the park. What?!? You have to know him. Very disciplined and somewhat of a straight arrow. Your crazy, he kept laughing. I made him go down the slide a couple of times with me and we were like little kids. And then when I came down, he caught me off the slide and I ended up in his arms. He held me tight and hugged me. I took a deep breath in..I remembered those arms. With his arm around me, we sat down on the bench and I laid my head on his lap and we talked and talked.
I was his first and only of a list of things. He confessed that he thought about them sometimes and has thought about me throughout the years. The first and only to handcuff him, first and only with whipped cream and how I knew how to use those lips of mine. He thought about that often. I have gotten much better than I was at 18! I have practiced and even read up on how to give a good bj! He just smiled and shook his head and started to massage me. "Do you want me to take the keys out of my pocket?" "Damn, I was hoping that was something else poking me in the head". He laughed so hard.."actually, that is on the other side and it is as hard as the keys". Hmmmm...let me use that as a contour pillow then. So I got up and switched sides.
Old times, old memories came flooding back. How great he massaged, how safe he made me feel in his arms and as he reached over and kissed me, how amazing his lips felt. And there we were, kissing each other passionately in the school playground. And now our lips moving up each others necks and it getting a little heated. I did the Cheri check...I needed to see that his cock was hard and boy, it was hard.
It started to get cold so we conveniently moved to the car. And then we began to kiss intensely. He began to breath heavily in my ear and nibble on it.....mmmmmm...how I love that. And to my surprise, that wasn't by mistake..you used to love when I did this to you. Damn, he remembered. It makes me instantly wet..and beyond horny.
So have you read up on what is proper etiquette when you meet your ex lover 26 years later? Do you start again or can you pick up where you left off? I asked him. Absolutely pick up where you left off he said. And with that and the kisses, I began to open his pants...his cock sticking out just the head. Oh, he's aged so well, not a wrinkle. And my mouth wrapped itself around his cock. Honeslty, I wanted to mount him and have wild sex right there. But instead I showed him my new and improved blow job technique. And he moaned...oh cheri...I thought about your lips often. Wow, he did??!? And then I let his cock go deep down my throat...oh yeah, that's what he loved. And after a few minutes, he came in my mouth and all over his shirt (and as I walked into the house, I realized all over my hair too!)
We kissed good by and said we would keep in touch. we kissed again and again and finally I jumped out of the car. Thanks for a great lunch. And then I was back in my reality.
However, I do have the great memories of the past that he brought to the surface. I went back in time, 26 years lying in his arms as he massaged my back and neck. Amazing hands that guy has. And the fact that he remembered so much of our relationship, shocked me. Probably because I had forgotten so much and he brought the memories flooding back. wow, after 26 years, he had thought about us and remembered so much. I was totally flattered.
not sure that blowing him was the best idea..he is married, we didn't even discuss that. I hope he doesn't weird out on me. but it was just there and I had to show him how much I have improved!! I mean at 18 what did I know?!?! Obviously it had been enough for him to remember it so many years later.
I feel like a little kid again. Today was a great day! I text him a thank you but I didn't hear back. Well whatever happens....it felt right at the time and I will not regret it. I had a really good week my first week of separation.
Friday, October 09, 2009
So that's what happened to the Eskimo Frog
Wow, I am getting bad with my frog names. Mr. Eskimo, I met on Ashley Madison. He was very cute, funny and I really enjoyed our conversations. I met him around the time that I met Mr. Astronaut. We spoke frequently, he had a hot, sexy voice. One day, I called him to meet for coffee because I got out of a meeting early and I never heard from him. Honestly at firstI didn't think twice that he didn't call back, figured he had gotten busy. but when two days passed, I knew something was up. I had warned him about being a newbie and that I try to avoid newbies but he pursued me heavily and then POOF..he was gone.
Last night, I saw he was back on Ashley Madison so I dropped him a note just checking on him and asking him what happened. His response:
Yea....I handle things pretty poorly....I am a newbie and this eskimo got really cold feet....brrrrrrr....you have me so intrigued and excited....that I didn't know if I should meet you....just from talking to u I was crazed....and if I actually met you....forget about it....
Well I hate that. I guess this is another frog put in the you are too dangerous pond!
Last night, I saw he was back on Ashley Madison so I dropped him a note just checking on him and asking him what happened. His response:
Yea....I handle things pretty poorly....I am a newbie and this eskimo got really cold feet....brrrrrrr....you have me so intrigued and excited....that I didn't know if I should meet you....just from talking to u I was crazed....and if I actually met you....forget about it....
Well I hate that. I guess this is another frog put in the you are too dangerous pond!
Thursday, October 08, 2009
Offbeat Sex Is Hot
Quick Prelude: Last night Mr. P and I had a run in. It hurt me because he didn't think about me or my safety. He owns a company that does this certain thing that I need done. when I asked him if I could pay one of his workers, he said "just get a day worker off the street". I felt horrible because he used to care about me, he used to take care of little things and now he was telling me to hire some stranger off the street and let him in my house (and I live alone now!!) So I had decided i wasn't going to meet him. However, this afternoon I decided I would meet him for just sex. That was it...I needed some cock badly. And so I told him that and we met.
Well, it was absolutely a wonderful afternoon. He wasn't too crazy and sexually deviant but just enough to add some flavor. He was caring, cuddling, and very kissy..I loved it! Even better, he initiated it. We played with our toys and I came and came and came! Actually, I feel a little selfish, because the day was really all about me. I blew him..but not as long as I usualy do. I massaged him and he massaged me, we giggled, we laughed and tickled each other. We cuddled and we kissed and we kissed some more. I don't think we ever kissed so much.
Right now, my clit feels like it is going to fall off. It is so sore from rubbing but its a good sore. And after today, I think something different about Mr. Porsche. I don't think that he is scared that I am getting divorced (he knows I would never, ever tell his wife). I actually think he may be concerned I am going to find someone else. That the wall is actually him protecting himself not him being turned off by my situation. Reason I say that is because when I got there, he pinned me down and gave me two hickeys on each cheek of my ass. "I feel like you are branding me" like the cowboys do to their farm animals...and then it clicked. He was branding me.."No one is going to see it now, I can mark up your body. I even think we should pierce your nipples now!" Wow, he was kind of branding me. His way of having some kind of control/ownership of my body. He also mentioned me seeing my old boyfriend. It bothered him, I could tell. So....maybe that's what his concern is. He thinks I am now single, I am going to date and find someone else.
The sex was good but the hottest part was when I was rubbing my clit and he was inside of me. The condoms make him go down but deviance always makes him hard. So what he did was take two fingers and put them in my mouth. And with my eyes closed, I could feel his cock inside of me. The deeper i would swallow his fingers, the harder his cock got. This was strangely hot! I could feel him getting bigger inside of me...and so I let him stick his fingers further and further into my mouth...and as he got down to my throat, I relaxed the muscles and he went further and further down my throat....with is cock getting harder and harder inside of me. Somehow I was able let him go passed my uvula and down my throat. My gag reflux was gone. And then he was hard as a rock, and kept fucking me harder and harder. It was quite enjoyable.
He pulled out, added the anal plug and had me push down on it while he inserted the vibrating eggs inside of me. Again, I came so hard...it was heaven. oh how I love hard thrusting as I moan and moan.
And then there was a peace, a balance and we folded into each other and he kissed my neck and held me tight. There was no place I wanted to be then right here in this exact frame of mind. It was perfect. But of course, I had to clear the air about the last three weeks. And of course, like every other man he said to me "men don't like to talk about this shit". And of course, I knew he was right but it didn't stop me. you hurt me...nothing is going to change now that I am divorced. yada, yada, yada. And I went on and on telling him that I was hurt about not seeing him etc. etc. I just had to get it off my chest. His response "you do know that when you tell me these things, you are putting daggers in me because I want to be with you, I just can't". so I back off.
