Under Survellance....

It's been hard for me to blog lately and quite honestly, I do miss the escape. I love to tell you my inner thoughts, I love to place them up here for you all to read. It's as if you are my inner souls talking to me. I know it sounds strange, but I truly use this as my journal. I have rarily gone back to read it. It's as if its a dumping ground of my heart and soul.

Lately its been harder to write for a few reasons. One, I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel.....I'm still so far away, but it seems more attainable these days. So I have been working like crazy to reach that light. But I have been on a treadmill and well, I don't know if I am going at it the right way. It's political, its confusing....its more drama that I just don't really need. Life is so political and its who you know. I hope I am playing my cards right.

Well, I have to tell you....it amazes me on how drama finds me. I truly do not search it out. but it always finds me. Yesterday....was so typical of my life..I swear you couldn't even make this stuff up.

The hubby pulled the same shit again. It doesn't change for him because he doesn't see anything wrong with what he does. And reality, its not going to change. We will never see eye to eye on things and honestly, he's instilling into my children that his way is normal. So, now I am beginning to think that him being around them is truly not a good thing but there is a hysterical story so stick with me here.

My child wanted a new piece of sporting equipment. I can't afford it and he was going to take it out of the money that he made. So far, so good right? Well the payment didn't come in so I said we have to wait for you to purchase it. Hubby went behind my back and took the mortgage money to lay out the money for it. Mind you, I have been working 3 different jobs....and I scraped the money together....and now a chunk was gone. Feeling defeated (AGAIN) I waited for his pay to come in and paid the mortgage (basically scrapping every penny). So this week, there is truly no money around ( I hid $30....luckily so I could buy groceries for the kids and medicine for the little one). Personally, its disgusting that life has gotten to this point. Writing what I just wrote makes me sick to my stomach. I never lived like this...EVER.

Anyway, so the hubby calls and says he needs gas. I just meet him and give him money. Sorry dude! There is none I told him. His answer, I should have waited till this week to pay the mortgage. Not, I shouldn't have bought the sporting equipment. Not, we are already two months behind. None of that. No, I was wrong for being responsible and trying to get out of debt as he just shovels on more. I hung up on him. Called my girlfriend as sat there freaking out on the phone in front of the pharmacy.

For 15 minutes I went on and on how bad my day was. I noticed people walking outside my car but I wasn't really paying attention. There was a guy in a car behind me but I wasn't paying attention. Finally as I was saying how I can't take these days...there is a tap on my window. I look over and its a guy with a ponytail...looking not like your model citizen. I was afraid to open the window. All of a sudden, he flashes a badge. I'm on the phone with my girlfriend still....is it illegal to sit in front of a meter that was missing the meter? "Is your name Pam?" "No I say". Do you have any ID? I show him my ID.....he had already run my plates to know the car was in my name and I had my license. They were looking for a suspect that fit my description for bad prescriptions. they had been surveillancing me for the 15 minutes but I wouldn't get out of the car. They were afraid I was going to be tipped off that they already arrested the two other people they were looking for.

Geez!! Like my day wasn't bad enough. Well, I started laughing hysterical. I never wear my hair in a ponytail (and today I did). I grabbed my winter jacket with the fur on the collar and was complaining that I was hot. They showed me the description of the female they were looking for because they felt bad that they stopped me like that. Hee.hee. I told him how I was complaining what a bad day I was having and now I almost got arrested. How crazy was that. MY girlfriend was dying on the phone. the cop could hear her laughing. Now he was laughing. So no matter how I try to keep the drama down...the drama finds me.

My life is so bizarre. Yeah, its 2:30AM...I can't sleep. the kids were all up, got me up,they went back to sleep and I am pacing the floors. You Win! and I are okay. He lives so far away. Right now he's been enough. I can't figure him out but what else is new. He says I am too insecure yet he keeps trying to make me that way. Says he was meeting a girl yesterday to see my reaction. HELLO??!?! We all know I am soooo damn jealous. It's not the jealousy as it is the insecurity of thinking that he found someone better than me. That's what it comes down to. He was Bullshitting (or was he?!)

Springer called me and emailed me. He is definitely done. He wants to have a threesome. So now its as if it can't be the two of us....before he gets serious with his girlfriend (hmm..I thought you were already)...he wants to have a threesome with me and another girl. I should ask my friends. Oh, yeah!! Does he think I belong to a swingers club? Please....I'm done.

so here I am....alone. Lately, I have been thinking about starting over. Moving to another state...more affordable with the kids and beginning again.

Secret Rendezvous Meeting Part 2

Hey!!!! I am still alive and kicking. I honestly have just been extremely busy working and trying to keep food on the table and internally dealing with my life. I am at a crossroad right now. Not exactly sure which road to take and of course I will share after I finish my rendezvous.

So now here is the hysterical part of the rendezvous...

I feel so comfortable with him. Like I know him forever. I didn't feel like I had to put a sexy facade on, like I had to play games. I was me and that was sooooo nice.

So we laid in bed for awhile just talking and him holding me in his arms. Our conversations are endless...there is never a lull. Of course I had to have a pillow fight with him and he thinks I am nuts. But we giggle and laugh and that's what makes it very special.

His life is very controlled. He is a Marine. His home life is quiet and predictable. I can see him with the lounging robe, pipe and the dog bringing him his slippers. And then there is ME! Sometimes I don't think he knows how to deal with me....he just laughs.

Embarrassing moments....I am going to confess. I still giggle outloud when I think about them.
First, he didn't want to wear a condomn. Well we have to. You know the rules with me. Safe sex is the most important thing. So as a joke when i went to pick up the food, I also picked up a box of condoms. As we unpacked the dinner I said "wow look what they give you for dessert!"

The Mushroom
I was so hungry. A whole day of not eating. An evening of sex and so hormoned up from those pills....I was starved and craving a juicy burger. There was a local place that has amazing burgers so we ordered. Mine was with mushrooms and onions.... well this damn burger was from heaven. It was so scrumptous....just the way I like it...medium rare and juicy. The mushroom were piled so high that I took a bite and one fell out of the sandwich and down the front of my shirt...in between my boobs. Now this was extremely funny because Curious George had just told me about a meeting he had with a girl and how grossed out he was when a similiar thing happened to her and she said "You can lick that later". So I decided not to use that line.

"You know you eat like a fucking marine"....I was dying. I admit it. I wasn't my usual relax, eat and enjoy a romantic dinner. For some reason, it was as if I was at home with the kids. Eat as fast as I can so I can get to cleaning up and doing all my work. I probably would have re-done this part of the evening and ordered a salad but fuck it...I hadn't eaten all day...and the burger was what my hormones wanted.

I was on the phone also, checking in with the family..so I reached down and grabbed the mushroom. He was laughing and so was I. Meal was over and we sat on the couch in the room and talked some more. I layed down across his lap and he was lovingly tickling my belly with his fingers....then he says what the fuck is this? Oh my GOD!! It was a mushroom. I was now laughing out of control. I couldn't even catch my breath. I missed another part of the mushroom. How damn embarrassing!!

He was quiet. He wasn't feeling so great. He did love playing with my toys. He wouldn't let me stick it up his butt though. So we cuddled and fooled around a little more. We both were exhausted.....the room was so damn hot and I couldn't breathe. My airways were all clogged now. What a match we made.

he held me in his arms. Time for bed. Well, I wanted more. So I kept playing with his cock and kissing his neck. Poor guy was exhausted. I guess he concluded though that he wasnt going to get any sleep until he fucked me again. He looked at me and said..."Pull your fuckin panties off." I giggled. And then he started ravaging me. Absolutely yummy. We fucked with my legs in the air, we did it in the spoon position AND of course, my favorite....from behind. Which he came nice and hard as did I. He stood at the end of the bed and I was on all fours. Nothing like getting it from behind....

The Snoring...
Since my fall, I think I crushed my sinus. I have a hard time breathing out of one side of my face. Then with the heat in the damn room....I couldn't breathe in there. A little wine, exhaustion, hot room and well I was snoring. I was hysterical because I could hear myself. I usually don't snore but tonight, I couldn't breathe in here. He couldn't fall asleep with my snoring. I was laughing hysterical. At one point, he was standing over me looking at me and I woke up and it scared the crap out of me so I jumped up which startled him. His face was priceless. During the night, I woke up to find him with the pillow over his head. How hysterical. Then when he sleeps.....his legs jerk. His body moves. He kept waking me up.

So let's just say, I forgot what it was like to sleep with someone else. That night, we were not compatable. Definitely not compatable. But it was damn funny.

He woke up early.....he was in the shower. Tiredly, I snuck in. We both just let the water drip on us.....him holding me sleepily. He kissed me so gently and sweetly....it was so nice. I kissed his neck and of course began to get a little frisky. He looks me in the eyes and says "You are a fucking machine!" We both giggled. We were both too tired to do anything but just stand there.

So he left and I went back to sleep for a little bit. I met him at his place of work and then we spent the rest of the day as business associates. Working. No one knew what we had just shared. The Passion and the fun.

