Turning The Tables A Little Bit

Mr. P said today that I don't understand the pressure he is under. Funny, I thought I have been Miss. Understanding. As I've said, he's been distant. Oh we speak everyday, but it's not the same. He's not himself. And I've been trying to help, be there for him. Personally, I feel I am a burden. Like it's a chore. Today, it came to a head.

To back up, I guess Mr. P felt his response to me regarding whether I could do it alone was not what I anticipated. yesterday he came back to me with the response I expected from him. sharpening his pencil, he started to ask me my expenses, weighing the ups and downs of getting a divorce. He was surprised that I knew the expenses to the penny...yes, I live and breathe those expenses. I know exactly what I need each month to get by and how much more I would have to make each month to be on my own. It was like reciting the Pledge of Allegiance....I guess he took me more seriously when he realized that I got it...that I knew my situation. And then I said....I am going with the worse possible scenerio.....I have to think that I will get no financial support and that I will never find someone else. You have a lot of baggage (it felt like a knife in my heart hearing him say that) but I knew this was the truth. So If I wanted the divorce after I aceepted I may be alone...hey, then it is time to go for it.

And then today....he was tired....sleepless working through the night last night and I felt that obligation attitude to talk to me. Anyway, I had said something about if we were going to see eachother next week and he quickly remarked how he had a lot going on....golf two days out of the office and other things. So I said...guess i don't fit in there and he remarked....well if I wanted that attitude I could get it at home. Hmmmm....on my honor, it wasn't a bad attitude....it was the realization that I feel he was quick to say all the times he can't meet me. The realization is that is no way our schedules would ever match up unless I made the effort to block out sometime (which I have been doing for over a year). I even remarked how I would love to come over to his office right now and pop in and crawl under his desk, suck his cock and then just leave and go out with my friends...(and there was no hardly a response--that was before I asked what he was doing next week).

Well...his wife remark was the last straw...comparing me to an attitude at home. This was it. I responded in a cool tone..honestly, if I wanted to be ignored, I could just stay at home. And I am tired of planning my week around you so dear man, I am not going to be a burden or a chore...you want me..you can adjust your damn schedule. In fact, I am not going to feel like a chore anymore...until I feel like you want to see me, don't feel obligated. I get the point and I am sure tonight I can find a guy who wouldn't mind having me. And would try to fit me in his schedule and be happy about seeing me. In fact, I am sure he would be thrilled that my lips wanted to be wrapped around his cock and it wouldn't be a chore.

He backed off. He apologized and said he didn't mean it. Would you care if I went out tonight and found a man and played with him? His response....whatever would make you happy. Oh really....and in my voice he knew, that if he left it at that, I was going to go out tonight and do just that. And with that, he said...I want to see you next week, you are a perfect balance in my stressed life because you make me happy. BUT what I don't know won't hurt me and I do want you to be happy.

Okay, he mellowed me with that. And he picked a day. We went on to talk and discuss a little bit and then we said have a nice weekend.

It is now Monday as I am finishing this up....and I just re-read my draft of this post...actually, it sounds more volatile than it was.... for the record, it wasn't a drama moment was there was a ton of frustration in my voice. And I had the weekend to think about it and quite frankly....I need to give him a little room. I don't think I am going to see him this week. A lot of thinking this weekend, I will write more in my next post..