Sucking Me Dry

Life is a rollercoaster. Well at least mine is. Mr. Porsche had to cancel today. Two weeks ago, he was gone. Last week his excursion to gamble...yes, I was feeling like a second thought. I don't react well to being a second thought. I admit it, I get bitchy and sarcastic. I was extremely difficult to deal with all day. With sly remarks on how I was charging him double for my work for the day. And yes, I busted his balls. Pick a day this week....I will work around your schedule. I am booked..and even if I pick a day, you'll become busy. Yes, I was acting like a baby.

By afternoon, I mellowed. I admitted to him that I was feeling like a second thought. He tried to appease me...you are my top thought throughout the day, you can even ask my cock. Trust me, I was not happy I couldn't see you. Mystery and keeping you on your feet is a good thing. Mystery, I said. More like you were almost history today....he laughed. Tomorrow, we will play it by ear. I want more than the ear play thing. I want a definite.

Things at home are getting ugly. The health insurance was cancelled. I found out as I was at the electric company trying to work out a deal with them that was after I finished doing the requirements to get my daughter on this program after a year. What is wrong with this picture? First, I never expected to be here at this point of my life. I deserve more. And, aren't I the one that is working, shouldnt he be hustling to figure out how to take care of all these disasters? Now I have to go back to my boss and talk health insurance. this really fucking sucks.

As he told me the insurance was cancelled and he started to go off on one of his tangents on how unfair the system is.....I had an internal eruption.....ENOUGH I screamed. I don't want to hear it anymore....I want you out. I want you out of my life. I don't want to go on like this. You have no job, you give me no money, you are a taker. You suck me dry. I have nothing left. His response...what do I take from you? Let's talk about this when I get home....UGH!!!!!!!!! He's clueless.

You know they say its the little things that send you over the final edge. He had my bank card. I went to get it and saw that he had all these gift cards from incentives from his last jobs. Let's see. He never shared one of them with me. Not one...yet, he takes every penny I make.

Tomorrow, I have a lien on the title to fix, the insurance to handle and then quite frankly....I think I have reached the finale. I,single handedly, fixed as many issues as I could these last six months. I did pretty good. So now what....

I want my freedom. I want fulfillment. I want happiness. I want excitement. I want a man to come to my house, share a glass of wine and make dinner for him. I want the giggles. Single man? Hmmmm...I don't think so. I like the non committment and not running to settle in again. I want to date and date and date. I want FREEDOM and amazing sex! I want to be spoiled. Just for a little bit.....I want a man to look at me with that desire in his eyes....

Do I have that already? I do...in my Secret Lovers Lane. So what is different? I want my secret life to become my reality...I want my two worlds to merge! That's it. I guess I don't want to live two lives anymore. I prefer the new, experimental me....its time for her to surface .She lives in the dark, she lives in this blog. She hides behind that sweet mom who works hard and does all the right things. Wow, I never thought about it like that...my babbling tonight made it so much clearer.