He brought up my project...and my response...I am doing it. He said I will send the guy. I said...nope, I will do it myself. Now he was looking annoyed. I explained that I was surprised he told me to get a worker off the street and he apologized that he had just said it and didn't think about it. That I was 100% right and that I should never do that. And then I told him that there was a bigger project that I needed him and I would pay him and now his eyes were bulging. I said I am going to give it to you as a gift and I am going to do both of the projects. My response...I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me. Okay, now he looked madder. He replied...I don't but think about it, I don't want you doing it....we will discuss it tomororow. And as silly as that sounds, just the fact that he wants to do it...made me feel great. I nuzzled deeper in his arms. Yes, I am Miss. Independent and will take on any project because I always had to do it myself and I prided myself on doing it. And then I thought about it...I love that he offered and that he doesn't want me to do it. Kind of the damsel in distress thing.
So Mr. Porsche and I are okay. In conclusion, you can't let so much time pass. He called me after and said he had a great time. What a perfect afternoon! And with the music blasting in the car and me feeling like a million bucks, I drove home. Yes, I am going to be okay. And yes, a good fucking is what I need on a regular basis to keep me balanced!!! YUM!
Well, it was absolutely a wonderful afternoon. He wasn't too crazy and sexually deviant but just enough to add some flavor. He was caring, cuddling, and very kissy..I loved it! Even better, he initiated it. We played with our toys and I came and came and came! Actually, I feel a little selfish, because the day was really all about me. I blew him..but not as long as I usualy do. I massaged him and he massaged me, we giggled, we laughed and tickled each other. We cuddled and we kissed and we kissed some more. I don't think we ever kissed so much.
Right now, my clit feels like it is going to fall off. It is so sore from rubbing but its a good sore. And after today, I think something different about Mr. Porsche. I don't think that he is scared that I am getting divorced (he knows I would never, ever tell his wife). I actually think he may be concerned I am going to find someone else. That the wall is actually him protecting himself not him being turned off by my situation. Reason I say that is because when I got there, he pinned me down and gave me two hickeys on each cheek of my ass. "I feel like you are branding me" like the cowboys do to their farm animals...and then it clicked. He was branding me.."No one is going to see it now, I can mark up your body. I even think we should pierce your nipples now!" Wow, he was kind of branding me. His way of having some kind of control/ownership of my body. He also mentioned me seeing my old boyfriend. It bothered him, I could tell. So....maybe that's what his concern is. He thinks I am now single, I am going to date and find someone else.
The sex was good but the hottest part was when I was rubbing my clit and he was inside of me. The condoms make him go down but deviance always makes him hard. So what he did was take two fingers and put them in my mouth. And with my eyes closed, I could feel his cock inside of me. The deeper i would swallow his fingers, the harder his cock got. This was strangely hot! I could feel him getting bigger inside of me...and so I let him stick his fingers further and further into my mouth...and as he got down to my throat, I relaxed the muscles and he went further and further down my throat....with is cock getting harder and harder inside of me. Somehow I was able let him go passed my uvula and down my throat. My gag reflux was gone. And then he was hard as a rock, and kept fucking me harder and harder. It was quite enjoyable.
He pulled out, added the anal plug and had me push down on it while he inserted the vibrating eggs inside of me. Again, I came so hard...it was heaven. oh how I love hard thrusting as I moan and moan.
And then there was a peace, a balance and we folded into each other and he kissed my neck and held me tight. There was no place I wanted to be then right here in this exact frame of mind. It was perfect. But of course, I had to clear the air about the last three weeks. And of course, like every other man he said to me "men don't like to talk about this shit". And of course, I knew he was right but it didn't stop me. you hurt me...nothing is going to change now that I am divorced. yada, yada, yada. And I went on and on telling him that I was hurt about not seeing him etc. etc. I just had to get it off my chest. His response "you do know that when you tell me these things, you are putting daggers in me because I want to be with you, I just can't". so I back off.
He brought up my project...and my response...I am doing it. He said I will send the guy. I said...nope, I will do it myself. Now he was looking annoyed. I explained that I was surprised he told me to get a worker off the street and he apologized that he had just said it and didn't think about it. That I was 100% right and that I should never do that. And then I told him that there was a bigger project that I needed him and I would pay him and now his eyes were bulging. I said I am going to give it to you as a gift and I am going to do both of the projects. My response...I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of me. Okay, now he looked madder. He replied...I don't but think about it, I don't want you doing it....we will discuss it tomororow. And as silly as that sounds, just the fact that he wants to do it...made me feel great. I nuzzled deeper in his arms. Yes, I am Miss. Independent and will take on any project because I always had to do it myself and I prided myself on doing it. And then I thought about it...I love that he offered and that he doesn't want me to do it. Kind of the damsel in distress thing.
So Mr. Porsche and I are okay. In conclusion, you can't let so much time pass. He called me after and said he had a great time. What a perfect afternoon! And with the music blasting in the car and me feeling like a million bucks, I drove home. Yes, I am going to be okay. And yes, a good fucking is what I need on a regular basis to keep me balanced!!! YUM!
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
The Wall
Okay....today I am starting like I should have started Monday...my first day of my freedom. Weirdly enough the ex has been here each day and its got to stop. I didn't mind but he can't make this his second home. He has no internet connection at his house so he was sprawled out on the couch and on the computer. At 10PM, I said, we are going to sleep, good night.
So on to more exciting stuff....I decided to hold off on two dates this week. I need to let this separation set in a little. However, I did get a message from my old college boyfriend (a normal one..lol). And he's coming to town. We spoke last night and it was so nice. Damn, playa flirt, is still a flirt. I was teasing him about throwing the lasagna out the window. He laughed and said..okay, I am taking you out to dinner and we will make up for that lost lasagna. Sadly, I don't have a babysitter for Saturday night but we are going to meet during the day. I am kind of excited about it. Okay, I am like a little girl right now with the giggles. He's married but we all know that doesn't mean anything. Of course, if anything, i would just kiss him. That's it....I am trying to remember the sex with us and quite frankly I can't....lol
And Mr. Porsche and I. We got some serious issues. while he claims my divorce doesn't matter...oh it so matters. The wall is so high and he is truly bugging. Last time the sex was so rough because I am sure now that he wants to make sure that it is pure sex. No emotions (which to me is a problem. I like the sensuality, the kissing, the high of lust and desire). fucking as a sport is not what I want except if it were a one night stand.
I told him i wanted Passion when we met....oh did he get nervous. I am not in the mood for that crazy, push to the edge sex. I want some lust and desire here. Now here's the clincher. I was trying to make a point by pointing out to him that even if we were both single, we would never be together. He is extremely difficult and demanding and moody and controlling. Things he already knows but things that I would never be able to deal with. So I started to say "you know Mr. P, let's say we were both single, you... " and he interrupted me.... "THAT AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN". SWOOOOOOSHHHH.....Reality, I don't want it to happen but his remark was like a smack in the face. I am re-considering seeing him this week. Actually, I am going to have a t-shirt made up for him....with "THAT AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN" on the shirt and mail it to him.
So how do i feel? Better inside. Way too much to do....but I feel so much better and excited inside. And stressed from work, house, kids up all night....but there is still this little person inside who is saying....I can do this and I am going to have fun doing it!!
So on to more exciting stuff....I decided to hold off on two dates this week. I need to let this separation set in a little. However, I did get a message from my old college boyfriend (a normal one..lol). And he's coming to town. We spoke last night and it was so nice. Damn, playa flirt, is still a flirt. I was teasing him about throwing the lasagna out the window. He laughed and said..okay, I am taking you out to dinner and we will make up for that lost lasagna. Sadly, I don't have a babysitter for Saturday night but we are going to meet during the day. I am kind of excited about it. Okay, I am like a little girl right now with the giggles. He's married but we all know that doesn't mean anything. Of course, if anything, i would just kiss him. That's it....I am trying to remember the sex with us and quite frankly I can't....lol
And Mr. Porsche and I. We got some serious issues. while he claims my divorce doesn't matter...oh it so matters. The wall is so high and he is truly bugging. Last time the sex was so rough because I am sure now that he wants to make sure that it is pure sex. No emotions (which to me is a problem. I like the sensuality, the kissing, the high of lust and desire). fucking as a sport is not what I want except if it were a one night stand.
