Closure and Some Tears

I heard from Mystery Man tonight. My heart skipped a beat when I saw his email address. I was afraid to open it...not knowing what was on the other side. I had a funky dream the other day....I had just sent him a note to make sure he was okay. He's going through a lot of crap right now. I wish I could give to him what he gave to me. Until he had read my blog, I know he didn't know how there were times that my life was crumbling and an escape with him, re-fueled me to go on.

In the past, I would have posted our emails back and forth. However, out of respect for his privacy and knowing now how he hates that, I cannot. But I can tell you that the guy is a class act. He needs to focus in his life right now. I accept and respect that.

Our emails are more honest and open without the sexual tone. Two friends talking who care about each other. I close the chapter knowing that he cares about me. I could not say good by....because I don't feel it has to be good by. With someone you don't like and you never want to see again...you say good by. But the truth is, I'd rather think the final chapter of our book is not completed...its just been placed on a top shelf for now. When will it come off the shelf? We've left emails open (although he told me he's not checking the account as often)but the door is not closed and locked shut which I am glad. He wants me to not live in the past and hopes I am going to find what I am looking for. He has a way with words...His words were genuine and sweet and he got his message across clearly yet his sincerity left no bad feelings if anything, they made me feel better. the tears did roll down my face as I read it. A combination of how I wish I could be there for him and the realization, the book is going to collect some dust this time.

So the tears are flowing but more because I know I have to let go of something that I have to put aside, don't know if I will ever return to or I don't know if I will ever find it again somewhere else. but I can tell you one thing.....every relationship should end like this with a warm and caring feeling towards the person--and if I keep the frame of mind that we just needed to take separate paths for right now, it will be okay. I do hope that down the road we do meet up again (as friends or as lovers) having grown from the experiences we will have had from our time on our separate paths. But this time, I know the paths are a longer journey of miles not just the blocks we went in the past. At this point, reality is prevalent and we both have to take care of our lives.