So things have been good. We deal a lot on business together. I feel our sexual connection as certainly dropped a little. He had said he felt obsessed for awhile...so I guess its a healthier connection now. What we had was what I needed. It was a great Rendezvous. And now? It's on the fence and I am okay with that.

He has a hard time with the drama in my life. But that is my life. I cannot help it. And I was annoyed because he wanted to know it all, he wanted to know all about me, he wanted to help me....so when he made a comment about the drama is a lot for him......it angered me a little. I felt like it was a slap in the face. You wanted to know, you pushed till I opened up to you and then you throw it in my face. I was upset but now I just don't tell him as much.

I don't share the drama with the frogs. I want to escape it, so I rarily tell them all about it. The only ones who know are Mr. Podcaster and Tadpole. My confidants. Now with Tadpole, I was waiting for him to contact me..he was waiting for me to contact him...so for a week we both waited for the other. Nothing has ever happened with us....yet, I did think about him before my rendezvous. I wonder what that means?

So that's the update. I have been staying low at Ashley Madison. And that is where the crossroads comes in. I will explain when I have a little more time.

Secret Lover Meeting-Part 1

Spending the night with you Win! was quite the adventure. I haven't spent a night with another man in 15 years. So I hadn't realized how different it would be.

I looked through the peephole (knowing that he had his finger over it...we're always on the same wavelength...and he did). I opened the door and he whisped me in, grabbing me and smiling....Hi Baby Girl!! I love being called that. We kissed at the doorway.....it was a slow, sweet and inviting....he showed me a bottle of wine and we just sat down on the couch. There was plenty of time for activities...which was so nice.

Downside...he was getting sick. He felt like crap. Damn....that stinks. His throat hurt, his body ached and I was not happy. I am finally feeling great and he is sick. Well I was going to have to pamper him....(and fuck him wildly)!

There was no awkwardness between us, it was as if we were old friends. He makes me laugh so hard. He opened the bottle of wine and we sat down on the couch and just talked for a bit. I had gone shopping at this little artsy town and bought this great necklace. I joked with him, everytime I wear this necklace it is either going to remind me of a great night or a sucky one...

I started to show him the other little trinkets I bought...."you describe things with such enthusiasm...you are so full of life" and then he got up and kissed me. We made our way to the bed laughing...."let's look at the toys you bought". Oh I stopped at the toy store and loaded up on a few things....or Home Depot as he called it. I wrote Home Depot on the bag....hee.hee

filled with anal beds, caramel whipped cream, vibrator, edible paints, glow in the dark condoms and other little fun stuff.....yes, we were going to have fun.

I was concerned about him and the Viagra...he had never tried it before and well....I was a little worried. Well, let's just say he didn't need it. All body parts seemed to miraculously work 100% okay with no help. For him, I think that alone was a huge plus.

His cock was hard and he rubbed up against me. I love the feeling of a hard cock...I was dripping.....the thought of spending 14 hours was so nice and relaxing for a change. We giggled and played and the passion began to build...I couldn't wait to feel him inside of me. I was dripping and needed to feel a hard cock. nothing is more exciting then feeling the head spreading me apart on entry.....the anticipation, the desire....the want...

The first round was hot....first missionary and then with my legs in the air. He entered me hard. I have to tell you that it felt so damn good to feel a man inside of me again. He worked and worked until I came. I could feel my whole body going, I could feel that aura taking me over, I could feel the shiver throughout my whole body. And so did he...he said he could feel my walls pulsating so intensely.

Mmmmm...now this was a great way to start the rendezvous.

Okay, now the humor sets in.....damn I had fun!

An Overnight Fun Trip

I'm okay!! I did go away over night with you Win! I will definitely give you the details. Are you expecting an intense night of hot sex? Oh it was there, but it was the hours of laughter that Iwill remember most.

To me laughter is the best....enjoying someones company...feeling comfortable enough to let go and be yourself. I was able to do this with him.

I will try to give details tomorrow.....things have been crazy since I am basically working three different jobs right now. i can barily keep my eyes open.

But let's just say... the overnight was filled with hysterical events. Did you ever have someone that you just constantly make a fool out of yourself with? For some reason, thats' what happens with him...but he loved it...

Okay, have a great nght....Iwill try to get back tomorrow!!

XOXO

Divorced?! He was married & my secret rendezvous

Thanks for the no bra advice.....my tits are flowing over the top so no bra is the way to go!!

I have a lot on my mind these days....more than usual. I think its more fragmented or at least that's how I feel. I appreciate those who do not judge.....and I respect those who have their own opinion, don't agree with me but do not attack me either (Stalin)... everyone is entitled to their own way to live....and their own opinions. I do respect and try to understand what someone else is feeling.

I am going away this weekend with You Win! I am getting nervous and I am having some second thoughts. It's a business and pleasure thing.....I don't know...I am nervous. I've never done anything like this before. No need to comment, I am feeling some guilt here or something isn't sitting right.....I am not sure.

I thought I was totally over Mr. Government. I am for the most part. He removed his profile from Ashley Madison totally so I guess that separation made me feel like he is totally gone now. I guess going away this weekend, made me do a search to see if he has been in the news lately. I did discover something that really took me for a loop.

Basically I feel now like a slept with someone I did not know at all for a year. I found his High School picture and information. On that listing it said.....Divorced. WOW! It was last updated a year before we met. I also learned that he is 4 years older than I had thought. So is he remarried, is he back with his ex wife? I am so damn confused now. He is definitely living with someone in a house with his kids. Is this his second wife?

Now ironically I was thinking this was someone else with his name....however his pix was up there from shots taken from the reunion. The pix was from a while ago. He is in so much better shape now...he must have lost 20 lbs.. Hmmm..that would explain the gray pubic hair he started to get (that I didn't mention to him but i did notice the last time we were together)!

He has always been secretive....he had always kept his distance. He never lied...but he never gave me additional information. I am sitting here thinking who was that man I slept with....he was definitely married and is definitely married now....I guess it doesn't matter....its over. But divorced?!? Maybe that wasn't his wife I saw, but the babysitter. It just doesn't add up. He would have said he was divorced...he wouldn't have gone on and on how depressing his marriage was.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything at all. It is what it is....VERY OVER!! I just like closure and well we just never had it. Wish me luck this weekend!
XOXO

this message brought to you by a hormonal Cheri

Oh my, oh my, oh my! The fiddles are out today!

All these scourn men are coming out of the woodwork.......and it's all my fault.

I am howling here. Let's see....men never cheat right??!!

HELLO!!!!!! Have you read anything in my blog?

Who do you think I am with?? HELLO!!!! Newbies read the blog more...

And I am not going to defend myself

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah!!!

This message is brought to you by a hormonal Cheri!!

Well, my tits are about to burst I think....they have placed me on an overload of hormones....hmmmm.....my 36D breasts feel they they weigh about 200 tons!! They are filled, rounder and my nipples are so erect. Quite a feast for a tit man! They are popping out of my bra.

I do feel like I am going to jump out of my skin. You Win! got his cock helpers today!! Woo Hoo!! We should make quite the couple.....both of supercharged......now this should be an interesting meeting!!

Out of Commission But not totally....

Another scare yesterday....almost hospitalized. Doctor put me on bedrest for a few days.

So last night, I sat and surfed the internet. However, to my enjoyment...Mr. Prize appeared on my Instant Message. We've been both busy, sending little notes but never actually being able to hook up. He hasn't been looking at all, he did go to a sex club and fuck two women one night. But that was about it. When I confessed that he was my last....Damn Baby, we need to get you laid. I know, I know was all I said. Well there is an open invitation once I am feeling better---and I miss him. What's nice about our friendship is that it is just that. First, it is a friendship. In actuality, that is what I find to be the most rewarding to me. A man with a brain (and of course a cock..but he's got to have a brain).

I so need mental stimuation. I never realized how important it is to me. I need a man who is more than just a cock. I need someone who i can laugh with, talk about the world, talk about life...talk about emotions.

We finished up and I was just about to go to bed when I see Curious George was webcamming. Hmmm.....do I take a peek? Oh yeah, its been a long time since we connected. So I stopped by and requested an invitation. There he was masturbating. Playing with his cock with that technique that he has. I know that technique so well. I've watched it so many times. Funny how everyone has their own way to masturbate. It's their own special technique. And usually, a spouse doesn't know it. If Curious George and I were together.....I would have it down pat...the motion, the hardness, the speeding up.

So there were other girls watching him but you know me...I need to take the lead. Oh yes, I am that only child syndrome....who likes to be the only one. "So what are these girls doing? Are they ever going to make you cum?" I could see that I needed to step in....I needed to direct this production here. I was determined to get him to cum.

Start putting that lotion on...come on....lube that baby up. That's it, deep rubs...from the base to the tip of your cock....harder, harder....faster, faster......mmmmmm...now that looks yummy!"

Oh yeah, he was beginning to show signs of my helping him.. His cock was standing up nice and tall to attention. "Cum for me" You know how important that is for me. I love when I can get a man to cum just thinking about me being with them. Delicious!!

