A Little Better...

Yes, I am a drama queen at times. I had to laugh because I know when I am getting out of control. I can feel myself escalating. The last few days, I was worried about me. When I can barely get out of bed, when the tears just keep flowing, when that emptiness is just so sad. Today, I feel a little better. I hate when I feel like that.

Mr. Porsche and I talked, he apologized. But thinking about it today, I am going to apologize too. I was hurting, I needed a hug and I didn't get it. He could have given it to me in the car but it was wrong for me to expect affection in public even if it was so private. I am definitely going to apologize. You took the road "I am a shit. I am a guy". And I said to him..oh now you know I know better than that. I know how you are good to me and listen to me and comfort me and got me through 2 1/2 years of bullshit so go take your tough ass bullshit somewhere else. You have a good heart just don't want anyone to know it. He just laughed and said I care about you leper! (I claimed in my drama that I felt like I had leprosy).

Met with the couch guy to discuss business. A little flirting helped my soul. He took me to a romantic restaurant and we talked business. It's not going to go anywhere, innocent flirting...when you are talking about money, there is no room for sex unless of course if you are an escort. but with him, its going to be mainly business and heavy flirting.

An insane day today. Mr EX Boyfriend that I almost married re-appeared the last few days. We are talking note after note after note. Hence, someone told him I am divorced. I have not doubt the way the emails are coming that he now knows. I have chosen to ignore them. If you remember, he is a pedophile, accused of fondling his own daughters. How disgusting is that? And then my EX-husband sends me an email that he spent 2 hours dreaming of me and woke up with a raging hard on, too bad its not 1991 again. Well truthfully i had to read it and thought "he must have meant to send it to a girlfriend and he sent it to me". But then the 1991 made me think it was meant for me and I was repulsed....Ewwwww.... I forwarded it to Mr. Porsche. He called me...what the fuck was that? Well he obviously knew I didn't wake up with a raging hard on. Ironically, my ex never would use raging hard on to my face. Can you say fucked up day? Or as I am writing this, is it just a sign from up above showing me how totally dysfunctional my choice in men has been.