Running Back To Familiarity

I sometimes wonder if I cause the whirlwind in my life. I mean how can someones life be such a rollercoaster. None of my friends have so much going on....every aspect of my life is in flux right now..both good and bad.

So I know you were all just waiting for the day, I mean you had to think Mystery Man would return into my life. And before you start to throw eggs....know I am torn but so happy. Truth is, Mr Porsche has been so busy lately. I have been searching for fulfillment and not finding it anywhere. Yes, Security Man has potential but quite frankly, we aren't there yet. I like him a lot but nothing has started except flirting and friendship.

Today Mr. Porsche was literally 4 blocks from my house. And he chose not to see me. He had a lot of work and his wife was expected to be in the next town over (excuse me, go to another town then). He knew her destination, that's like me saying I won't meet him because I know people in this area. We were going to meet for business BUT he refused. Later on he changed his mind, I was already hurt.....I told him. No...You see I waited around for 2 hours for him to tell me whether we were going to meet. It's always on his schedule....I am tired of working around his schedule....so today I said...Nope. I want you to want to see me not feel that you have to see me. And I went on with my day. He didn't pick up my call later in the day and didn't call me back. We have never been in this place before. I am getting fed up working around him.

And then, Mystery Man and I have been corresponding a little. Tonight he threw it all at me. I mean bringing up the dancing banana and singing cock....Screwperman and slippery when wet. All our little private jokes......All our songs....entwined into an avalanche....he is funny, he is charming, he makes me laugh that I cry. My heart skips a beat, my nipples get erect and I drip from his emails. No one makes me feel that way. And that frustrates me to no end.

We spoke back and forth for hours. And finally when he was joking about KY, I said to him...do you really want to go there? And then I told him. I thought he might run but I had to tell him. What happened last time scared me and I was actually hurt for three days. I don't know if I can go back...I need a promise that you will never hurt me like that.

And he swore up and down that it was an accident...that he met he pulled out and truly was going for my pussy...re-entry...yes, forceful but he swore he was meaning to go there. Why didn't you say that that day? He said he was shocked....he didn't know what to do when I collapsed on the bed. He froze...I did lie with you and hold you, do you remember? I was gentle the next time and slow to make it up to you....But you said nothing..I said. He said he was an ass. He apologized but he knew he should have done more he just didn't know what to do. He swore it would never happen again, he would never hurt me...ever. He didn't mean to then nor would he ever. He also didn't realize I was so hurt.

So..now what? Oh he is suave and he is back to that man that I knew for two years. Do I trust him? I don't know. I want to, I think I do...but I am still scared. Of course I did tell him that if it ever happened again (if we were ever in that situation) that I would ram something so far up his ass that he wouldn't know what hit him. Trust me, he doesn't like me near his ass....lol I am a little scared in a way....but he never hurt me before. Sigh..I do want him but not like I did before. It's not a--I am going to die without him. It's more of a -I miss the amazing sex.

And for the first time ever...he asked me if I was with anyone. Hmmmmm..you never wanted to know that before. I do now. Interesting....his question was......did I not gag with anyone...and the answer is I did not not gag with anyone....damn gag reflexes.....lol

So I didn't answer him and he knows that...which basically told him that I was with someone. He said he hasn't been and I do believe him on that. It doesn't matter....but why the sudden wanting to know? See, I have never had to lie to either Mr. Porsche or to Mystery Man because neither one wanted to know. So now we are entering a different territory.....do I tell the truth. I don't want to lie. If it comes up again, what do I say?

I don't know when we are going to see each other. We might meet Friday for coffee or in two weeks (he's out of town next week). So I await some opinions. I may be crazy but my insides are dancing. Security Man, Greek God and my two main squeezes......I think my cup runneth over!!!! lol