I told him i wanted Passion when we met....oh did he get nervous. I am not in the mood for that crazy, push to the edge sex. I want some lust and desire here. Now here's the clincher. I was trying to make a point by pointing out to him that even if we were both single, we would never be together. He is extremely difficult and demanding and moody and controlling. Things he already knows but things that I would never be able to deal with. So I started to say "you know Mr. P, let's say we were both single, you... " and he interrupted me.... "THAT AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN". SWOOOOOOSHHHH.....Reality, I don't want it to happen but his remark was like a smack in the face. I am re-considering seeing him this week. Actually, I am going to have a t-shirt made up for him....with "THAT AIN'T NEVER GONNA HAPPEN" on the shirt and mail it to him.
So how do i feel? Better inside. Way too much to do....but I feel so much better and excited inside. And stressed from work, house, kids up all night....but there is still this little person inside who is saying....I can do this and I am going to have fun doing it!!
Monday, October 05, 2009
Cheri The Neighborhood Coroner
Okay...today was way out of control. I went to sleep last night and love, I mean love my new bed. I slept like a baby. Got the kids off to school...woo hoo!! All ready to start organizing a little, figure out how I am going to pay the bills and get my life in order. I just lied down on the bed, turned on the computer and the phone rings...its my neighbor (I figured checking up on me to see how my night went). "What are you doing? are you busy?" No, I said..."what's up?" I don't think my husband is breathing, can you come over and check!
Now, she was in shock when she said that and it certainly took me a minute to compute what she had said. I jumped up and ran out and across the grass and was there in a second. Her husband has been very sick...Alzheimers...such a cruel disease (scarily, he was 59). The end was coming but they told her last night there were some months left. Now I am not really very good at death but she needed me and I ran over. If you remember throughout the years, this is not the first time I had to do this with a neighbor. I went into the room, and he was lying there peaceful. He wasn't breathing but he was still warm. She was screaming and I had to hold her up. And then the chaos began. Sadly, he was gone.
I was with her most of the day so when I arrived home and my cell, the phone was packed with messages. People were worried about me and my disappearance was worrying them. I was so wrapped up, I forgot my own bullshit. Meanwhile, friends were frantic that I was MIA. Called my best friend and apologized because she was beside herself that she couldn't reach me. When I told her what happened she just blurted out "why are you the neighborhood coroner? You have so many talents these days!" Well, we both started laughing. It was true. This is the second neighbor I found dead. The last one, I had to break into his house because his father was worried about him, he didn't pick him up (100 year old man, the son who was 65 died). Next, the 100 year old man, climbing ladders to his bedroom looking for him and then the neighbor across the street--husband fell down steps and I stayed with him. Hmmmmm....actually the neighbor across the street tonight promised me they would not die this year since I need a rest (they were the ladder holders for the last saga).
So, I am a woman of many capabilities. Truth is, I am great in emergencies. I actually break down afterwards when the adrenaline wears away. Life is so short man. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Gotta enjoy it while you can. So my neighbor and I sat on the deck after all the excitement. She knew her husband suffered and while it was a relief....she has been caring for him for years now. "What am I going to do?" And then it hit me. Today was the day my new life began and abruptly today was her day as well. your going to be strong!
Now, she was in shock when she said that and it certainly took me a minute to compute what she had said. I jumped up and ran out and across the grass and was there in a second. Her husband has been very sick...Alzheimers...such a cruel disease (scarily, he was 59). The end was coming but they told her last night there were some months left. Now I am not really very good at death but she needed me and I ran over. If you remember throughout the years, this is not the first time I had to do this with a neighbor. I went into the room, and he was lying there peaceful. He wasn't breathing but he was still warm. She was screaming and I had to hold her up. And then the chaos began. Sadly, he was gone.
I was with her most of the day so when I arrived home and my cell, the phone was packed with messages. People were worried about me and my disappearance was worrying them. I was so wrapped up, I forgot my own bullshit. Meanwhile, friends were frantic that I was MIA. Called my best friend and apologized because she was beside herself that she couldn't reach me. When I told her what happened she just blurted out "why are you the neighborhood coroner? You have so many talents these days!" Well, we both started laughing. It was true. This is the second neighbor I found dead. The last one, I had to break into his house because his father was worried about him, he didn't pick him up (100 year old man, the son who was 65 died). Next, the 100 year old man, climbing ladders to his bedroom looking for him and then the neighbor across the street--husband fell down steps and I stayed with him. Hmmmmm....actually the neighbor across the street tonight promised me they would not die this year since I need a rest (they were the ladder holders for the last saga).
So, I am a woman of many capabilities. Truth is, I am great in emergencies. I actually break down afterwards when the adrenaline wears away. Life is so short man. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Gotta enjoy it while you can. So my neighbor and I sat on the deck after all the excitement. She knew her husband suffered and while it was a relief....she has been caring for him for years now. "What am I going to do?" And then it hit me. Today was the day my new life began and abruptly today was her day as well. your going to be strong!
Sunday, October 04, 2009
The Finale--The New Beginning
Tonight is the first night he is officially out. Yes, he took the bed, the couch and other things. Right until the end, he screwed me financially. He took the frozen account money that I got released from the lien I paid. He deposited $400 less in my account. He bitched that I negotiated the amount down. He bitched about the agreement....he told me I took him to the cleaners. He complained that now that I make the money, I threw him out. A warped sense of everything. I guess they say there are always three sides to a story. He seemed to forget the parts of how I supported the family for the last five years. How I saved the house, how I took care of everything...how he did so much to fuck up our life. How ironic that all that was forgotten.
So when it came time for him to actually walk out the door. He made it easy for me not to be too upset. Ironically, he is going to be back here tomorrow....so the drama is just not there....
So how do I feel? Drained. It was rough and upsetting. I am scared to death. Already tonight was a disaster with the kids not sleeping (not because of him). Well, it is going to be rough. So now it is before 12 and I am hoping to fall asleep.
My new mattress!?! It is a dream!!!!!!! So comfortable...I love it. Very small though, the Queen feels like half the size of the King. but I figure, if a man is in this bed with me, then I am going to be want to be close to him.
So I am heading to bed now. My older one is giving me a hard time. His whole life, he acts up when he needs attention. Tonight, he is claiming a muscle spasm. I know he is going to need a lot of attention but right now, I just want to sleep....I deserve one
So when it came time for him to actually walk out the door. He made it easy for me not to be too upset. Ironically, he is going to be back here tomorrow....so the drama is just not there....
So how do I feel? Drained. It was rough and upsetting. I am scared to death. Already tonight was a disaster with the kids not sleeping (not because of him). Well, it is going to be rough. So now it is before 12 and I am hoping to fall asleep.
My new mattress!?! It is a dream!!!!!!! So comfortable...I love it. Very small though, the Queen feels like half the size of the King. but I figure, if a man is in this bed with me, then I am going to be want to be close to him.
So I am heading to bed now. My older one is giving me a hard time. His whole life, he acts up when he needs attention. Tonight, he is claiming a muscle spasm. I know he is going to need a lot of attention but right now, I just want to sleep....I deserve one
Saturday, October 03, 2009
The Four Poster Bed
So sad to report that the four poster bed that I always wanted and dreamed about for years....the Bob Mackie is no longer anywhere to be found. My dream bed is poof! Oh there are others but this one had it all.....now many of you may be thinking that the bed is not a necessity but to me....it stands for my new life....I dream of being ravaged in a four poster bed. Not a wimpy one either....One that adds drama. So do you think the one to the left is too masculine? Although I do not know too many men who have a four poster bed on their dream list...
The Jessica McClintock bed...which has the sexy curves (not the Mackie but close)..is 3 times the amount of the one that is here on the left...the one to the left, I can afford...I found it for 1/2 price. The other one, I need $2,000 more for.
Friday, October 02, 2009
A Side Of Me...
I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I admit it. Sorry because I have been reaching out to Mystery Man and he refuses to answer. It hurts when you realize you are so easily forgotten by someone. I guess I have also never been thrown to the curb like that before. Not a great feeling.
