Yes, I am in the finding me mode again. Frustrated and depressed--I literally put on 6 lbs this week. Amazingly scary! Yes, I am a comfort food person...my mom came over and when I put this shirt on she said "Oh....and rolled her eyes and blew her cheeks out like a blowfish. Hmm...I guess she noticed the 6 lbs? What a supportive mom....always there to jab an extra knife into the situation. Having enough...I mean I have really had enough with her and her critical view where she has always been right (my poor dad). I kindly asked my father to have her out of my house when I get back. Yes, I hit the wall with her.
This was right after the husband brought up coming on this business trip I have in October. WHAT?!!?!? So yes, I flipped. Flipped because my husband and my mother to deal with in one room is a torture chamber. No one could handle it. The combination is deadly.....
I am reading this book right now......about Women and midlife crisis'. Ironically, I purchased it 4 years ago but never got into it. Actually, it is now that I am meant to read it. You see, while the women in this book are 50......it perfectly describes my attitude and feelings. Except for one thing, I am lucky enough to still have some looks. One portion of this books theory is that at 50..its an adjustment to no longer be able to use your looks but your other assets you have.
And then I realized...wow, how sucky is that. I have only a few good years left to use my looks. Yes, I do admit it...I use my looks and my personality. Ironically, when I was absolutely stunning....I didn't know how to use my looks because I was so insecure (thanks mom...yes, you saying my fat thighs which now I look back and they were hot and muscular!)
But the good news is that I got this book just in time. You see.....it has finally hit me. A woman has a different midlife crisis. She wants to find herself again and her interests. She wants to take control of her life and enjoy her life. It hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. My work, my house, my husband, my mom......all are demanding of me. Ironically, my children are probably the least demanding now that I look at it. And the ones I want to spend some time with and enjoy. I am missing out....I am working so damn hard and meeting the demands of other people that I am missing out on what I want the most in life. Spend quality time with my children and quality time for myself.
A new found independence!! You see, the fact that I found this book today (instead of at 50) is a sign for me to start now in what I want. Not wait......I am in my prime. I am still pretty and turn heads (yes, I made sure yesterday after my mom made that remark). So, its time to LEAP and manage my time better......
As for Secret Lovers Lane....I want to blog about my day with Mr. Porsche..it was hot!! As for Mystery Man, my heart is breaking. He wrote back--while it is very tempting, my other head is wacked out right now.....how I hate this feeling......
More and more I am convinced that he suffers from depression or bipolar. I want to be there for him but he won't let me. I offered to treat him to a day at the motel...with no words, no sex just 2 hours of a massage, napping and relaxing.....we will see if he responds.....
Okay, back to planning my day. It's been boring sexually here.....I have been masturbating and using my toys actually but its not the same. Oh, I get that orgasm and thankfully I get extremely wet.....my pink vibrator still goes in and out with ease and does its job. But its not the same as a man's cock.......mmmmmmmm..........I love that feeling when the cock is just entering me.....feeling myself spread as it slowly goes in.....oh no...I am getting horny...no time for that...damn I love a hard cock!!
2 comments:
Now some of us over 50 have some looks. Actually I look better now then ever, especially since the divorce. And I like where I at with life. And like that my mother is not a part of things anymore. She was a pain and would never understand things. But certainly know how it is to live for others. Yes, there comes a point when you have to be there for yourself.
Hang in there Cheri! I have a feeling things are going to turn around in a major way really soon. (I only wish I could be intimately involved in the turnaround!)
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