My Thesis on my Secret Rendezvous' and my psychological well being

Well, I do read all of your posts and comments and really listen to what you say. Thank you! I know you all are looking out for me.

SPG did say something that took me by surprise. That he was worried about my negativity. Hmm...it made me analyze myself and my situation. Truth is, I am not being as much negative as I am being realistic these days. And don't worry about me....I am actually in a better state of mind than I have been in a real long time. I promise.

But as far as my secret lover adventures, I am being more realistic about them. The truth, many of the men (not all) just want to get laid. All the emotional void talk in many cases are just words OR its their cocks that are feeling the void. The only words they want to hear is ones that are muttered while their cock is deeply inside my mouth!!

They aren't looking for that getaway..that escape from reality that includes friendship. They are looking for intense, experimental sex with no friendship. And that's okay. As long as the girl realizes that is what they are looking for.

Have I given up on finding my Prince Charming? Oh no! Absolutely not. As we all said, I will have to kiss a lot of dysfunctional frogs to find him. But I truly think I am getting smarter and more realistic in my search. There are guys out there who are looking for friendship as well as intense sex and experimenting. There are guys out there that want to talk about life, the weather, a movie while we cuddle after an intense sex session.

So I am not going to give up...or am I going to settle. Negativity in good (as SPG said)...I am just being cautious before I jump in again with my heart and totally open up my soul. I did it with Chris and he pummeled me. Turned out to not be the person I had thought he was.

Mr. Government well, I know now not to expect anything from him. Yes, I know he will be gone again. Yes, I know he is not one to talk and open up. Yes, I am aware now that his text messages three times a day (all of a sudden) are just his way of romancing me back into bed. BUT I also know that the sex was intense. That if there is a next time, it will be out of control. Ever have anger/frustration sex? Where you are just attracted to the person and also so annoyed that it is even more intense, more hot. That is what it would be. And, this time, there will be no holding back because I am going to think of it as the last time. This time, I would walk away knowing I may never see him again--and that will be okay. I have placed our friendship in a totally different arena. He is not my Prince Charming--he is someone I can just have wild, intense sex with. Sweaty and hot...totally uninhibited and that is what it is...........PURE LUSTFUL SEX! Face it, I am so horny these days and I want that.

Mr. Heart, well, I was negative about him. He has a psycho wife who has had him arrested during their separation and even hid in his apartment while they were separated. He's also not very careful....seems an affair is the norm in his neck of the woods and everyone talks about it. And his hang up with the total physical thing....makes me a little more reserved and self conscious. So that is just realistic....BUT on the other hand. He calls me and leaves me the sweetest messages. He talks to me about my kids and remembers when I was doing something special with them. He'll ask about my day (really listen and really care). So, there is a definite friendship there (which is sooooo nice). And for me a security that he is going to call again. That's all I need and like. Is the fact, that I don't worry that I will not hear from him. He's reliable and he calls me every other day (sometimes everyday--even just to leave a message to say he misses me and he's thinking about me).

So in conclusion on my Prince Charming Thesis here and the state of my psychological well being....I'm actually doing really well. I swear you caring and loving men in my life. Its so special and means so much that you care about me and think about me and watch out for me. XOXOXO
Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

I'm tough.....(okay deep inside I am a pussycat) but I can roll with the punches......will I get hurt? I definitely will. That's because I wear my heart on my sleeve, I care about people and I give myself 100%--I don't know how to do it any differently. But its good to know when I do get hurt, you are all there to help me pick up the pieces. Sigh!! I feel so loved tonight.....
Okay, gotta go to sleep!! Kisses Love YA!