And after a little more play, the squirt was amazing....I mean it went straight up and the camera caught it in slow motion......as he squirted three times, and then it dribbled down all over him. Extremely cool.

Yes, I felt satisfied now. I knew that I have accomplished what I set out to do.

Okay, back to bedrest....wish someone was here to play with me

Dear Mr. Anonymous

Wow! Within a few hours, two anonymous notes. It's amazing how someone feels the necessity to hide behind the Anonymous name. Stand up to your statements.....did you ever notice Anonymous never has anything nice to say?..

so to Anonymous (both the one and two and one again)

Wow, you are women haters. Sad that someone in your life has hurt you so deeply.

And you come to my husbands defense as if it were you. My, my, you definitely talk from experience. Do you feel you are a failure? Poor Baby!

Now Mr. Anonymous...what keeps luring you back to my site? Why do you feel you have the right or the need to talk to me and insult me? For a year, you've been coming back to check on me.....I know who you are so in actuality(your IP Address is in my statcounter & your name was posted once by accident...oops!), you aren't so anonymous to me. I think you need to look inside of you my dear. What is it that keeps you coming back with such hate? What makes you feel you are so superior?

Hit a nerve? Oh no dear. You actually bore me and i find you rude. I will not be your entertainment.

You see, your comments of an aging twat....your comments of me getting old and used and no one wanting me....they don't have an effect on me. You see, I have come a long way over the year. I have grown internally and I know my worth. I have no need to have to defend myself to you or to anyone.

I feel bad for you. I feel bad for people who judge so harshly.

You see, people come to my site because they care about me. They are caring and truly care about me. And they don't have the urge to leave negative comments. The Blogger world is tolerant of various opinions...thats the idea. Move on Mr. Anonymous....no one here wants to hear your comments

How To Make A Woman Happy & A Man Too!

So who do you think wrote this list? A man or woman? Have a Happy Monday!!

How to Make a Woman Happy It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic!
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:* birthdays* anniversaries* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

The Sexual Reality of Getting Old

The old expression "Man Plans and God Giggles"

My girlfriend and I were just on the phone hysterical laughing. Actually she screamed at me for making her laugh so hard. Ironically, I was just stating facts:

The last week has been filled with examples that I am getting fucking old. the good news is that my friends are getting old with me! Where we used to discuss the children and career plans, we are now discussing our aging twats and body parts.

My problem was that my period wouldn't stop. This has been going on for weeks. Not a faucet running but enough that its upsetting and draining me. When the doc started to talk about cancer.....it freaked me out. So, there it is....my twat is worn. But I think its from lack of use.

Ironically, now that I want to have sex....I am enjoying it so much. God decides to throw a monkey wrench into it. The part of my body that I rarily had cared about during most of my marriage has become an important part of my affair. I like using it now. So, it not working right is certainly putting a damper on my affairs and my fucking!

Then there is my girlfriend....she is fucking like a bunny with her boyfriend. Her problem,,thinning walls. Mine are too thick, hers are too thin. She also didnt use it for years and now she is having problems.....excessive sex and her walls bleed.

So here we are...two old ladies...finally enjoying sex and getting eaten out and well the damn twat is aging.

So she just called. "Fucker...I have a yeast infection now. I've never had one. What do I do?" the supportive friend that I am .....I started howling and tears are rolling down my face. Go to the drug store and get Monistat. Poor thing, now her old crotch is itching like crazy. She calls me from the store....there are 1 day, 3 day and 7 day kits. We read the box. My answer.....1200 mg vs. 200 mg. "I say kill the sucker in one shot. Hey with 1200 mg. who knows whatelse it can solve too. Kill whatever you got going on up there"

"Do I go for the combo pack?" Hmmm.....such damn decisions. I asked her if it had a little twat scratcher in the combo pack?" Don't you think...you know, like a back scratcher but a little one to scratch those itches inside? What a great invention.....

"I'm going to pee in my pants, stop it." "Great, I say, you should stop in the Depends aisle".

"How do I use it?" she says.... "Don't you use tampons? I asked"

"No." Okay, I told her what to do and then told her this was one of those moments---like when I thought I was going to die with a vibrator in me because of those brain freezes I was getting. she told me she wasn't coming over to get the dildo out before (and we assigned her boyfriend the job)....well, today I told her.... I am not coming over to help you with Monistat and your twat. you can do it.

so then she calls and says that there is a plastic tip, do I put it in. Hmmm...read the damn directions, it doesn't say she says. Okay, shove it in and if you feel uncomfortable, it will end up being toxic shock and you know it shouldn't have been inserted.

Next call.....You Win! Not a funny situation but ironic in itself. He said that he has been having issues with staying hard. The pecker doesn't work as well as it used to these past few years. I guess that might explain the lack of him always wanting to talk sexual. He gets hard but it doesn't get rock hard.....he was hard when we were together but it didn't stay super duper hard. I was honored that he was telling me and well..he made an appointment to see the doctor. I guess he was worried about us meeting and him not being able to get it up. Now you all know me, I wouldn't be upset at all. I would be concerned. I would worry.

So, he made a doctor's appointment to get it checked out before we meet. Can you say Viagra?! Hmmmm.....I heard it stays hard for hours after that...damn, can my old pussy handle that?

so yes, today was a day of reality. Our body parts are getting old......but damn it, if it were a car, I have hardly any miles on it.....Sigh....have a great weekend and St. Patty's Day. Have a drink and toast Maturity!

I'm Okay and Strange Deviants On The Web

I am okay!! Yeah!!!! Woo Hoo!!! The test came back benign!! Sigh....

I was scared...really scared. In a way I feel I got a new lease on life. It's not over yet because the problem is still there. Let's just say having my period for a month is not really sexually exciting for me. Although, I was surprised to find out that many of the frogs do not care. Divorce Attorney, Mr. Podcaster and You Win were totally fine with it. I guess it is me who cares more... Gotta ask Tadpole today his view on it..

So last night I was on Instant Messenger with Curious George. We were talking about his first affair. I was a little jealous...I had wanted to be his first. It just never worked out between us. Well he has this arrangement with this girl..he's her Sugar Daddy in a way. Helps her out a little and she helps him out a little. Maybe I should have gone that route?!

So we are talking and all of a sudden the Chat Detective comes up and says something like...."Come On you know you shouldn't be doing this?" YIKES!!!!!! I mean it came through my speakers...I almost died. Luckily no one was around me. Well, to make it even weirder, the same thing happened to Curious George at the same time. Shit, it scared the two of us. So I wonder if they just send that out to everyone on Yahoo at the same time or if there is a cookie in there that shows my history. Hmmmm.....either way...I was not too happy with that and either was he. It was like being a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

And then this morning...I found a site. Its for people who like to stalk. A meeting ground for Stalkers. How fucked up is that?!? Strange things on the internet.

So my little Secret Lovers Lane seems so Vanilla compared to the other shit going on. I guess having an extramarital affair and being horny all the time is no biggie these days.....hee.hee

Have a great day darlings!!

Damn Horny!

Okay, I don't know what it is tonight...but I went from asexual to so damn horny. I think I want to be taken away from reality for awhile. Escaping with a secret lover always seems to do that for me. Gives me that intense escape. Gives me that desire to forget all.

I am dying for someone to Calgon me...you know,,,Take me away!!!

No, I'm not in the mood for romance. I am in the mood to fuck. Yes, intense lust. Meeting at a hotel room and closing the door as you are undressing each other before the door is slammed shut. Throwing the person up against the wall and ravaging their clothes off......lust, intense passion.....and fucking. No other desire but to take that person (and that person take me) to places that we rarily get to go.....wild, wild sex. Savagely exploring each others bodies. Pumping hard....wetness..intense wetness and orgasm after orgasm after orgasm. No romance....I want lust tonight.

Where this desire came from? I do not know. Do I have a specific person in my head? A few come to mind..I think my worries are starting to get to me. I need an escape like I never had. So in conclusion....its off to the hot tub and my drawer of vibrators. Let's see....the waterproof one is probably a good choice tonight.

Sweet Wet Dreams...I know I will be tossing and turning!

Status Quo Day

I guess when my pussy has been out of commission for so long, I don't have much to report sexually. Actually, its been more of a mental thing right now. Trying to keep busy until the test results come back....Denial...its a great thing!

Actually, except for that health detour....things are moving along. You Win! has been back in my life. He has been really great. Yeah, there is still that hesitation to trust...yeah, I haven't fallen back into that spell...but I am happy.

Actions speak louder than words in my book and helping someone in need speaks even louder. He has put himself on the limb for me to be a consultant for a client. To me, that has shown a lot and he is redeeming himself.

I have been feeling overwhelmed (money an issue again) and scared (health) but for some reason there is still a little rainbow...I just need to get the fuck out of this tsunami here.

I guess my life is taking more of a front seat (real life) where for awhile my secret escape was taking the lead, which is not that healthy.

Tadpole finally was able to meet me last week and I couldn't. Figures, I have a 1/2 hour in 24 hours that I had a business thing and that was when he was able to make it work. We are going to try again.

