Ashley Madison Agency Leftovers?

A funny thing happened yesterday. My friend's lover recently returned to Ashley Madison Dating.. She was actually seeing my friend, the one who introduced me to Mr. Porsche. My friend has decided he needs to give 100% to his marriage. She decided that she needs to find someone who can give her more since she was closer to a divorce. A fairy tale good by they had today. Two lovers, who gave each other the best sex they have ever had.....they had their Good by Fuck. It was sad, it was happy, it was very emotional. they parted as friends, having the most amazing sex. Holding each other for ever, they kissed and said good by. both choked up but they are going to take the break.

She had found someone else to help her cope on Ashley. She also found another man who wined and dined her. An attorney who loved to lavish a woman in the finer things in life. The first time they met, he took her to the most expensive restaurant in the area and took her on a shopping spree for lingerie. she told him she had someone else, he insisted on buying her the lingerie anyway. He asked her to find him a friend......and I popped into her mind.

Now with all the shit going down in my house (yes, my husband and I spent 6 hours talking today. Going in circles. He doesnt want to leave). I want a divorce. It's more civil than you would think. But I don't see us progressing because he thinks he is going to win me back.

Anyway, I called this guy and explained I am in the middle of a relationship, not sure where it was going. Yes, I lied. Bad, I know. But I wanted to see what he looked like and well the thought of being spoiled is something I truly need. We spoke for a 1/2 hour. nice guy, not sure he is for me but we aren't going to meet for awhile. Well, here's the thing. I am either a different person than I was a year ago.....OR my head is in a different place...OR I am just too overwhelmed in life. this guy texted me, emailed me and called me literally 15 times today. He asked me all these sexual questions (like the color of my nipples and if he could like my ass). Now I am a sexual person (I think we have all decide that) but I found this guy to be disgusting and actually a pig. It's one thing to be sexual with someone that you know. It's another thing to not have even met someone and tell them what you want to do to them.

Would I have been turned on a year ago? I don't know. I mean, we never met, we never had deep conversations, we've never emailed back and forth. A 1/2 hour conversation and you want to like my ass and do all these other things to me. I am repulsed. It's not me you want, its someone you want. The old cutout figure routine. I could be anyone......well, I find the guy annoying and quite frankly I don't care if he would spend $1,000 on me in a lingerie store. I am not interested. So am I nuts? Maybe.

Mr. Porsche and I have hit a bumpy road. Honestly, our first one. He has surgery tomorrow. I wanted to see him before his surgery. I had blocked out 4 hours tonight to see him so I could fit into his schedule. I just wanted to kiss him and hold him. silly? i don't know. I wanted to see him. he happened to call me and said, wanted to see if you could catch a cup of coffee (I called back 10 minutes) and he didn't answer. We were on the same wavelength but our times off. I called him back finally getting him to say meet me. I'm in a meeting and then he had that sexy girl coming in tonight. 'good luck tomorrow' and I hung up. I called back...I'll call you at 8 he said in a cold voice. Okay, i will be sure to be outside for your call. he never called. I called at 9, he didn't answer. He sent me something for business....just forwarded with no note.

Mr.Porsche has a crazy schedule. So I always work around it. are you telling me I had a 10 minute window? I am furious right now. And then I felt hurt that he didn't call back. maybe he was fucking her and that's why he didn't call. who knows.

So tonight I feel drained. Upset about Mr. Porsche and upset because after 6 hours of talking...and telling my husband that I don't love him....and I am no closer than I was to a divorce yesterday. he did point out how I can't pay the bills without him unless I work like a dog. I am feeling alone and like a trapped rat again. Life sucks sometimes.

Okay, off to bed. 2:19am.....and I am exhausted. I decided that I am taking some time and going to a hotel on Friday. I am going to work and rest and think. I need to rest. I need to think but Is also need to work. I would love to take two days but that won't be happening.... I need to get away to sought out my feelings or I may lose it. I thought this would be easier...its not.