A Lucky Yet Empty Soul?

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and support. I do feel violated and I just want to move on. Yes, this is going to affect my relationship with Mr. Porsche but primarily in the anal part. And I feel bad because he is going to think it was because of the butt plug....lol I am in a catch 22. Do I make him feel bad thinking he did something to me or do I fess up? Not sure what I want to do.

Well its quiet in my life right now. I have disconnected from every frog except for Mr. Porsche. I am feeling very alone. My IM is not IMing, I did go on Ashley for two minutes and met two guys. Neither my type. And I just came right out and told them that. Amazing how annoyed men get. Should I lie? Should I string them along and pretend? I can't do that right now.

So, now what? Depression is sinking in. I want to be free. I want some room. I want to stop working so damn hard. I want to spend time with my kids. And I want to feel wanted by someone. I kind of have that with Mr. Porsche...but there is only so much time he can give me. And with recent business changes, its going to get less.

So.....so.....so........how much longer can I do this?

Hubby had this brilliant idea to ask my parents to come out and watch the kids this weekend so we can go to the movies. I don't want to be with him. I looked at him like he had six heads. I can't pretend anymore. I don't want to pretend anymore. As far as I am concerned...if my parents are coming over, they can sleep over and I can go away with my girlfriends.

I have to say one thing. I am not a very religious person but I do have faith. I do believe in God and that things happen for a reason. And with today's economy and everyone around me losing their jobs.....I was thankful today. When I felt like God abandoned me when I was in financial ruins the past few years, I realize now that it was better to have happened three years ago and I have been able to build myself up now then for it to have happened right now. I am still not financially stable but I would be in real trouble if my company first closed now. At least I have been re-building and quite frankly, I am getting more clients each week (2 new potentials this week alone).

So concentrating on my career is my direction right now. but the void is so damn deep. Such an emptiness. But if you met me tomorrow, you would never know. A smile and some motivational words with an upbeat attitude can so easily mask an empty soul.