Fireman, I can't figure out his deal. Another drama moment for him. I told him, don't worry about it. ITs not a biggie.....just would have been nice to meet. I threw the ball in his court. I can't figure it out. I give him an out to walk away and he won't take it. Keeps saying he's dying to meet me.

Divorce Attorney is a one sided thing. When he texts me....he wants an answer. When I text, he doesn't answer. Strange. But he texts every day, every other day....whatever.

Emotions--I can say that it is taking a few frogs right now but I am emotionally good. The fact that they are so concerned about my health....is nice. Very nice actually. They can just walk away, they can just say--she's not fun right now....I am going to move on. But they haven't. Friends, really good friends is what I have made with these frogs.

Surprisingly, that's what I need right now. Okay, as I type that they truth is that I would love a hot afternoon of sex to forget everything.....who am I kidding? That would be the cherry on the cake. One afternoon of total bliss. Sigh... I guess my sexual drive is lying there waiting for an explosion.

A Murder Thank you Note

I received this yesterday from a long time reader....I want to thank her, I found this to be the perfect laugh for me tonight! Hmmmm....I have to start sending thank you notes of my own someday. Any suggestions?


Dear Tide:
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

A Fairytale Every Little Girl Should Know (Adults Version)

I just got home...and this is what You Win! sent me in my email. It is hilarious in general. But now think about how much I was dying in that he doesn't even know about my blog, my Mr. Married Prince Charming Search or any Dysfunctional Frogs....part of me wishes I could tell him because it is way too funny....

I think I will read this to my daughter tonight

This is the fairy tale that should be read to all girls when they are little:


Once upon a time
~~~~~~~~
In a land far away,
~~~~~~~~
A beautiful, independent,
Self-assured princess
~~~~~~~~
Happened upon a frog as she sat
Contemplating ecological issues
On the shores of an unpolluted pond
In a verdant meadow near her castle.
~~~~~~~~
The frog hopped into the princess' lap
And said: " Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
Until an evil witch cast a spell upon me.
~~~~~~~~
One kiss from you, however,
And I will turn back
Into the dapper, young prince that I am
~~~~~~~~
And then, my sweet, we can marry
~~~~~~~~
And set up housekeeping in your castle
~~~~~~~~
With my mother,
~~~~~~~~
Where you can prepare my meals,
~~~~~~~~
Clean my clothes, bear my children,
~~~~~~~~
And forever feel
Grateful and happy doing so. "
~~ ~~~~~~
That night,
~~~~~~~~
As the princess dined sumptuously
~~~~~~~~
On lightly sauteed frog legs
~~~~~~~~
Seasoned in a white wine
~~~~~~~
And onion cream sauce,
~~~~~~~~
She chuckled and thought to herself:
~~~~~~~~
I don't fuckin' think so.

After Birthday Round Up

An uneventful birthday but just as I hit 42, a little glitch in health was waiting at the door. A female problem which I am hoping will not be a big deal. Of course, my mind wanderers thinking the worse. But hopefully it won't be....I am nervous though...I have no time for major drama in my life. I think we will all agree, I have enough.

My birthday turned out to be a Happy Day because of the Frogs! The hubby was sick and didn't even bother to wish me a Happy Birthday till 1PM and that was it. And you wonder why I can't stand him.

Thank you all for your birthday wishes..I can't tell you how they made me smile anf get a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. We all love to be loved...and it felt good to hear a Happy Birthday!!

Tadpole, so sweet....right in there with wishing me a Happy Birthday and promising we would meet this week. Mr. Podcast, very busy but stilll managed to wish me a happy birthday a couple of times during the day. Springer left me a message. Divorce Attorney wanting to send me flowers (of course that is a no-no).... and then the unexpected call....You Win!

Yeah, I didn't expect that. He apologized and basically said he didn't call because he knew I was furious. He wanted to give me a couple of days to calm down. He said he had no reason for what he did. Ashley Madison is addicting. Hmmm....I can understand that statement. I certainly have done my share of browsing for new lovers even when I was with someone. IT is addicting.

I told him I wouldn't have cared if he had stayed up...but the lying deceit. Well he says he wants to try to win back my trust. I really missed you. I missed your voice, your laugh, your damn stupid jokes. I was miserable without you all week. I realized that I pushed away someone really great for stupidity. He even sent me a receipt of his Ashley cancellation.

So, I am not letting him back so easily. Realistically, I let him in like very few. I am not opening up that easily, but we are talking again. We will see where that gets us. And the big disappointment--the Fireman. He is so gone. Not even a call after all our talk about meeting this week. I can't bother. I just wanted to see what he looked like. Oh well!!

Gotta get to work.....Due to female problems, I will sexually be out of commission this week! Wow, talk about putting a damper on having an affair. It figures, you don't need a lot of accessories for an affair.....and the part that I need is out of commission. Well, of course, I can just please them ...now that's a thought.

Party Time!!

Woo Hoo!! I've been so busy lately, I haven't looked at the Statcounter....so its time to celebrate... 115,000 hits on my site!! WOW! How exciting...

And another celebration....tomorrow (actually in a few hours) it is my birthday. I don't expect it to be a big deal. It will be very low key....but I get extra excited when someone takes the time out of their day to wish me a Happy Birthday. I love it because I usually hear from friends I haven't heard from in a while. I get to catch up with others and there is usually that one surprise person who remembers that I am always shocked about. Let;s just say you aren't penalized if you forget but I make it extra special if you just remember. I think its so thoughtful and caring!

On Friday. I was teasing Tadpole. It's my birthday, you have to see me. So I asked him what are we waiting for? Is there some sign I should be looking for? something I can count down to? What is it going to take for us to meet again? His answer was "maybe a planet alignment". WE both started laughing. Well........I was on the internet and last night there was a lunar eclipse..Woo Hoo!! that counts for me! I quickly emailed him....its here, its here...see ya on Wednesday!! He's so sweet and makes me laugh .

Well I saw the lunar eclipse towards the end of it....the moon looked so fake. IT looked like it was pretend in the sky. It actually looked like this pix..pretty cool. I love things like that.

Fireman knows its my birthday. Honestly, if we do not meet this upcoming week...I am done, done, done. It's literally a first meeting and with him there is no fireworks flying. It will be friendly nothing more.

Mr. you Win is celebrating a big birthday this week. Thankfully mine comes first so I will see if he calls me. And then there is Divorce Attorney (he won't remember) and Mr. Springer (he probably will call).

So that's the round up. Except for my secret bookstore rendezvous, its been pretty quiet around here. Even Mr. Podcast is so busy, he doesnt' have time for our nightly chats. Sigh...

Sweet Wet Dreams!! Have a great day tomorrow..I know I am going to try!

XOXO

Sexual Fun in the Bookstore part 2

We left the bookstore and went into his car. We started to kiss, his hands roaming and landing right on my breasts. Now we all know how I love my nipples played with and so he did. I can feel him lowering back the seat as I am now in a reclining position.....part of me wanted to giggle but its his words that stopped it from coming out.

His fantasies are different. I don't know what name you would give them. He loves when other men want me. (Hmm....now that I wrote that maybe they aren't different than the other frogs). He got even harder when this man smiled at me in the bookstore and then these men at a table looked at me. He loved it.

His desire is for me to be all dressed up and waiting for him at a bar. Flirting my ass off with other men, teasing them, making them think that they have a chance with me and then he swifts me away from them and he has me. It's a power thing...its a deep routed feeling that I win I guess.

So as we are in the car, he's whispering in my ear. You love when those men look at you don't you? You love that guy smiled and watched you walk? He's controlling (in a good, hot way). It was turning me on.

It was certainly fun kissing and well my nipples were loving the attention. I didn't have to do a Cheri Check because I could see his cock bulging from his pants. In fact, the pants were getting so damn tight. It looked big, I wanted to see it. It was as if he read my mind because his cock was now out. Very nice!! I touched his cock and was pleased to find that it was quite long. Yeah, he was a good 8 inches or so...now I didn't have a ruler but he looked longer than many I have seen. Not a lot of girth though. Adequate but not like Soulmate Chris who was super wide!

I love cocks. It amazes me how not one is like another. And each one has its own beautiful characteristics. I don't think I met a cock that I didn't find something I truly liked about it. Beautiful head, nice rim, girth, length, structure...... there's usually something distinctive about it that is quite appealing.

Anway, back to the car. So it was getting hot. He was whispering all these things that he wants to do to me. and he said, I want to know what I can do for you. What is going to make it special. What does my baby want? There's time to share my fantasies.

Cum for me....I told him. I want to cum on you. He said. hmm...well he can't cum on me and then I go home. I want to cum in your mouth he said. Now I am usually not a big fan of that unless its in a moment and I want to and well tonight..I wanted to taste him. I already was feeling alive and spontaneous....and so when he shot, I let him shoot in my mouth.

I want you to kiss me now with your cum all over my lips. He hesitated and then smiled and he did. Hey, he got me to do something teetering the line, I wanted him to teeter too!!

So we talked a little....we kissed good by and he said I want that real date and time with you. This was fun and great and I loved it...thank you he said.

So I jumped in my car, ran home with my magazine and threw back on my pajamas. As I started to work, I felt like it didn't happen. Like it was a fantasy or something.... an hour and 1/2 or here I am back where I was. PJs, ponytail.... except for one thing....

a little smile on my face, a giggle in my heart and the wetness between my legs. Wow that was one hell of a trip to the bookstore.....I love spontaneous moments!! YUM!!

A Spontaneous Trip To The Bookstore to Meet A Frog

Sitting at my computer, in my pajamas and just thinking about the rough day I had. My hair is already in a pony tail and I am working diligently to try and catch up on all the work I have to do. It's been a long day, I am exhausted.

Divorce Attorney sends me a note. Gotta give this guy credit. He has been pursuing me for over one 1/2 years now. He always had bad timing....coming on stronger when Mr. Government and I were solid. He asks me to coffee, lunch, dinner...whatever I want at least three times a month. I always turn him down.

He's been calling me, emailing me and sweet talking me all month. Tonight, I answered and we chatted a little. I want you so badly. I dream about you and masturbate to you. All I think about is your lips....our hot kiss.

How sweet!

I'm near your house at the bookstore. Meet me. I can't, I am in my pajamas. I will wait here until you come or closing. Please. I wrote back....I am in my pjs, no makeup, look like I just rolled out of bed.

I want to see you so badly. Please, even for 5 seconds...I just want to see you and touch your lips for a few seconds. I will sit here until the store closes and hope you will show up.

I look disgusting I said.

I don't care if you come in your pjs...I want to see you so badly...just taste your lips.

Well you know me. I love romance. I love spontaneoity..I love just going for it without even thinking. something off base. Okay...I'm going. I went upstairs..pulled my hairout of the pony....threw on a little blush and eyeliner....slipped on the clothes I wore today and I was off. Yes, he was getting exactly who I am....nothing more. Announced that I had to run to the bookstore for a second..and ran out the door.

"I'm on my way, get me a latte and meet me by the magazines."

And thats what he did. I walked down the magazine aisle and we pretended not to know each other. He slowly snuck up behind me as I was reading a magazine. Damn you look fucking hot! Okay, his vision must have been slipping over the year...this was not one of my super hot moments. I looked okay..but nothing crazy.

With latte in hand, we sat down at the table and started to read a magazine. We were very close, extremely close...there was no explaining who he was if someone walked in. We looked way too comfortable. His hand was rubbing my back, his other hand reached around and undid my zipper on my shirt a little. Okay, a lot. My boobs were hanging out. thankfullly the magazine hid it. "ahem, someone is going to see". "And they would think I was some damn lucky guy to be able to look so close to these tits." Damn, I just want to stare at them and wish my mouth was around them.

Pretend you are reading the magazine, he says to me. As he whispers in my ear. I want you so damn bad....I wish we could go someplace quiet and I can finally have you. ..

Okay, I am literally falling asleep right now....this will have to be continued in the morning!!

A Lesson Learned From a Very Dysfunctional Frog

Do you believe in signs? Do you believe in angels? I do. I know you may laugh but if I look at the signs...what may hurt now, can turn out to be the best thing down the road. I mentioned the guy who I almost married who turned out to be a child molester (his own--ugh). I swear my grandmother (who had just passed away) had pulled me away from him.

And with Mr you Win! There was a dark side. Here's an interesting fact..I didn't like his lips. something about someones lips when they are so damn tight. Not relaxed at all...they seem like this person is a time bomb ready to explode.

