Inner Thoughts and Animal Attraction..Yummy!

Yesterday was a strange day. You know those days when you wake up in a cranky mood and you can't figure out exactly why? That was me.."Cranky Pants". Actually, I have placed a lot of pressure on myself for various reasons (work, party, confusion in life)...so no wonder I was cranky.

Every once in a while, I get a surprise good morning from Curious George on his webcam. I do love that. What better way to start the morning than with a nice hard cock as eye candy. But it's a tease!! So close yet so far away...I do enjoy watching a man masturbate. I love watching how they hold their hand around their cock like it was so delicate...so precious..so fragile with exact movements that cover every inch. 10 minutes later....they are yanking so hard on their cock that I think its going to rip off! So fast, so hard....my motherly instincts kick in and I want to save that poor thing from the beating of its life. So maybe that is why I am so compulsive and have the urge to jump in...must be motherly instincts. Nah who am I kidding! I just get damn horny when I see a hard cock and I just want it (more like animal instincts!!)

Strangest thing happened to me yesterday. I was walking towards a woman on the street and she came up to me. She was in her 80's..fragile and very wrinkled. "Oh my! What I would do to look like you again my dear. So young, so vibrant, so pretty. " I used to have hair like yours that looked so nice. " She took me by surprise..."thank you, that is so sweet", I said.

I always take strange encounters like that as a sign. Sounds silly but I take it as a sign from angels, God, from someone above. The message...what was the message? Did I ever tell you one of my biggest fears? I don't look my age. Most people are shocked..usually they guess 35, 36 on a bad day. Actually, when I have no makeup on they guess lower (which is pretty scary-they must be blind). So, my biggest fear is that I will wake up one morning and I will look my age (or worse). That the lines would have set in my face, that I will start to get that non vibrant, shriveled, worn look.

But the real issue is that I didn't get the opportunity to enjoy my mid life. That while I still looked good, I was morally wrestling with my infidelity. That I stayed in a marriage way too long and when I finally have the balls to leave....I will be needing a walker. Or I never leave, and I sit )like in the Notebook and re-read Secret Lovers Lane...thrilled I did what I did...but wishing I did it without the moral dilemna that fights within. However, in the Notebook--he had found his true love and was reading the novel of their life to her(how romantic). I would be reading it next to a crotchedy old man.

Oh, one more thing. I was on the phone with a friend (you know how you make friends through your kids). Poor thing was close to a divorce 5 years ago. Then her husband got suddenly sick and left him with permanent brain damage. Not totally disabled but enough that his whole personality has changed and now she is living with a stranger. She wishes she had left before. Anyway, we both know our marriages are shit. We laugh (she's dry humor as well). And she started talking about her builder (oh yes....that's how I started remember?!?) Now, she told me how she has to get out once a week. She goes out to this local place for some drinks with three other friends of mine. "Girls Night Out". Well that is the local area swingers place and married pick up place. It's in the rich section of town and all the married people go there for Boys Night Out, Ladies Night Out etc. etc. Let's just say, I wish I owned a hotel next door with hourly rates.

I like to look and flirt. Yeah, yeah. We both just laughed. They are going tonight. Not sure I will go though. To me, that's a red flag AND its too many local people. It's like a live Ashley Madison except you are not hidden by the computer screen. You are there (more than once) everyone in town will know what you are up too. So, I may pass this time around, although the offer is tempting.

And then there is Tadpole. We still haven't met this week. Not for lack of desire though. I asked 3 times--I'm done. I told him he has to ask and I will try and pencil him in. Totally teasing of course.

Mr.Heart--called yesterday...I miss you, I want you. I need to see you. I want to take you to a hotel room and just spend time just the two of us. I do not know how I feel about that. I really like him, we have so much in common, I feel comfortable with him..BUT it feels like a Mr. Government again as far as how an emotional fulfillment. He doesn't have the time for me...and truth--the sexual chemistry is not as high with him. Mr. Government its like you can feel the energy when we are together. You can feel the sexual desires, the animal desires...I don't feel it with Mr. Heart. I like him a lot but its not intense. It would be hot if we were together but in a totally different way.

Okay, I had nothing to write today!! lol Damn, I have to learn to shut my mouth..I can just go on and on and on...have a great day! It is HNT Today...gotta look at other blogs! Oh, I am going to post something later.... nothing big, just my lips (the ones on my face--lol). So then you've got cleavage and now lips. Hey...that's big for me.