It's Me

Patience. Something I am lacking these days. Tolerance. I have absolutely no tolerance for stupidity. And that is what I am getting these days. The guy I liked who reminded me of MM, time restrictions ridiculous, he hasn't gotten a cell phone yet....basically says to me....no effort therefore.

My best friend knows this guy who she has been friends with for years. He has been looking to have an affair. And she finally said, we might be a good match. I spoke with him yesterday but quite frankly it seemed like an interview. i was laughing.....honey, it is not just your decision if I am right for you...BUT it is my decision if you are right for me. I was unimpressed by him.

Had lunch with Mr. P yesterday. I have been under the weather so we didn't have a meeting. His summer is packed with time off and vacations which are just coming out now. He gave me the schedule and it isn't pretty....we are not going to be able to see each other that much.

So originally, we were going to have a rendevous.....3 hour time frame. Then when I told him I wasn't feeling so great...we decided on lunch and he said...ok, I have time for a quick lunch...very fast. WAIT!! you had 3 hours and now only have time for a 1/2 hour lunch....I was pissed and of course I let him know. We ended up going for lunch and I played with him a little in the car. It was fun, we get along great but I feel a distance lately. Oh he says I am nuts. But I think its time for me to separate a little bit for the summer. Take a breather. Get used to not talking to him everyday....let him miss me a little bit.

What is left? Finding me this summer. I was going to go to a mediator tomorrow but I am sick and not sure if having the chills and going to a mediator is the best thing. I will postpone till next week when I am feeling better. But for now, I am going to concentrate on me a little more. Actually going to go for a walk in a few minutes. Sit out on my deck and relax while I read a book....take a little time to think about what I want in life.

It amazes me that it was being content with an affair that kept me from thinking about divorce. And honestly since MM has been gone, I haven't felt fulfilled and I have decided to pursue the mediation. Don't most women do it the opposite? find a lover and then want a divorce. No..I lose a lover and want a divorce. Honestly, none of the men I was with were ever going to leave their wives nor did I want or expect them to. I knew the rules of the game before and they were my rules too. But it was great to have mindblowing sex. Damn I do miss it.

My girlfriend and I went out to dinner and she said that she has had great affairs where they were all mindblowing. Hmmmm....am I missing something or is her definition of mindblowing different than mine? MM was hot....it was intense.....I get wet just thinking about us together...my body desires those orgasms, that mental stimulation and physical arousal. With other guys, the sex has been good (they think great..lol) but it hasn't been as great. So why is that? Damn its frustrating. I want to be frogged....no one else has frogged..lol... not sure what the frog is? Its him on his two feet in squatting position as my legs are over my head and he is deeply penetrating me from behind.....like he is hopping like a frog!! How ironic isn't it?

Okay off for my walk and some work. Talk soon!