I guess I am bewildered by people when they do things that I can't even fathom doing. I don't know what his game plan was. He actually never went back to the site after this all happened. I think that he is used to being in total control. Controlling everything. With me, it was trying to figure out what would make me tick. He did and he ran with it.

He had a mission, he had a goal. His goal was to make me happy. He mentioned it quite a few times.....he was determined to make this soldier happy. And then I think back, when I would say something nice (like when he was having a bad day and I just was myself) he would say...you will be greatly rewarded for your loyalty. Interesting choice of words.

Well, gotta tell ya. I felt duped! But I am 100% bounced back. I really wasn't crazy about him per se. I was crazy about the way I felt. Crazy about how great he made me felt. Crazy about how special he made me feel. That was nice.

So what did I learn from this Dysfunctional Frog?
I learned that I do want to find that someone who can make me feel special. I learned that when I do find that special someone, he will be more than enough for my heart and soul. I also learned that it doesn't take as much as I thought it would to feel complete.

Back to regular life...back to the chaos of work...back to normalcy.

Again thank you all for caring so much. It feels so wonderful to know there are people who care about me (especially when I am down). And thankfully, after two days of licking my paws and feeling sorry for myself...I bounced back. Woo Hoo!!! That was a fast one!

Seduction of My Mind

So the drama left, the anger subsided and what is left....the hole. How ironic that the word "WHOLE" and "HOLE" are the same word yet mean exactly the opposite when it comes to your heart. I felt so WHOLE 24 hours ago and now I feel the HOLE again......rrrrrrr.

So what have I learned? Trust that damn inner voice of mine. I keep not listening. Oh I knew he was full of shit a lot...but he was feeding me the manure that I so badly wanted and that was filling up the emptiness. Tadpole and I were talking. I told him the other day, this guy was definitely not MArried Prince Charming. I knew he was handing me shit. MY hearts not broken.....I am just feeling a bruised ego. I didn't see him putting up another profile. I kept encompassing myself with his bullshit because it felt so damn good. Nothing is wrong with that because I knew. I guess the fact that he blindsided me, is what took me by surprise. That is what is pissing me off. He knew he was getting one over on me.

And reality is....I was no angel either. Okay, okay I admit it. I didn't have my profile up there BUT my feelings for Tadpole never swayed. The Fireman is still in the pix by email, I am debating whether to meet him. So technically I wasn't looking for new, but I didn't walk away from the interests I already had.

One thing I am learning from Ashley Madison is that it is addicting. That feeling of finding someone new....that desire, that tingling, that wetness......the imagination luring. The fact that this might be the guy who can make my body do things that it never has responded to.
I am being seduced by the thought of seduction.

Well, I did learn an important lesson fro this one. I know what the escape is that my inner self needs. It's definitely not just physical...its emotional too. ITs a connection....a deep connection..I like that. And it isn't true love. I'm not looking for true love....I'm not looking for a mate for life. I am looking for the physical and emotional connection along with reality that we belong to someone else. And honesty...I need to know the feelings are genuine. That's all I ask. That if you really like my smile....tell me. But if you don't...don't lie because it will get you in my pants.

Having been so busy, I didn't get to share all the nice things I had experienced. He seduced my mind...it was amazing. And that is what I am looking for. A man who mentally fulfills me in a way. How bizarre but think about it. The guys I am attracted to have all been extremely smart, witty and personable. It's not a mistake..its what I look for.

Okay, I am babbling.....I am back. Starting Wednesday, my life returns to what it was before and truthfully.....that's okay for now. How sad I feel I took so many steps back this week. I was almost at that door. Damn...I was sooo close to a total emotional and physical thing....

I Let Him In

The last three weeks, I have felt amazingly great. I had met someone who I (once again) thought was my soulmate. He made me laugh, he made me smile, he wanted to know everything about me. We talked about our dreams, our desires...."I want to make you happy. I want to fulfill you, I want you to fall in love with me".

Brick by brick, he broke my wall down. Brick by brick, I allowed him to get closer to me, to my dreams, my desires, my inner soul. Not just the sexual part of me....my whole world. He was seeping into my brain and my heart. He was fulfilling that void that existed.

Yes, I felt great. I have to say, there was a voice inside who was warning me (I told it to both Tadpole and to Mr. Podcast) but overall...this man was doing everything right. I found myself letting totally go. I allowed myself to trust, to feel comfortable and not second guess him (which had always been a problem in the past). I felt secure with him (even with that little voice).

He wanted me to take down my profile from Ashley Madison. I agreed and asked the same from him. We decided that we should give it a shot without others. We would focus on exclusivity with each other. I shut my profile down....and for the first time..I was really okay with it. I didn't have the desire to go back and look. I didn't have the desire to search for more. The insecurity had disappeared.

And with this new found wholeness. I found that it made me better. Having that void fulfilled inside of me....was making me a stronger person. I never realized how much energy that void sucked from the person I am. With that void inside of me fulfilled, with happiness once again in my heart and fulfillment....I was able to concentrate and focus on my life. Feeling so good allowed me to expand that to other areas of my life. I forgot how Mr. Government had motivated me and Soulmate Chris. I forgot how great it felt to be complete.

Tonight was a bad night. The hubby did something that once again shook my world. He once again wrote a check without me knowing. And the mortgage money covered it. The man had also taken my debit card and had the audacity to call to see why he couldn't get money out of the account. What?!? I quickly checked...well asshole, you wrote a check that came in that I didnt know about.

Totally distraught, I turned to my new wholeness. And of course, he comforted me and made me feel like a million dollars. He gave me hope that it would all work out. He sent me hysterical jokes every 4 minutes for an hour until I was giggling out of control. He made my heart sing....he cared about me. He made me feel so damn special. We had to reschedule our planned trip for tomorrow because of weather and me being sick. So I had already been down, then this with the hubby....I was feeling real bad. We decided to reschedule the trip for next week....our birthdays are two days apart. We were going to spend that day inbetween together in bed.....a present to both of us.

I started to clear out my email mailbox and came across a message from him that had been on Ashley. I went back to read it....to make me smile....and when I got there, his name was not on the favorite list. I haven't pulled up my Ashley in over 2 weeks since we decided to take the profiles down. However, a new name was on there. You see...a word of advice. If you change your name on Ashley Madison....the new name appears on someones favorite list in place of your old name. So that person knows you changed your name (which is a good thing).

So I click on this new name and there is his pix...his new profile...his new pix....and a whole new damn profile...and he checked it yesterday. Once again, I felt my insides being ripped out. That void was back and this time a little deeper. What a fucking fool I was. I believed him. I believed his caring, I believed his compassion, his aura, his desires to make me believe we were meant for each other. Him telling me today, how I should leave my husband and move up there near him (I laughed & told him how ridiculous but come on.....I feel so stupid for even thinking he meant it even for a nano second). I was taken ball and sinker by a player. He worked and worked and worked at the challenge....and probably enjoyed each brick as he felt them fall. He wanted the profiles down. I had gone this road before....but now he lied. I can't take lying it makes it impossible for me to believe anything else the person says. Sigh

I called him on it.....I built up as many bricks as I could. I emailed him and told him how happy I was that I found out before we spent the weekend together. Kudos, you played me for a fool. How stupid I thought you were different. We were both on the site at the same time. He didn't answer my email, I didn't acknowledge him.

So now, I am sitting here with this gaping hole in my heart again. I cried a little. You know I went to my tub...and I cried. Not because I lost him....but because the hole was back. The emptiness was back. I loved that feeling of completeness...of someone holding me in their arms, of someone making me feel so damn good. That first kiss, that second kiss...that feeling when someone touches you for the first time. That wetness that is so damn wet in between your legs. The desire, the passion. I loved hearing the words I love you, even though it wasn't a love like husband and wife...but a more I love who you are love. It would have been so sexually hot for us. He was the first guy who allowed me to get so close emotionally. We were almost there. Fate worked against us or my angels were working overtime for me.

I am angry and disappointed because it was so damn close this time. It felt so damn good. I kind of saw it (I did see he was a player, I told you all that). He's excellent. He stuck with it and worked me till the walls came down and I questioned my hesitations.

Okay, if you see the bricks lying around....send them my way. Actually, it felt soooo good, I know I need to find someone to fill that void. My profiles are back up. A couple of days and I may have the strength to go back....I need to lick the wounds a little. I was suppose to be in his arms lying in a hotel room tomorrow all day having amazing sex...and now...I will be moping around the house. Life really sucks sometimes....

The Mystery Cock

Today I am sitting in my training and a text message comes over. It's a pix of a cock. It's quite a nice looking cock. It came over Yahoo, so I wasn't sure who it belonged too. Now that is bad, a nice looking cock and you don't know who the owner of it is.

So I was thinking. It looked like Mr. Navigator's cock. And this week, he actually wanted to meet. I declined. One because of work and two well.....he hasn't really been around. But it looked like his cock...same direction bend, same size.....hmmmm...a definite potential.

Then there was Curious George. Curious George might send his cock but it didn't look like it. How funny, I am a cock identifier. His stands straight up more. His has a certain identifiable mushroom head and it is more round. Nah, not his.

Now there is Tadpole. Tadpole and I never kissed, I have never seen his cock....and well, this is not his style at all. Nah...not his.

Divorce Attorney....I doubt it. He;s shy..never would send a cock.

And then there is You Win! Now things are going well with you win. Actually, I am so my self with him. And, And, he is really giving me what I need emotionally. Yup!! finally a man who is not afraid to tell me how he feels. A man who tells me how great the weeks have been since I've come into his life. How he looks forward to hearing from me, emailing me.....how special I am to him. Now, here is a man who claims to want all of me. Heart and soul. He's not into cybersex or too erotic phone sex...so while this kind of looked like his cock.....I wasn't sure. He has never or was ever willing to send a pix of it.

I felt it was a test. A test for him to see if I knew it was his cock. A test to see if I really was not still talking with other men. Hmmmm.....do I call and say something? Do I text back. I decided to text back. Yes, this way, I am acknowledging the fine cock with nice girth....I was going to throw in is this a preview?

Well the Mystery Cock has finally been identified...it is Mr. You Wins to my surprise. And deep inside I think it was a test. I took my chance and mentioned it....and he was happy.

