Wow, I did something I never do. I read my own post back. How fucked up it sounds when you re-read something when you are out of the moment.
How did I go back and have sex with him twice after that? Joke around so much? Light a birthday candle on his cock?
Because it was that one brief moment the deviant side of him reared its head. And as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared and the caring, gentle side of him came out. The person I know and who I talk with and giggle with. That dark side that I had never seen but weirdly knew existed appeared at my most vulnerable moment.
So how does my mind compute all this? I mean, I will tell you later about the time we had after. IT was one of our great sex sessions.....but the reality is...I don't know if I can ever chance the devil re-appearing. How sad. I think its really over this time. I think I was in shock (and still am in disbelief) what happened.
Mr. Prize is the one who years ago talked to me and explained dominance and submissive behavior. While distance is such an issue, we never got to sleep together except for those two times. He never got to teach me but we talk regularly and we have a special connection. He was online tonight and we talked about yesterday. He said it best..it was primal.
What hurts the most? Is how it showed such a is caring for me. It was on the lines of a rapist. An act of violence not sex. That is what this was, at the moment of my most vulnerable state....his anger and rage manifested.
Crap, this sucks....
1 comment:
Wow as crazy as this sounds, does he read your blog and possibly a tinge of jealously? Or pissed at someone else and took it out on you?
Primal indeed, but I truly wonder what is behind it.
Post a Comment