Anonymous, I agree with your comments. That is why I was even more screwed up. I had planned this great day and then when he did what he did....I was in shock. Truly in shock and quite frankly I didn't realize that I was really hurt. I just thought it was the shock and that it was over at that second. And quite frankly, in the state of mind that I was in....I wasn't ready to walk out for good and let it end on that note.
It was stupid not to just walk out. But that is what I would have been left with. I am mad at myself that I didn't because in the fog of my mind I remember thinking I have to get out of here.
Looking back now. As dysfunctional as it may sound, I am glad I stayed. It ended on a positive note....and for the first time in over 1 1/2 years...I have no desire to hear from him. I cannot put myself in a dangerous situation. And he scared me.
Sometimes you have to end something the way that you feel it may truly be able to end. I would have been distraught if we ended on terrible terms. Now, I am feelng ok.
Today was a rough day for me. Not because of MM but because of the realization that I don't think if I fucked 10 men in one month....I would necessarily be happy. I did three men this month. And...it's not the answer.
The answer need to come from within.
1 comment:
The Merlin theory is that sex is not satisfying without an emotional connection. Others don't agree. But perhaps you do.
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