Sorry for myself because Mr. Porsche admitted tonight that he is guarded. He was drunk and he admitted there is a wall to protect him, to protect me. Why? We know each other two years, I have no walls...He said"one of us needs to keep it to keep it balanced." He did say something sweet....its out of context now...but he said..."I want you and I need you". And then seriously he said...did you hear me? I said no...I wanted to hear that I heard it correctly. And in a serious voice he said...I want you and I need you. In what way, I asked. Business? "In all ways"..he said. It felt good. But in a breath later he threw the wall so far up and he said I will call you back...we always say...have a nice weekend...he didn't call back. He needed to do a dickish move and piss me off...I guess that assures him that wall stays in tact.
Oh, chatting with men is easy. But men are so afraid of intimacy, I think. Am I such a threat or so overwhelming? Now its not just married men, its all men. Mr. Rockstar called me dangerous last night, the Divorce Attorney called and also mentioned the word addicting. What the fuck does dangerous mean?! Why do these men push me away? Its like I can feel brick walls wherever I go...married or not. Do I have a brick wall? I don't think so...I am in love with sensuality, lust, desire, closeness...its so hot to get close to someone. Damn it, it hurts in the end anyway, so why not feel the high of all highs!!??
With my headphones on....a song came on that I had forgotten I put on my playlist. It was a song that actually I remember so well. I never listen to it. It hurts too much. I never think about the song...it hurts too much although its meaning is with me every second of the day. And as I sat here, feeling sorry about these men and scared about my future...this song comes on.
For those who have read my blog from the beginning I have referred to it but never truly went into detail. You see, this song represents the darkest most brutal day of my life. It was the day I learned that my child was severely disabled and was expected to have no future as we all dream for our children. It was the day that I was faced with a reality that you wonder why God can be so cruel.
I was leaving the hospital. I was driving down the road numb and in shock and this song came on the radio. This song had a totally different meaning to me. And I remember, for the first time and quite frankly the only time in my life that I just wanted to put my foot down on the gas pedal and let the car go as fast as it possible could...I didn't care what happened, I just wanted to put my foot all the way down and I did....the car hit 85-90..which is very dangerous on this road but at 3AM, thankfully no one was on the road. It took all my energy to stop myself and lift my foot off the pedal....it was at this moment in my life...that my entire life had changed and I cried and cried uncontrollably because the hurt was just so unbearable. Yes, it is this song that makes me cry hysterical whenever I hear it....reminding me of the numbness and that pain...reminding me of that deep, deep place...its as if the song takes me there and opens up those wounds again..."When EVERYTHING IS MADE TO BE BROKEN, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM!" "WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE THE MOVIES, YEAH YOU'D BLEED JUST TO KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE" "I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM"
So why do I mention this? I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Just hearing this song...no matter when or where in my life.....makes me breakdown hysterically. It was the start of a totally different life, the destruction of all my dreams and yet the building of a totally new me. And here I sit, beginning another chapter in that book and in perpective....this new chapter is a piece of cake in comparison. And while divorce and being thrown to the curb hurts to some level..this song was a reminder of what I have survived and what I am surviving each and every day...the most upsetting and destructive hurt.....and putting it all in perspective.....this should be a piece of cake. So this song came out of no where on my playlist and I just had the biggest cry I have had in years but I think it was something that needed.
So here is the song...and I know this post is out of context from the rest of my blog and I will probably place it in draft after a few days but for right now, it is what I needed. Thanks for listening...
Sorry for myself because Mr. Porsche admitted tonight that he is guarded. He was drunk and he admitted there is a wall to protect him, to protect me. Why? We know each other two years, I have no walls...He said"one of us needs to keep it to keep it balanced." He did say something sweet....its out of context now...but he said..."I want you and I need you". And then seriously he said...did you hear me? I said no...I wanted to hear that I heard it correctly. And in a serious voice he said...I want you and I need you. In what way, I asked. Business? "In all ways"..he said. It felt good. But in a breath later he threw the wall so far up and he said I will call you back...we always say...have a nice weekend...he didn't call back. He needed to do a dickish move and piss me off...I guess that assures him that wall stays in tact.
Oh, chatting with men is easy. But men are so afraid of intimacy, I think. Am I such a threat or so overwhelming? Now its not just married men, its all men. Mr. Rockstar called me dangerous last night, the Divorce Attorney called and also mentioned the word addicting. What the fuck does dangerous mean?! Why do these men push me away? Its like I can feel brick walls wherever I go...married or not. Do I have a brick wall? I don't think so...I am in love with sensuality, lust, desire, closeness...its so hot to get close to someone. Damn it, it hurts in the end anyway, so why not feel the high of all highs!!??
With my headphones on....a song came on that I had forgotten I put on my playlist. It was a song that actually I remember so well. I never listen to it. It hurts too much. I never think about the song...it hurts too much although its meaning is with me every second of the day. And as I sat here, feeling sorry about these men and scared about my future...this song comes on.
For those who have read my blog from the beginning I have referred to it but never truly went into detail. You see, this song represents the darkest most brutal day of my life. It was the day I learned that my child was severely disabled and was expected to have no future as we all dream for our children. It was the day that I was faced with a reality that you wonder why God can be so cruel.
I was leaving the hospital. I was driving down the road numb and in shock and this song came on the radio. This song had a totally different meaning to me. And I remember, for the first time and quite frankly the only time in my life that I just wanted to put my foot down on the gas pedal and let the car go as fast as it possible could...I didn't care what happened, I just wanted to put my foot all the way down and I did....the car hit 85-90..which is very dangerous on this road but at 3AM, thankfully no one was on the road. It took all my energy to stop myself and lift my foot off the pedal....it was at this moment in my life...that my entire life had changed and I cried and cried uncontrollably because the hurt was just so unbearable. Yes, it is this song that makes me cry hysterical whenever I hear it....reminding me of the numbness and that pain...reminding me of that deep, deep place...its as if the song takes me there and opens up those wounds again..."When EVERYTHING IS MADE TO BE BROKEN, I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM!" "WHEN EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE THE MOVIES, YEAH YOU'D BLEED JUST TO KNOW YOU ARE ALIVE" "I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW WHO I AM"
So why do I mention this? I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. Just hearing this song...no matter when or where in my life.....makes me breakdown hysterically. It was the start of a totally different life, the destruction of all my dreams and yet the building of a totally new me. And here I sit, beginning another chapter in that book and in perpective....this new chapter is a piece of cake in comparison. And while divorce and being thrown to the curb hurts to some level..this song was a reminder of what I have survived and what I am surviving each and every day...the most upsetting and destructive hurt.....and putting it all in perspective.....this should be a piece of cake. So this song came out of no where on my playlist and I just had the biggest cry I have had in years but I think it was something that needed.
So here is the song...and I know this post is out of context from the rest of my blog and I will probably place it in draft after a few days but for right now, it is what I needed. Thanks for listening...
Deadline almost here
September 30
Ironically, Mr. Porsche and I made plans for this week and of course my period arrives. Along with a horrible cold, headache and body aches. I need the energy to begin my life, and its as if my whole body is breaking down. I am scared. I know I made the right choice. It's just going to be rough.
UPDATE TODAY~!
The day came....the big move out day.....and he is still here! lol
It was bad weather so he couldn't move out his stuff. I wasn't going to push the issue. Granted the papers say October 1 and if I was a bitch, I could have made him move it. Move it or lose it technically from the papers. Anything left in the house after that date...is mine. But I wouldn't do that. Actually, with me getting sick, it was kind of a good thing because I am exhausted and he has been helping get the kids off to school. I am scared I am going to have a hard time. Work is picking up too..YIKES!!
So on the other side of the coin. I have been searching Ashley Madison for single men and married men. Yes, I think I prefer married men! Single men are looking for the commitment...YIKES. they are looking for marriage, they are looking for monogomy....not exactly what a newly separated woman is looking for~!! HOT, HOT, HOT, Mind blowing sex!!
