Can you say Men suck?

My life is a rollercoaster. I am so tired of it being such a rollercoaster. Two years ago today, I met Mystery Man. I sent him an email. i don't know if he got it but I sent it anyway. I don't know if he remembers but I reminded him anyway. I don't know if he cares, but I told him that I do.

Considering that today was the day I dreaded, I was in an okay mood. Until my run in with Mr. Porsche. First, I think he is reading my blog which would infuriate me. Another man inside my head, hey, they know me better than I know myself. I have too little time to know me....why do I think he reads it.....

I don't even know how we got on the subject but somehow we got on his birthday gifts that he got me. I didn't care except they were so impersonal. I love those As Seen On TV things but from him I wanted something more personal. I mentioned how with the gift certificate he gave me, I wanted him to pick out a perfume. I don't like you in perfume....I know, but when we are not together, I will think of you when I wear the perfume. Then I asked....why do you not buy my jewelry or perfume? Those are so personal.

Hmmm...so sex is not? Hypnotizing me and going into every inch of me isn't personal? I pressed the question. And his response. He doesn't want to mislead me.
WHAT?!!? And he goes on, digging the hole deeper. I'm not leaving my wife and my family. I don't want you to get that idea. At that point, my head goes off in a total tsunami. Leave his wife? I have NEVER asked him to leave his wife nor did I ever expect him to and quite frankly...I have NEVER thought about us being together and living happily ever after. In fact, I think we would kill each other and never wanted him to leave his wife. He could never handle my life..it would never make him happy...I felt so hurt and was so angry that he thinks like that.

In a moment of total anger, feeling like who the fuck do you think you are? Did I ever give you that impression?! No he said. Does he think that is my goal..I am going to fall in love with him? i am in love with him but as a person not husband and wife love. But they say there is a fine line between love and hate and well I just crossed over it....how dare he think that he has to control my feelings to keep them in line. Thank you..I can do that myself. All I could say is FUCK YOU...

He went on to say...how he thinks I should find my Prince Charming and he can take care of me. That I will eventually find someone else and he has accepted that. that I am young, smart, beautiful and a great catch and I will find someone who deserves me. Oh really?! So that's how you see it!?? I love the way all these men know what is right for me. Mr. Porsche and Mystery Man.....both know....damn controlling men. In a dysfunctional way, they want what is best for me. In my heart, I think its a combination that they do care about me BUT its an easy way out for them. Well the Prince Charming line that he gave me basically came right from my blog. So that blew my mind and now I think he is also reading it. Fucking GREAT!!! How many men are there in this world? And the two I don't want to find my blog..and they find it. So I don't know what to do with this...I am flipped to say the least. He did just send me an email saying I was the best and that he was sorry. I just don't know how to deal with this.

And then my friend Mandy..my heart is bleeding for her right now. She had been seeing that guy in a dysfunctional relationship for over 5 years. They fooled around in cars, they never went to a motel. Very bizarre but it worked for them. Yesterday, he took her to a motel and after 5 years they finally had sex. Oh once before they did..usually it was oral and gropping and once they did it..but this time she got what she wanted....a short stay in a motel. They had sex and soon after they talked about being in love. They had admitted they loved each other before but this time he told her, he met someone else. That he wanted to leave his wife for her. Mandy was devastated. What an asshole...you don't sleep with her and then tell her. You tell her and then give her the option if she wants a good by fuck. He made it their first and their last. What a dick!! She is besides herself. MY heart aches for her because I know heartache. But I have to say, no guy had ever done this to me, let alone someone I cared about. My endings had always been totally respectable....she is in tears, I can hear it in her voice.

The hardest thing is to be in pain and not be able to show it. A broken heart yet you cannot cry. My poor friend.