Mandy had a huge gala today. In front of 200 people, she thanked me for being there for her through thick and thin. How ironic that that had such a deep meaning for both of us..and no other soul in the room knew our deep darkest secrets. Oh, in their minds being her best friend, helping her plan the party, talk about the children....blah blah blah. Little did anyone know there was a deeper darker meaning. Mandy was talking about our lives....our recent lover losses, our return of the void and emptiness we haven't experienced in so long and now we both have again.
The two of us were the only two on the dance floor....dancing to the song Heartless. Yes, a deep, deep meaning that no one knew. The two of us love to dance, the cameras flashing and we are both looking at each other took a deep breath. Amazing actresses we are. The outer layers have been so nicely layered...no one knew the inside truth. Our eyes talking while a room of 200 people had no idea. We sat at a table and toasted....toasted our losses...Another successful event and a Toast To Us, to The Future! We both laughed and a tear came to her eye. Hey girl, keep it together, we have plenty of time for this tomorrow...
Reality....our situations are very different. She would have considered leaving her life for that man. I am more realistic, I knew we didn't have a future like that. That was made clear from day one but I miss him terribly. I miss the emails, I miss the amazing sex. I mean I miss the amazing sex. The flashbacks are torture at times....especially when you want them to be the present and not the past. Oh there are many flashbacks but they all seem to have three main themes with numerous days and meetings...the First is where he is entering me and as I feel his cock spreading my pussy, the fulfillment I would feel at that moment. That inner peace and satisfaction as he thrusted inside of me. The second....was lying in his arms and just laughing and talking about things....and just laughing. Oh it was nothing serious, just about total fun nonsense and how he would tell me jokes and I would just lie in his arms....lol. And the last one, is the moment I would first see him a the door and the first ten minutes that we would touch...the passion, the desire, the intense yearning for each other.....sometimes just ripping each others close off...the intense kissing....him throwing me up against the wall or me throwing him up against the wall....but there was no denying that passion. Its either there or it is not and after almost two years, it had still been there. And the fitting room, well that has a totaly different memory....I actually had kept a voicemail from that day on my phone...I listened to it the other day and it made me giggle... so how am i going to fuck you if you don't pick up your phone..I'm still scouting for an area....lmao....
So.....I miss him. I feel cheated in the good by because I was blindsided by it. He knew he was saying good by..I didn't. I wrote him, I told him I wasn't doing so good...I needed to see him, no response. I am still amazed he could walk away like that....I guess it was just great sex for him. He moved on and replaced me, simple as that. It's times like this that I wonder...is it better to have lusted and lost or have never lusted at all?
As for my post on thursday....it is coming. I had a little detour...I had a bad root canal. I mean we are talking a disaster. Now I am always saying I am unique but can you believe that I have unique tooth roots? lol They curve in a funky way and its difficult to numb me and even remove them. well, I had a really bad reaction yesterday to Vicadon. We are talking major disaster...emotionally, physically and to top it off...it didn't even numb the damn tooth. I am feeling a little better...still in pain....I am going to lay off the Vicadon. So anyway, Monday will be the finale of our meeting.
2 comments:
I hope you get to feeling better. :)
I'm surprised at your reaction. For men, it's always about the sex first. For women, it seems to be about the relationship. Oh, women love to get laid, if they're appreciated. Men don't care about that crap--they want to get laid, period. You're married and want a sex life. Why is the emotional component so key, or are men just physical and women not. Last I knew, women liked to masturbate too, and let's face it, masturbation is nothing if not physical. There's no emotional attachment in it. So, some explanations would be appreciated.
Second item: are women on Ashley interested in sex or interested in an emotional attachment? For men, that latter is the red flag waving in the breeze. For us, it's all physical. Doesn't have to be in your pussy, but it is physical. I'd have thought you understood this by now. It's certainly something the high school girls don't understand.
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