So I have been legally separated now....two weeks. And based upon my track record (ahem) you would think I was now fucking like a bunny. And...sadly....I haven't had sex. LOL I am a pathetic single person....lol Oh the desire is there but the timing has not been there. I want to get out there already...
So last night, I went onto Ashley Madison and found some hot perspectives. Yup...three recently separated guys....potential there! We emailed back and forth. They all seem interested. We will see. And then two single guys...for additional flavor. So there are new frogs, old frogs and lots of potential for me to be having sex twice a day....and here I sit.....a separated virgin!! It is humorous...
Ironically, Mr. Porsche and I made plans for this week and of course my period arrives. Along with a horrible cold, headache and body aches. I need the energy to begin my life, and its as if my whole body is breaking down. I am scared. I know I made the right choice. It's just going to be rough.
UPDATE TODAY~!
The day came....the big move out day.....and he is still here! lol
It was bad weather so he couldn't move out his stuff. I wasn't going to push the issue. Granted the papers say October 1 and if I was a bitch, I could have made him move it. Move it or lose it technically from the papers. Anything left in the house after that date...is mine. But I wouldn't do that. Actually, with me getting sick, it was kind of a good thing because I am exhausted and he has been helping get the kids off to school. I am scared I am going to have a hard time. Work is picking up too..YIKES!!
So on the other side of the coin. I have been searching Ashley Madison for single men and married men. Yes, I think I prefer married men! Single men are looking for the commitment...YIKES. they are looking for marriage, they are looking for monogomy....not exactly what a newly separated woman is looking for~!! HOT, HOT, HOT, Mind blowing sex!!
So I have been legally separated now....two weeks. And based upon my track record (ahem) you would think I was now fucking like a bunny. And...sadly....I haven't had sex. LOL I am a pathetic single person....lol Oh the desire is there but the timing has not been there. I want to get out there already...
So last night, I went onto Ashley Madison and found some hot perspectives. Yup...three recently separated guys....potential there! We emailed back and forth. They all seem interested. We will see. And then two single guys...for additional flavor. So there are new frogs, old frogs and lots of potential for me to be having sex twice a day....and here I sit.....a separated virgin!! It is humorous...
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Six Weeks and Counting
Talking to as many as 6 guys regularly and I have gotten laid once in the last six weeks. I would think that six would be enough to get laid, don't you? I admit that I have been staying off of Ashley Madison until my marital situation was done. I do miss the browsing and the searching for hotties. That special one to make me go wild!
Against all better judgment, I have been talking to Mr. Astronaut regularly. He actually has been entertaining and supportive. His funny sense of humor cracks me up. I actually love that I can IM him in the middle of the night and he will roll over and answer me even if he is sleeping. Actually, its fun to wake him and make him all hot and hard. Last night, I texted him and asked him if his cock was hard? Was he thinking of me and if I were there, I would reach over while he was sleeping and spoon him and grab for his cock. Until I could entice him to wake up and roll over to have wild sex with me. I knew he was half asleep, he texted me back....you are so fucking hot!! Even in my sleep, you can take my limp cock and make it stand to erection. Mmmmmm, I can't wait to do you!
Oh promises, promises. LOL
Throughout my life when I broke up with a boyfriend, I went on a materialistic spending spree. A divorce? My oh my, what the hell would fulfill my needs to pacify me? the last boyfriend, i had bought a car. Well this time, I hope the spree is over. I went to my favorite place...this little area in the city where you can get knock offs of all the designer bags, sunglasses and jewelry at ridiculous prices. Now there are the regular things they sell and then there are the back rooms and hidden draws. How I love to find the back doors. lol Actually, they take a look at me and they somehow know I am backdoor material. Aaah....and boy did I do some Gucci, Coach and Tiffany & Co damage this weekend.
And then there are the changes I am doing to the house. knocking down a wall, new floors, couches, deck, a media room. Thankfully that stuff I have been able to figure out sources to pay for it. Don't ask but I promise its legal.
Aaahh..the four post bed. I decided to downsize...A Queen bed. Truth is I have slept on the end for so long that I don't even need a full. So a King would be huge. And quite frankly, if I was going to have someone in my bed....I would want to be close to them and entwined in their body...so the King doesn't seem as necessary. Of course, the 100 lb dog usually takes up the whole bed.
Sex? I am yearning for it really bad this week. I do have a feeling that by the time I am able to get it....it will be that time of the month. what a vicious cycle!
Against all better judgment, I have been talking to Mr. Astronaut regularly. He actually has been entertaining and supportive. His funny sense of humor cracks me up. I actually love that I can IM him in the middle of the night and he will roll over and answer me even if he is sleeping. Actually, its fun to wake him and make him all hot and hard. Last night, I texted him and asked him if his cock was hard? Was he thinking of me and if I were there, I would reach over while he was sleeping and spoon him and grab for his cock. Until I could entice him to wake up and roll over to have wild sex with me. I knew he was half asleep, he texted me back....you are so fucking hot!! Even in my sleep, you can take my limp cock and make it stand to erection. Mmmmmm, I can't wait to do you!
Oh promises, promises. LOL
Throughout my life when I broke up with a boyfriend, I went on a materialistic spending spree. A divorce? My oh my, what the hell would fulfill my needs to pacify me? the last boyfriend, i had bought a car. Well this time, I hope the spree is over. I went to my favorite place...this little area in the city where you can get knock offs of all the designer bags, sunglasses and jewelry at ridiculous prices. Now there are the regular things they sell and then there are the back rooms and hidden draws. How I love to find the back doors. lol Actually, they take a look at me and they somehow know I am backdoor material. Aaah....and boy did I do some Gucci, Coach and Tiffany & Co damage this weekend.
And then there are the changes I am doing to the house. knocking down a wall, new floors, couches, deck, a media room. Thankfully that stuff I have been able to figure out sources to pay for it. Don't ask but I promise its legal.
Aaahh..the four post bed. I decided to downsize...A Queen bed. Truth is I have slept on the end for so long that I don't even need a full. So a King would be huge. And quite frankly, if I was going to have someone in my bed....I would want to be close to them and entwined in their body...so the King doesn't seem as necessary. Of course, the 100 lb dog usually takes up the whole bed.
Sex? I am yearning for it really bad this week. I do have a feeling that by the time I am able to get it....it will be that time of the month. what a vicious cycle!
Do You Remember Your First....?
A Reunion with old friends I haven't seen in years. At this dinner, was a special boyfriend. He was not my first boyfriend. That was a boy in Florida. But that was an innocent thing. We kissed, he touched my tits and once went down my pants. This boyfriend was the first boy whose cock I saw. What a sweet romance we had. He was a gentleman, we were inseparable, he was so sweet and he was gorgeous. All the girls wanted him, I loved that time. We hung out with a group of people and these were the people who were at the reunion. How innocent was I? For three months, I didn't realize that a cock came. Poor thing, I would give him a handjob but never go to completion. And I will never forget that first time that he came. I was shocked. Shocked that thing squirted cum all over the place like an exploding volcano. And last night my girlfriend and I joked how after I licked his cock (not really knowing what a blow job was)...I went to her house and we ate Oreos to get the taste out of my mouth.
Yes, this is the girl whose mouth waters now at a nice, juicy, desirable cock! lol So we went out, it was great seeing old friends and catching up. And once my old bf got there, our eyes met and we hugged. So naturally we all fell into place and when dinner came..we sat together. 30 years may have passed, but some things didn't change. The reuinion organizer told us to bring pix if we had them. I didn't have time to get some together and I guess I felt funny showing up with pix of the two of us especially with my pending divorce. I love him as a friend. He's an important memory of my childhood and one that warms my heart. A very funny part was that the menu was written a little small. Some of the people passed around a pair of reading glasses....probably 6 people used the glasses. We started cracking up....yes, 30 years ago we used to say "pass me that joint"..now we are all sitting around the table saying "pass me those reading glasses". lol
As we were ordering, he goes into his wallet and he pulled out two pictures. One of the two of us and one of me. OMG! He kept my picture for 30 years! I never imagined he would keep my picture. How sweet and flattering. My girlfriend was blown away...wow, how romantic and so sweet especially since his wife is not the nicest person. My friend said to him...where have you kept this?! He knew what she was getting at. Its been in an old wallet behind his old library card and photo id. It felt good to know he had as great memories of us as I did.
