Worse case, its a good by fuck

I went upstairs and laid down. The silence did me good. What should I do? Part of me says.....you fucking idiot....you have the nerve to place demands on me after you just took off?

And then part of me thinks, this is my opportunity for my good by fuck. The closure in my heart. True closure. Look at him one last time,kiss him one last time and as I give him that last kiss....I know it is goodby. Yes, the closure that I need in my heart. Reality? I won't be able to continue anything more. The fear that he will leave again. I can't.

So......yes, I think I am going to go. Worse case, I can't fuck him. I can tell him to go fuck himself....I can do what I want. But I got that one last chance and I get to say good by. YES, I am going to get him to our paradise. It will be sex filled with anger and passion if it does happen....

Wish me luck....