Primal Indeed!

Thanks Anonymous and Percy......thanks for caring.

I am in a funk. I have no desire to answer any of the men that have written to me....even King Dong who has been trying to lure me in....has been pushed away. Which of course you know, the more you push them away the more they come on stronger. How ironic....I really don't want another man now. I really don't want to search on Ashley for anyone new or even meet the three that I was flirting with.

Work! That is what I am concentrating on. Getting my life together...getting my career going. Being independent....no men!!! Yes, I am in one of those I hate men states. Except for my male friends who are so good to me and who care about me. the womanizers.....BYE BYE!!!! (do you know that line from Saturday Night Live....one of my favorite).

As for what happened....it wasn't me that he is angry with. His work sucks, his life sucks, he's been bumming and he warned me he was in a funky mood. I truly think when he did what he did, it wasn't a direct reflection on me and him. It was more of a fuck life response I just happened to be the one on the other end. I have never done anything to him to make him angry like that. If he read my blog, then he would know I know who he is and well.....now that I would have heard about. So it's not the other men. If anything, he is angry because I believed in him still. What is it...a masochist? He internally is miserable and the only thing I did was try to be there for him. It was maybe his way of destroying my belief. Who the fuck knows? I think it wasn't directed at me but at life....his frustrations. However, noo excuses for him...he knew what he was doing, I don't think he expected me to get hurt, but he did what he did with force.

Now I am hoping to heal mentally and physically. Physically is really pissing me off because it is a constant reminder of what happened and I want to move on already. Damn asshole.....which it would heal faster....lol

I will be okay. Now what do I say to Mr, Porsche? I have no desire to do anal for awhile. He's going to think its something he did (we were a little rougher last time). I can't tell him because he doesn't know I have still been seeing Mystery Man and quite frankly I don't know how he will react. I do know that if he knew he hurt me like he did......something would happen to him. I can guarantee that. Mr. Porsche, don't think he's connected exactly but I do know he knows people. So, I can't tell him. Mystery Man wouldn't be dead....but I can guarantee he would find someone to stick something up his ass as an eye for an eye concept.

Sigh....the hurting asshole...lalalalaa...I feel like a wimp....it's funny if it wasn't so pathetic. I mean, I always have I love Lucy things happen to me but I don't see Lucy getting into something like this.....

Enjoy your day!!