We ended up going out to a local club. Another friend wanted to get me a drink. I said thanks but by old bf was getting me one. When he came back he said....Damn, you always beat me to the girls and now even to getting her a drink!" We laughed and I hugged them both. Two friends, innocent boyfriend and girlfriend...it was certainly a comfort zone. What a great evening...how special and how wonderful I felt. My two best friends in the world with a table filled of old, special friends at such a good time of my life.
Yes, this is the girl whose mouth waters now at a nice, juicy, desirable cock! lol So we went out, it was great seeing old friends and catching up. And once my old bf got there, our eyes met and we hugged. So naturally we all fell into place and when dinner came..we sat together. 30 years may have passed, but some things didn't change. The reuinion organizer told us to bring pix if we had them. I didn't have time to get some together and I guess I felt funny showing up with pix of the two of us especially with my pending divorce. I love him as a friend. He's an important memory of my childhood and one that warms my heart. A very funny part was that the menu was written a little small. Some of the people passed around a pair of reading glasses....probably 6 people used the glasses. We started cracking up....yes, 30 years ago we used to say "pass me that joint"..now we are all sitting around the table saying "pass me those reading glasses". lol
As we were ordering, he goes into his wallet and he pulled out two pictures. One of the two of us and one of me. OMG! He kept my picture for 30 years! I never imagined he would keep my picture. How sweet and flattering. My girlfriend was blown away...wow, how romantic and so sweet especially since his wife is not the nicest person. My friend said to him...where have you kept this?! He knew what she was getting at. Its been in an old wallet behind his old library card and photo id. It felt good to know he had as great memories of us as I did.
We ended up going out to a local club. Another friend wanted to get me a drink. I said thanks but by old bf was getting me one. When he came back he said....Damn, you always beat me to the girls and now even to getting her a drink!" We laughed and I hugged them both. Two friends, innocent boyfriend and girlfriend...it was certainly a comfort zone. What a great evening...how special and how wonderful I felt. My two best friends in the world with a table filled of old, special friends at such a good time of my life.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
It's Official
Ironically, that is the statement that was on my engagement announcement cards and that is the statement I am saying to officially announce my legal separation. Oh it wasn't easy, he was trying to back out. He almost didn't show up at the mediator. He wanted to read it again, she said no problem we will go page by page and then he said....no forget it, I am probably getting screwed and he signed it. And the house was signed over to me as well. And now....I have tons of bills to pay! lol
But I have to say...I sat there and said now what? Now I can talk on the phone without hiding (although I probably will because of my son). Talking to Mr. porsche today, Mr. Astronaut and to My Friend's setup...I still felt like I had to hide. It's a weird feeling to say...ok, I won't have to hide in a few days. Wild!
I'm nervous, I;m petrified but mostly I am relieved and excited. I am excited to start a new life. I am excited to begin again. I am excited to be independent and free. To me those are the best things that I received. Its an internal freedom but it is a new sense of being. I feel like a ton of bricks have been taken off my shoulders. I feel like a little girl who was stuck in a dark cell and was released, rubbing my eyes trying to adjust to the daylight.
Mr. Porsche called me after he thought about it, teasing me "You know divorce woman are super horny. They can't get enough sex." My response "Wow, do you think I can get more horny than I was before? Can you handle me?" He started laughing...."honestly baby, I don't think I could. When you suck and we fuck, I am exhausted for hours later!" I am glad he is okay with this.
Actually what I am glad to see is that none of the frogs in the pond seemed to be concerned about my new status. It's because they know me. As Mr. Porsche said, I am an independent woman. I did it for me. I respect the frogs, I respect their married life. And the one thing I am very thankful about...is that I had kept it into perspective that it was an affair. I went on Ashley Madison looking for a man to be a friend with fringe benefits. And I am extremely lucky that I did not fall madly in love with a frog.
But I have to say...I sat there and said now what? Now I can talk on the phone without hiding (although I probably will because of my son). Talking to Mr. porsche today, Mr. Astronaut and to My Friend's setup...I still felt like I had to hide. It's a weird feeling to say...ok, I won't have to hide in a few days. Wild!
I'm nervous, I;m petrified but mostly I am relieved and excited. I am excited to start a new life. I am excited to begin again. I am excited to be independent and free. To me those are the best things that I received. Its an internal freedom but it is a new sense of being. I feel like a ton of bricks have been taken off my shoulders. I feel like a little girl who was stuck in a dark cell and was released, rubbing my eyes trying to adjust to the daylight.
Mr. Porsche called me after he thought about it, teasing me "You know divorce woman are super horny. They can't get enough sex." My response "Wow, do you think I can get more horny than I was before? Can you handle me?" He started laughing...."honestly baby, I don't think I could. When you suck and we fuck, I am exhausted for hours later!" I am glad he is okay with this.
Actually what I am glad to see is that none of the frogs in the pond seemed to be concerned about my new status. It's because they know me. As Mr. Porsche said, I am an independent woman. I did it for me. I respect the frogs, I respect their married life. And the one thing I am very thankful about...is that I had kept it into perspective that it was an affair. I went on Ashley Madison looking for a man to be a friend with fringe benefits. And I am extremely lucky that I did not fall madly in love with a frog.
Looking Back
It's so rare that I look back and read my blog. Only when I want to remember a certain date something happened. Ironically my affairs can't make it to the 2 year mark. Mr. Porsche and I are getting there but we are not like we were. So I did what I rarely do--read excerpts of my blog. Wow, two years ago, I had so much passion, desire and yearning. Sadly, its been dulled. I couldn't stand Mr. Porsche because honestly...I lusted for Mystery Man so much. I remember sitting at a table at lunch with Mr. P telling him I didn't want another man, I was happy, content and totally satisfied. Yeah, it was a ticket for a challenge to him. And the opportunity had reared its head when MM disappeared again and Mr. P was there to pick up the pieces.
I read some of my old posts that year about MM and our ups and downs. Funny that the post was about me talking to him about my divorce. Numerous emails and he will not return one. Who knows if he knows about my divorce. As you know, he can pop in here anytime he wants. Pretty shitty MM if you are reading this.....not to respond to one email.
So the papers are ready to be signed. And now, is where the confrontation is going to begin. I am going to go upstairs in a minute and let him know we have to go to sign the papers. No more reviewing the same damn words....now is the time to sign. Hopefully he will just go over there and sign. But I have a feeling that isn't going to happen so I took a Xanax this morning to keep my rage calm. The plan of attack is as follows.
1-Being nice. I am going to explain that he has his apartment, that this is what we wrote up, hasn't changed and what is he waiting for. You can't move out without legalizing everything. Calm voice.
2-If it doesn't work-harder toned. We did the agreement, paid the money, you wanted the divorce, I am going to clear up your credit..you get to start all over. What is the problem.
3-Anger-this is ridiculous. What is your problem....and then its going into threatening tone.
4-I already paid a divorce attorney because you wanted a divorce. the papers are there to serve you with. If you want, they can show up at your work and serve you, you can turn this into a full divorce blow out but do know that you have to pay me back for every cent I have laid out. Abandonment once you work out the door and I will charge you with Aggressive Abusive Contact.
I don't want to go to #4. That is really not my style. I want to be friends with him but he is making this damn difficult.
Last night, I won $75 on a lotto ticket. A scratch off...I never win on those. Maybe my luck is changing. Woo Hoo
wish me luck!!!! And thanks for all your support. To a new life. To a new beginning. To just having fun!!!!! Wooo Hoooooooooooooooo
I read some of my old posts that year about MM and our ups and downs. Funny that the post was about me talking to him about my divorce. Numerous emails and he will not return one. Who knows if he knows about my divorce. As you know, he can pop in here anytime he wants. Pretty shitty MM if you are reading this.....not to respond to one email.
