Violated By My Husband

The new year started amicable. With my son, joking around watching Evil Knievel's son jump over the Mirage volcano. Now, let's face it.....what a bummer that would have been if he got hurt. And sitting there watching them show illustrations of what could possibly go wrong was kind of sick. Of course you wished he made it, it felt like it would have been an omen or something--like you were destined for a gloomy year if you watched him LIVE not make it....not my thing....I go for the happy, guaranteed happy moments when you enter the new year. There's enough doom waiting around the corner.

After midnight, I cleaned my closet (oh yes, nothing like getting a start on organization) and then I came down and worked a little. The husband had work so he was upstairs sleeping. I went up, got into bed but couldn't fall asleep. He soon awoke but I pretended to be asleep. I just didn't feel like talking to him and I had to go to sleep. He changed the channel. I have a habit of going to sleep watching TruTV....weird, I know, but I love the Forensic Files. Anyway, I decided not to do my usual by shouting out, I am still listening to that.

Little did I know, this bastard uses that as a test to molest me and rub or who knows what else he does to my crutch. Slowly I felt his hand coming closer, I said nothing, I had to be sure before I reacted but I was nauseous at the thought. Yes, those dreams I have had of spiders crawling all over me, me feeling him squeezing my ass.....they aren't fake.....they are fucking real. He does sexual things to me while I sleep. You may wonder, how do I not know. Well by the time I fall asleep, I am fallin on my sleep. Many nights, I take a sleeping aid to help my mind wind down even though it is beyond exhausted. So I am almost in a coma when I am asleep.

Anyway, just as his hand went onto my leg towards my crutch, I jumped up and said I knew it. I knew you were touching me when I slept. You're out of here...tomorrow night you are out of here and I grabbed my blanket and pillow and went to sleep on the couch. I couldn't sleep...I went to go sleep with my daughter....I think I slept two hours last night....I feel violated and repulsed!

Now before one of you decide to say well it's your wifely duty.....I believe it takes two to tango...it's his husbandly duty to provide for is famly and protect....so fuck the wifely duty. I am the provider, I work my ass off till I drop at night and then I am getting molested in my sleep. My subconscious knew, I haven't been sleeping well and my stomach cringes when I get into the bed. Fucking bastard!

You see, I take this as a sign. I take this as a sign from God that it is time. Because I look forward to the new year...you know how I am about a new day...each day I start it off saying..today is a new day, make the best of it. So how do you think I start the year off. With the highest of hopes. I mean I am pissed when a Monday morning (Sunday night) is horrendous. Or if someone misses the bus, or something goes wrong first thing Monday morning so can you imagine how I feel about a new year?!?!?!!?

IT is a sign. I haven't been able to lie down all day. I can't lie in my bed, I am literally nauseous...how can I sleep knowing he is sexually molesting me possibly. I can't lock the door atbecause of the kids. All I can say is Thank God I was up. Because I wouldn't have been in a deep sleep and it would have woken me and quite frankly, I don't know what I would have done if I awoke with his fingers inside of me. This has got to end. A sign from up above. We were co-existing but now he has crossed the line. I am setting the bed up in the den today and sticking to my guns. I want him out of there....

So, Happy New Year All....lol!!