Aaah..the words of MM......I thoroughly enjoyed you today, you certainly out did yourself!!
So what was different? I let go totally. I didn't let my fear that this was it take a roll this time. I didn't let my real world barge in...I was truly in paradise and loving every second...
I am a lucky woman. I have MM and Mr. Porsche...two men who just give me so much. I can't ask for more. The combination of the two is one perfect man!!
I thought nothing could break my high. And then I went to the therapist with my son. I tried to be diplomatic and say that he can do anything he wants, that he's smart and really just doesn't try sometimes. He came back with some really hurtful things...I was devastated. He says I am always working and never listen to him. That I don't help him with school work. I was crushed. I ask him every night and he tells me he did his homework. I am always working.....does he think I want to work like this? The tears filled my eyes and quite frankly my first reaction was okay, I suck as a parent. I am done. I am packing up and leaving...I can't do this anymore. but I kept my cool the whole way home and then went to the drugstore and walked around and cried by myself. He's not stupid, he knew what would hurt and he went for all the things that would REALLY hurt me.
An the therapist sat there and was like....ok, so if you talk to your mom before 6-9:30, she will listen. And he called that progress. Wait, he's cleaning his closet this weekend. Waste of Time he said when he walked out. And all i could think was, well you didn't waste time to crush me and kill my great mood. And I wanted kids so badly because.........?
2 comments:
Harsh reality here:
Put aside you need to be sexually fulfilled to fulfill your needs and responsibilities as a parent. The men will come and go - take that anyway you want - and you must be there for your son - he is a part of you and if you do not like what you see, blame only yourself. Your hubby is a loser, we get it, don't allow another one to evolve.
oh my....
well when kids are upset sometimes they strike out and try to hurt the parent...
he is hurting inside..doesn't understand what is going on with his parents.. or he might.. but he is hurting and striking out is just his reaction.. he knows you so he knew how to hurt you to get attention....
there is a fine line going on here between teaching him you love him.. well not teaching. but showing you love him and him owning his own pain and working through it..
I can say more... but you know how to reach me..
it will be ok..
trust me..
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