So the papers are ready to be signed. And now, is where the confrontation is going to begin. I am going to go upstairs in a minute and let him know we have to go to sign the papers. No more reviewing the same damn words....now is the time to sign. Hopefully he will just go over there and sign. But I have a feeling that isn't going to happen so I took a Xanax this morning to keep my rage calm. The plan of attack is as follows.
1-Being nice. I am going to explain that he has his apartment, that this is what we wrote up, hasn't changed and what is he waiting for. You can't move out without legalizing everything. Calm voice.
2-If it doesn't work-harder toned. We did the agreement, paid the money, you wanted the divorce, I am going to clear up your credit..you get to start all over. What is the problem.
3-Anger-this is ridiculous. What is your problem....and then its going into threatening tone.
4-I already paid a divorce attorney because you wanted a divorce. the papers are there to serve you with. If you want, they can show up at your work and serve you, you can turn this into a full divorce blow out but do know that you have to pay me back for every cent I have laid out. Abandonment once you work out the door and I will charge you with Aggressive Abusive Contact.
I don't want to go to #4. That is really not my style. I want to be friends with him but he is making this damn difficult.
Last night, I won $75 on a lotto ticket. A scratch off...I never win on those. Maybe my luck is changing. Woo Hoo
wish me luck!!!! And thanks for all your support. To a new life. To a new beginning. To just having fun!!!!! Wooo Hoooooooooooooooo
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
He's Taking the Bed
So there was a huge explosion this morning. He can't afford a bed he claims. He wants my bed. I hate the man. I feel like he is a blood sucking leech. Last night, his cell phone broke. I bought a cell phone. Today, the bed. If I don't get his ass out of here, I won't have a roof soon!
Just called the lawyer, telling her that I need to sign those papers today!!!!!!!That's it. I am done. He can take the damn bed. I am certainly not giving him money for a new one. I am going to scrape together the money and buy a new bed. I am done with this. I will sleep on the floor if I have to. I don't care anymore. I think my head is about to explode!!
There should be a law that once a marriage is over....the people need to live apart. I am really amazed that there aren't more murders during this waiting period. Its a torture chamber.
Just called the lawyer, telling her that I need to sign those papers today!!!!!!!That's it. I am done. He can take the damn bed. I am certainly not giving him money for a new one. I am going to scrape together the money and buy a new bed. I am done with this. I will sleep on the floor if I have to. I don't care anymore. I think my head is about to explode!!
There should be a law that once a marriage is over....the people need to live apart. I am really amazed that there aren't more murders during this waiting period. Its a torture chamber.
Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick
Yes, that is what I keep hearing in my head and my heart. It's like these papers are moving in slow motion. Almost there, a few more changes. Took the next step, almost there....by tomorrow, I am hoping the papers will be signed and then its onto next step...the paperwork for the divorce. Tick, tick, tick....its more of the anticipation. Kind of reminds me of New Years Eve when you are single. The pressure to find a date and have a good time. Make sure you have amazing plans. I hated the pressure of New Years Eve...it really is like any other day but it takes on such a big meaning.
It has been a rough week with work and then Mr. Rockstar. he text me, can we talk. I really like you, I enjoy being with you and can see us hanging together but I am concerned that things would get rough and you would cheat on me too. The cheating is against my moral values. Interesting.....lets analyze this a second.
I believe we had coffee and a dinner. We kissed once. Does that mean we are heading for the alter? WOW, scary!!! I am not even divorced yet and this guy is talking about a one on one exclusive....WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW....i would think a couple of dates before we even see where it is going. and as for the moral values. Screw him. Without knowing the specifics, he is judging me. Nope. Not going to happen. I survived because of the affairs. And I do not have to explain this to a man I met for a total of 5 hours? I basically told him that I am sorry he feels that way, that he shouldn't judge people without knowing details and that I really don't want to discuss it any further. We are obviously not compatable and it is fine. I am glad we met and if I need your services professionally (he's into computers) I will certainly call you. He wasn't willing to let it go. Please lets talk about it in person..I really like you. Okay, so I know the man 5 hours and I am going to sit down and deal with issues already....YUK!! Ching....Move On.
Against all better judgement, I have been talking to Mr. Astronaut again. Here's the deal, he has backed off the threesome (says it to just get my goat) and he is more text than he is when on the phone. On the phone, he is wonderful. text, he has gotten better. I think it turns me on that he travels undercover to all these countries. And, I even get turned on that he is under the ssame roof with his wife but she doesn't cook or do his laundry or anything. Its so cute that he says....I am cooking or I am doing laundry now. I don't know why, but something about him, I like.
So I sit here....being an angel. I mean I have been so damn good that it is scary. Just waiting till the papers are signed and the hubby is out. Then my new beginning can begin...Wooo Hoo almost
It has been a rough week with work and then Mr. Rockstar. he text me, can we talk. I really like you, I enjoy being with you and can see us hanging together but I am concerned that things would get rough and you would cheat on me too. The cheating is against my moral values. Interesting.....lets analyze this a second.
I believe we had coffee and a dinner. We kissed once. Does that mean we are heading for the alter? WOW, scary!!! I am not even divorced yet and this guy is talking about a one on one exclusive....WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWW....i would think a couple of dates before we even see where it is going. and as for the moral values. Screw him. Without knowing the specifics, he is judging me. Nope. Not going to happen. I survived because of the affairs. And I do not have to explain this to a man I met for a total of 5 hours? I basically told him that I am sorry he feels that way, that he shouldn't judge people without knowing details and that I really don't want to discuss it any further. We are obviously not compatable and it is fine. I am glad we met and if I need your services professionally (he's into computers) I will certainly call you. He wasn't willing to let it go. Please lets talk about it in person..I really like you. Okay, so I know the man 5 hours and I am going to sit down and deal with issues already....YUK!! Ching....Move On.
Against all better judgement, I have been talking to Mr. Astronaut again. Here's the deal, he has backed off the threesome (says it to just get my goat) and he is more text than he is when on the phone. On the phone, he is wonderful. text, he has gotten better. I think it turns me on that he travels undercover to all these countries. And, I even get turned on that he is under the ssame roof with his wife but she doesn't cook or do his laundry or anything. Its so cute that he says....I am cooking or I am doing laundry now. I don't know why, but something about him, I like.
So I sit here....being an angel. I mean I have been so damn good that it is scary. Just waiting till the papers are signed and the hubby is out. Then my new beginning can begin...Wooo Hoo almost
Friday, September 18, 2009
My Date With The Single Man
I went out to dinner with Mr. Rockstar tonight. The dinner conversation was pleasant, never a loss of words. Are we a match? Nah. We are very different people and exactly how we are different, I can't put my finger on it. We discussed so many things and he talked like we had a connection....yet, I think I am not physially attracted to him. He's really good looking but something about him isn't doing it for me. He is also not a Type A personality.
This time the joke was instead of a frozen lip....I had an arm that wasn't working well. I had gotten the flu shot and my arm was hurting and sore. When we got to the car, he kissed me goodnight. It was more of a peck....we kissed more intensely but I was a little self conscious about being out in the open and kissing like that. It was nice.
I didn't hear from him today. i left a message at the end of the day and thanked him for dinner last night. But I wouldn't be upset if he didn't call back. So now I am a cross road. you see the discussion about me having an affair came up (I admitted to two). He said that he would question whether he felt someone who had an affair could be in a committed relationship where the road got rocky--would the person cheat again. I felt that I was defending myself in a way. From the age of twelve, I was a boyfriend. I would date one boy and then another. Then I had serious relationships and never cheated on those....then I got married and never cheated for 15 years. Until I mentally walked out of my marriage.
So the question here is....do I tell a guy I am dating about my affairs? My girlfriend (who is married and never cheated) said absolutely not. He didn't give his resume. So when would I admit it? I don't want to lie about it but I don't think its a good idea to confess at the beginning (although I did what I had to do to survive and I don't regret my affairs). so what do you think?