I am doing something I have never done before. I have a business trip next week. I am sleeping over and Mr. You Win! is going to meet me up there. How exciting, how scary. A full night in his arms....yummy!! I am excited and nervous. Oh, guess what. The Angels are working over time...I can feel my period coming on. He said....crime scene sex is okay...I hope it doesn't come to that. So yes, things are going well right now. I have left you out of the loop but Mr. You Win and I have been talking regularly.

He's planning a big day and night of sex around the clock with lots of toys!! I can't wait to share...I have a feeling this is going to be a night of lots of fun....talk soon!!

The Puzzle of my sex life!

I haven't been around because I am in a training seminar....actually I am so damn tired that I haven't even been able to think about sex.

Valentine's Day has come and gone. Not surprised hubby decided it was a bullshit holiday. The only surprise this year was from Mr. Navigator. Who, emailed me to wish me a Happy Valentine's Day and offered to take me out this week (or screw me I guess).

Well I got so many nice calls wishing me a Happy Valentines Day. I heard from a bunch of them.....Springer, You Win, Navigator, Divorce Lawyer, Fireman!! And of course, some of you readers. So, I really had a nice Valentine's Day overall.

You Win! Certainly won points this week. He has been super attentive, planning to get away with me for the day next week and well--I am beginning to enjoy him. He has even worked out a way for me to do business with a company by him (how convenient..don't you think?)

Fireman is back on the scene......he apologized and has been super attentive too. Yeah, lets see where that takes me.

Guarded.....I have found that I am very guarded these days and you know what? That is really great. I know, I know...its boring on my blog. But I am growing so much and I have to say that I am mentally feeling damn good. I don't need any of these men. I do want them but I don't need them and that is great. I can feel myself growing more independent each day. Like the pieces of a puzzle....I feel like I am finally getting to see the picture....there are still pieces missing but you know what? I am starting to see the design on the puzzle.

So what is the final piece? Only time can tell I guess.....

Happy Valentine's Day Baby!!!

Hey!! Happy VD DAY!!

So, got any special plans?

I hope they include me in your dreams!!

XOXOXO

Remembering...

I never got to sleep. But I did lie there and think about you. About your tender kisses and your tender touch. About how you held me soooo close and made me feel so content, so fulfilled and so safe. How I just sat there in your arms with my eyes closed and enjoyed the feeling of being there with you...no other place in the world would have been more perfect than where I was...in your arms...

And the moment in my head, when I knew I had to feel you touch me. How I knew (even though the moral girl inside of me was saying it wasn't the right thing to do)....how I knew I needed to feel you touch me. How my body just gave in to my desires and I could feel myself open up to you. How I opened my legs to you tand how badly I wanted to feel you touch me.
mmmmmmm.........
Sweet dreams my love....I can't wait to feel your touch again!

Juicy Fruit!!

Is this frog the Prince Charming to fill my void?

Hale this was sooooo damn funny...I had to move it to my blog!! Thank you!!!

A blonde said, "Doctor, I think my breasts are filled with water!"
...."Water?" the doctor replied. "What makes you think that?"
....She answered, "Whenever someone presses them my pussy gets wet."

(Think she's on to something?)


I had to share this...how funny life is sometimes. I am involved in this project that I have been waiting 4 years for. I can't get into detail now but let's say after a long interview process, screening process...I am chosen. Based upon my interview, personality and other items they matched me up with someone/something that has been specifically matched to me. Today was the day they introduce me to their choice. Can you guess what its name is?!? KERMIT

I immediately fell in love...what do you expect.....a perfect match more than they know....another frog in my life!!! Maybe this was the Prince Charming I was meant to meet.....I can't tell you how hysterical this is...I know it would be funnier if I could share the whole thing but I feel like this was God's little joke to me. I laughed so damn hard. Maybe this is the frog that is going to fill my void. Now if that is the case, my life should be made into a movie....

What Is Your Deepest Secret?

Okay, I will never ask that question again. You never know what you are going to hear. Today was a great day with Mr. You Win. It was filled with laughter and warmth and passion. He was such a gentleman and so caring. It was truly a nice lunch that went on for 3 hours. No lulls just constant talk and hand holding and just sweetness.

He was filled with compliments. Telling me how hot I looked. Telling me how I was more beautiful than he even imagined. Telling me that my eyes sparkled and my lips were amazing. I was on Cloud 9...a great connection.

"I want to get to know you. You know so much about me. Tell me, tell me your darkest and deepest secret?" He started off about his parent's divorce and how it left a lasting impression on him and scar. And then he went on to tell me two other secrets. Both on the serious nature that happened over 10 years ago. One, was easy to listen to an accept. The other was a lot deeper.

Without revealing too much. He had been brought up on a crime and he was found not guilty. Everyone thinks he didn't do it....he did. I sat there shocked. The expression on my face had to be one of disbelief. Now I know we felt close to each other but he just confessed something that he has told no one. Honestly, this is more than I can process...much more. Now it wasn't murder, robbery, buglary or assault with a deadly weapon. I can't say what it is..but it does make me a little uneasy.

So here I had a great day with someone and quite honestly...we did play a little. It was so gentle, it was sweet kisses which lead to some intense making out. Continued with his hands all over me (but not in the Mr. Lawyer way). It was slow, it was nice and I was really getting wet. He caressed my breasts and played with my nipples. My nipples have a direct line to my pussy. There is no doubt in my mind because now I was so damn wet. The more we kissed, the hotter it got...and quite honestly...I was so damn horny. I wanted to be touched...I wanted him to rub my clit. So when he asked for the tenth time, I got up on my knees and allowed him to go under my skirt for a feel. Well, that feel felt so damn good. He proceeded to go on the outside of my clit and then inside of me.

He called me Juicy Fruit..which caught me back...that is what Mr. Government called me. I do get very, very wet. I have always told you that. And I was so turned on by his gentleness and passion. Him just holding me in his arms saying such sweet things.

PArt of me really enjoyed the day, part of me is not sure if I should run. Its one thing to say you were acquitted of a crime and say you didn't do it. It's another to admit you were acquitted and you did do it. So unreal, I don't know what to believe. He had wished over and over that he didn't tell me. I'm glad I know but part of me wishes I didn't. I dont' want to end up on CourtTV om one of those Forensic Shows. He says he was wrong...he knew he shouldn't have done it...oh man...I can't just pick a simple frog now can I?

The Meeting

80 miles away is a real long way. Very far for a secret lover. I keep pointing that out to Mr. You Win! and he will not except it. What is your schedule like this week? I tell him and most would have given up. Well it looks like you have available tomorrow 11A-2pm. I will call you back. He did. Okay, I will come to you tomorrow. I need to look into your eyes...I need to see that smile in person.
He is coming here!!

Hale left a message that pointed out something real important. There is no sexual exchange. Wow!! Can you believe it? We do touch on it...we do elude to it. But he has this thing with wanting to be different....he doesn't want to be a frog (although he doesn't know the terminology--he says I want to be different in your life from the rest).

I actually start to talk sexually and he pulls me back into emotional....very scary stuff yet so different.

But I do notice something right off the bat. The only guys that I have had a real skipping the beat feeling are those that I connect with on an emotional level. They are the only ones I truly fantasize about or even think about more than for a few days. So that says something about how important a mental connection is..

Aaah, yes,,,,Lori was right. A smooth talker....a smooth operator.....I am petrified today. Got knots in my stomach, wanna cancel and I am acting like a little school girl.

Only problem....I woke up and feel the walls up...they are up pretty high this morning protecting my heart and soul. I have a feeling its going to be a lot of work to protect my soul today!

Retreat or Enjoy?

He's a great writer and a great communicator. His goal is to make me happy (or so he says). "I want to take you to that other world you want. I want to make you forget and enjoy our time together. You deserve to forget for a little. You deserve to feel whole. It's not the physical I want to give you, its emotionally how I want to make sure you are complete."

Oh yeah....Cheri is in trouble. Reality, reality is he lives way too far away. It's never going to be anything big. But it does fill that emotional need. He does spend a lot of time analyzing me and tries so hard to get in. MY giggles, my joking, he says is a beautiful front to the woman inside. As he tries to get closer, I feel myself getting nervous. He is peeling me layer by layer...
Do I retreat or do I just enjoy?

An excerpt from our emails yesterday:


My ear aches, and my voice is hoarse from our busy days...but my fingers are
still doing the walkin'

I was doing an email to a client when you rang, but before that I was
thinking of you (Smirk)

I am curious what will happen when our eyes meet...I just hope I don't get
shy! No my cock doesn't do that...you need to work. I'm not some goon with a
boner to bury!

You have made very very happy and excited in what our future and escapes
will hold. I feel like I did in HS! I'm walking on air, I just wish I could
be with you now. I want to show you what you mean to me, not just tell you
about it.

I'll leave you with one last question. how long does it take to fall in
love. A month. A day. A year. never? I'd like to read your thoughts...

And you think I don't kiss the frogs?!

I saw this and it was one of those things that just strike a chord. I started laughing so hard the tears were rolling down my face....yes, I was about to blog about something serious....my newest online meeting...and then I saw this.

All I kept thinking was damn....there is a prince in there..so, if I check inside a frogs mouth BEFORE I kiss them....hmmmm....it would save me a lot of time!! Hee. Hee.

I loove the frogs!!

Phone Sex and A New Frog

So I was browsing on Ashley Madison this weekend because quite frankly, I was fed up. Tadpole, had time on Saturday to call and I'm sure today, but he chose not to. Okay, except Friday I spent the afternoon having phone sex with him (truly one way since he couldn't talk but I did get his concentration away from his work). So with a bullet vibrator in my butt and one in my pussy, I came so damn hard....mmmmm....I was so wet. I was shocked at how much my body shivered. It was such a turn on that he was listening to me cum...mmmmm.

Lawyer sends me a note saying hi, how are you? Idiot!! I'm great and you? I hope you find what you are looking for (I said to him). Oh, I think I may have thought I needed something that I couldn't handle right now (he says)
"well, I said to him...the only thing I can say is that I thought you had more integrity to tell me to my face not leave a message for 10 minutes on my voicemail. He seemed to be more of a man than that. (which obviously his a nerve...he has been trying to reach me).

So a little annoyed and bored....I took to browsing Ashley on Saturday. New men.....I checked out their profiles. Two potentials and one obnoxious idiot. His profile was the most obnoxious I had ever seen (if you are looking for an upgrade, keep looking--move on). So I decided to send him an email...You Win! I have read hundreds of profiles and you have officially won the most obnoxious award. You will certainly charm the woman with your rudeness. Hee. hee...my fun for the night and I moved on.

A boy toy....he's 34 and his wife is 27. Come on! What would he want from me?! But he is relentless...sweet but I dont see that going too far. We have spoken before...for 6 months he has been trying to get to meet me. He was the birthday boy.