On the home front, I signed the summons paper today to put the divorce into motion. On Monday, We can sign the settlement and the new papers and some of the important papers. Its beginning in motion. I cried today in the lawyers office. I think it was out of exhaustion from a crazy stressful week of work as well as not having the papers signed, clearing up all the liens he had and all the balls I am juggling. I am also doing some fixing up on the house that needs to be done and involves the town. All these legal papers. The lawyer asked, why the tears? Is it because you don't feel you are paying me enough for this? And I laughed. I am doing the right thing, its just very sad how it has to go down. Me accusing him of sexual abandonment....how ironic and probably the first time I felt a tinge of guilt.
Mr. Porsche stepped up to the plate tonight. We had a long talk on wednesday night and he understood that i was feeling like I didn't have my best friend any more. Basically I told him, you worked for a year for me to depend on you. You wanted me to lean on you and then you pulled away when i needed you most. that is why I don't like to depend on men....I always want to be independent. Tonight, when he heard I was feeling guilty he reminded me of all the reasons why i am getting divorced. In his mind, the fact that my husband doesn't care that he should be the one to support the family financially or take on the Mr. Mom roll. that he left me to pick up the pieces, that alone says it all.
how insane that there is nothing as grounds of leaving the partner to take the bag and pull all the weight but if you don't suck or fuck his cock for a year..that's a reason the law will except. so much paperwork to get divorced yet to marry--its one piece of paper. Crazy world we live in. Its like a trap....
So what about telling men about my past. Any thoughts on this?
This time the joke was instead of a frozen lip....I had an arm that wasn't working well. I had gotten the flu shot and my arm was hurting and sore. When we got to the car, he kissed me goodnight. It was more of a peck....we kissed more intensely but I was a little self conscious about being out in the open and kissing like that. It was nice.
I didn't hear from him today. i left a message at the end of the day and thanked him for dinner last night. But I wouldn't be upset if he didn't call back. So now I am a cross road. you see the discussion about me having an affair came up (I admitted to two). He said that he would question whether he felt someone who had an affair could be in a committed relationship where the road got rocky--would the person cheat again. I felt that I was defending myself in a way. From the age of twelve, I was a boyfriend. I would date one boy and then another. Then I had serious relationships and never cheated on those....then I got married and never cheated for 15 years. Until I mentally walked out of my marriage.
So the question here is....do I tell a guy I am dating about my affairs? My girlfriend (who is married and never cheated) said absolutely not. He didn't give his resume. So when would I admit it? I don't want to lie about it but I don't think its a good idea to confess at the beginning (although I did what I had to do to survive and I don't regret my affairs). so what do you think?
On the home front, I signed the summons paper today to put the divorce into motion. On Monday, We can sign the settlement and the new papers and some of the important papers. Its beginning in motion. I cried today in the lawyers office. I think it was out of exhaustion from a crazy stressful week of work as well as not having the papers signed, clearing up all the liens he had and all the balls I am juggling. I am also doing some fixing up on the house that needs to be done and involves the town. All these legal papers. The lawyer asked, why the tears? Is it because you don't feel you are paying me enough for this? And I laughed. I am doing the right thing, its just very sad how it has to go down. Me accusing him of sexual abandonment....how ironic and probably the first time I felt a tinge of guilt.
Mr. Porsche stepped up to the plate tonight. We had a long talk on wednesday night and he understood that i was feeling like I didn't have my best friend any more. Basically I told him, you worked for a year for me to depend on you. You wanted me to lean on you and then you pulled away when i needed you most. that is why I don't like to depend on men....I always want to be independent. Tonight, when he heard I was feeling guilty he reminded me of all the reasons why i am getting divorced. In his mind, the fact that my husband doesn't care that he should be the one to support the family financially or take on the Mr. Mom roll. that he left me to pick up the pieces, that alone says it all.
how insane that there is nothing as grounds of leaving the partner to take the bag and pull all the weight but if you don't suck or fuck his cock for a year..that's a reason the law will except. so much paperwork to get divorced yet to marry--its one piece of paper. Crazy world we live in. Its like a trap....
So what about telling men about my past. Any thoughts on this?
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Today Is D Day!
It's here. The day I go to sign the papers. Well he just informed me that he isn't sure he is going to sign them that he wants to review them. I may have to shoot him. He was trying to start an argument with me today. Started discussing visitation with the kids. How he plans on visiting them here!! Keep calm, keep cool. I need to keep my head on straight. this is the final stretch, don't blow it now. The beginning of the end!
I have always discussed that feeling of being in a dark tunnel with no light. A flicker of light became visible about a year ago...the flicker became a vision of a far off exit and now I am at the end of the tunnel and can see the blue skies. But there are still about twenty steps I need to climb. And God, I just pray, that when I get to the top of that ladder and stick my head out that the vision is a beautiful world and I have not been misguided by a blue sky and hell at the surface. Oh please, make this a new beginning filled with joy and happiness.
I spoke to a few divorced woman and all their goals were to find that one special one. Well maybe this is way too new for me but my concentration hasn't been on men. It's been on ME. It's been on a new life for me fillled with fulfillment and simplicity and functionality! My independence, my desire to grow. men are secondary. I am hoping I don't find someone to fall in love with for awhile. I want to enjoy. Do you think that is because I have been having affairs? do you think its because I have had two very special men in my life who made such an impact on me? One who showed me how wonderful sex can be and another who helped me grow so much emotionally. Hmmmm.....
I have always discussed that feeling of being in a dark tunnel with no light. A flicker of light became visible about a year ago...the flicker became a vision of a far off exit and now I am at the end of the tunnel and can see the blue skies. But there are still about twenty steps I need to climb. And God, I just pray, that when I get to the top of that ladder and stick my head out that the vision is a beautiful world and I have not been misguided by a blue sky and hell at the surface. Oh please, make this a new beginning filled with joy and happiness.
I spoke to a few divorced woman and all their goals were to find that one special one. Well maybe this is way too new for me but my concentration hasn't been on men. It's been on ME. It's been on a new life for me fillled with fulfillment and simplicity and functionality! My independence, my desire to grow. men are secondary. I am hoping I don't find someone to fall in love with for awhile. I want to enjoy. Do you think that is because I have been having affairs? do you think its because I have had two very special men in my life who made such an impact on me? One who showed me how wonderful sex can be and another who helped me grow so much emotionally. Hmmmm.....
So today, I am headed to the mediator and an hour later, I am headed to the divorce attorney...and then.....its all up to the court systems. Two more meetings, 10 weeks and I am totally a divorced woman. He leaves here October first. It's going to be torture for the next two weeks. He is taking every avenue to get under my skin. If I don't develop an ulcer or have a mental breakdown before---I think I will survive!!
A Loss of an Amazing Man Patrick Swayze
I am not one of those people who get really upset when a star dies. It's sad, you think about their contributions that made them famous, you feel sad for their family but they were not a personal friend or loved one. I guess the ones that make you feel sad are those that had some kind of impact in your life. So many famous people dying this year. For me, Princess Diana was upsetting, John F. Kennedy Jr., was devastating (I swore I was going to do him in my lifetime) and yesterday, I was really upset to hear of Patrick Swayze dying.
I had such a crush on him. A sensual man, nice man and super sexy man. Hot and also a wonderful man. His relationship with his wife was so amazing. His role in Ghost, melted my heart. That was what I wanted in life. I wanted a man to love me like he loved Demi Moore in Ghost. The scene at the pottery wheel is one of my most favorite scenes in any movie. It was sooooooooo sensual and hot!! Everytime I see it, it does something to me. Reminds me how I would love for a man to be so in love with me.
And Dirty Dancing, we all loved Dirty Dancing. I guess when a star that you truly related to dies, it makes you feel old. It makes you realize that its not just old people dying now...or am I just getting old? Michael Jackson didn't affect me really. Personally, I just felt he had a sad life. Great performer but a little too weird for me. I was actually sad that Farrah Fawcett had to die the same day. She deserved a little more acknowledgement.
Well Patrick Swayze, you were a class act. So sad that you left us so young! But you left your impression on my life--
So now there is one man that I still desire to do....George Clooney. And based upon the girls in his life.....ummmm....it's time to start making a new list!! He always has a super hot gorgeous girl on his arm!
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