To my surprise there was a response from the You Win! Guy.....obnoxious yet quite funny and entertaining. So I went back with a rude and funny comment. Before you knew it, I gave this guy my email and we were going back and forth. He was hysterical. And then he says to me...."well you passed the barrier. I want to get to know the girl who has the confidence enough to bust my hump like this". Lets really talk now. And so we did. And man oh man, what a truly great guy he is. He's charming, he's deep, he's quick witted and he's good looking.

I took a new approach....I threw all the crap on the table. Told him about my serious issues I had going on at home, told him I didn't need the BS, told him its unrealistic--the distance, the fact that he never had an affair. 900 reason why our conversation was ridiculous. And then he came back with 901 reasons why I was being a pain in the ass!!

Actually he did something that was pretty amazing. He opened up his soul to me. And we all know how I am a sucker for someone who allows me into their soul. Yet, he's a former MArine and control is so important to him (uhm!! there is that control thing again!!) He's a unique combination....kind of refreshing. Actually, he is on the same page with Mr. Prize. I feel I can talk with him and tell him anything (so quickly too) and he didn't judge me.

He says those things that you long to hear. How my smile was amazing and how sweet it was. How my eyes were so dazzling and so inviting. Man, he was good. Today we spoke....for hours. I mean hours and hours. We learned so much about each other. He wanted to know everything and I everything about him. It was so nice to have someone so open in some ways yet strong.

I almost, almost told him about the blog. But I was glad when I decided not to. He went on to say how he only wants one woman. This isn't a smorgasboard.....he wanted one woman and one woman to want him and him alone. Okay, we all know me now. He would have to be Mr. Married Prince Charming to get that prime positioning in my life. I am not willing to be pidgeon holed into a one person affair if it wasnt perfect (and especially at our distance). So if I would have told him that I would agree to those arrangements....no more blogging about others. Nah! the blog is not to be mentioned no matter what.

I was honest, I told him about my past rendezvous'. I left out the ones that were less than a fuck though. But 5 is a large enough number anyway. I would want you all to myself...I wouldn't want to share you as I wouldn't expect you to share me. Hmmm....we haven't met yet, I told him. I can't make you such a promise.

So do I think there is potential? I am not getting my hopes up. I have done before and it has gotten me down. But I gotta say, I love when I am told that I am beautiful and sexy and that he can't stop thinking about me. I love that feeling of my heart beating and the smile on my face from ear to ear. And I love when I feel that little tingle and someone seeps in my brain in hopes that he may be able to make me feel alive.

Who knows....its not realistic, but it gets me through the day. And hey, you never know right? what do they say for lotto...you gotta be in it to win it!! I'll keep ya updated1!

So How are you doing sexually in 2007?

I stole this from Speakin...I thought it would be fun to see how I am doing sexually. Once again, I guess its back to what constitutes sex? I realized that I have not gotten laid in a long time. Holy Shit, I was depressed today thinking about it. All Work And No Play Makes Cheri A Dull, Dull Girl! Damn, it's been a slow start to the year....sigh. Well this test made me so horny, I called Tadpole for him to listen to me masturbate...mmmmmmmm...details to follow!

I am determined, determined to complete this test! I want 100% on it. Are there any volunteers to help me in the areas that I have not complete?!?! Yum!! Let's get started!!


1. HAVE YOU GOTTEN LAID IN 2007? I was shocked by this one! The answer is NO!! Oh my, I am depressed. I have had my tongue down men's throats, I have been fingered in a restaurant and in the train station, I have masturbated up a storm....but I haven't had a hard cock inside of me the whole year so far...this is depressing!!

2. EVER HAD SEX IN A PUBLIC PLACE? YES and I liked it! A swimming pool at a hotel, a hot tub, outdoors, on the beach, etc. etc. Does fingering count? Two weeks ago!

3. EVER LAUGH DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? Absolutely! The best sex I have ever had has included laughter and fun! (I have never laughed at a guy's cock. To me, they are all so hot and a piece of art..)

4. EVER CRY DURING SEX? IF SO WHY? No. Well there was one time when I knew it was over with a lover and it was kind of sad but I didn't actually cry....

5. DO YOU LIKE TO CUDDLE AFTER SEX? Well, do you even have to ask this question. Nothing is better than entwining yourself with your lover and cuddling....mmmmmm

6. EVER REGRET SEX WITH SOMEONE? Not really. I may look back and say why did I bother but I have never regretted it--all part of the learning experience.

7. EVER FAKED AN ORGASM? Let's see...hee.hee...uhm....YES, many a times!

8. DIRTY TALK, OR SHUT THE FUCK UP? BOTH. I love when a guy whispers in my ear how much he wants to fuck me and what he wants to do to me....and other times...the body does the talking and there is no need for words.

9. EVER HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX? Yes.....I have a few kids don't I?

10. EVER MASTURBATE TO YOUR FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? NO. Since I was a young girl,my friends and I had an agreement. You like him...we all stay away. Actually worked really well...I still believe you don't touch your friends man.

11. EVER HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND? Should I even answer this? A one night stand, a one day stand, a one car stand.....

12. EVER HAVE A THREESOME? No and we need to change that

13. EVER WATCH PORN DURING SEX? Yes, but I am truly more interested in what is going on with me not the porn.

14. EVER THOUGHT OF SOMEONE ELSE DURING SEX? Oh please. Hubby everytime, lovers...I am focused 100% on them


15. HAS THE CONDOM EVER BROKE? YES

16. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE? I can honestly say my broken crown scratching mr. Government's cock....or maybe when I was chewing gum during the blow job and it all stuck on his cock....such fine memories he must have of our times together.

17. HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY? 17.

18. WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH RIGHT NOW? The line forms to the right please!!

19. DO YOU THINK THAT NUMBER 18 IS POSSIBLE? ??

20. ARE YOU HORNY NOW? The question should be are you ever NOT horny!!

21. HOW MANY SEXUAL PARTNERS? I'm can still stay within my hands and toes when counting (of course if you consider oral and other things.....I can't even count)

22. DO YOU LIKE SEX IN THE CAR? Some of my wildest and best memories have been in cars....YUM!!

23. DO YOU STILL TALK TO THE PERSON YOU LOST VIRGINITY TO? No, I actually saw him in a car a few months ago but I didn't stop.

24. EVER HAVE SEX WITH A RELATIVE/FRIENDS SIGNIFICANT OTHER? NOPE.

25. EVER BEEN WITH A CHEATER? Hmmm....do I need to answer.

26. TOYS, GOOD OR BAD? Amazing!! Life savers!! I love my toys!! So much so that when I first read this question, it made me so horny I went upstairs and played with two of them (right Tadpole?...lol)

27. LINGERIE? I find it sexy. In fact, I always wear a lacy camisole under my power suits....a touch of feminine...a strategic advantage. In the bed, mmmmmm....I love when a man peels it off of me

28. EVER SLEEP WITH A CO-WORKER? NO. I don't mix business and pleasure.

WHERE HAVE YOU HAD SEX
(X)park
( )church
( )cemetery
(X)beach
(X)boat
(X)school (parking lot)
(X)parent's bed
(X)your bed
(X)car
(?)picnic table- oral
(?)kitchen counter-- a must this year. Does it count leaning on it and fucking?
(X)couch/chair
(?)dining room/kitchen table--again, does leaning count?
(X)woods (open and/or in a tent)
( )hood of a car
(X)bathroom
(X)shower - My tub is a must....
(X)the other person's bed
( )porch/deck/balcony
(X)in a house with parents home
(X)at a party
( )on top of the washer/dryer--I definitely want to try this one
(X)with other people in the room
(X)hotel
( )concert
( )grandparent's house--I fooled around but never actually had sex (I was young)
( )field--sounds romantic, put it on the list
( )bleachers--mmmm...I could get into this


FYI....this list got my imagination wandering. It actually made me very horny and desiring to complete the areas that were not checked or no's. Having sex in a field, lying with you on the beach, us completing my list... Oh my, I'm waiting for you with my bags packed to start our adventure. Which should we pick first? Can we complete them all within a week? a month? Mmmmmm....I'm headed upstairs now to start..I'm waiting for you!

Comment Now Working!

The comment section is now working!! Sorry and thanks Percy for letting me know!!
XOXO

All I Can Say Is - $%##%!!

You know what? I am not even mad, I am more disgusted.

Having spoke with Mr. Podcaster and Tadpole in depth on how Mr. Lawyer is so not for me. That I didn't even think that I was going to see him again....actually I kind of knew that I wasn't going to see him again unless he made an effort to come out to see me. I was debating to write him off totally, but that isn't my style. I figured I would see what happened. Reality, I am not into him. I really liked him as a friend but not even that much as a friend. I liked that attention. I didn't have the balls to put an end to it.

Well he leaves a five minute message on my machine how his wife is his best friend. that he can't stand looking at her and lying to her. That he just can't do it right now. That is it just the two of them, he loves her and he can't lie to her everyday. What?! He got a concscious...can't be!!

So, I laughed listening to the message as he went on and on how he is so torn because he really likes me and blah, blah, blah......how he is fantasizing about me blah, blah, blah..how he meant everything he said...blah, blah, blah

Bottom line.......the prick left a voice mail. I agree with what he said. I truly don't care, we are at different points in our lives and quite frankly, he does not have the moral ethics that I need in a person. I saw qualities of my husband that were turning my stomach. But a voice mail...how disrespectful....take it like a man!!!!! Say it to my face. Actually, I am not that upset.....it was funny listening to his diarhhea of the mouth. But I feel a little disrespected. And then he puts his IM on (I am the only one he IMS) like I would IM him today?!?!?

And then the Tadpole....I call him every damn day. we chat. The other day I said, please call me. I want to see that you really do care and that you want me to call like you say and you enjoy talking to me. Please, you make the call tomorrow and don't be a wise ass and not call. He knew it would get me in a tizzy if he didn't call. Guess what? He didn't call. I will call you tomorrow and tomorrow came and went. And today is halfway over and no call. I AM NOT CALLING!!!!!!!! TADPOLE!!!!!! I AM NOT CALLING!!! I am hurt that he knew how important it was to me and he knew I would be hurt and well he didn't call.

So..... $%#$%#$%....to all you frogs!! I am off to do some more work...I just had to stop and get this off my chest.

Talk to ya later!!

UPDATE: Blogger wasn't working so I couldn't post this this afternoon. Tadpole called (hee.hee). I toldt him about my post, he started laughing. gotta tell ya, he knows an important rule....when you don't know what to say, don't say anything. Drives me crazy when there is silence but he is smart. Because you may say the wrong thing....actually we had a good conversation. I do love talking to him. He keeps a smile on my face. I brought up today how we have never even kissed. We met twice for coffee, and never kissed. Interesting!! Today, we discussed where we should meet if we were to meet. Well, I am not touching that one with a ten foot pole. I told him to let me know what KIND of establishment we are going to meet at and I will find the place. Yeah...I will wait for his response. Strangely enough, I never attempted to kiss him. Now that I look back, I don't think I made the first move with any frogs (except Mr. Government who was so shy and that was a quick kiss).

I think I have always just moved close enough so that I sent the message that a kiss would be welcome. It just happens....with him, I can't tell if he likes me like that so I seem to place the invitation but he's never accepted it. Hmmmmm....I am going to get a glass of wine!!